2016 Goals

1. Trip to Spain with my sestra
2. Graduate from B School
3.  Decide about the CPA/CMA Exams and then, if yes, take at least one part
4. Sestra's Wedding
5. Healthier version of me
6. Attend Write Club more often
7. Plan 5 year anniversary for Scotch Group
8. Build my Etsy Shop Business
9.  Decide about Career path - Fulfillment to Operations Director or take a step back and go 100% Accounting
10. Create and Stick to a Budget
11. Pay down Debt and prepare finances for student loan repayment

Chosen Families

My sister, D,  and I have been talking about the idea of "chosen families" lately.  It started with the death of our grandmother and our mother's reaction to her mother's death vs. the death of her former mother-in-law.  There are obvious differences, of course, like how my father's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly while my mother's mother held on for 5 days and was only unconscious for 1 of those.  But the one thing my sister and I never realized was the difference in the relationships our mother had with each of those women.  Even in the healthiest of families nothing is ever perfect and relationships are complicated at best.  

We compared it to the close friendships our father has with other members of the LGBT community.  How they would often opt to gather at a friend's house for traditional family holiday celebrations.  My mother certainly did this with our father's family and I have often felt that the genuine care and concern was mutual.  Sometimes we bend under the weight of parental expectations and fall into old family roles long after we've grown out of them.  Returning home for a visit is so very frequently a struggle between who we were and who we've become.  I have no doubt that this was a serious problem for my mother when she returned to take care of my grandmother seven years ago and I think there was a certain amount of relief felt.

Most recently, though, we've discussed the Intentional Family idea because of a situation she and her fiancée, A,  are facing with their upcoming Wedding.  One of  A's grandparents has already told her they do not want an invitation to the wedding because they do not support their decision to marry, citing religious reasons.  It's disappointing and upsetting.  It was even worse when, after a relative's death, her mother and brother were invited to stay at her grandparent's house but she was denied the hospitality because they didn't support her "lifestyle."  Regardless of your personal beliefs, especially at a time when family is grieving the loss of a loved one, there is still a human being at the core and they should be treated with the same level of compassion.  Most recently, A suffered another disappointment when her brother declined the invitation to be a attendant at the wedding.  Again, citing religious beliefs.  This came as a major blow because, until that moment, she had no idea that her brother was not supportive.

My sister and I are very close.  I've never taken that relationship for granted, but I've also never realized how truly rare that is.  I can't even begin to fathom what it is like to hear that your sibling does not accept you for who you truly are.  From almost the very beginning of their relationship, I have felt that A has been a member of our family.  My mother has also been very welcoming, calling A her "third daughter" well before they were officially engaged.  And I think this is because my mother knows what it is like to have a difficult relationship with one's birth family and she recognized a kind of kindred spirit in need of reassurance, acceptance, and love.  My father and step-father have also felt that she's family.  We've planned vacations together as a family and when our grandmother died, A was there. She was there not because she had to be or just to support D, but because she wanted to be there for our mother at a time when it was most needed.

And this is the point of family.  Whether it is chosen, intentional, or birth, a family is meant to be supportive through the difficult times.  They are a calm place where we can go and be loved for just being ourselves and sometimes in spite of being ourselves.  From here we draw the strength to face the challenges of the outside world.  We don't always have to agree on things but we have to always respect one another as individuals and as human beings.

Healthy Living - Again

I'm trying to get back on the wagon with taking care of myself.  This means, eating properly and exercising regularly.  Not to mention getting enough sleep, wearing sunscreen, and using sulfate free shampoos on my hair.  It's not easy to do on a regular basis while keeping up with the other demands of life, aka work and school.

6 years ago I lost over 40 pounds on weight watchers, in the last 3 years I've gained it all back.  2 years ago, I didn't lose any weight but I converted the fat into muscle and dropped several inches from my waistline.  The problems that led to ending up back where I started haven't gone away.  I have one year left of school and work is still a stressful environment.  But with only a year left of school and several special events coming up after that, I want to get back into my healthy habits.  Life only gets more difficult from here on out and I need to actually nail this down now so I can carry it through.

As you may have read, I lost my grandmother last month.  She had diabetes and other health problems that could have been avoided with simple steps in her youth.  I want to make sure that I am doing those things now and not taking my health for granted.  I'm already noticing parts of me deteriorating and I need to halt as much as I can for as long as I can.  This takes discipline and hard work.

I want to create healthy habits that will be passed down to my children, eventually, and I don't want them to struggle with this the way that I have.  I want to be a good example for them and show them how life can be lived to the fullest while not indulging in every single impulse that comes along.

Question 6 in Maryland

Question 6
Referendum Petition
(Ch. 2 of the 2012 Legislative Session)
Civil Marriage Protection Act

Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.

I have had an interesting discussion about marriage today.  My sister and her girlfriend have recently moved in together and they were discussing the future.  As the mature adults they are, they've decided that they aren't going to seriously consider marriage until they see how the next year goes.  Living with someone is entirely different from dating and you learn so much more about the person when you have to work through everyday challenges and problems.  But the idea is on the table for future discussion and is not disagreeable to either of them.  However, they don't want to just have a Wedding and then think of themselves as married.  They want their marriage to be legally recognized and protected.  So I now have completely selfish reasons to want Maryland to pass the Same-Sex Marriage legislation on Tuesday.

They also discussed what happens if legislation is passed that will not recognize Same-Sex Marriages on the Federal level.  The possibility, given careers and other life events, of my sister and her girlfriend moving to another country for these legal protections is not out of the question.  I've written before about how close my sister and I are and that I wish we lived closer to each other.  So if our country fails to recognize this civil right of its citizens, they will push my sister further away from the family.  For so many people, the Same-Sex Marriage legislation is an abstract concept.  It's something that has no bearing on their lives whatsoever, except to say that it does or does not hold with their belief system.  This will directly affect my family and it makes me so nervous about the outcome of Tuesday's election. 

My Business Law professor has talked about it several times in class.  He brings it up every time we study a law that has the marriage caveat.  He doesn't give his opinion or tell us what we should think, he just offers us the facts and tells us to make up our own minds.  Right now we're studying property law.  I didn't realize that if my father were to get in a car accident and be sued for medical bills, that he and my step-father would be forced to sell their house so that dad's half of the assets would cover that debt.  If their marriage were legally recognized in the state of Maryland, their house would be protected. And there are so many instances where a marriage license provides this automatic protection or entitlement.  Yes, there are a lot of other legal protections a same-sex couple could put in place without a marriage license but there isn't an alternative for this property right.  My dad and his husband would be treated the same as if my sister and I owned a house together no matter what.

Our entire society is structured to encourage people to get married, for religious purposes or not.  A read through Samhita Mukhopadhyay's Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life provides excellent examples of how we're taught that one is not really an adult or successful until one is married.  Yet, as a society, we deny homosexuals the ability to do so.  How can one look at our society, with its social and legal structures, and tell me that marriage is strictly a religious thing? 

Tax Withholdings

I did a quick calculation of my tax withholdings for this year.  My new placement on the commercial side of the company means that the state and local withholdings are finally correct.  I've been playing with the idea of cancelling the additional $50 I had withheld when the California office was taking care of my payroll.  If my calculations are correct, and I seriously hope they are, I could have a tax return of about $2-3K this year.  I had extra withheld last year to compensate for cashing out my old IRA and forgot to change the withholdings for this year.

First, that's a lot of money and, whenever it looks like I'm about to get a windfall, I have to remind myself that I am fallible and have been wrong in my calculations before.  Though I am usually not that far off of the mark.  Still it's best not to count on that money or plan to spend it before I've even received my W-2's.

Second, there a number of big ticket items for which I considered taking out additional funds on my student loans.  For example, updating my computer/printer/wi-fi or a down payment on the purchase of a house.  These are practical items that will improve my financial outlook or further my educational goals.  The question is, of course, a home in what location and can I really afford a mortgage?

Third, there are the fun things I want but have to diligently save to attain.  Even when I save money, it is important to take care of the big ticket items mentioned above before the "fun" items.  When I say "Fun" what I mean is that Japanese/European vacation my sister and I talk about but never seem to have enough money to take.  If my calculations are, indeed, correct then this would solve the airfare problem very nicely - for both of us.  It would just be a matter of saving the rest of the money for the hotel/food/mementos.

Finally, there are the practical items and uses for this money.  I will undoubtedly have racked up some Christmas debt by the time tax time rolls around, though I swear I am not spending as much as I usually do.  And that should definitely be paid off/down before using the money for anything else.  Then there is the ultimate practicality of paying down the student loans I took out this fall or the remaining amounts on my undergrad loans.  Or, using the tax money to bankroll my spring semester instead of relying on student loans to front the money until my company can reimburse me.  But there really isn't anything fun about those options.

Skype

My new computer arrived in the mail yesterday and I could not be more excited.  There are so many new features on this one that I realize there will be a huge learning curve.  So far, my favorite feature is the camera.  I downloaded Skype and tried to talk my mother through setting up the same on her phone.  There is only so much one can do over the phone and it may have to wait for her to visit my sister next month to get everything installed properly.  But I was able to have a Skype conversation with my sister last night.

It really makes a huge difference in how we talk to one another.  Even though she is not physically in the room, I find myself paying more attention to our conversation as if she were.  Most of us are doing five different things while talking on the phone these days and things get missed or we don't completely listen to the other person.  The result is that, even though we can talk to someone more often, we're not really communicating.  I think the video call will help us to connect more genuinely and effectively.

Of course, the entire time, all I could think about was this episode of the Jetson's where Jane receives a call from a friend and has to rush to put on her morning face.  I was keenly aware of my appearance as I spoke with my sister and realized this would make a difference when calling anyone else.  Will we get to a point, with this technology, where we can make a call and not care about our appearance?  Certainly, we don't get dressed up to go on an airplane the way they did in the 50's and 60's.  And we don't have special riding clothes for the car as they did in the early 1900's.  Photographs are not the special event they once were but the invention of the digital camera has made sure almost all of our pictures meet our approval.

Like most things in our society, we are concerned with how we look or how people perceive us.  We live our lives on display with sites like Facebook and Twitter.  The mundane parts of our lives made more interesting for the consumption of others.  We run the risk of pushing ourselves to meet unrealistic standards that everyone struggles to attain yet believes they're the only ones missing the mark.  The video call will definitely help families and loved ones connect on a deeper level from greater distances, but it could also further entrench this narcissistic culture we've developed.

B-School: Acceptance Letter (The Reach School)

If I was relieved to get my acceptance letter from Towson/UB, you can imagine I am completely shocked to get one from American University in Washington, DC.  I applied there as my reach school, mostly to see if I could but not really expecting to make the cut, and I am just over the moon about my acceptance.  It's #87 out of the top #100 business programs in the country, in THE COUNTRY.  There were 32 students accepted into their program last year and I could be one of them this year.

With Towson and UB I felt that I had met their qualifications so that's why they accepted me, but with American I honestly feel it's because of my efforts with the essays.  The median GMAT and median GPA were both higher than what I had.  I knew that the essays would have to be some kind of amazing in order to get in and I worked my ass off on them.  I had multiple people read and re-read them until I was satisfied.  Writing truly is one of my greatest strengths and I think I had forgotten that somewhere along the way.  (Yes, I write here and at my job but it's never a concentrated effort to achieve something.)  But more importantly, I set a goal and then followed the steps to get to that goal and it completely paid off.  I accomplished what I set out to do and I did it well.

So I know that, regardless of which program I ultimately decide to go with, I will succeed in this long term goal of earning my Master's Degree.  Yes, going to classes for the next 4-7 years is a longer period of time than the last year I've spent preparing for and applying to grad school.  But I know that I have the tools and the ambition to finish whatever I want to set my mind to.  It's a powerful feeling, I'm not really sure how else to describe it.  I need to bottle this for those times when I feel that the walls are closing in on me. 

So often I feel like I am a great pretender, just going through the motions of what I think people expect, and I don't realize that I really am that talented, intelligent, multi-faceted person.  This acceptance is evidence I can hold in my hand that says I really am that good.  But it's so much bigger than that.  It's all those times when my dad's ex would tell me I was stupid or worthless made infinitely smaller in the bigger picture of my life.  It's me not letting that time period define me or control my future - harnessing that negative energy and turning into something positive for myself.  And, if I can do that, hell, I can do anything.

A Promising Start to the Weekend

The weather is so beautiful today.  I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel.  It's like waking up.  Not just going through the motions of life, but actually living in my skin and connecting with the world around me.  I am in an excellent mood for some reason.  I think most of it is the weather, but there's this incredible optimistic feeling about life in general that has to be about something else.

I want to go to Ocean City and sit on the wall.  I want to eat funnel cake and watch people go by.  I want to dance to the latest summer song and have some zany adventure a la Beach Party.  If only I could bottle this feeling for days when I just can't feel anything.

Here's hoping it's a great weekend to follow-up.

St. David's Day

Welsh Bunting in my cubicle

For St. David's Day this year, I actually went all out.  Normally, I forget it's the first until about halfway through the day.  But I had purchased my Welsh Flag Bunting in the UK last year and I was determined to do it up right.  There is nothing like hanging decorations in one's cubicle to draw attention and I had the pleasure of explaining my celebration to many a passerby.  But this just wasn't enough for me. 

Welsh Cakes

My dad's friends in Bristol posted pictures of their homemade Welsh Cakes so I decided to research traditional St. David's Day/Welsh dishes.   I found two very tasty recipes for Welsh Cakes and one for Chicken and Leek Hotpot.  I invited my friend, Andrea Schwartz (of "Do As I Say" fame),  to help me.  The Welsh Cakes proved a little more challenging than I thought, thankfully Andrea had experience with baking, and the substitution of oil for lard did not hold the cakes together as well as I had hoped.  Overall, I was very pleased with the result and felt they were every bit as good as the ones I'd had last year.  I made sure to pack up half of them for Andrea and the other half for work. 

Chicken and Leek Hotpot

The Chicken and Leek Hotpot recipe was very attractive because it was cooked completely in the microwave.  I feel like I should have cooked the vegetables a little longer before adding the chicken but, again, I was not disappointed.  Next time I will also add more carrots for color.  I have three more meals out of this recipe and will definitely make it again.  I was unsure of whether or not I would like Leeks, as I haven't really had them before.  In my mind, I thought they were similar to onion and while I enjoy the onion flavor I don't particularly care for crunching on the pieces themselves.  But the Leek has a sweeter taste to it, possibly from cooking with the carrots, and I ate every part of the meal.

I sincerely hope that I am able to do this again next year and that this was the start of a tradition for me.  I think we only equate traditions with families or couples and we forget that it's just as important to create them on an individual level.  It helps us to connect with our friends and feel like we're a part of something important.  So here is to the start of a new tradition for me!

Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.

April Fool's 2 years, 8 months, and 12 days later....

There are times when you realize that you want something too much.  It makes you vulnerable and gives others the opportunity to use that against you.  Today, I was duped by a more than two year old April Fool's joke by the BBC.  (This is the problem with the Internet, things don't die here.)

It involved the possibility of recovering lost episodes of Doctor Who from the 60's using bounce back radio waves.  All my Doctor Who fans will know exactly how elated I was at the mere mention of this.  So excited was I that I immediately shared on Facebook and e-mailed to my fellow Whovians.  Then I notice the date and, instead of feeling incredibly stupid, feel an incredible sense of loss.  I really, really wanted this to be true.

Typing it now, I realize how silly the entire concept is  I mean radio waves degrade over time and space.  That's why I have to change from NPR Baltimore to DC when I get to work.  It's the sharing with a somewhat cool guy who will hold this against me that makes me feel stupid.  Always, always check your sources!  Then, check the dates on those sources and finally, do a Google Search.  Odds are, someone else fell for it before you did and may have written about it in hopes of saving you the same fate.  And always remember: If it's too good to be true, it usually is.

Down

I've been trying to pull myself up and for the most part I'm doing very well.  Things have improved in the last few months and I feel like I am getting back to normal for the most part.  But this past week I've felt really sad and down.  I don't know if it's recent events or my own negative head space or the fact that it's almost pitch black when I get out of work or some combination thereof.  I just know that pretty much every day this past week I've been about three steps from crying.  Mostly a similar thought pattern takes me there, but I'm not 100% sure what has unearthed that particular strain. 

It just feels like a wave has come along and shifted the sand beneath me when I felt like I'd just gotten some solid footing.  It's okay, I always get back up again.  It's just annoying when I find myself knocked down with a mouth full of saltwater and another wave fast approaching.  But I'll get up and eventually ride one of those in to safety.

Happy Birthday Annette!

In honor of her 69th birthday, Annette Funicello has launched annetteconnection.

I was very excited to see this on my Facebook feed today as Annette was always one of my role models growing up.  How could she possibly be one of my role models you say? Seeing as she was famous in the 60's & 70's and I was born in 1981 I can understand how you would be confused.  But you fail to take into account that my sister and I grew up watching the Beach Party and Disney movies of the 60's and 70's.  We used to think that mom was like DeeDee and dad was like Frankie.  Then they divorced and no matter how many times you hear Annette sing the Parent Trap, it just isn't going to work out.  Of course, seeing as my father and my mom are still friends to this day, I guess my parents really did turn out like Frankie and Annette, IRL.

What made me even more excited than the launch of her website was the discovery of this gem in the news section:

Annette's new Fan Mail Address:

 

Annette Funicello

c/o Postmaster

Shafter, CA 93263

OMFG!!  I can write to Annette and tell her how much I adored her in the Beach Party movies.  (And when I adore someone, they stay adored.)  I can tell her about the life lessons I learned from watching her other films and how I strive to live my life in a manner that she would find pleasing.  Because that's not creepy at all.  Seriously though if I could go back in time and be best friends with any celebrity, it would be her.

Beach Time with the Fam



At the Lemon Drop - courtesy of Litlesam

 I just spent the last week at the beach with my family.  It was definitely an experience and a break I really needed.

The photo to the right was taken on our last day after we'd packed up the cars and were getting ready to leave for our respective homes.  My dad thinks it looks like a promo shot for a bad family sitcom.  Personally, I think television needs our smiling faces and positive outlook.  Or perhaps that's just me....

Snapshots

Several people on my Facebook friends list have posted their professional pictures from weddings, births, parties, etc.  And it occurred to me, as I grew increasingly jealous of their projected happiness, that we, as a culture, don't take photos of the sad times in our lives.  We take photos on vacation, at birthday parties, social gatherings, and life's milestones.  But I don't know that I've ever seen someone take a photo at a Funeral. 

My dad tells me that his father's family would line up in front of their deceased relative's coffin and take a kind of final family photo.  I have been told that this was a common practice in the 30's and 40's, but I haven't really heard of this as a current one.  When my paternal grandmother died all photos were taken after the funeral, at the luncheon that followed.  But my point is that we don't hire professional photographers to document these moments in our lives.

Realistically, not many people want to remember those times in our lives.  We would rather look back at the photos that make us beautiful and bring warm and fuzzy memories.  We only want to share those moments that will make others pay attention.  Which brings me to this article I read about Facebook and how it makes us all a little more depressed.  The Anti-Social Network, by Libby Copeland, really speaks to me at the moment.  The idea is that, in a study performed at Standford, Facebook only projects the best part of our lives for others to see and this, in turn, makes us feel more isolated in our less than perfect realities. 

It's kind of like the sitcom versions of our own lives; we get the funny, ridiculous, and Kodak moments.  I have often lamented that life cannot be like a movie (or television show or book) and we can't montage through the boring and difficult parts.  By viewing people's activities on Facebook we don't have to experience these in between parts that others certainly go through and it can make it seem like they don't exist for these friends and relatives.  It can make life seem easier than it is.

I personally enjoy the posts my friend, G, puts up about her children.  She's always honest about when they do something amazing and when they are driving her crazy.  Even though I am not there every day, I know that parenting is quite the struggle.  Whereas, former classmate, C, seems to have no end of joyous moments with her children and the five or six others she has in her daycare.  Do they ever fall down? Cry? Repeatedly ask for something they can't have?  Throw a temper tantrum?  I sincerely doubt that C has this perfect existence but I don't have any evidence to the contrary and I would believe that she and her adorable husband have a marriage akin to the Cleavers'.

I talk to my sister every day and I know the struggles that she is currently going through.  But if I were to judge her life based solely on the content she puts up on Facebook, I would think that she was perfectly happy and only a little stressed from time to time.  It's not her fault, she doesn't intentionally put only the good content up because she's afraid of what other's would think.  It's just that there are certain things you just don't share with an online community.  Facebook creates this false intimacy with people.  We imagine that we know everything happening in their lives even though we haven't called them to ask how they are or even seen them since high school.

I do know that the difficult times I've had recently seemed that much worse when I would see how happy other people were on Facebook.  It increased that feeling that perhaps something was wrong with me, some important life lesson I never learned, or a turn right when I should have turned left.  I've come out of that a little bit and I'm trying to focus more on the reality of life around me.  I think that Facebook creates a false plumb line for our lives.  We think about what content we'll post, how many people will like it, and how many hits we'll get on x, y, or z post.  We censor ourselves and project a modified version in an attempt to court the favor of people who are doing exactly the same thing. 

So, lately I've been trying not to over think situations and create imagined problems and concerns for myself.  I'm trying to stop asking if this is what other people would do or if this would be acceptable by someone else's standards.  Because I know my own mind better than anyone else.  I guess the point is that I'm trying to enjoy my life as it is and not as a snapshot for someone else's approval.

The Order of the Cask, Leaf, and Thought

A few months ago, I joined an Scotch group on Meetup.com.  I figured it would be the best way to meet new people and develop my social network.  They didn't really post any events and it didn't seem very active so I suggested going to Birds of a Feather in Baltimore.  One of the other members in that group saw my suggestion and realized that the group organizer hadn't been active in quite a while, so the Order of the Cask, Leaf, and Thought was born.

At this point, we've had about 4 meetups (though I think only 3 of them really count since we didn't drink any scotch at the Scotch & Meatballs event) and it's only me and this other guy who've consistently showed up.  We've had several people RSVP that they will be at an event, but that means nothing.  We have an event scheduled for this weekend, at Ireland's Four Fields in DC, so hopefully we get a few more people out for that - 7 have RSVP'ed.  If not, it will still be a fun time.

NKOTBSB



NKOTBSB at the Beginning of the Concert (My Photo)

 I traveled to Greensboro, NC this weekend for the NKOTBSB concert.  My sister had gifted the tickets for my birthday in February and I couldn't have been more excited that it coincided with my friend, J's son's second birthday.  I usually get to see J about once a year and the last two were kid related events.  (2009 was her baby shower and 2010 was R's first birthday.)

I was uber excited because I had my not so new anymore Sony Cybershot DSC-H20 and the Sony VCL-DH1758 Tele Conversion Lens and I knew I would be able to get some amazing shots at this concert.  I was hoping it wouldn't be as hit or miss as the previous concerts I've been to and I would have recognizable photos to take home.  It wasn't as much of a sure thing as I had hoped and I do have my fair share of fuzzy pictures.  But I also have a few great gems like these:


Focus on Jordan Knight




Danny Wood & Jordan Knight



Nick Carter & Howie Dorough





Backstreet Boys

Then there is my personal favorite, where they all came out on stage at the end to sing the song they recorded together.  But before they  sang their song, they did these little intros for members of the other group.  While they were waiting for their moment, the rest of the group members talked together on stage - like real people!  I just thought it was really cool.  And this is where I pointed my camera while AJ was talking about the Bad Boys of the group or Nick was talking about how awesome the Knight brothers are.



Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Mutability

by Percy Bysshe Shelley

We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon; How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver, Streaking the darkness radiantly! -yet soon Night closes round, and they are lost for ever: Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings Give various response to each varying blast, To whose frail frame no second motion brings One mood or modulation like the last. We rest. -A dream has power to poison sleep; We rise. -One wandering thought pollutes the day; We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep; Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away: It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow, The path of its departure still is free: Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow; Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

There are a few poems that speak to me in times of doubt and struggle.  This is one of them.  It's usually when I come back from weekends like this last one and I can see how life moves and changes around us.  I wonder if I am moving and changing with it.  Am I growing, improving, moving forward as I should? 

I see my friends lives and I wonder if I am a healthy person.  Not just physically, but mentally and socially.  Am I making the right choices?  Am I a successful adult?  What defines those terms?

Unexpected Uses for Accounting

You know that time of day, when your brain wonders to whatever topic it wants?  It could be anything from Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and wonder if that Asian actor in the new Spring Commercial is the same guy who played Adam in the Might Morphin Power Rangers Movie to a shame spiral of thoughts that lead one to dark emotional places.  This could happen while one is at work, driving in the car, or trying to go to sleep.

It's whatever time of day you have where your brain is unfocused and allowed to frolic freely in the mine field of your memories.  For me this happens most frequently when I am driving (usually home from work) or when my head hits my pillow.  It will catch on a thought and then chase after it like a ravenous beast.  Due to recent life events, it's usually about how different things are this year as opposed to last year.  Or what could have happened differently from how life is right now.  Or reliving the feeling of those revelations.  Or wondering if there's ever something in his current life that causes him to think of me and regret his choices.  Not just because of the pain he caused but because of me.  Driving home usually has me wondering what I would say if he ever came back and wanted a second chance.  Which is really very silly.

I have found that the confusing nature of Debits and Credits in accounting has given me an alternative.  Doing well in this Principles of Accounting Class is important to me and the plans I am making for my future.  Most of it is pretty easy to grasp since I can relate it to work I am currently doing, but most of it doesn't come second nature and I have to really work my way through a problem.  So in these times, where my mind is sabotaging my recovery, I have started thinking about the Accounting Equation and which parts have increases in debits and which have increases in credits.  It gives me focus on something positive and helps to reinforce the knowledge I am gaining.  Win/Win.

14 Years Ago

There was a little boy born into my family 14 years ago today.  I was only 16 at the time and he had my heart instantly.  He was my Aunt's third child and my youngest cousin.  The Orioles had a legitimate chance at the World Series and my Mommom had another two months to live.  It was taking care of him in the aftermath of her unexpected death that helped create the bond I have with him.  I would do anything I could to protect that little boy.

Of course, he is not so little anymore.  He's much much taller than I am and off at music camp creating his own future.  There are so many worries I have for him.  He came out to me, and eventually the rest of his family, last year and there was a fair amount of drama surrounding it.  Not from the family necessarily but from having to deal with church and his social groups.  It was really the adults that made it a problem and not his peers.  At 13, he knew who he was and wasn't afraid to be himself and I could not have been prouder of him.  Since then, he's become really involved in the church and I know I've read this story before.  My father did the same things when he was that age.  And even though that story has a much better ending to it now, there was a lot of pain for my father that I hope my cousin will be able to avoid.

He could really accomplish a lot in his life and I sincerely hope that he is able to see his own potential.  I hope that he has bigger dreams than the border of Harford County and closer to my sister's than any of his other family members.  I try to stress that to him when I can.  That even though his life sucks right now, it won't always be that way and he has the power to make his own future.  But then I get phone calls while he's on a family vacation because there was a fight and he doesn't know how to handle it.

I hope that I'm helping in the same way that my Aunt helped me get through my formative years with Jim.  Our parents don't always make the best decisions but they do always love us.  I hope that he can see that in 5, 10, 20 years when he looks back on his childhood.  Mostly, I hope that he can come through all of these things a stronger and better person than his parents.  I hope he can possess all of their good qualities and very few of their faults.  That he can live a healthy grown-up life and stay in touch with me and Danielle no matter where his life takes him.