I've had some realities hit me today in a way that I did not anticipate. I received my first shipment of Humira from the pharmacy. I've spent the last few days on the phone with various nurses and PAs talking about what to expect and what I'll need to prepare for my first injection. But watching all of the training videos and tutorials did not prepare me for the wave of emotion I would feel just unboxing the materials.
It makes it real in a way that nothing else has so far. My hospital visit, though serious and lonely, still made it feel like it was temporary somehow. You know, something to get through and then never worry about again - like my other surgeries. Even the pain I've had since I got out of the hospital seemed short term - live with it until you figure out how to manage it. But opening this box and realizing I'll have to take this shot every two weeks put it in the same column as Diabetes for me.
Diabetes being something my mother has and has to control through diet and insulin shots. It's something she'll always have and it's not going to go away entirely. She's a sick person and the last thing I ever wanted to be was a sick person. I'm not even sure how else to describe it.
It's real, it's happening, and I don't want it.
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