Weight Watchers - Week#6

Official Weigh-in: 203.7 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: +0.5 lbs.
Overall change:-3.6 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Track more carefully
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

I'm keeping the same goal again for this week.  I started off strong this week, but then slacked off again towards the end.  There's a gain of .5 to show for it, though it's actually down from the official Weight Watchers weigh in I did at a meeting on Saturday.  So there's improvement, but I can definitely do better.

I've been dealing with a lot of negative head space lately.  I know we all deal with it from time to time and especially when we're working on something as personal as weight loss/healthy lifestyle changes.  This journey is not like any other goal in our lives.  Because everyone has an opinion on it and will offer it unsolicited.  

Even if people don't know that you're dealing with it, you still hear their opinions.  At work the other day, there was a conversation about how easy it is to lose weight and don't people realize that it's just a simple matter of calories in and calories out.  But it's not that simple.  It's not like smoking or drinking or biting your nails where it's something you struggle to abstain from completely.  Food is something you need to survive.  Yes we should abstain from the things that aren't healthy for us, but it's not always that easy and it can feel like all food is your enemy when we reduce it to calories in.  Just as exercise can feel like a punishment when we look at it as simply calories out.

Many of us struggle with the journey because of our relationships with food.    Advertising is constantly telling us about our cravings and how their product is the only one that will satisfy said craving.  Time out with friends is usually around drinking or a restaurant meal.  Free lunches at work meetings where Pizza is always the quickest and easiest option to feed a crowd.  In our society, food is a reward, a stress reliever, a social outing, and a comfort.  It's easier to stop at a fast food joint on the way to this appointment or between obligations than to cook something at home.

I love the new Oprah commercial where she talks about bread.  Because I share her love of bread and completely relate to what she says.  But I've learned this week that, unlike Oprah, I can't manage it yet.  If I'm presented with rolls I'm not going to eat just one and then I don't have points for real food.  So maybe I will focus on that while I'm tracking this week.  

I'm going to try and budget points not just for a single day but for each meal within that day. So 10 points per meal and if I consume fewer points for breakfast the remaining points will be evenly distributed to the remaining meals.   Meaning, instead of seeing 30 points for the day (12 of which are taken up by garlic knots) I will see 14 points for lunch after my yogurt breakfast.  Maybe this will help me to weigh my options more carefully.  Because 12 out of 14 sounds a lot more wasteful than 12 out of 30.  Hopefully, this way I won't trash the whole day with free garlic knots at work.

Good luck this week!

Weight Watchers - Week#5

Official Weigh-in: 203.2 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: +2.8 lbs.
Overall change:-4.1 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Track more carefully
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

As predicted last week, my lax habits have gotten worse and it clearly shows on the scale.  But it's okay, I went back to a meeting last night and did an official weigh in.  I wanted to stay home and slink under the covers, eating red velvet Oreos and promising myself that I'd do better next week.  Which is exactly what I did last week and, hence, no week#4 entry.  I faced the music, though, and picked up some helpful tips in the process.

For this week, I'm keeping the same goal.  I do need to focus on tracking more than ever.

I purchased the set of two plates from Weight Watchers and I intend to use them to help with portion control at dinner.  The wine glasses were not yet available and that's okay.  I need to stray away from alcohol for a while.  The snow storm this last week as not helpful at all.

I took extra walks...to the bar.  While everyone else was watching the snow fall on Saturday, I was walking to the local bar for Irish Coffee.  Yes, with whip cream.  But it was the first snow storm of the year and these are traditions I absolutely love.  I'm willing to indulge as long as I can reign myself back in afterwards.

I also purchased the new starter kit that comes complete with a collapsible salad bowl and a cutting board with built in measuring cups.  It also comes with the new tracking journal - a lovely hardbound book, though lacking in some tracking areas - and a recipe book.The cutting board will probably get the most use because it's incredibly functional.

I intend to fully report on these items in the coming weeks.  As I previously mentioned, I've noticed the tracking journal is pared down from the older style spiral bound journals.  This will be my first week using it, so I'll have more on that in week#6.


Helpful meeting tips:

• Try an appetizer or small plate, or see if you can get away with ordering from the kids’ menu instead of a full size entree.
• Once you’ve decided on a restaurant, try to look at an online menu so you can narrow down your options.
• Pre-track if at all possible
• Look back at how the meal went. Were there any unexpected hurdles—that basket of cheese rolls, say, or your boss urging you to try her fried calamari? How did you handle them? If you're not happy with any of your choices, what could you do differently? A post-prandial post-mortem can help set you up for success next time.
• Ask how things are prepared if the menu is unclear
• Ask for a box and put half of the meal into it before you start eating.  This will prevent you from overeating and then you have lunch for the next day.
• Using the hand measurements to gauge serving sizes.

Good luck this week!

Barbie's New Body Type(s)

Time Magazine's Barbie Cover

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this yet. I have always maintained that Barbie is a canvas that reflects both society's values and its shortcomings. So part of this feels like Mattel is admitting fault where there was none. But then I would have loved the different heights, weights, etc. when I was a child. My characters could have been a little more real and varied and that would have been wonderful.

But I have never been one to focus on Barbie's body type and never felt it was an important topic to debate. To me, she was always perfect just as she was because she allowed me to do so many wonderful and imaginative things as a child. I brought my own strengths to her world and she showed me possibilities. I know that not all of my friends had the same experience and I can't help but think that these new dolls would have changed that for them. They might have been able to have the same relationship that I did and to continue to love her as much as I do, even now as an adult.

 I agree with that article that the conversation about her body type clouded the positive messages she was trying to get through. Barbie has never been a cause, she is merely a symptom of the larger issues. And maybe changing her body type(s) will facilitate a move away from this hyper awareness. That it will allow us to focus on her possibilities instead of reducing her to just a figure. And maybe this will radiate out into society and we'll see an entire generation of children who focus more on a person's character.

Weight Watchers - Week#3

Official Weigh-in: 200.4 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: -2.4 lbs.
Overall change:-6.9 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Drink more water
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

Even though I saw a loss this week, I've noticed I'm already getting lax in my not yet habits.  I had one or two days where I didn't track at all until evening or the following day.  This resulted in a huge surprise when an item I frequently ate under the old plan increased by 8 points under the new plan.  I need to treat this as if I am starting as a Weight Watcher's Novice and not assume that I know the points values from the previous years I failed to follow the plan.

I need to get back on track and take this seriously if I'm really going to see progress past the same 10 pounds I've gained and lost over the last year.  A great time to remind myself of why I'm doing this in the first place.

• I want to be healthier this year and twenty years from now
• I want to develop healthy habits that I can teach to my children so they don't have the struggles I have had with weight and health
• I want to look good in Danielle's wedding photos
• I want to look good in all my photos
• I want to lower my bad cholesterol levels

I have not yet added in exercise consistently, though I am trying to walk at lunch if at all possible.  I think this will be next week's goal.

Check back with me next week!

Weight Watchers - Week#2

Official Weigh-in: 202.8 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: -4.5 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  To start eating breakfast
This Week's Weekly Goal: Drink more water

Overall, I'm very pleased with the first week.  I stuck to eating breakfast every day and only eating the lunch I brought.  I haven't gone back to working out yet, just focusing on my eating habits at the moment.

I did let myself indulge over the weekend with some fresh made pizza at a restaurant that uses locally sourced and organic ingredients.  I was incredibly surprised at my body's reaction.  I know that I ate too much of the pizza because I felt full in the middle of the second slice and still finished off a third piece.  So it's good to know that I'm eating smaller portions during the week and my body is adjusting to this.  But then, within an hour after eating, I was so groggy that I took a nap.  After I woke up I felt like I had a hangover, even though I didn't consume any alcohol.  So lesson learned, listen to my body signals.

This week I'm going to focus on drinking more water.  It's not my beverage of choice but I know there are so many benefits.

• Aids in Digestion
• Helps Maintain a Healthy Weight
• Assists in the removal of waste
• Thins the Blood
• Improves Kidney Function
• Transports Nutrients in the Body

Just to name a few.  I haven't consumed Sodas in many years, but I transitioned to Ice Tea.  While this is significantly better than drinking 3 cans of soda a day, water is still the best possible beverage for humans to consume.  Our bodies are mostly water after all.

Here's a couple starting pictures to help track my progress.  They're not the best pictures of me, but they're ones that made me realize I needed to get back on track.

Good luck with this week!

2016 Goals

1. Trip to Spain with my sestra
2. Graduate from B School
3.  Decide about the CPA/CMA Exams and then, if yes, take at least one part
4. Sestra's Wedding
5. Healthier version of me
6. Attend Write Club more often
7. Plan 5 year anniversary for Scotch Group
8. Build my Etsy Shop Business
9.  Decide about Career path - Fulfillment to Operations Director or take a step back and go 100% Accounting
10. Create and Stick to a Budget
11. Pay down Debt and prepare finances for student loan repayment

A Season of Loss

Tomorrow, my sister and her fiancée, A,  will say goodbye to A's uncle at a funeral service in Georgia.  Shortly before the Thanksgiving holiday, he was found dead in his apartment.  A had been concerned that she hadn't heard from him in a few weeks and she'd been calling around to friends and relatives to see if they'd heard from him.  She even went so far as to search through John Doe lists in a couple of tourist spots he'd talked about visiting after his retirement was finalized in October of this year.

His loss has been an incredible blow to my sister and her fiancée.  He was one of the few family member's A has that was supportive.  He was able to offer advice in the same way that a father would and he gave her the sense of family that she isn't able to get from her immediate family.  And vice versa.  It's a truly tragic event.

I was not close to him and I don't know much about his story.  I do know that his family cast him out for being gay and he had to make a life of his own at the tender age of 18. He did not get the same benefit of college or other financial assistance from his family yet he was able to have a successful career and do well for himself.  I have heard so many other stories from the LGBT community where family disownment did not have such a positive outcome.  So I know how difficult it must have been to carve out this life for himself.

We spent most of Thanksgiving going through papers.  A was his closest relative so the handling of his estate has fallen to her until they can confirm the status of a will and his actual wishes.  There were stacks of papers and photographs, thank you letters from his clients, travel brochures, and investment information.  An entire life flattened and categorized.

There have been a few people at work that have also lost loved ones recently.  The holidays are hard enough as it is and now they have this added burden that they'll remember every year.   With the joy there will be the dull ache of the loss of this loved one.  I know my grandfather dealt with the memory of his mother's death at Christmas every year.

New Year Thoughts

I recently learned that a friend from my high school days passed away.  I can't say we were incredibly close, we probably haven't spoken since our graduation.  But I would see her posts on Facebook and we would occasionally exchange comments on photos.  I know she had a great sense of humor, a beautiful family, and was incredibly helpful to other friends who were struggling with a similar disease.  Our 15 year reunion would have been this year, but no one actually planned the event.  When I e-mailed about the reunion in September the response was, "I guess we'll just have to wait for the 20 year."  Like we had all the time in the world.

But the reality is that we don't and we, as human beings, take so many things for granted.   Last year, I talked about focusing more on experiences and less on things.  Unfortunately, I don't think I did a very good job of it as the year went on.  So my thoughts have been on this the last couple of days. 

• My Health - I take it for granted.  I'm not doing the things I need to do to keep me healthy.  The fact that I haven't had any major health problems is pure luck.
• School & my Future - It's been this nebulous thing.  A general direction I'm headed in, but without any light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm finally starting my first semester of graduate classes after finishing up the pre-reqs last semester.  It's real.  This time next year I'll be stressing about graduation.
• My Friends - I've not made the effort I'd like to to try and keep up with people.  Having drinks or going out is like pulling teeth since I've started school.  It feels like depression, but it's really just that I enjoy my free time to do nothing.
• My Family - This is another area where I need to make more of an effort.  Shane is going off to the Marines in a few months and this may be the last real time I get to spend with him.
• My Finances - I'm not keeping track the way I need to and a few difficult decisions may need to be made.  They're not completely out of hand, but I've run up some serious debt again.  If I want to be the successful adult I envision after graduate school, I need to get this other debt in hand so it doesn't interfere with student loans and life plans.

We become so busy with the details of life that we miss out on the bigger picture.  We don't keep up the relationships that support us through the difficult times and then we wonder why everything is so difficult.

B-School Applications: Personal Statement Rough Draft

“. . .We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;

Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow,

The path of its departure still is free:

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;

Nought may endure but Mutablilty.”

- From “Mutability” by Percy Bysshe Shelley

From the very first visit I made to the Library of Congress, in school, I knew that I wanted to work there.  The historical, political, and cultural significance contained in those buildings is inspiring and every minute detail of the Jefferson Building contains a symbol reflecting our national heritage or an homage to the other cultures that influenced on our founding fathers.  There are many people in this world who, from a young age, know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives and some of them are even fortunate enough to attain those aspirations.  For the rest of us, however, our lives tend to be a series of compromises which slow our individual growth and interfere with our professional journey. 

My younger sister and I were the first in our family to even consider going to college and, growing up, we were always told we would have to win scholarships.  Our parents had lived paycheck to paycheck and, even though they wanted something better for their children, they did not have the means to provide for the educational foundation we would need.  But they laid a very prominent corner stone by instilling their value of education in us. Indeed, I worked diligently in high school and received a scholarship from the University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC).  My parents were unable to advise me when it came to applications, financial aid, college courses, or selecting a major.  I learned to be self reliant in wading through all the information and bold in seeking out counsel from advisers or professors.  I still had to work a full time job while attending classes to cover the remaining cost of my education.  It was often a struggle but it helped me develop exceptional time management skills and I know that everything I have accomplished has come from my own perseverance.

It wasn't until I was a sophomore in college that my mother's health became a cause for concern.  My parents divorced when I was eleven, so the responsibility of my mother's care fell to me.  I spent most of that year attending classes, visiting in the hospital, and working full eight hour shifts at my job.  The struggle to maintain my grade point average while dealing with these outside problems brought me to the decision to take a year off from school. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.  I wanted to pursue my own dreams but couldn't deny the help my family needed and my divided attention would only cause both to suffer.  I learned that it is better to do something well than to spread one's self too thin trying to maintain everything.  After a heart stent was implanted in her left anterior descending artery, and her physical health vastly improved, I felt I could return the majority of my attention back to school. 

Upon graduating from UMBC, I found it difficult to get a job with the federal government let alone in my field of study.  The economy was slowing down and, without an advanced degree, my future at the Library of Congress was in doubt.  I had envisioned a job in Editing, Substitute Teaching, or the Library Sciences, but my first job offer came from the Accounting department of a custom home builder and I've always felt that any positive opportunity is an experience waiting to happen.  Still, it was surprising to discover how the analytical skills I had developed in undergrad dovetailed with the skills I acquired working in Accounting.  When that company folded, during the beginning of the housing crisis, I had several months to re-evaluate my professional path and decided that, with my work experience, it was still possible for me to aim for a position at the Library of Congress though not the one originally envisioned.

During the years I was pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, it seemed that my life was nothing but compromises; for my family, my full-time job, and my budget.  My personal goal of working at the Library of Congress was pushed further and further away until it seemed almost unattainable.  But life is about change and growing from those changes.  Without these challenges we would not have the opportunity to push our individual boundaries and learn all that we're capable of achieving.  I know that I have the discipline to make my studies a priority, the strength to make difficult life decisions, and the resilience to accept change.

My Mediocre Vampire Novel

In thinking about writing my mediocre vampire novel (MVN), I realize that it might be beneficial to watch the Twilight movie series.  I have avoided it thus far, but there's something they're selling to the teenage girls that could be to my benefit to analyze. 

That being said, I realize I stopped after season 2, episode 4 of my Buffy the Vampire Slayer recaps and commentary.  Since this is a far superior vampire series, I'm wondering if my first focus should be on completing this set of entries.  It would serve two purposes, getting me back into the habit of writing regularly and immersing myself yet again into the vampire lore.  Plus, I get the added bonus of watching one of my favorite shows again.

My sister and I have been watching Lost Girl on Netflix and it has rekindled my interest in writing my MVN. Probably the most interesting thing about this show is seeing how the female characters are so different than other shows that are currently on stations like the WB/CW or whatever it's called now.  It's so much closer to what Whedon was trying to achieve with Buffy than a lot of the television we've seen since.  While this show may not have the best acting, or sometimes even the best writing, there is something so endearing (and refreshing) about the friendship between Bo and Kenzi that I really don't care.

My point, is that more research is needed to get me into the right head space to write the MVN.

Baltimore CASH Campaign

Saturday, I attended training so I can volunteer with Baltimore CASH Campaign at Towson University to prepare taxes for lower income families. I volunteered last year and, even though it was difficult work at times, I found it incredibly rewarding to help people with the new skills I learned in school.  I am feeling more confident about it this year, however, because I've just finished a semester of Tax Accounting and feel that I have a better understanding of the process.  The Basic Level this year will include itemization and a few other things that I didn't deal with last year.  I was able to attend the returning preparers training and found that I had a deeper understanding of the software.

While I was there, I made a contact with Habitat for Humanity of the Chesapeake and I am so excited to volunteer with their organization as well.  As it happens, they don't just build houses.  They also provide a means to furnish those houses and to help maintain them.  The organization also restores some of the abandoned row-homes here in Baltimore.  My new contact was telling me that there are so many programs offered by the city to help lower income individuals from drowning in property taxes and that most citizens aren't even aware they can get that kind of help.  Volunteering with Habitat for Humanity isn't just about getting out there and swinging a hammer, there are so many other ways one can be of help to the community.

I am so excited about these opportunities and I hope that I can find ways to volunteer with these organizations throughout the year and not just at tax time.

Thryn - World Building - 1 hour timed writing

This world is so dark and grey; the sun shines through a dark filter and can’t seem to reach the lonely souls scrambling around on the ground.  It provides light without warmth and you can feel the chill creeping into your bones long before the winter actually makes its appearance.  Even fair weather days don’t seem to inspire and the people trudge along with half-vacant expressions. They are lost without their beacon.  I’ve watched them for generations on this colony, pushing their way through the landscape like ants.  Roads course through the green, ebbing and flowing like concrete rivers.  New homes and fields appear on each supply run; Entire communities rising, flourishing, and then falling into disrepair.  Husks of human ingenuity left behind to fend for themselves against the harsh elements of this foreign world.

But up here there is one season and the sun patiently waits.  In this portion of the atmosphere between the planet and outer space, it appears as it wants to all year long; reaching out to wrap you in blue sky and fluffy white clouds.  Protected by the glass on the cockpit, I can almost remember that feeling of hope most humans experience when they get above the cloud line.  That realization that one’s place in this life is so small and insignificant in the context of the universe.   But I’ve been here longer than the idea for their terraformed planet and realize I have more in common with the universe than the pestilence that crawls along the landscape below.   My people are not constrained by the element of time and we make patience an art form.

 ******

“On the eve of one’s last sunset, when one first goes to ground, there is a transformation that occurs while you sleep.  Between the soil, the blood, and the sun that has saturated them both for more than a millennia, there is a unique bond.  When we are forming our new bodies in this nutrient rich culture, the sun ingrains itself and is encoded to our very DNA.  This sun on this planet will forever hold sway over your habits and the stars surrounding other worlds will never compare.   Perhaps, when you are older, you will be able to venture as far from your home as I do, but you will always feel it calling to you.”

Notes:

Vampires cannot be created in space stations – it requires the soil and the sun of a planet

Thryn - Creative Writing#1

It was a beautiful day, the weather was starting to show its winter colors and the air held slightly more chill than it had the previous week.   Winter coats were out in the park but there were still plenty of people outside trying to squeeze as much sunshine out of the fallen leaves as they could.  If the trees had not been as bare, she probably never would have seen it huddled up under the bushes.  Her gaze had been drawn to some movement ahead of her on the path -  two eyes stared back at her.   It was some kind of animal, scared and shaking in the underbrush, not really a dog but it really wasn't anything else.  There was a mutual sense of otherness, it whimpered and cowered away from her as she reached out to it.  Somehow she managed to catch it and bundle it up in her coat before anyone else could see it.  It squirmed in her arms and nearly broke free several times.  Its cries were growing louder and a small crowd was watching as Thryn moved out of the park and back to her apartment.  She felt compelled to protect this bizarre animal, but could not be entirely sure from what.  Her head felt fuzzy as she tried to sort through the details.  There was something special about this creature, something that was important to the planet.  She heard footsteps on the roof and hid the thing only moments before someone came crashing through her window.  There were men in black masks and clothes pouring through the window and her only exits were being cut off.  She could feel the panic rising in her throat.

That's when she woke with a start, back in her bunk at SA-159.  The hum of the engines reassuring to her ears as her brain slowly came back into focus.  She wasn't used to dreaming much these days and this was the third time in the last six months she'd dreamt about this creature.  The sweat on her skin was already starting to chill and the dampness made her sheets almost icy to the touch.  She shifted until her body was on something drier and tried to go back to sleep.  Even without a clock, she knew there were only a few more hours until Earth moon-rise.  

The sun always spoke to her, it did not matter how long it had been since they had last met.  Through the thickest walls on the farthest ship, it would whisper her name and call her from sleep; an unrequited love that neither of them could forget.  It had been easy at first, catch a freighter out to the farthest star system, live most of your life within the metal walls of a ship.  A large enough colony or base and no one ever questioned the odd sickness that struck the crew.  The occasional death was even expected this far out in space.  She’d been surprised her people had not thought of it sooner and disappointed that few had followed her.  

There were drawbacks, of course. The meals eaten by the crew members, though chock full of all the nutrients she required in their blood, lacked a certain flavor that made it especially enjoyable.  On the positive side, she was able to commiserate with them wholeheartedly whenever they would complain about the rations they received and how they longed for the grain-fed cows of home.  Even though most humans on the ships were paler than Earth Humans could ever be, she was more so and the lighting in the ships did little to downplay that fact.  On Earth, she would have been relegated to the shadows and her marble skin would have been easier to hide.  However, some of the lesser stars out here were barely a threat through the solar glass of these newer models; leaving one with a mild sunburn at most and tanning the skin for a significant period of time at best.  

Lately, though, she found herself picking routes closer and closer to Earth.  There were stars of equal and greater power throughout the universe, but the Earth’s Sun still controlled the ebb and flow of her appetite in these far reaches.  And now, it was beckoning her home for some purpose she had yet to puzzle out.  She had passed countless systems in her years and none of their stars ever pulled at her the way her own had.  Its golden bands were woven deeply into her veins and she served at its pleasure.  

Thryn tossed and turned in her bunk but sleep had completely receded from her and left her mind wondering along the shores of reality.  Most humans could adjust their sleeping schedules to fit wherever they happened to be; they would fall into harmony with the nearest system and rely on those foreign stars to govern their days and nights.  This was easier, of course, in the colonies where the planets or moons turned on an axis and there were more viewing portals for natural light.  The space stations were a little trickier  with the humans experiencing about 15 sunrises on average in a single day, depending on the system and the station’s proximity to the central star, of course.  The ones most affected by these excessive dawns were the crew members who had access to viewing stations or the control deck.  Their bodies never seemed to find the right rhythm and they walked around with perpetual dark circles under their eyes.  Only the officers and those employed doing menial tasks in the belly of the stations found a proper rest on a regular basis.  The officers because they were provided with everything and the others because they were provided with nothing.  She had never been able to break free of the Earth’s dictations and could pass herself off in the lower levels more easily.

Thryn’s existence in space relied on her ability to appear as uninteresting as possible and pass amongst the lower level crew members as an equal.  She learned years ago that the key to living in public was to be as inconspicuous as possible or to go completely overboard and demand every one’s attention by adopting a certain celebrity.  She had tried them both over the course of her time in this existence and found  fame was too time consuming to maintain as a pretense.  Even when the humans latched on and perpetuated the myth for her, it required too much energy  and came with too little freedom to be the least bit enjoyable.  

In this incarnation she had taken up the role of bar owner of one of the pubs in the lower sector  of SA-159.  It allowed her to work when she wanted and still keep the appearance of having to make a living. She was back on schedule with the ship’s clocks and should make an appearance when the patrons would notice her.  Once the decision had been made there really was no point in trying to sleep any longer, so she finally crawled out of bed.  It immediately retracted back into the wall of her room and the overhead lights came on.

“Good Evening, Thryn,” the computer’s voice greeted her.  “Would you like to hear the evening news?”

“Can you just give me the highlights, computer?”

“There is one item pertaining to the taxation of liquor, that might be of interest to you.”

“Save that item for me to review later.  Anything else?”  Thryn had started the water in the shower.  It would be a few minutes before she stepped into the glass enclosure, the showers were never warm enough on this station and started out practically ice cold.  The humans complained about it every morning, but she mourned this inconvenience even more.  Generating the pretense of body heat was necessary at times, but she could only send out the sensation to others through mental trickery.  A hot shower was the closest she ever came to replicating the sensation for herself without the aid of blood.   It was not just the appetite that drove her to hunt, it was also the warmth their blood carried.  A full meal could keep her warm for days, but those were rare in such close quarters.  The cold did not bother her and her body let her live in conditions most humans could never bare, but she longed to feel the warmth coursing through her.   

“Joshua McSuperstar, has arrived on board this afternoon for a benefit performance this Friday.”  Thryn stopped deader than usual.

“What is the benefit for?”  

“The Red and Magenta Cross joint benefit concert tour.  The performance will be at the SA-159 Amphitheatre.  Should I reserve tickets for you, Thryn?”

“No, computer, thank you. That’s all for now.”

Here was a prime example of the vampire living his life out loud.  Joshua McSuperstar had been on the fame circuit for the last ten years.  He’d reached super stardom with his passion for helping charities, specifically those with a large supply of blood in their vaults, and was often depicted as an Angel of mercy in the media.  They’d met once about a century ago and it had left a bad taste in Thryn’s mouth.  If it was coincidence, it was better that she stayed out of the luxury levels until after the concert.  If it wasn’t, he’d find her no matter where she was.  She weighed her odds, it could be a coincidence that he was this far out, but she had never really been that lucky.  She opened the door to the shower and waited for the steam to greet her, but the water had already run back to cold.  

“Okay,” she thought to herself, “he’s already starting to piss in my cornflakes.”  First things, first.  She would pick up a quick snack, and allow herself to feel human for at least a few moments,  and then she would have to hunt down Josh before he found her.  

Out in the thoroughfare the humans brushed past her; they were preoccupied with their minuscule lives and did not notice the monster within their midst.  Really they saw what they wanted to see and nothing more.  Thryn felt intoxicated with the scent of them and the warm caresses as they flowed around her.  

“Which one, which one?” she thought to herself as they skittered here and there.  It had to be someone healthy, someone strong enough to lose a pint or two and not draw medical attention to her habits.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall specimen staring her down.  He was muscular and rugged, probably a freighter worker stopping over.  He looked older, but she guessed he was about 35.  It was a decent length of time for the body to mature and gave a richness to the blood provided they made an effort to take care of themselves.  There was no need to open up a psychic link between them, his intentions were painted across his face and the hunger in his eyes mirrored her own.  It really was not polite to play with one’s food, but he radiated arrogance as he sauntered over to the post she had taken up against the corner of a shop and that made it all the more irresistible.  He leaned into her and rested his forearm above her head on the building.  

“Hey,” he started, “my name is Kyle.  I am about to say something incredibly cliche and slightly creepy.”   Kyle played with the collar on her shirt before finally asking, “What is your name?”  

“Does it really matter?”  

“No, I guess it really doesn't,” he agreed letting his hand roam lower to graze her breast.  Then he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley.  He pushed her up against the wall and began to fumble at her clothing, “come on, I don't bite.”

“I do, ” she purred as she pulled him closer to her.  Their eyes met and she opened the part of herself that let her control the humans.  Some called it glamour, some called it mind control, the result was still the same.  All the tension in his muscles released and she could feel his mind open to her. There was so much floating around in there.  He had come in this afternoon, as she had suspected, though not on a freighter.  A transport ship was a little fancier than she had expected but what surprised her was that Joshua McSuperstar had been on the same transport.  Kyle was not part of the entourage, but his memories were offering a huge head start for her.   She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and he tilted his head to reveal his neck.  “That's a good boy”

 

2014 Goals

Long ago, I decided not to have resolutions at New Year's - I felt that it set up for failure and disappointment.  Part I my yearly ritual, after Danielle leaves for home and I start to feel the melancholy that inevitably follows, is to look forward to the new year and set a list of goals I'd like to achieve.  Some of them fit in with a larger plan, i.e. Graduate School, and some are purely for the immediate future.

Even though I did not write them down in a formal blog post, there were several things that I mentioned throughout the year.  So, to begin, let's take a look back at last year's 2013 goals:

1. Buy a House - this was most definitely achieved in 2013!
2. Quit Hallmark - an ongoing goal for several years, but finally achieved in July of 2013.
3. More creative writing - I have one story I've been working on this year.  Mostly when I'm in an airplane and have nothing else I can do for 2 hours.
4. Europe Trip with Danielle - we made it to London, Cardiff, and Dublin with Andrea in May/June of 2013.
5. Pay off Credit Card Debt - refinanced with some student loan money and then wracked it up again  :(
6. More contact with friends who live out of state- didn't do so well on this.  Because of goal#1 I didn't even make it down for my annual visit with J & H.

All in all, not a bad year for my goals.  There were so many things that happened it's difficult to remember it all now.  Dad was able to legally wed Stepdaddy M in Maryland.  My sister graduated from business school and we took our youngest cousin to the ceremony in Atlanta.

2014 has some big shoes to fill, but I think it will be just as fantastic as this year.  New Goals:

1. Focus more on experiences and less on things
2. Writing more during breaks from school.
3. Plan one additional monthly event for the Scotch Sippers meetup.
4. Go to the gym 3 times a week during breaks and at least 1 time a week during the semester.
5. Paint the living room and/or master bedroom before the start of the fall semester.
6. Have a housewarming party/birthday party.
7. Listen more and complain less
8. Apply to jobs in the accounting field
9. Budget more effectively
10. Plan a big trip for end of 2014, possibly early 2015.

Some of these are very practical and some are pie in the sky.  Really curious to see where the new year leads and what I will be able to accomplish for myself.

Dee Dee

This morning, I witnessed my sister making the hardest decision any pet owner will have to make.  Her dachshund started showing signs of illness last week; she was refusing to eat and would vomit anything we managed to get into her.  After many trips to the emergency vet over the holiday, it was discovered she had an inoperable tumor in her bowels that had prevented her from digesting anything.  She was faced with the option of letting Dee Dee go through months of chemo and recovery that could not guarantee a healthy life afterwards or having her put to sleep while she was already under anesthesia.  I don't envy her that kind of decision and I have to say that I am so impressed my sister was able to put Dee Dee's best interests first.


Dee Dee was a rescue dachshund that had been a puppy mill breeding dog who had simply been released to the streets when she was no longer able to produce puppies.  Dee Dee was originally rescued by DREAM in Atlanta, GA, from a high kill shelter that had picked her up.  DREAM makes sure that each rescue receives the necessary medical attention before finding them forever homes, but even they can't fix everything.  She had suffered a lot of mistreatment and abuse at the puppy mill; she had tumors that needed to be removed and only three of her teeth were remaining.  The fur on the back of her legs would never grow back because of the years spent sitting in a wire cage without proper medical treatment.  In fact, the inoperable tumor that was discovered this week was a direct result of the inhumane treatment and conditions at the puppy mill.

For the last nine months, Dee Dee has had a life that all dogs should experience.  She was loved by her owners and  treated as a member of the family.  She was taken to regular medical visits and was taught that not all humans will cause harm.  She was ridiculous and adorable.  My favorite memory is of her using her dachshund nose to pull the bed covers over herself and then twisting to burrow under them.  At my father's Christmas party this year, she was the bell of the ball.  Everyone fell in love with her and argued over who would get to hold her next.  She should have had many years of this kind of love to make up for the eight she spent trapped in a wire cage.

I can't save every dog that is being abused or mistreated, no matter how much I want to, but I can encourage anyone that reads this to not buy their pet from a pet store or puppy mill.  Please help stop the destructive cycle of the puppy mills and buy from a shelter or reputable breeder when selecting your newest family member.  My sister and her girlfriend were able to find the biggest sweetheart with the help of DREAM pet rescue and, even though she was only with us for a short time, this diminutive dog took up so much room in all of our hearts.

Best Sister Duo - EVER

I received some pretty exciting news this morning:  The Sweethearts of the Rodeo have a brand new album coming out!  I know they aren't that familiar to a lot of people, but they were my sister's favorite duo when she was younger.

We would listen to them on car trips and knew every lyric by heart.  For the past few years my sister and I have talked about going to their Thanksgiving concert in Nashville, but it never seems to work out.  Perhaps we'll get to see them perform their new album somewhere closer to one of our homes.

Le Weekend - Or - Revisiting a Childhood You'd Rather Forget

I came off of last weekend, with my sister, feeling very positive and happy.  She really went out of her way to make it special and it meant more than I can say.  This most recent weekend, in contrast, was very disappointing.  It made me feel very alone in a place where I have both family and a social network.  I was headed out to meet the dads for my birthday dinner.   Which sounds like it should be a happy occasion and something that would propel me even further into a good mood, but it didn't end up that way at all.

The dinner reservations were made for 3:00pm on Saturday and I was supposed to meet everyone at the Dads' house at 2:30pm so we could all drive together.  Between getting over this cold that won't seem to go away and trying to catch up on laundry from the trip, I knew I wouldn't make it to my dad's by 2:30.  So I called them as I was headed out of my neighborhood and asked them to text me the address for the restaurant.  I wouldn't make it to their place on time but, as I live closer, I wouldn't be late to the restaurant.  Dad agreed to send the address and ended the call but didn't hang up.  He has this problem of not hitting the "end call" button on his phone and I've gotten numerous phone messages with a lot of background chatter.  Normally this is just amusing, but on Saturday he proceeded to complain after he thought he'd hung up.

I heard him tell the other people in the car that I "always do this" and "couldn't be on time for anything."  His friend, O, offers the suggestion of telling me to meet a half an hour earlier, like she does with her son, so I'll get there in time.  At this point, he realized that his phone was still on and quickly hung up.  Had I not been using the blue tooth feature in my car, I would never have heard the details of the conversation but I did and I proceeded to lose my shit.  I thought about calling back and saying I couldn't make it after all but I knew they had people coming.  So I called my sister in an effort to calm down before I would have to pretend was normal.

I am not a person who is habitually late to things.  I value promptness and see chronic lateness to events as a waste of my time.  I get this from my father.  However, more often than not I will be ready to go at their house and have to wait for one or the other to finish getting ready.  The times I have been late, or called to say I'll meet you there instead, have been due to traffic or having to work late - things completely out of my control.  At first, I felt like my dad's comments were very two-faced and he was putting on some kind of act for his friend.  Second, it made me feel like I was 5 years old again and he had told me he was very disappointed.  I was the kind of kid who would punish herself if told her parents were disappointed in her behavior.

But the part that caused me to have a complete meltdown in my car was the residual effects of living with his last partner.  It was like he was saying I was irresponsible to his friend.  I have a gut reaction to anyone implying or outright saying I am irresponsible, careless, worthless, or stupid.  I know most people would have a strong reaction to this as well, so it shouldn't be surprising.  But I spent almost every day of ten years being told how terrible I was, but never to my face.  My dad's old partner would wait until I was just out of the room, but still in earshot, to say what he really thought of me.  He would wait until my dad wasn't around so that no one would catch him.  He would belittle me and make me feel like I was a terrible person because I came out of my room.  And this is was exactly how this situation on Saturday felt to me.

I know that my dad doesn't intentionally leave his cell phone on after ending a call, but my knee-jerk reaction was feeling like it had been done on purpose.  And then I was 15 years old again, just waiting for someone else to come home so I could breathe, so I didn't feel so alone.  It wrecked that entire feeling I had from the previous weekend and I just wanted to curl up in my room.  But I went to the dinner and I even went to the wine bar with everyone afterwards.  Still, I went home earlier than I would have and just hid in my room the rest of the night.

It was the worst feeling.  And, of course, I haven't said anything to my dad about it.  This is not the type of family we are.  We don't even talk about what happened when he was with his old partner.  We just pretend like everything's okay until it is.

St. David's Day

Welsh Bunting in my cubicle

For St. David's Day this year, I actually went all out.  Normally, I forget it's the first until about halfway through the day.  But I had purchased my Welsh Flag Bunting in the UK last year and I was determined to do it up right.  There is nothing like hanging decorations in one's cubicle to draw attention and I had the pleasure of explaining my celebration to many a passerby.  But this just wasn't enough for me. 

Welsh Cakes

My dad's friends in Bristol posted pictures of their homemade Welsh Cakes so I decided to research traditional St. David's Day/Welsh dishes.   I found two very tasty recipes for Welsh Cakes and one for Chicken and Leek Hotpot.  I invited my friend, Andrea Schwartz (of "Do As I Say" fame),  to help me.  The Welsh Cakes proved a little more challenging than I thought, thankfully Andrea had experience with baking, and the substitution of oil for lard did not hold the cakes together as well as I had hoped.  Overall, I was very pleased with the result and felt they were every bit as good as the ones I'd had last year.  I made sure to pack up half of them for Andrea and the other half for work. 

Chicken and Leek Hotpot

The Chicken and Leek Hotpot recipe was very attractive because it was cooked completely in the microwave.  I feel like I should have cooked the vegetables a little longer before adding the chicken but, again, I was not disappointed.  Next time I will also add more carrots for color.  I have three more meals out of this recipe and will definitely make it again.  I was unsure of whether or not I would like Leeks, as I haven't really had them before.  In my mind, I thought they were similar to onion and while I enjoy the onion flavor I don't particularly care for crunching on the pieces themselves.  But the Leek has a sweeter taste to it, possibly from cooking with the carrots, and I ate every part of the meal.

I sincerely hope that I am able to do this again next year and that this was the start of a tradition for me.  I think we only equate traditions with families or couples and we forget that it's just as important to create them on an individual level.  It helps us to connect with our friends and feel like we're a part of something important.  So here is to the start of a new tradition for me!

Davy Jones - February 29th

I just learned that Davy Jones, of The Monkees fame, has died at age 66 and my day is a little bit darker because of it.  Just last Friday, Dad and I were driving to the airport, listening to Pool It in the car.

I became acquainted with them in 1986 when MTV re-ran episodes of The Monkees.  Even though I am a second generation fan, it still feels like a little piece of my childhood is gone.

Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.