Chosen Families

My sister, D,  and I have been talking about the idea of "chosen families" lately.  It started with the death of our grandmother and our mother's reaction to her mother's death vs. the death of her former mother-in-law.  There are obvious differences, of course, like how my father's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly while my mother's mother held on for 5 days and was only unconscious for 1 of those.  But the one thing my sister and I never realized was the difference in the relationships our mother had with each of those women.  Even in the healthiest of families nothing is ever perfect and relationships are complicated at best.  

We compared it to the close friendships our father has with other members of the LGBT community.  How they would often opt to gather at a friend's house for traditional family holiday celebrations.  My mother certainly did this with our father's family and I have often felt that the genuine care and concern was mutual.  Sometimes we bend under the weight of parental expectations and fall into old family roles long after we've grown out of them.  Returning home for a visit is so very frequently a struggle between who we were and who we've become.  I have no doubt that this was a serious problem for my mother when she returned to take care of my grandmother seven years ago and I think there was a certain amount of relief felt.

Most recently, though, we've discussed the Intentional Family idea because of a situation she and her fiancée, A,  are facing with their upcoming Wedding.  One of  A's grandparents has already told her they do not want an invitation to the wedding because they do not support their decision to marry, citing religious reasons.  It's disappointing and upsetting.  It was even worse when, after a relative's death, her mother and brother were invited to stay at her grandparent's house but she was denied the hospitality because they didn't support her "lifestyle."  Regardless of your personal beliefs, especially at a time when family is grieving the loss of a loved one, there is still a human being at the core and they should be treated with the same level of compassion.  Most recently, A suffered another disappointment when her brother declined the invitation to be a attendant at the wedding.  Again, citing religious beliefs.  This came as a major blow because, until that moment, she had no idea that her brother was not supportive.

My sister and I are very close.  I've never taken that relationship for granted, but I've also never realized how truly rare that is.  I can't even begin to fathom what it is like to hear that your sibling does not accept you for who you truly are.  From almost the very beginning of their relationship, I have felt that A has been a member of our family.  My mother has also been very welcoming, calling A her "third daughter" well before they were officially engaged.  And I think this is because my mother knows what it is like to have a difficult relationship with one's birth family and she recognized a kind of kindred spirit in need of reassurance, acceptance, and love.  My father and step-father have also felt that she's family.  We've planned vacations together as a family and when our grandmother died, A was there. She was there not because she had to be or just to support D, but because she wanted to be there for our mother at a time when it was most needed.

And this is the point of family.  Whether it is chosen, intentional, or birth, a family is meant to be supportive through the difficult times.  They are a calm place where we can go and be loved for just being ourselves and sometimes in spite of being ourselves.  From here we draw the strength to face the challenges of the outside world.  We don't always have to agree on things but we have to always respect one another as individuals and as human beings.

Chick-fil-A

There has been a lot of conversation about Chick-fil-A recently and my Facebook news feed is full of diverging opinions on the issue.  One of my very dear, childhood friends has even posted in support of the corporation.  On one hand, I completely support freedom of speech and will defend Chick-fil-A's right to say whatever they believe without fear of repercussions from the government, Mayor of Boston I'm looking at you.  On the other,  I have every right not to patronize that establishment and support those views or help fund those organizations that Chick-fil-A finances.  But those aren't even the issues anymore.  We're not fighting about freedom of speech, we're fighting about religion and who is more right than whom.
My friend's reasons are that Chick-fil-A supports the "biblical" definition of marriage and isn't afraid to stand up for its beliefs.  She sees it as Daniel in the lion's den, being persecuted for the same Christian beliefs she has.  This makes me sadder than Chick-fil-A Dan Cathy's announcement that they're "guilty as charged." It means that she also subscribes to the belief that homosexuality is against God and doesn't support same-sex marriage rights at all; that all of the conversations we've had are for naught.  When my dad first came out to me, she was the first friend I told and it was never a big deal or a problem.  It's only been after her marriage that we've started to disagree on these issues.  I would say it's the influence of her husband, but her mother shared the exact same posts on Facebook.  So perhaps I didn't really know her as well as I thought I did.

Part of the Dan Cathy announcement was that they believed in the "biblical" definition and all of Chick-fil-A's executives were married to their first wives.  The implication is that the "biblical" definition of marriage doesn't include divorced/remarried and when they support Families, they don't include single parent households.  When we start setting up these definitions of what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to love and family, where do we draw the line?  Now, it is the LGBT community but it could just as easily be divorcees or interracial couples.

Then we come to the organizations that are actually being funded by a Chick-fil-A purchase.  I don't want to support organizations that hate my family or would have rather seen me grow up in foster care than in the environment I did.  (To be fair, my step-parent from age 14-24 was like a villain in a fairy tale but that had little to do with my dad being gay and everything to do with his partner being an asshole.  If the step-parent had been married to my mother I'd have endured the same trauma.)  I don't want to give money so that kids can be tortured into acting straight.  I have a friend, who had first hand experience with Exodus International and it breaks my heart to know he, or any child, had to endure that.

The thing that really frightens me, though, is the rhetoric that is being used.  It is far more damaging and dangerous than people realize.  In this argument about whether or not people should boycott Chick-fil-A, the religious conservatives are using language that attempts to dehumanize homosexuals.  When an organization or government succeeds in convincing the public that this or that group is less than human, there is no end to the atrocities that will be committed against those people.  I think about Nazi Germany at times like these.  It wasn't as if the entire country woke up one morning and thought let's put Jewish people in camps.  It started with the little things in society and worked its way up to political campaigns.  An entire nation allowed a group of human beings to be beaten, tested on, and murdered because they were convinced, over time, that those people were subhuman. 

I would like to think that couldn't possibly happen again, especially on that kind of scale and especially in this country.  But the hatred that is brewing in our borders (not just against the LGBT community but also the anger at foreign nationals and immigrants, as well as the animosity between the races, political parties, social classes, and even religious organizations) it feels like that cycle could start again.  The economy isn't great, it's getting better, but it's still a long road.  People are frustrated with the speed of recovery, but we're not the only country that's suffering.   All of these things could be ingredients for that level of violence if we're not conscious of it.

Restore Church::Experiencing Life

Went with my aunt and cousin to the Easter service at their church this weekend.  It's a newer church in my hometown and apparently has all the older, established churches concerned.  After my visit, I can see why.  I was directed to park in a vacant lot across the street from what we call Reverend Pittam's church.  (I'm not really sure why we call it that other than, obviously, there is/was a Reverend Pittam and this was his church.) As I got out of my car, the music coming from the church caught my attention.  It sounded like a party or a local rock band show was inside.  There were several people wearing red t-shirts that said "Restore Church Dream Team" on them.  They were all greeting people and handing out "care packages" to new comers.  I declined to interact with these people as I was looking for my aunt, but my understanding is that the bags they were handing out contained some basic info about the church, a bible, and a few other religious themed goodies.

Once inside, the lighting was darker as if attending a performance or, again, local rock show.  There was a stage up front with fancy show lighting and a full band.  People were crowded near the back by the coffee bar and snack table.  They were all "fellowshipping" with one another and I thought it was interesting that the church set this up before the service and not after like the Baptist church used to do.  The snack table had a beautiful spread of donuts, bagels, yogurt, fruit, and cupcakes decorated with Peeps.  The healthier options were prominently displayed and I was surprised when, during the sermon, people got up to help themselves to more snacks.  The whole place exuded a sense of welcome and had a laid back atmosphere.  Many people were there in jeans and t-shirts and even those in their Sunday best didn't seem to mind.

Even though this was their third service for the day, there was very little about it that felt practiced or rehearsed.  Obviously, the music had that rehearsed feeling but my concern is always with the sermon.  I've been to big "McChurches" where the pastor tells the same jokes and makes the same points anywhere from 4-10 times in a day.  By the tenth performance, it doesn't have that genuine feel to it anymore and I tend to zone out.  But this pastor was clearly passionate about what he was doing.  His sermon didn't feel like he was playing for an audience, even though I know there had to be some recycled jokes.  He was energetic and enthusiastic which is important for any presentation.

The church also has networking down to a science.  They made use of social media and modern technology to engage with their congregation even outside of the typical Sunday service.  I heard a couple of stories about how the leadership team made a point to contact someone when they noticed the person had posted on Facebook about a sad or difficult time they were going through.  I also noticed one or two key people from the older, established churches helping out during the service.  They seem to recognize talent whether it's with children, technology, music, speaking, etc.  It makes me wish they'd been around when my mother was in town.  They could have used her talents to their utmost effectiveness and she would have benefited from the joy of spreading her love of God.

It was interesting to visit, though I felt more like an observer than a participant.  This has been my reaction to most church services of late.  I pick apart the service like a performance or presentation and don't feel as moved as I did when I was younger.  I don't know if this is cynicism or just that I've grown up and can recognize intentional manipulation.  (To be fair, I do the same with certain movie plot lines.)  Perhaps this is a sign that business school really is suited for me, but I kept thinking about the whole experience as if the church were trying to sell me a product.  Which, of course, they are.  It's just weird for me to think about it in those terms.

October 20th - Ten Years Later

Ten years ago, I made a decision about my personal life.  I checked off one of life's milestones and haven't looked back since. I was completely mad for this guy.  And even though I had been religious in my middle school/early high school years, I came to the realization that I really wanted to have sex with my boyfriend.  It was something of an internal struggle for several months because I knew what I'd been taught but my heart was telling me something completely different.  I couldn't resolve these conflicting desires (the desire to be "good" and the desire to be with my boyfriend) so, I talked about it with my mother, my source for spiritual guidance, and her only advice was that, while she would prefer I not have sex before marriage, it was my own life and I had to make the decision for myself.  She also encouraged me to consider any and all consequences and judge whether or not I could handle them.  Then, I talked about it with my aunt, my source for worldly guidance, and her advice was that I should make sure to protect myself.  She also asked me if I was sure this was the right person.  She said that that particular event in life would be something I'd always remember and the person I was with would forever be connected to that memory. 
And, looking back now, that was probably the best advice I could have gotten on the subject.  It is the first piece of advice I offer to the new crop of youngins, after reminding them to make sure they protect themselves of course.  Because it is now ten years later and I do remember that day. When I think of that moment in my life, it is connected to the person I was with.  And you know what?  Even with the things that happened after and even with the way that relationship ended, I don't regret making that decision.  And I celebrate that decision on this particular date every year and re-evaluate how I feel about it.  I can still say that it was a positive choice and I'm grateful that I wasn't completely ignorant of the impact that decision would have on my life.  I'm glad that I had people I could talk to openly and honestly about it and that I took my time to think instead of following whatever impulse I had in the moment. 

But thinking about how I viewed sex then and where I am now, I can't help but laugh at myself.  If I were able to go back and talk to my 20 year old self, I don't know that I could say anything that would have made that decision easier.  The person I was then is most certainly not who I am now.  I know that this was part of a chapter in the volume of my life and so much of where I've been plays a part in where I am going.  I truly believe we are the sum of our life experiences and I hope that I will continue to make positive decisions that will help me to grow and change over time.  That I can look back ten years from now and realize that I've matured so much.  I hope that I don't look back on decisions and cringe with embarrassment or regret.  And I hope I can love who I will be at 40 just as much as I love who I am at 30 and who I was at 20.

Earthquake!

I have lived 30 years in Maryland and never has the thought of a possible Earthquake entered my mind.  Now this is the second one I've experienced in the space of a year.  (Last year's I had just started dating my now ex and it woke me up at 5:00am.  I wasn't sure what it was and woke him up, he calmed me down and told me it was probably a dream.  I sort of wonder now if I should have taken this as some sort of sign.)

This year's I was sitting at my desk and the lights started flickering.  My boss came out of her office and yelled at us to get under our desks - she lived on the West Coast for several years.  The nearest thing I can compare it to would be a large truck driving by your house.  Or like when you were little and some asshole kid would grab whatever you were standing on and yell "earthquake!" while shaking it.  Except, this isn't some asshole kid and you can't step off the ladder, or chair, and find stable ground.  It's the whole building and all the ground outside. 

FACTS:
5.9 Earthquake
1:51pm est
Center - Virginia

I called my mother to let her know that I was perfectly fine, just a little shaken.  And she started talking about the end of times and how we'll know because of earthquakes and rumors of wars, etc.  a) there are always rumors of wars.  b) I found this handy article that was written after last year's earthquake that confirms east coast quakes are not as infrequent as we would like to believe.  Honestly, this could always be the end of the world as we know it.  Ten years ago, after the 9/11 attacks, the world as we knew it changed but it wasn't the end of the world.

This is like the Texas Sharp Shooter Fallacy I read about the other day.  Where there are completely unrelated events that are being used to support a single idea.

Riding Airplanes

I have to put this question out there:  Does anyone else take stock of the other passengers on an airplane before boarding?

What I mean is that I tend to look around and gauge how many children will be on my flight, how many elderly people, and how many religious fanatics.  No, it's not what you're thinking.

Unlike most people, if there are a lot of small children and infants on a plane, I feel more confident about my flight.  I'm not concerned about crying children preventing me from sleeping, I am just glad that nothing out of the ordinary will happen.  This is going to sound incredibly morbid, I think, but if there is an unusually large number of elderly people on a plane I tend to get a little nervous.  If a plane full of children crashes and everyone dies, it will be a bigger tragedy than a plane full of octogenarians.  My thinking is that at least they will have lived their lives.  I fall somewhere in the middle; I've had a good life and there is more I could achieve but I've still had a good run.  Children haven't truly had the opportunity to live so my irrational thinking is that the universe won't pluck them out of the air. 

Same thing goes for the overly religious.  If I'm on a plane with people returning from a mission trip, I get nervous.  With so many people, whose souls are "right" with God, it's fruit ripe for the picking.  Of course, in this scenario it's more to do with the state of one's soul and less to do with fate/karma/Murphy's law and therefore children would also bring about my death via plane crash.  Unless you would also think that God would not take a large number of children so soon.  But let's not dwell on that fallacy in my thinking.

For the most part, I am perfectly comfortable with flying.  (Though, I always call my family before I leave on a trip and before I get on the return flight home just in case.)  In my mind, though, no matter how safe something is there is always a chance that something will go wrong.  To be fair, I think less about this when I get in my car than I do an airplane and I am definitely more likely to be killed in a car accident than a plane crash.  The thing that gets me though is that should something go wrong on an airplane you are pretty much screwed.  Maybe you survive the landing/crash but do you really want to go through that?  A car crash, the possibility of help reaching me in time is far more likely.   Recovery would certainly suck just as much, but emergency medical attention is more readily available for car crashes.

To be honest, flying in an airplane is the closest I come to faith these days.  First, I have faith that the pilots are well trained, alert, not overworked, or having a bad day.  Second, I have faith that the airplane has been properly maintained, fueled, packed, and latched. (My return flight home, for the record, had no small children, 1 mission trip group, and something that leaked on me the entire flight.)  Third,  I have faith that the science behind flight is sound even though I don't understand it.  Fourth, I have faith that there is a reason I need to continue living past this point in time.  Some sort of purpose that has yet to be fulfilled. 

I'm not afraid of flying.  But I do have a fear of death and an overactive imagination.

Gearing Up For Pride

from the Advocate's Website

This afternoon, I was reading Old Navy Gets Backlash for Pro-Gay T-Shirts.  And, of course, I immediately had to have one but, sadly, they are only available in a few retails stores and not online at all.  Thankfully, my sister and her girlfriend live in Atlanta near the Buckhead store that's offering them.

I am very proud of Old Navy for offering these shirts, which will benefit the It Gets Better Project with 10% of the proceeds.  They are the next in what I hope will be a long line of supporters for this cause.  (Already we've seen the Seattle Mariners, the Boston Red Sox, the San Francisco Giants, and the Chicago Cubs lend their voices.)  Too many of our LGBT youth feel the sting of bigotry and hatred in this country. 

Thankfully, the LGBT members of my family have the support they need but there was a time when my dad had to go it alone.  I can't even begin to imagine what that was like.  His stories help me to realize how important the It Gets Better Project is to our society; to those kids who don't have an adult to talk to or understand what they're going through.  And the American Family Association and The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission are both calling for a boycott of the retail store because of this support.  Is it any wonder that the It Gets Better Project is needed?

So I hope that you will go to the Facebook Page and/or stop by an Old Navy store and help support this cause and Old Navy.

A Purse Party

I had a My 31 Purse Party over the weekend.  You know those businesses that women usually run to supplement their household income, like Pampered Chef or Lia Sophia.  You get a group of your friends together to listen to the Consultant talk about their product and then they try to convince you to sell it yourself or at least book a party.  I feel like, most of the time, it's the same groups of women and really they are just trading money around.  Don't get me wrong, I think this is a perfectly viable option for busy women and stay at home moms and I applaud them for their business efforts.  It is, however, not for me. 

But my friend, G, needed a $200 minimum party to remain an active consultant and I owed her a huge favor for helping me clean out my storage unit last August.  Not to mention, I like the purse they offer that has removable covers.  It's called the Skirt Purse and let's me change my look without having to move things from purse to purse.  It's also less expensive than the Vera Bradley we sell at my store. She was able to make her minimum and I was able to get a couple of free things.  So it worked out pretty well.

What I did not realize is that the company is named My Thirty-One after Proverbs 31.  I knew it was a Christian Organization, but didn't realize that it was based around this ideal wife description.  There are entire Bible study groups centered around being this type of woman and I just don't get it.  Maybe I am selfish in that arena or a product of my times, I don't know.  Maybe I will understand it a little more once I have children and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.  But it also sounds a lot like the character Ellen O'Hara from Gone With the Wind and I think I am a little bit more like Scarlett right now.

The Day Before...

At the Hallmark dinner the other night, a couple of girls were talking about this impending rapture that is supposed to happen on May 21st.   For the most part they were joking, but a couple of them were really concerned.  Did I think it was possible, etc.  My answer was simply that there is no specific date given in the bible, it is even said that man can't know the day or hour when it will happen, so I wasn't concerned.  That the calculations of this man, based on things in the bible, were clearly flawed (from a religious perspective) because Human beings are fundamentally flawed.  This seemed to make them feel better and put them at ease, I'm not really sure when I became the voice of wisdom or why they accepted it so readily. 

But there is a lot of chatter, from people in my life, about this business and one can't help but think about it.  As I've said before, my mother and her sister believe that the end of times are nigh.  Granted Aunt C. has taken it to an extreme that involves stocking food and supplies, but my mother has always been my religious knowledge source and it disturbs me that she is thinking something similar to this.  Yes, there have been Earthquakes, Famines, and Wars but none any worse than others in our collective history.

Do I think it's possible that at some point in the near future the world, as we know it, will change or come to an "end" giving rise to something new we have not yet begun to imagine, yes.  The thing about life is that things are always changing.  Could something happen to derail the American government and completely change our current way of life?  Anything is possible and we're still a young country.  I'm sure the Ancient Romans never thought their way of life would come to an end and yet it did.  England enjoyed an expansive existence for a period of time and yet the sun did set.  Empires are built and destroyed and yet life remains.  It would be arrogant and foolish to think that things will go on forever just as they are.  But that doesn't mean it will be a bad change either.

Great Aunt Louisa

Great Aunt Louisa with Aunt Shelley
circa 1960's

Today would have been my Great Aunt Louisa's 81st birthday.  I find myself thinking of her today especially for that reason.  There are a lot of things we don't think to ask people when they are with us and, like with my mommom, I have a lot of them.

It's Mother's Day and I find myself wondering if Aunt Weeze, as we affectionately called her, ever wanted children of her own.  She was always like a second grandmother to us and I know my dad always felt she was like a second mother.  Always a part of our lives, living with her sister, our Mommom.  She would drive us home after our parents got home from work and was always ready with a trash bag on gift giving occasions.

After my mommom died, Aunt Weeze went to live with my Aunt Shelley.  That was pretty short-lived as they didn't get along at all and she ended up living in her own apartment.  Her death was very sad and could have been prevented, I felt.  I have all sorts of negative feelings about the hospital where she died and not just because of this situation.  I remember going to the hospital and talking to her, though she was unconscious, and just willing her to wake up.  (She did for a short period of time, but not while I was there.)  It was such a helpless feeling.

A New Decade?

Last night, my sister called me around 10:00pm.  She said that the President was going to make an announcement and the press was pretty sure it was the death of Osama Bin Laden.  I was already in bed at the time and didn't feel like going out to the living room to watch something I would undoubtedly see on TV for the next three weeks.  I know it probably sounds unpatriotic, but I honestly didn't think it was that big a deal to drag myself out of bed after I'd been fighting sleep for several hours.  If I remember correctly, she said she thought it would be an historic moment (and for those that remember 9/11 it is) and I said that I didn't think it was something to celebrate as, undoubtedly, someone else would rise up to fill his shoes.

Thinking about it today, I have to maintain that feeling.  It's kind of like fighting the Hydra; cut off one of its heads and three grow back in its place.  We're not dealing with a typical army/enemy country, we're dealing with religious fervor and that is much harder to quell.  There will be some kind of threat to the US to retaliate for this death.

People are celebrating this death the way the British People celebrated the wedding of their Prince.  It sickens me a little.  Part of me is glad that we can close this chapter in our history and hopefully move on from it stronger than we were before.  I remember what it was like on September 11th and I can imagine that this is a huge relief to the survivors and the families of those killed during the attacks.  But I can't get over the fact that, as a country, we're celebrating a death.

Fools and their troubles

Do you ever have days where you feel completely foolish?  I have these worries in my head that attack me at the worst times.  If you know me, then it's no surprise that I have more than a few insecurities.  I have tried to remain open and un-jaded, but over the years that is simply difficult to do.  Things that I should be completely comfortable with and in, I start to doubt and worry about the future or my place in this or that.

Then a day will pass and something will bring me out of my funk.  It's then that I feel foolish.  Because I do have a great many things going well for me right now and to doubt that will invite trouble.  But it will be trouble of my own making...

Christian Bale & Lifelong Friends

I have maintained two things since the age of 12.  One is my friendship with G and the other is my adoration of most things, Christian Bale.  I met G when she moved to Harford County and transferred to my middle school.  They placed her at the desk next to mine in Ms. S's 7th grade English class.  I remember the desks were arranged into groups of 6 with everyone facing each other and I wanted this new girl to feel welcomed.  I'd had a hard time adjusting to middle school and needed a few friends of my own, so I wrote a note and passed it to her.  As G tells the story, I threw a "book" at her the note was so long.  But she wrote back.

She introduced me to several things that year; Newsies, gel pens, and some of the best curse words I've ever learned.  Her parents were bikers and she spent a lot of time in the workshop with her dad and his friends.  Though her parents weren't bikers as depicted on television, they were regular people who owned and loved Harley Davidsons.  Yes they had leather jackets and her father was a big scary-looking man with a full grey beard but he was the biggest teddy bear. Her favorite movie was Newsies, it was only 2 years old at that point, and it was the most amazing thing I'd seen.  Christian Bale played the lead, and even though he is not proud of that work, it still holds a special place in my heart.  I couldn't get enough of that song, Santa Fe, or Christian Bale. This led me to Swing Kids where I discovered an entire genre of music that still brings me comfort in bad times.

Eighteen years later, times have changed and we're mostly grown-up.  G has two adorable kids with her husband and I don't get to see any of them nearly enough.  So, I spent my day yesterday with them.  I brought her lunch while the kids were napping and then we had a little girl time when her husband returned from work.  It is a very strange thing for me to see her with her family because in my mind we're still only 18, 19, 20, 21 years old.  But we're almost 30 and things progress.  We've become very different people from the little girls in English class and we've become very different from each other. 

When G's father died, she turned to religion in a serious way.  It brings her comfort and order in a somewhat chaotic world.  When we were younger I was the more religious of the two and now I have grown away from that.  I wouldn't say I am without faith, but organized religion doesn't agree with me.  My parents were both Salvation Army ministers so it is difficult to separate religion from what I do believe, but G and I have very different views on all of this.  I am what is defined as a Liberal, though I do have some conservative qualities, and G is now what is defined as Conservative, though she possesses some liberal qualities as well.  This has led to some misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but we've managed to remain friends.  The thing is that her Conservatism stems from a religious base, unlike my friend J where it's a fiscal issue, and it's difficult to debate or politely disagree when things are based on something as personal as religion. 

But I left yesterday with the feeling that it had been a fantastic day.  We read to her kids, took them to Target, and then had time to talk to each other without any incident.  I think we're both learning to be happy in our lives and it is showing.

Religion and Nick Cage

Tonight I went to see Season of the Witch with friends.  It was the chosen movie simply because we knew it would be terrible.  Medieval Nicholas Cage and witches, how could it not be?  WE were not disappointed in the slightest and spent much of the walk back to our cars discussing the finer points of the plot.  For example, why couldn't a powerful witch pick one rusty lock, or why go to that lever of subterfuge to obtain the one book that could destroy you if you actually leave the literate people alive for the entire journey.

In act one, we have Nicholas Cage and his heterosexual life mate, Snarky Ron Perlman, lose faith in their Crusade.  Raid after raid we see the pair getting more and more disenchanted with the Church.  It is only when they are directed to attack women and children that the duo peace out.  On their way back home, they are roped into escorting a supposed witch to a monastery where a religious ritual can be performed to rid the countryside of her spells.  Cage is having none of this business, even going so far as to say he "serves the church no longer."  He changes his mind when he sees the witch they are supposed to transport, but not in a romantic interest kind of way.  He is seeking redemption for his actions in the crusades as the movie makes sure to point out at very critical plot points.  So they embark on this treacherous journey with an old guy, a priest, a thief, and an idealistic kid with a bad mustache.  The priests honestly believe that this girl is a witch and, as such, is the cause of the Black Plague.  There is some speculation about whether or not this is true or just more of the same religious fervor seen during the crusades; always looking for a scape-goat.  ***SPOILER ALERT***However as the movie goes on, the audience realizes that, scoff as he may, Nicholas Cage is very wrong about this so-called innocent.  Hell breaks loose, there are zombie priests, and almost everyone dies in the end.***SPOILER ALERT***

On the way home, there was an article on NPR about religion in the Middle East and I started to wonder what the real message of this movie could possibly be. We see the obvious corruption of the Church in its repeated attacks on "non-believers" even going so far as to insist its knights attack defenseless women and children for their beliefs.  But then Nicholas Cage comes back to the Church when faced with  true evil.  It's like the movie is acknowledging the ability of man to abuse the system but then tells you not to lose sight of what's important.  Sure things may get out of hand now and again, but remember that you are finite and cannot possibly understand all the complexities of this world.  So even if it looks like the church is being corrupt one shouldn't question it because some demon could have crafted a complicated plan to seize control of this plane of existence.