There are some days where I have a lot of emotions going through my head. This week has definitely been one of them. I go back and forth between feeling somewhat normal and just feeling lost. I don't know if it's thinking about where I was this time last year or if it's that I'm going to be 31 and am I where I'm supposed to be. And there is this small part of me that wonders if M will send an e-mail to just say Happy Birthday or, if he doesn't how will I feel about that. It's not something I think about often, it's not something that bothers me anymore - not like it used to anyway - but from time to time I plague myself with these thoughts.
I know it's the last point of reference I have for a relationship and I think that's why it enters my thoughts as often as it does. There are also problems with some of my friends' relationships and their significant others cheating on them. So it refreshes that whole thing in my mind. It still worries me though that there are times when it feels like it was only a month ago. I know that I am ready to meet someone new, meaning that I can meet someone and not feel like it would be under the shadow of what happened last year. But then I wonder if I really am if I'm concerned about whether or not my ex will wish me a happy birthday almost a full year after everything went down. And if I am thinking about that at all, does that mean that I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself when it comes to meeting someone new?
I'm super excited about my trip to Atlanta, though. I think it's the shock to the system I need right now. I just need something different to lift me out of this negative head space. Something to energize me and push me into a positive direction.
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