Birthdays

Today is the last day of January, which means tomorrow will be February and the traditional birthday countdown can commence.  The problem is that, as of today, I can't say that I'm very excited about my upcoming birthday.  I'm not sure if it's the general melancholy I've been feeling of late or that there just isn't anything exciting about 31.  There's no trip to Ireland, no special celebration to plan, no boyfriend, etc.

I've requested the entire weekend of my birthday off, at both jobs, but when my step-dad asked me how I wanted to celebrate I really didn't have an answer.  Last year I had all sorts of things that I wanted to happen and I made them happen.  I flew my mother up here to celebrate and planned my own birthday party.  I swear I will not do that again.  After everyone left I had my house to clean, ON MY BIRTHDAY.  Is it too much to ask that my loved ones plan the celebration for me?  That I could just show up and be like, "oh is this for me? You shouldn't have."

It's kind of a catch 22 though.   I don't want to plan anything for myself because I just want to relax on my special day and not worry whether or not people are having a good time, etc.  But then I don't want it to be a non-event either.  And if one doesn't know what one WANTS to do on one's Birthday, one could very well end up doing nothing.  It is not enough to know that I want something to happen on my birthday, I have to have a general idea of what that something should be.  A quiet dinner like it's a regular weekend night is not enough.  It should be big, have fanfare and banners, and maybe just enough alcohol that I make out with a stranger.  The weather should be warm and I should have a new party dress.

So, I think it's just the general melancholy I've felt lately.  A general sense of blah about almost everything.  Probably due to the season.  Maybe I could go to a sunny beach for my birthday...I wonder if I could get that together in less than 28 days.