2014 Goals

Long ago, I decided not to have resolutions at New Year's - I felt that it set up for failure and disappointment.  Part I my yearly ritual, after Danielle leaves for home and I start to feel the melancholy that inevitably follows, is to look forward to the new year and set a list of goals I'd like to achieve.  Some of them fit in with a larger plan, i.e. Graduate School, and some are purely for the immediate future.

Even though I did not write them down in a formal blog post, there were several things that I mentioned throughout the year.  So, to begin, let's take a look back at last year's 2013 goals:

1. Buy a House - this was most definitely achieved in 2013!
2. Quit Hallmark - an ongoing goal for several years, but finally achieved in July of 2013.
3. More creative writing - I have one story I've been working on this year.  Mostly when I'm in an airplane and have nothing else I can do for 2 hours.
4. Europe Trip with Danielle - we made it to London, Cardiff, and Dublin with Andrea in May/June of 2013.
5. Pay off Credit Card Debt - refinanced with some student loan money and then wracked it up again  :(
6. More contact with friends who live out of state- didn't do so well on this.  Because of goal#1 I didn't even make it down for my annual visit with J & H.

All in all, not a bad year for my goals.  There were so many things that happened it's difficult to remember it all now.  Dad was able to legally wed Stepdaddy M in Maryland.  My sister graduated from business school and we took our youngest cousin to the ceremony in Atlanta.

2014 has some big shoes to fill, but I think it will be just as fantastic as this year.  New Goals:

1. Focus more on experiences and less on things
2. Writing more during breaks from school.
3. Plan one additional monthly event for the Scotch Sippers meetup.
4. Go to the gym 3 times a week during breaks and at least 1 time a week during the semester.
5. Paint the living room and/or master bedroom before the start of the fall semester.
6. Have a housewarming party/birthday party.
7. Listen more and complain less
8. Apply to jobs in the accounting field
9. Budget more effectively
10. Plan a big trip for end of 2014, possibly early 2015.

Some of these are very practical and some are pie in the sky.  Really curious to see where the new year leads and what I will be able to accomplish for myself.

Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.

A Crossroads

This weekend, I had one of the Dads' bar friends ask me to submit my resumé to him.  He works for the government, specifically Health and Human Services.  He overheard me talking to his wife about my grad school application process and asked Dad a lot of questions about me at the next gathering.  The job he specifically has in mind: Grant Writing.  I said that I would submit my resumé and thanked him for thinking of me.  It's difficult to really talk about all the thoughts that run through one's head when someone asks for your resumé out of the blue like that.  So it's always best to just say thank you and I will.

Of course, now I am faced with all the crippling thoughts that come with contemplating the future and choices that must be made.  To begin with, I have already started the wheels in motion for an advanced degree in Accounting.  Five years ago, I would have been jumping up and down at the prospect of a job in Grant Writing.  Now I am a little more cautious as I don't know what this means for the plans I have started to lay down, nor do I want to dismiss an excellent opportunity without really considering all the options.  But the bigger question is what do I really want to be doing five years from now?

I know from the class I took this summer that I am actually quite good at accounting and I do get a measure of satisfaction knowing I am not just a "words" person.  Learning accounting would be tied up with the building blocks of business management and that's always useful knowledge.  But then getting in with a government job is difficult and if I am to attain my dream of working at the Library of Congress, whether as Librarian or Accountant, this would be a useful step.  Once in the government I would have the ability to move from job to job without losing years of service.  Unlike the private sector where a new start with a new company means starting over again, unless other terms are negotiated. 

But the opportunity for advancement can be greater in the private sector.  It's like picking investments for one's 401(k); do you go with high risk since you have time before retirement or do you go slow and steady?  One could have greater earning potential if the markets are in your favor, but you could also lose everything and not have enough to retire.  The same is true for the low risk investments, too, but it tends to be more stable.

I must not get ahead of myself.  Submitting a resumé does not mean one will get a job or even a job offer.  I submitted enough of them when I was unemployed to know that better than anyone.  But when the friend of a family member makes a point to ask, the likelihood that one will have to accept or decline something greatly increases.  And, of course, the part that is bothering me is that someone somewhere will have to be disappointed.

The Cathartic Karaoke Trifecta

Taking a cue from my recent Glee Spree, I went out for Karaoke the other night with the Dads. The bar wasn't very crowded as it was Fourth of July Weekend so we were able to sing several songs.

My Song Choices:

Celo Green's "Forget You"
The Tractors' "Baby Likes To Rock It"
Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle"
Melanie's "Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma"
Lily Allen's "Smile"

What possessed me to sing "Baby Likes to Rock It," I have no idea.  I haven't heard that song in ages let alone sung along to it.  I was very upset because I had rocked the house with Celo Green's song.  Everyone had to tell me how great it was and how well I did.  Then came the travesty that was "Baby Likes to Rock It" and I was devastated.  So I decided to go with songs that I belt out in the car all the time.  The Cathartic Trifecta, as my dad called it.  Clearly Celo Green's "Forget You" is an obvious choice, Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" probably not as much but it fits the theme, and Lily Allen's "Smile" rounds out my I-am-working-so-hard-to-be-so-over-you trio.

Mark pulled me into a duet with Melanie's "Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma." I sang a little too hard and strained my voice.  It had that raspy bar voice going on, which kind of worked when it was my turn to sing Lily Allen's "Smile."  I was glad that the bar patrons were as willing to forget my foray into Tractors territory as I was.  Now I am wondering what I should sing next week...

One Month To A New Decade

Today is officially one month until my 30th Birthday!  I've purchased the plane ticket for my mother to come visit and I am starting to get plans together for my actual celebration.  I am pretty sure it will have to be two separate things as there are too many people I want to see and they all won't fit in my house.  Also, I think it may be easier to have a friends event separate from a family event.  My boyfriend has also stated that he's not comfortable meeting family just yet, which I understand, but it would make one giant get together a little awkward.  My biggest fear right now is that my expectations are too high and that I will only be disappointed come the actual birthday. 

First of all, I didn't want to have to plan this birthday.  I really wanted someone to do it for me and then some things could be a surprise or at least I wouldn't be as stressed about it.  But with my sister not able to go to Ireland with me, the dads have stepped up and will hopefully go.  This, of course, means that a big party with a DJ is out of the question as they will be paying for airfare.  Even if the dads don't go to Ireland, they have offered to pay for my airfare and I would much rather have that than a big fancy party.  Though there is something to be said about big fancy parties to mark important life events.  Maybe it's the response cards or working in a Hallmark store with fancy invitations.

I've already requested off from my second job for the entire weekend.  I know my birthday is one day after the birthday of my store manager's deceased daughter and this usually creates a little tension.  I always do a sort of countdown to my birthday, though I try not to at Hallmark because I know it's a painful reminder for my manager.  But I refuse to make myself available on the 26th this year, as I normally would, because it's a big birthday for me and I am celebrating the entire weekend.  I feel like this is a little selfish, but I have to remember that it is not unreasonable for me to make this request and, therefore, it's okay.

Friday, I picture mom, the dads, Sister and her girlfriend all going to Dad's local bar for Karaoke.  I kind of want Mom and Step-Daddy M to sing a duet.  (Not Summer Loving as my sister has suggested.  I really hate when people sing that at Karaoke.)    Maybe a rendition of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" or possibly something no one has heard of at all, but mom and step-daddy M think is the cat's pajamas. 

Saturday night, going out with friends. Maybe starting with Roller Skating or Bowling, very old-school, then a little bar-hopping and a new year's like countdown to midnight and the beginning of my 30th year.  I picture this like the end of a movie with people crowded around the camera and big smiles as we toast.  Again, my expectations could be too high.

Sunday, family part at my house/dad's house.  I want mom to make that angel food cake with pudding & cool whip icing like she used to when we were little.  Maybe Aunt S. could make the chicken-pox pie that Mommom used to make.  It's been years since I've had that and it's probably not as good as I remember, but I want it.  It's like I want this weird fusion of old and new, celebration of my life kind of thing.  Like all the good parts rolled up into one weekend.

Again, the expectations are high.  But maybe it will end up being a fun and wacky adventure à la the Chevy Chase Vacation Movies.