2016 in Review

There are so many reasons that 2016 should have been one of the best years of my life and perhaps, years from now, when I look back on it it will be.  But with 2016 quickly coming to a close, I honestly feel like I won't be sorry to see it end.

At the beginning of the year, I graduated from Business School and finally took the sister trip we've been dreaming about for years.   At the end of the year, my sister was able to marry her girlfriend in one of the best ceremonies I've seen in a long time.  I was even able to finish the rough draft of a very promising novel during National Novel Writing Month.  But it was around November things started to take a nose dive and they haven't been able to recover at all.

There is the obvious disappointment, for a registered Democrat, in November.  But the fallout of that event and the friendships that have been strained have left me anything but Thankful in November.  And now, in December, my mother's car has been stolen.  Which makes it extremely difficult to feel goodwill towards men at a time when it is most needed.

Then there are the personal disappointments.  I interviewed for a job that ticks off all of my needs for a career in Accounting.  The interview went well and they actually offered me the position.  Unfortunately, I had to decline because of the pay rate.  No matter how I tried, I could not work my budget to accept a $10K pay cut to switch careers.  My own car needing some extensive repair work was a painful reminder that I cannot accept less than my current salary.

And I don't think that my potential career growth in my current company will be enough to allow me to start a family.  At 35, this is a major concern for me and I'm desperately trying not to get freaked out about the shrinking window of time before the biological clock goes off and I can't hit snooze on it anymore.

I have many things I want to accomplish before I have kids, but I don't know how it will all fit in with my current financial situation.  Which is not to say that kids and my plans are mutually exclusive, kids are actually part of that plan, it's just going to be a lot more difficult to make it all work the way I'd like it to.

Weight Watchers - Week#6

Official Weigh-in: 203.7 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: +0.5 lbs.
Overall change:-3.6 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Track more carefully
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

I'm keeping the same goal again for this week.  I started off strong this week, but then slacked off again towards the end.  There's a gain of .5 to show for it, though it's actually down from the official Weight Watchers weigh in I did at a meeting on Saturday.  So there's improvement, but I can definitely do better.

I've been dealing with a lot of negative head space lately.  I know we all deal with it from time to time and especially when we're working on something as personal as weight loss/healthy lifestyle changes.  This journey is not like any other goal in our lives.  Because everyone has an opinion on it and will offer it unsolicited.  

Even if people don't know that you're dealing with it, you still hear their opinions.  At work the other day, there was a conversation about how easy it is to lose weight and don't people realize that it's just a simple matter of calories in and calories out.  But it's not that simple.  It's not like smoking or drinking or biting your nails where it's something you struggle to abstain from completely.  Food is something you need to survive.  Yes we should abstain from the things that aren't healthy for us, but it's not always that easy and it can feel like all food is your enemy when we reduce it to calories in.  Just as exercise can feel like a punishment when we look at it as simply calories out.

Many of us struggle with the journey because of our relationships with food.    Advertising is constantly telling us about our cravings and how their product is the only one that will satisfy said craving.  Time out with friends is usually around drinking or a restaurant meal.  Free lunches at work meetings where Pizza is always the quickest and easiest option to feed a crowd.  In our society, food is a reward, a stress reliever, a social outing, and a comfort.  It's easier to stop at a fast food joint on the way to this appointment or between obligations than to cook something at home.

I love the new Oprah commercial where she talks about bread.  Because I share her love of bread and completely relate to what she says.  But I've learned this week that, unlike Oprah, I can't manage it yet.  If I'm presented with rolls I'm not going to eat just one and then I don't have points for real food.  So maybe I will focus on that while I'm tracking this week.  

I'm going to try and budget points not just for a single day but for each meal within that day. So 10 points per meal and if I consume fewer points for breakfast the remaining points will be evenly distributed to the remaining meals.   Meaning, instead of seeing 30 points for the day (12 of which are taken up by garlic knots) I will see 14 points for lunch after my yogurt breakfast.  Maybe this will help me to weigh my options more carefully.  Because 12 out of 14 sounds a lot more wasteful than 12 out of 30.  Hopefully, this way I won't trash the whole day with free garlic knots at work.

Good luck this week!

Weight Watchers - Week#5

Official Weigh-in: 203.2 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: +2.8 lbs.
Overall change:-4.1 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Track more carefully
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

As predicted last week, my lax habits have gotten worse and it clearly shows on the scale.  But it's okay, I went back to a meeting last night and did an official weigh in.  I wanted to stay home and slink under the covers, eating red velvet Oreos and promising myself that I'd do better next week.  Which is exactly what I did last week and, hence, no week#4 entry.  I faced the music, though, and picked up some helpful tips in the process.

For this week, I'm keeping the same goal.  I do need to focus on tracking more than ever.

I purchased the set of two plates from Weight Watchers and I intend to use them to help with portion control at dinner.  The wine glasses were not yet available and that's okay.  I need to stray away from alcohol for a while.  The snow storm this last week as not helpful at all.

I took extra walks...to the bar.  While everyone else was watching the snow fall on Saturday, I was walking to the local bar for Irish Coffee.  Yes, with whip cream.  But it was the first snow storm of the year and these are traditions I absolutely love.  I'm willing to indulge as long as I can reign myself back in afterwards.

I also purchased the new starter kit that comes complete with a collapsible salad bowl and a cutting board with built in measuring cups.  It also comes with the new tracking journal - a lovely hardbound book, though lacking in some tracking areas - and a recipe book.The cutting board will probably get the most use because it's incredibly functional.

I intend to fully report on these items in the coming weeks.  As I previously mentioned, I've noticed the tracking journal is pared down from the older style spiral bound journals.  This will be my first week using it, so I'll have more on that in week#6.


Helpful meeting tips:

• Try an appetizer or small plate, or see if you can get away with ordering from the kids’ menu instead of a full size entree.
• Once you’ve decided on a restaurant, try to look at an online menu so you can narrow down your options.
• Pre-track if at all possible
• Look back at how the meal went. Were there any unexpected hurdles—that basket of cheese rolls, say, or your boss urging you to try her fried calamari? How did you handle them? If you're not happy with any of your choices, what could you do differently? A post-prandial post-mortem can help set you up for success next time.
• Ask how things are prepared if the menu is unclear
• Ask for a box and put half of the meal into it before you start eating.  This will prevent you from overeating and then you have lunch for the next day.
• Using the hand measurements to gauge serving sizes.

Good luck this week!

Weight Watchers - Week#3

Official Weigh-in: 200.4 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: -2.4 lbs.
Overall change:-6.9 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  Drink more water
This Week's Weekly Goal: Track more carefully

Even though I saw a loss this week, I've noticed I'm already getting lax in my not yet habits.  I had one or two days where I didn't track at all until evening or the following day.  This resulted in a huge surprise when an item I frequently ate under the old plan increased by 8 points under the new plan.  I need to treat this as if I am starting as a Weight Watcher's Novice and not assume that I know the points values from the previous years I failed to follow the plan.

I need to get back on track and take this seriously if I'm really going to see progress past the same 10 pounds I've gained and lost over the last year.  A great time to remind myself of why I'm doing this in the first place.

• I want to be healthier this year and twenty years from now
• I want to develop healthy habits that I can teach to my children so they don't have the struggles I have had with weight and health
• I want to look good in Danielle's wedding photos
• I want to look good in all my photos
• I want to lower my bad cholesterol levels

I have not yet added in exercise consistently, though I am trying to walk at lunch if at all possible.  I think this will be next week's goal.

Check back with me next week!

Weight Watchers - Week#2

Official Weigh-in: 202.8 lbs.
Starting Weight: 207.2
Change since last week: -4.5 lbs.
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Last Week's Weekly Goal:  To start eating breakfast
This Week's Weekly Goal: Drink more water

Overall, I'm very pleased with the first week.  I stuck to eating breakfast every day and only eating the lunch I brought.  I haven't gone back to working out yet, just focusing on my eating habits at the moment.

I did let myself indulge over the weekend with some fresh made pizza at a restaurant that uses locally sourced and organic ingredients.  I was incredibly surprised at my body's reaction.  I know that I ate too much of the pizza because I felt full in the middle of the second slice and still finished off a third piece.  So it's good to know that I'm eating smaller portions during the week and my body is adjusting to this.  But then, within an hour after eating, I was so groggy that I took a nap.  After I woke up I felt like I had a hangover, even though I didn't consume any alcohol.  So lesson learned, listen to my body signals.

This week I'm going to focus on drinking more water.  It's not my beverage of choice but I know there are so many benefits.

• Aids in Digestion
• Helps Maintain a Healthy Weight
• Assists in the removal of waste
• Thins the Blood
• Improves Kidney Function
• Transports Nutrients in the Body

Just to name a few.  I haven't consumed Sodas in many years, but I transitioned to Ice Tea.  While this is significantly better than drinking 3 cans of soda a day, water is still the best possible beverage for humans to consume.  Our bodies are mostly water after all.

Here's a couple starting pictures to help track my progress.  They're not the best pictures of me, but they're ones that made me realize I needed to get back on track.

Good luck with this week!

2016 Goals

1. Trip to Spain with my sestra
2. Graduate from B School
3.  Decide about the CPA/CMA Exams and then, if yes, take at least one part
4. Sestra's Wedding
5. Healthier version of me
6. Attend Write Club more often
7. Plan 5 year anniversary for Scotch Group
8. Build my Etsy Shop Business
9.  Decide about Career path - Fulfillment to Operations Director or take a step back and go 100% Accounting
10. Create and Stick to a Budget
11. Pay down Debt and prepare finances for student loan repayment

Weight Watchers - Week #1

The first time I went through the Weight Watcher's program, I didn't blog about it at all.  In fact, I didn't even have a blog at that time in my life.  It was only afterwards that I thought it might be a motivating series for someone else who might be struggling with the same issues.

Thankfully, or unfortunately depending on how I feel on a particular day, I have gained all the weight back during my time in Business School.  Something about not having any free time for friends, family, or a social life means you're also not focusing on other healthy things as well.  My final semester is coming up this Spring and I don't want my graduation pictures to reflect this stressed out version of me.

So I'm starting back and there's a brand new program rolling out at the same time.  Sounds like the perfect opportunity to write in my blog - which has been sorely neglected - and capture my progress (and struggles) for anyone who might be experiencing the same thing.  It also provides a certain accountability for me.

I'm going to give perfectly honest information and share my beginning weight.  As many of you know, this is not an easy thing to divulge even to one's closest friends so please be courteous in any responses you may leave.  I have not yet decided if I will share progress photos.

Starting Weight: 207.2
Goal Weight: 145-155 range
Combat Tools:

• Weight Watchers Beyond the Scale (New SmartPoints System)
• Samsung Gear Fit Watch
• Gym Membership at Planet Fitness Equivalent
• Journaling/Blogging
• Les Mills Combat DVDs
• T25 Workout DVDs
• Standard size, walk-demanding, Dachshund who saves nothing for the walk back
• FAB Support group on Facebook
• A Romantic Partner equally as concerned about Health and Wellness

Weekly Goal:  To start eating breakfast - I've never been a breakfast eater and I think my metabolism suffers for it.

I'm going to go a little Bridget Jones in this and start out with my current weight on entries.  But I'm also going to try and blog about some of the meeting topics - which should be a great motivator to actually go to my weekly meetings.

Looking forward to completing this journey with all of you!

K

5 Year Goals

A little less than five years ago, I started down a path.  I took a class at the local community college to see if I liked Accounting and if I thought it was something I could pursue realistically.  For someone who had always been, "The Writer," and "not good at math," it was incredibly freeing to realize that there was something analytical that I was really good at doing.  The reason I had never felt completely comfortable with the 'artsy' label was that it wasn't the only side to me.

This spring, I will hopefully graduate from Towson with my Masters in Accounting and Business Advisory Services.  Then I have to consider what to do next.  I should take the CPA and I will probably end up doing that.  But I find it to be very intimidating and my career path has become slightly different in the last five years.

At the time I started the Masters program, five years felt like such a long time.  And now it's here and it doesn't feel like it was that long ago I started.  Perhaps this is how long term goals feel once they're achieved, or nearly achieved.  When we're looking at the road before us it seems long and winding and unfamiliar, but when we look back over where we've been it's no longer a mystery.

Healthy Living - Again

I'm trying to get back on the wagon with taking care of myself.  This means, eating properly and exercising regularly.  Not to mention getting enough sleep, wearing sunscreen, and using sulfate free shampoos on my hair.  It's not easy to do on a regular basis while keeping up with the other demands of life, aka work and school.

6 years ago I lost over 40 pounds on weight watchers, in the last 3 years I've gained it all back.  2 years ago, I didn't lose any weight but I converted the fat into muscle and dropped several inches from my waistline.  The problems that led to ending up back where I started haven't gone away.  I have one year left of school and work is still a stressful environment.  But with only a year left of school and several special events coming up after that, I want to get back into my healthy habits.  Life only gets more difficult from here on out and I need to actually nail this down now so I can carry it through.

As you may have read, I lost my grandmother last month.  She had diabetes and other health problems that could have been avoided with simple steps in her youth.  I want to make sure that I am doing those things now and not taking my health for granted.  I'm already noticing parts of me deteriorating and I need to halt as much as I can for as long as I can.  This takes discipline and hard work.

I want to create healthy habits that will be passed down to my children, eventually, and I don't want them to struggle with this the way that I have.  I want to be a good example for them and show them how life can be lived to the fullest while not indulging in every single impulse that comes along.

B-School Applications: Personal Statement Rough Draft

“. . .We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;

Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow,

The path of its departure still is free:

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;

Nought may endure but Mutablilty.”

- From “Mutability” by Percy Bysshe Shelley

From the very first visit I made to the Library of Congress, in school, I knew that I wanted to work there.  The historical, political, and cultural significance contained in those buildings is inspiring and every minute detail of the Jefferson Building contains a symbol reflecting our national heritage or an homage to the other cultures that influenced on our founding fathers.  There are many people in this world who, from a young age, know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives and some of them are even fortunate enough to attain those aspirations.  For the rest of us, however, our lives tend to be a series of compromises which slow our individual growth and interfere with our professional journey. 

My younger sister and I were the first in our family to even consider going to college and, growing up, we were always told we would have to win scholarships.  Our parents had lived paycheck to paycheck and, even though they wanted something better for their children, they did not have the means to provide for the educational foundation we would need.  But they laid a very prominent corner stone by instilling their value of education in us. Indeed, I worked diligently in high school and received a scholarship from the University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC).  My parents were unable to advise me when it came to applications, financial aid, college courses, or selecting a major.  I learned to be self reliant in wading through all the information and bold in seeking out counsel from advisers or professors.  I still had to work a full time job while attending classes to cover the remaining cost of my education.  It was often a struggle but it helped me develop exceptional time management skills and I know that everything I have accomplished has come from my own perseverance.

It wasn't until I was a sophomore in college that my mother's health became a cause for concern.  My parents divorced when I was eleven, so the responsibility of my mother's care fell to me.  I spent most of that year attending classes, visiting in the hospital, and working full eight hour shifts at my job.  The struggle to maintain my grade point average while dealing with these outside problems brought me to the decision to take a year off from school. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.  I wanted to pursue my own dreams but couldn't deny the help my family needed and my divided attention would only cause both to suffer.  I learned that it is better to do something well than to spread one's self too thin trying to maintain everything.  After a heart stent was implanted in her left anterior descending artery, and her physical health vastly improved, I felt I could return the majority of my attention back to school. 

Upon graduating from UMBC, I found it difficult to get a job with the federal government let alone in my field of study.  The economy was slowing down and, without an advanced degree, my future at the Library of Congress was in doubt.  I had envisioned a job in Editing, Substitute Teaching, or the Library Sciences, but my first job offer came from the Accounting department of a custom home builder and I've always felt that any positive opportunity is an experience waiting to happen.  Still, it was surprising to discover how the analytical skills I had developed in undergrad dovetailed with the skills I acquired working in Accounting.  When that company folded, during the beginning of the housing crisis, I had several months to re-evaluate my professional path and decided that, with my work experience, it was still possible for me to aim for a position at the Library of Congress though not the one originally envisioned.

During the years I was pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, it seemed that my life was nothing but compromises; for my family, my full-time job, and my budget.  My personal goal of working at the Library of Congress was pushed further and further away until it seemed almost unattainable.  But life is about change and growing from those changes.  Without these challenges we would not have the opportunity to push our individual boundaries and learn all that we're capable of achieving.  I know that I have the discipline to make my studies a priority, the strength to make difficult life decisions, and the resilience to accept change.

Thryn - MVN - Official Chapter 1

She woke with a start, back in her bunk at SA-159.  The hum of the engines reassuring to her ears as her brain slowly came back into focus.  She wasn't used to dreaming much these days and this was the third time in the last six months.  The sweat on her skin was already starting to chill and the dampness made her sheets almost icy to the touch.  She shifted until her body was on something drier and tried to go back to sleep.  Even without a clock, she knew there were only a few more hours until Earth moon-rise.  Through the thickest walls on the farthest ship, it would whisper her name and call her from sleep; an unrequited love that neither of them could forget.  

Thryn tossed and turned in her bunk but sleep had completely receded from her and left her mind wondering along the shores of reality.  Humans could normally adjust their sleeping schedules to fit wherever they happened to be; they would fall into harmony with the nearest system and rely on those foreign stars to govern their days and nights.  The space stations were a little trickier, though,  with the humans experiencing about 15 sunrises on average in a single day, depending on the system and the station’s proximity to the central star, of course. Regardless, she'd never been able to break free of the Earth’s dictations and the moon continued to push and pull at her.

She leaned over to check the time and realized she was back on schedule with the ship’s clocks.   There was no point in trying to sleep any longer, so she finally crawled out of bed.  It immediately retracted back into the wall of her cramped room and the overhead lights came on.

“Good Evening, Thryn,” the computer’s voice greeted her.  “Would you like to hear the evening news?”

“Can you just give me the highlights, computer?”

“There is one item pertaining to the taxation of liquor, that might be of interest to you.”  In this incarnation she had taken up the role of bar owner at one of the pubs in the lower sector.  It allowed her to work when she wanted and still keep the appearance of having to make a living. 

“Save that item for me to review later.  Anything else?”  Thryn started the water in the shower.  It would be a few minutes before she stepped into the glass enclosure, the showers were never warm enough on this station and started out practically ice cold.  The humans complained about it every morning, but she mourned this inconvenience even more.  It wasn't that the cold bothered her, in fact her body let her live in conditions most humans could never bare, but she longed to feel warmth coursing through her.  A hot shower was the closest she ever came to replicating the sensation for herself without the aid of blood.    

“Joshua Monoceros, has arrived on board this afternoon for a benefit performance this Friday.”  Thryn stopped deader than usual.

“What benefit?”  

“The Red and Magenta Cross joint benefit concert tour.  The performance will be at the SA-159 Amphitheater.  Should I reserve tickets for you, Thryn?”  

“No, computer, thank you. That’s all for now.”  

Here was a prime example of the vampire living his life out loud.  Joshua Monoceros had been on the fame circuit for the last ten years.  He’d reached super stardom with his passion for helping charities, specifically those with a large supply of blood in their vaults, and was often depicted as an angel of mercy in the media.  They’d met once about a century ago and it had left a bad taste in Thryn’s mouth.  If it was coincidence, she just had to stay out of his way.  She weighed her odds, she'd never really been that lucky, and determined it was better to find him first.  She opened the door to the shower and waited for the steam to greet her, but the water had already run back to cold.  

******

Out in the thoroughfare the humans brushed past her; they were preoccupied with their minuscule lives and did not notice the monster within their midst.  Really they saw what they wanted to see and nothing more.  Thryn felt intoxicated with the scent of them and the warm caresses as they flowed around her.  

“Which one, which one?” she thought to herself as they skittered here and there.  It had to be someone healthy, someone strong enough to lose a pint or two and not draw medical attention to her habits.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall specimen staring her down.  He was muscular and rugged, probably a freighter worker stopping over.  He looked older, but she guessed he was about 35.  It was a decent length of time for the body to mature and gave a richness to the blood provided they made an effort to take care of themselves.  There was no need to open up a psychic link between them, his intentions were painted across his face and the hunger in his eyes mirrored her own.  It really was not polite to play with one’s food, but he radiated arrogance and that made it all the more irresistible.  He sauntered over to the post she had taken up against the corner of a shop and leaned into her, resting his forearm above her head against building.  

“Hey,” he started, “my name is Kyle.”   Kyle played with the collar on her shirt before finally asking, “What is your name?”  

“Does it really matter?”  

“No, I guess it really doesn't,” he agreed letting his hand roam lower to graze her breast.  Then he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley.  He pushed her up against the wall and began to fumble at her clothing, “come on, I don't bite.”

“I do, ” she purred as she pulled him closer to her.  Their eyes met and she opened the part of herself that let her control the humans.  Some called it glamour, some called it mind control, the result was still the same.  All the tension in his muscles released and she could feel his mind open to her. There was so much floating around in there.  He had come in this afternoon, as she had suspected, though not on a freighter.  A transport ship was a little fancier than she had expected but what surprised her was that Joshua Monoceros had been on the same transport.  Kyle was not part of the entourage, but his memories were offering a huge head start for her.   She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and he tilted his head to reveal his neck.  “That's a good boy”

Thryn - World Building - 1 hour timed writing

This world is so dark and grey; the sun shines through a dark filter and can’t seem to reach the lonely souls scrambling around on the ground.  It provides light without warmth and you can feel the chill creeping into your bones long before the winter actually makes its appearance.  Even fair weather days don’t seem to inspire and the people trudge along with half-vacant expressions. They are lost without their beacon.  I’ve watched them for generations on this colony, pushing their way through the landscape like ants.  Roads course through the green, ebbing and flowing like concrete rivers.  New homes and fields appear on each supply run; Entire communities rising, flourishing, and then falling into disrepair.  Husks of human ingenuity left behind to fend for themselves against the harsh elements of this foreign world.

But up here there is one season and the sun patiently waits.  In this portion of the atmosphere between the planet and outer space, it appears as it wants to all year long; reaching out to wrap you in blue sky and fluffy white clouds.  Protected by the glass on the cockpit, I can almost remember that feeling of hope most humans experience when they get above the cloud line.  That realization that one’s place in this life is so small and insignificant in the context of the universe.   But I’ve been here longer than the idea for their terraformed planet and realize I have more in common with the universe than the pestilence that crawls along the landscape below.   My people are not constrained by the element of time and we make patience an art form.

 ******

“On the eve of one’s last sunset, when one first goes to ground, there is a transformation that occurs while you sleep.  Between the soil, the blood, and the sun that has saturated them both for more than a millennia, there is a unique bond.  When we are forming our new bodies in this nutrient rich culture, the sun ingrains itself and is encoded to our very DNA.  This sun on this planet will forever hold sway over your habits and the stars surrounding other worlds will never compare.   Perhaps, when you are older, you will be able to venture as far from your home as I do, but you will always feel it calling to you.”

Notes:

Vampires cannot be created in space stations – it requires the soil and the sun of a planet

Thryn - Creative Writing#1

It was a beautiful day, the weather was starting to show its winter colors and the air held slightly more chill than it had the previous week.   Winter coats were out in the park but there were still plenty of people outside trying to squeeze as much sunshine out of the fallen leaves as they could.  If the trees had not been as bare, she probably never would have seen it huddled up under the bushes.  Her gaze had been drawn to some movement ahead of her on the path -  two eyes stared back at her.   It was some kind of animal, scared and shaking in the underbrush, not really a dog but it really wasn't anything else.  There was a mutual sense of otherness, it whimpered and cowered away from her as she reached out to it.  Somehow she managed to catch it and bundle it up in her coat before anyone else could see it.  It squirmed in her arms and nearly broke free several times.  Its cries were growing louder and a small crowd was watching as Thryn moved out of the park and back to her apartment.  She felt compelled to protect this bizarre animal, but could not be entirely sure from what.  Her head felt fuzzy as she tried to sort through the details.  There was something special about this creature, something that was important to the planet.  She heard footsteps on the roof and hid the thing only moments before someone came crashing through her window.  There were men in black masks and clothes pouring through the window and her only exits were being cut off.  She could feel the panic rising in her throat.

That's when she woke with a start, back in her bunk at SA-159.  The hum of the engines reassuring to her ears as her brain slowly came back into focus.  She wasn't used to dreaming much these days and this was the third time in the last six months she'd dreamt about this creature.  The sweat on her skin was already starting to chill and the dampness made her sheets almost icy to the touch.  She shifted until her body was on something drier and tried to go back to sleep.  Even without a clock, she knew there were only a few more hours until Earth moon-rise.  

The sun always spoke to her, it did not matter how long it had been since they had last met.  Through the thickest walls on the farthest ship, it would whisper her name and call her from sleep; an unrequited love that neither of them could forget.  It had been easy at first, catch a freighter out to the farthest star system, live most of your life within the metal walls of a ship.  A large enough colony or base and no one ever questioned the odd sickness that struck the crew.  The occasional death was even expected this far out in space.  She’d been surprised her people had not thought of it sooner and disappointed that few had followed her.  

There were drawbacks, of course. The meals eaten by the crew members, though chock full of all the nutrients she required in their blood, lacked a certain flavor that made it especially enjoyable.  On the positive side, she was able to commiserate with them wholeheartedly whenever they would complain about the rations they received and how they longed for the grain-fed cows of home.  Even though most humans on the ships were paler than Earth Humans could ever be, she was more so and the lighting in the ships did little to downplay that fact.  On Earth, she would have been relegated to the shadows and her marble skin would have been easier to hide.  However, some of the lesser stars out here were barely a threat through the solar glass of these newer models; leaving one with a mild sunburn at most and tanning the skin for a significant period of time at best.  

Lately, though, she found herself picking routes closer and closer to Earth.  There were stars of equal and greater power throughout the universe, but the Earth’s Sun still controlled the ebb and flow of her appetite in these far reaches.  And now, it was beckoning her home for some purpose she had yet to puzzle out.  She had passed countless systems in her years and none of their stars ever pulled at her the way her own had.  Its golden bands were woven deeply into her veins and she served at its pleasure.  

Thryn tossed and turned in her bunk but sleep had completely receded from her and left her mind wondering along the shores of reality.  Most humans could adjust their sleeping schedules to fit wherever they happened to be; they would fall into harmony with the nearest system and rely on those foreign stars to govern their days and nights.  This was easier, of course, in the colonies where the planets or moons turned on an axis and there were more viewing portals for natural light.  The space stations were a little trickier  with the humans experiencing about 15 sunrises on average in a single day, depending on the system and the station’s proximity to the central star, of course.  The ones most affected by these excessive dawns were the crew members who had access to viewing stations or the control deck.  Their bodies never seemed to find the right rhythm and they walked around with perpetual dark circles under their eyes.  Only the officers and those employed doing menial tasks in the belly of the stations found a proper rest on a regular basis.  The officers because they were provided with everything and the others because they were provided with nothing.  She had never been able to break free of the Earth’s dictations and could pass herself off in the lower levels more easily.

Thryn’s existence in space relied on her ability to appear as uninteresting as possible and pass amongst the lower level crew members as an equal.  She learned years ago that the key to living in public was to be as inconspicuous as possible or to go completely overboard and demand every one’s attention by adopting a certain celebrity.  She had tried them both over the course of her time in this existence and found  fame was too time consuming to maintain as a pretense.  Even when the humans latched on and perpetuated the myth for her, it required too much energy  and came with too little freedom to be the least bit enjoyable.  

In this incarnation she had taken up the role of bar owner of one of the pubs in the lower sector  of SA-159.  It allowed her to work when she wanted and still keep the appearance of having to make a living. She was back on schedule with the ship’s clocks and should make an appearance when the patrons would notice her.  Once the decision had been made there really was no point in trying to sleep any longer, so she finally crawled out of bed.  It immediately retracted back into the wall of her room and the overhead lights came on.

“Good Evening, Thryn,” the computer’s voice greeted her.  “Would you like to hear the evening news?”

“Can you just give me the highlights, computer?”

“There is one item pertaining to the taxation of liquor, that might be of interest to you.”

“Save that item for me to review later.  Anything else?”  Thryn had started the water in the shower.  It would be a few minutes before she stepped into the glass enclosure, the showers were never warm enough on this station and started out practically ice cold.  The humans complained about it every morning, but she mourned this inconvenience even more.  Generating the pretense of body heat was necessary at times, but she could only send out the sensation to others through mental trickery.  A hot shower was the closest she ever came to replicating the sensation for herself without the aid of blood.   It was not just the appetite that drove her to hunt, it was also the warmth their blood carried.  A full meal could keep her warm for days, but those were rare in such close quarters.  The cold did not bother her and her body let her live in conditions most humans could never bare, but she longed to feel the warmth coursing through her.   

“Joshua McSuperstar, has arrived on board this afternoon for a benefit performance this Friday.”  Thryn stopped deader than usual.

“What is the benefit for?”  

“The Red and Magenta Cross joint benefit concert tour.  The performance will be at the SA-159 Amphitheatre.  Should I reserve tickets for you, Thryn?”

“No, computer, thank you. That’s all for now.”

Here was a prime example of the vampire living his life out loud.  Joshua McSuperstar had been on the fame circuit for the last ten years.  He’d reached super stardom with his passion for helping charities, specifically those with a large supply of blood in their vaults, and was often depicted as an Angel of mercy in the media.  They’d met once about a century ago and it had left a bad taste in Thryn’s mouth.  If it was coincidence, it was better that she stayed out of the luxury levels until after the concert.  If it wasn’t, he’d find her no matter where she was.  She weighed her odds, it could be a coincidence that he was this far out, but she had never really been that lucky.  She opened the door to the shower and waited for the steam to greet her, but the water had already run back to cold.  

“Okay,” she thought to herself, “he’s already starting to piss in my cornflakes.”  First things, first.  She would pick up a quick snack, and allow herself to feel human for at least a few moments,  and then she would have to hunt down Josh before he found her.  

Out in the thoroughfare the humans brushed past her; they were preoccupied with their minuscule lives and did not notice the monster within their midst.  Really they saw what they wanted to see and nothing more.  Thryn felt intoxicated with the scent of them and the warm caresses as they flowed around her.  

“Which one, which one?” she thought to herself as they skittered here and there.  It had to be someone healthy, someone strong enough to lose a pint or two and not draw medical attention to her habits.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall specimen staring her down.  He was muscular and rugged, probably a freighter worker stopping over.  He looked older, but she guessed he was about 35.  It was a decent length of time for the body to mature and gave a richness to the blood provided they made an effort to take care of themselves.  There was no need to open up a psychic link between them, his intentions were painted across his face and the hunger in his eyes mirrored her own.  It really was not polite to play with one’s food, but he radiated arrogance as he sauntered over to the post she had taken up against the corner of a shop and that made it all the more irresistible.  He leaned into her and rested his forearm above her head on the building.  

“Hey,” he started, “my name is Kyle.  I am about to say something incredibly cliche and slightly creepy.”   Kyle played with the collar on her shirt before finally asking, “What is your name?”  

“Does it really matter?”  

“No, I guess it really doesn't,” he agreed letting his hand roam lower to graze her breast.  Then he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley.  He pushed her up against the wall and began to fumble at her clothing, “come on, I don't bite.”

“I do, ” she purred as she pulled him closer to her.  Their eyes met and she opened the part of herself that let her control the humans.  Some called it glamour, some called it mind control, the result was still the same.  All the tension in his muscles released and she could feel his mind open to her. There was so much floating around in there.  He had come in this afternoon, as she had suspected, though not on a freighter.  A transport ship was a little fancier than she had expected but what surprised her was that Joshua McSuperstar had been on the same transport.  Kyle was not part of the entourage, but his memories were offering a huge head start for her.   She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and he tilted his head to reveal his neck.  “That's a good boy”

 

2014 Goals

Long ago, I decided not to have resolutions at New Year's - I felt that it set up for failure and disappointment.  Part I my yearly ritual, after Danielle leaves for home and I start to feel the melancholy that inevitably follows, is to look forward to the new year and set a list of goals I'd like to achieve.  Some of them fit in with a larger plan, i.e. Graduate School, and some are purely for the immediate future.

Even though I did not write them down in a formal blog post, there were several things that I mentioned throughout the year.  So, to begin, let's take a look back at last year's 2013 goals:

1. Buy a House - this was most definitely achieved in 2013!
2. Quit Hallmark - an ongoing goal for several years, but finally achieved in July of 2013.
3. More creative writing - I have one story I've been working on this year.  Mostly when I'm in an airplane and have nothing else I can do for 2 hours.
4. Europe Trip with Danielle - we made it to London, Cardiff, and Dublin with Andrea in May/June of 2013.
5. Pay off Credit Card Debt - refinanced with some student loan money and then wracked it up again  :(
6. More contact with friends who live out of state- didn't do so well on this.  Because of goal#1 I didn't even make it down for my annual visit with J & H.

All in all, not a bad year for my goals.  There were so many things that happened it's difficult to remember it all now.  Dad was able to legally wed Stepdaddy M in Maryland.  My sister graduated from business school and we took our youngest cousin to the ceremony in Atlanta.

2014 has some big shoes to fill, but I think it will be just as fantastic as this year.  New Goals:

1. Focus more on experiences and less on things
2. Writing more during breaks from school.
3. Plan one additional monthly event for the Scotch Sippers meetup.
4. Go to the gym 3 times a week during breaks and at least 1 time a week during the semester.
5. Paint the living room and/or master bedroom before the start of the fall semester.
6. Have a housewarming party/birthday party.
7. Listen more and complain less
8. Apply to jobs in the accounting field
9. Budget more effectively
10. Plan a big trip for end of 2014, possibly early 2015.

Some of these are very practical and some are pie in the sky.  Really curious to see where the new year leads and what I will be able to accomplish for myself.

"Scary Future Plans" have turned into a "Not So Scary Reality"

In December, I talked about buying my step-dad's old house.  In April, I signed the settlement papers.  In May, I moved in.

There is too much to detail the entire process, but it was worth it.  When I filed my taxes in February, because I am also a grad student, I received additional money in my refund that allowed me to meet the minimum down payment required.  My step-dad also helped bridge the gap a bit with closing costs and other fees.  I still have to pay mortgage insurance, so it wasn't the recommended 20% down, but I'm okay with that.

It's been kind of weird living in a house that I've known for so long.  Part of me still feels like I'm house sitting even though all of my stuff is filling up the rooms.  It has this temporary feel to it, like I've had living in apartments the last 8 years.  The only thing that has helped me to feel like this place is truly mine, is the process of selecting color palettes for the rooms.  After 32 years of living in places where colors were either selected for me or I was forbidden to change anything, it's overwhelming to think of all the possibilities.

A Summer Break

I realized I haven't posted anything in about six months, largely due to the demands of school and work.  A lot has happened in that time frame and I'm taking a break from school this summer to catch up on things.  I'm trying to get myself in order and ready to attack the fall semester.

Major Events:
Purchased My First Home
Traveled to the UK with my sister
Dad and his Partner were legally married 

Important, but not so major, events:
Gained back 30 of the 40 pounds I lost in the last year
Recommitted to Weight Watchers
Joined a Gym

School Planning (Spring 2013-Semester)

I created a spreadsheet to list all of the required classes, and the estimated semesters I would take them, to see when my potential graduation date would be.  If I only take two classes a semester and give myself a break for the winter (meaning I take two classes in the Summer as well as the Fall and Spring), then I could graduate in 2017.  If I take three classes in the Spring or Fall for the undergrad requirements, I could graduate in 2015 or 2016.  I don't want to push myself to the point of breaking, but I honestly think I could have handled three classes this semester.

So, as of right now, I am registered for ACCT301 (Intermediate Accounting), ACCT341 (Cost Accounting), and PHIL371(Business Ethics).  I'm hoping the accounting classes won't be too difficult, especially since it's been over a semester since I had to think that way.  My current accounting class is Information Systems and focuses more on the processes than the recording.  My other classmates recommend taking Cost Accounting and the first Intermediate together as they are complementary, so hopefully that's true.  But I will have class on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights.

I think I definitely need to let Hallmark know that I need to focus on school and my day job.  I'm hoping I can get my finances in order enough that I don't need the second job at all.  It's also going to be more money for the semester and overall I'll pay more out of pocket.  But if it means I can get my degree, and a better salary, sooner it's probably worth it.  Mostly, I'm just worried about stressing myself out too much.

Tax Withholdings

I did a quick calculation of my tax withholdings for this year.  My new placement on the commercial side of the company means that the state and local withholdings are finally correct.  I've been playing with the idea of cancelling the additional $50 I had withheld when the California office was taking care of my payroll.  If my calculations are correct, and I seriously hope they are, I could have a tax return of about $2-3K this year.  I had extra withheld last year to compensate for cashing out my old IRA and forgot to change the withholdings for this year.

First, that's a lot of money and, whenever it looks like I'm about to get a windfall, I have to remind myself that I am fallible and have been wrong in my calculations before.  Though I am usually not that far off of the mark.  Still it's best not to count on that money or plan to spend it before I've even received my W-2's.

Second, there a number of big ticket items for which I considered taking out additional funds on my student loans.  For example, updating my computer/printer/wi-fi or a down payment on the purchase of a house.  These are practical items that will improve my financial outlook or further my educational goals.  The question is, of course, a home in what location and can I really afford a mortgage?

Third, there are the fun things I want but have to diligently save to attain.  Even when I save money, it is important to take care of the big ticket items mentioned above before the "fun" items.  When I say "Fun" what I mean is that Japanese/European vacation my sister and I talk about but never seem to have enough money to take.  If my calculations are, indeed, correct then this would solve the airfare problem very nicely - for both of us.  It would just be a matter of saving the rest of the money for the hotel/food/mementos.

Finally, there are the practical items and uses for this money.  I will undoubtedly have racked up some Christmas debt by the time tax time rolls around, though I swear I am not spending as much as I usually do.  And that should definitely be paid off/down before using the money for anything else.  Then there is the ultimate practicality of paying down the student loans I took out this fall or the remaining amounts on my undergrad loans.  Or, using the tax money to bankroll my spring semester instead of relying on student loans to front the money until my company can reimburse me.  But there really isn't anything fun about those options.

New Character Name

Kathryn on BabyNamer: Baby Names and Meanings


Just followed a link on a friend's Facebook page to see what "teasing nicknames" were associated with my name.  I've definitely heard most of them, though not in a negative way.  Katie-did, Katie-bug, Katers, Kitty, and, K-K-K-Katie.  Kind of disappointed I never got Katesie or Kit Kat.

But the point is that there is a nickname for Kathryn, I'd never thought of before:  Thryn. 

When I look-up the drawbacks for this nickname, there are none.  It's just so different sounding than the usual Katie, Kathy, or Kate.  New and old at the same time.  It also got me thinking about what an awesome character name this would be.  Of course, I don't have much time to even think about writing let alone sit down and work through something.  So I'll stash it away here until such time as I can build some kind of world for her.

Writing

The guy I've been seeing has been incredibly supportive on a number of levels, but has mentioned on more than one occasion that I should focus more on writing.  I let him read my story about my character, Ianthe, and he found it to be very entertaining.  Apparently, it has the benefit of being easy to read and engages the reader in the story. 

I have a lot of my story up on Live Journal, though my privacy settings are set so only my friends can see what's posted. When I first started writing the story, I would let the girls at Hallmark read pieces of it.  Their enthusiasm helped spur me onwards with the work and I wonder if I should start posting on this blog.  If I'm getting feedback from people genuinely interested in the characters/story it would keep it fresh in my brain and encourage me to write more often.  My concern, however, is plagiarism.  I've read through more than one entry of Cleolinda Jones' journal where she has had to battle people claiming her movies in 15 minutes as her own.

Not to say that my writing would be nearly as clever as hers or incite that level of plagiarism.  I just would hate to have someone unknown take my characters and accomplish what I have been thus far unable to do with them.  I think I am also afraid of having the negative feedback that inevitably comes with posting anything creative or personal on the Internet.  Even though the story, itself,  would not be a personal account of anything, it's still very much a part of me that would be exposed to the general public and people can be cruel.

I've attempted to read some of the recent fiction that's on the bestseller list and I realize that writing doesn't have to be the crafted artistry I appreciate in novels, but I don't know if I would be personally satisfied with writing something less than perfect.  Of course, nothing is perfect and that's a ridiculous statement.  But I do have a certain level  to which I hold my writing and I would not want to put out something half-baked.  But I also know that I have the talent within myself to write something better than what I've seen on the shelves recently.  Unfortunately, in order to prove that, one must actually write and produce something for comparison.

So I'm back to wondering if I should risk writing unfinished works here in an attempt to complete something for an actual publication.