Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.

Birthday Preparation

There are some days where I have a lot of emotions going through my head.  This week has definitely been one of them.  I go back and forth between feeling somewhat normal and just feeling lost.  I don't know if it's thinking about where I was this time last year or if it's that I'm going to be 31 and am I where I'm supposed to be. And there is this small part of me that wonders if M will send an e-mail to just say Happy Birthday or, if he doesn't how will I feel about that.  It's not something I think about often, it's not something that bothers me anymore - not like it used to anyway - but from time to time I plague myself with these thoughts. 

I know it's the last point of reference I have for a relationship and I think that's why it enters my thoughts as often as it does.  There are also problems with some of my friends' relationships and their significant others cheating on them.  So it refreshes that whole thing in my mind.  It still worries me though that there are times when it feels like it was only a month ago.  I know that I am ready to meet someone new, meaning that I can meet someone and not feel like it would be under the shadow of what happened last year.  But then I wonder if I really am if I'm concerned about whether or not my ex will wish me a happy birthday almost a full year after everything went down.  And if I am thinking about that at all, does that mean that I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself when it comes to meeting someone new?

I'm super excited about my trip to Atlanta, though.  I think it's the shock to the system I need right now.  I just need something different to lift me out of this negative head space.  Something to energize me and push me into a positive direction.

December

I'm starting off December with a cold I caught from my sister while visiting her for Thanksgiving.  After a week of progressively worse symptoms, despite my attempts to self-medicate with DayQuil/NyQuil/Mucinex, I finally went to the Target Clinic this past weekend.  It was actually a pleasant experience.

I had some free time before my Hallmark shift and knew I had very limited PTO at my day job, so I got out of bed earlier than I felt like it and went to the Target near my Hallmark job.  I figured even if the wait for the Clinic was ridiculous at least I would already be in the area for work.  The wait was exactly half an hour and they gave me a pager so I could walk around the store or go get some tea in the café.  This proved to be the best part of the service they offered, simply because walking around kept my sinuses clearer and allowed me to feel a little less miserable.

It was determined that I should have anti-biotics.  Now, I hate to take anti-biotics unless absolutely necessary.  They are over prescribed, pumped into our farm animals, and we're in danger of letting the bacteria evolve past our ability to treat it.  But having gone more than a week with my usual cold medicines and developing a nagging hacking cough after about a week of trying to treat this, I realized that maybe there is more going on than the common cold.  So I surrendered and started the anti-biotic yesterday.  Fortunately, I can already say things are looking up.  I don't think I'm quite back to singing ability, but my voice doesn't sound like my smoker grandmother's either.

Now, I am sitting at my desk trying not to cough as often as I need to.  I know how annoying it is for everyone else in the office and I've even had one girl ban me from her area entirely.  Apparently, when I get sick even if it's only for a couple of days, because I have the immune system of steel, it's really bad and it takes everyone else several weeks to recover.  Most of us have used our PTO and are just trying to make it through these next three weeks as quickly and as healthy as possible, so I understand her paranoia.  But it still hurts my feelings a little bit.

Riding Airplanes

I have to put this question out there:  Does anyone else take stock of the other passengers on an airplane before boarding?

What I mean is that I tend to look around and gauge how many children will be on my flight, how many elderly people, and how many religious fanatics.  No, it's not what you're thinking.

Unlike most people, if there are a lot of small children and infants on a plane, I feel more confident about my flight.  I'm not concerned about crying children preventing me from sleeping, I am just glad that nothing out of the ordinary will happen.  This is going to sound incredibly morbid, I think, but if there is an unusually large number of elderly people on a plane I tend to get a little nervous.  If a plane full of children crashes and everyone dies, it will be a bigger tragedy than a plane full of octogenarians.  My thinking is that at least they will have lived their lives.  I fall somewhere in the middle; I've had a good life and there is more I could achieve but I've still had a good run.  Children haven't truly had the opportunity to live so my irrational thinking is that the universe won't pluck them out of the air. 

Same thing goes for the overly religious.  If I'm on a plane with people returning from a mission trip, I get nervous.  With so many people, whose souls are "right" with God, it's fruit ripe for the picking.  Of course, in this scenario it's more to do with the state of one's soul and less to do with fate/karma/Murphy's law and therefore children would also bring about my death via plane crash.  Unless you would also think that God would not take a large number of children so soon.  But let's not dwell on that fallacy in my thinking.

For the most part, I am perfectly comfortable with flying.  (Though, I always call my family before I leave on a trip and before I get on the return flight home just in case.)  In my mind, though, no matter how safe something is there is always a chance that something will go wrong.  To be fair, I think less about this when I get in my car than I do an airplane and I am definitely more likely to be killed in a car accident than a plane crash.  The thing that gets me though is that should something go wrong on an airplane you are pretty much screwed.  Maybe you survive the landing/crash but do you really want to go through that?  A car crash, the possibility of help reaching me in time is far more likely.   Recovery would certainly suck just as much, but emergency medical attention is more readily available for car crashes.

To be honest, flying in an airplane is the closest I come to faith these days.  First, I have faith that the pilots are well trained, alert, not overworked, or having a bad day.  Second, I have faith that the airplane has been properly maintained, fueled, packed, and latched. (My return flight home, for the record, had no small children, 1 mission trip group, and something that leaked on me the entire flight.)  Third,  I have faith that the science behind flight is sound even though I don't understand it.  Fourth, I have faith that there is a reason I need to continue living past this point in time.  Some sort of purpose that has yet to be fulfilled. 

I'm not afraid of flying.  But I do have a fear of death and an overactive imagination.

First Sunburn of the year

Last day in Atlanta and we went over to my friend, K's place to soak up some sun by her community pool.  These are the things I have learned from that event:

1) SPF 30 is the only acceptable Sunblock level to use on my face. - I have a reverse Raccoon effect going on from wearing my sunglasses the entire time.
2) Adult swim exists for a reason.
3) SPF 30 should be used when first exposing areas of skin that have been covered by a one piece bathing suit for years.

Now I'm just hoping my nose and chest don't start peeling. 

Atlanta-ta

I am heading to Atlanta this weekend and I couldn't be more excited.  It's actually a little unbelievable that I will be traveling at the end of the week.  I don't know if it's because I just saw my sister two weeks ago, or if I have just not had time to think about things.  It will be a much needed rest, I hope.

I haven't been to stay with her since she moved in with her girlfriend so it will be a new experience for me.

On the agenda so far:

• Friday: arrive around 10:00am, go back to my sister's and do homework/reading while she works from home.  There will be some playing with a small fluffy white dog as well.
• Saturday: Six Flag's Over Georgia.  The last time I was here I was about 6 or 7 so this should be interesting.  It's also been ages since my sister and I have been to an amusement park together.
• Sunday: No definite plan.  Something in the sun, though, if the weather is nice.  Then Leave at 9:00pm

I am getting excited about it.  Though I still have about 3 more days of work to slough through.