Snapshots

Several people on my Facebook friends list have posted their professional pictures from weddings, births, parties, etc.  And it occurred to me, as I grew increasingly jealous of their projected happiness, that we, as a culture, don't take photos of the sad times in our lives.  We take photos on vacation, at birthday parties, social gatherings, and life's milestones.  But I don't know that I've ever seen someone take a photo at a Funeral. 

My dad tells me that his father's family would line up in front of their deceased relative's coffin and take a kind of final family photo.  I have been told that this was a common practice in the 30's and 40's, but I haven't really heard of this as a current one.  When my paternal grandmother died all photos were taken after the funeral, at the luncheon that followed.  But my point is that we don't hire professional photographers to document these moments in our lives.

Realistically, not many people want to remember those times in our lives.  We would rather look back at the photos that make us beautiful and bring warm and fuzzy memories.  We only want to share those moments that will make others pay attention.  Which brings me to this article I read about Facebook and how it makes us all a little more depressed.  The Anti-Social Network, by Libby Copeland, really speaks to me at the moment.  The idea is that, in a study performed at Standford, Facebook only projects the best part of our lives for others to see and this, in turn, makes us feel more isolated in our less than perfect realities. 

It's kind of like the sitcom versions of our own lives; we get the funny, ridiculous, and Kodak moments.  I have often lamented that life cannot be like a movie (or television show or book) and we can't montage through the boring and difficult parts.  By viewing people's activities on Facebook we don't have to experience these in between parts that others certainly go through and it can make it seem like they don't exist for these friends and relatives.  It can make life seem easier than it is.

I personally enjoy the posts my friend, G, puts up about her children.  She's always honest about when they do something amazing and when they are driving her crazy.  Even though I am not there every day, I know that parenting is quite the struggle.  Whereas, former classmate, C, seems to have no end of joyous moments with her children and the five or six others she has in her daycare.  Do they ever fall down? Cry? Repeatedly ask for something they can't have?  Throw a temper tantrum?  I sincerely doubt that C has this perfect existence but I don't have any evidence to the contrary and I would believe that she and her adorable husband have a marriage akin to the Cleavers'.

I talk to my sister every day and I know the struggles that she is currently going through.  But if I were to judge her life based solely on the content she puts up on Facebook, I would think that she was perfectly happy and only a little stressed from time to time.  It's not her fault, she doesn't intentionally put only the good content up because she's afraid of what other's would think.  It's just that there are certain things you just don't share with an online community.  Facebook creates this false intimacy with people.  We imagine that we know everything happening in their lives even though we haven't called them to ask how they are or even seen them since high school.

I do know that the difficult times I've had recently seemed that much worse when I would see how happy other people were on Facebook.  It increased that feeling that perhaps something was wrong with me, some important life lesson I never learned, or a turn right when I should have turned left.  I've come out of that a little bit and I'm trying to focus more on the reality of life around me.  I think that Facebook creates a false plumb line for our lives.  We think about what content we'll post, how many people will like it, and how many hits we'll get on x, y, or z post.  We censor ourselves and project a modified version in an attempt to court the favor of people who are doing exactly the same thing. 

So, lately I've been trying not to over think situations and create imagined problems and concerns for myself.  I'm trying to stop asking if this is what other people would do or if this would be acceptable by someone else's standards.  Because I know my own mind better than anyone else.  I guess the point is that I'm trying to enjoy my life as it is and not as a snapshot for someone else's approval.