Birthdays

Today is the last day of January, which means tomorrow will be February and the traditional birthday countdown can commence.  The problem is that, as of today, I can't say that I'm very excited about my upcoming birthday.  I'm not sure if it's the general melancholy I've been feeling of late or that there just isn't anything exciting about 31.  There's no trip to Ireland, no special celebration to plan, no boyfriend, etc.

I've requested the entire weekend of my birthday off, at both jobs, but when my step-dad asked me how I wanted to celebrate I really didn't have an answer.  Last year I had all sorts of things that I wanted to happen and I made them happen.  I flew my mother up here to celebrate and planned my own birthday party.  I swear I will not do that again.  After everyone left I had my house to clean, ON MY BIRTHDAY.  Is it too much to ask that my loved ones plan the celebration for me?  That I could just show up and be like, "oh is this for me? You shouldn't have."

It's kind of a catch 22 though.   I don't want to plan anything for myself because I just want to relax on my special day and not worry whether or not people are having a good time, etc.  But then I don't want it to be a non-event either.  And if one doesn't know what one WANTS to do on one's Birthday, one could very well end up doing nothing.  It is not enough to know that I want something to happen on my birthday, I have to have a general idea of what that something should be.  A quiet dinner like it's a regular weekend night is not enough.  It should be big, have fanfare and banners, and maybe just enough alcohol that I make out with a stranger.  The weather should be warm and I should have a new party dress.

So, I think it's just the general melancholy I've felt lately.  A general sense of blah about almost everything.  Probably due to the season.  Maybe I could go to a sunny beach for my birthday...I wonder if I could get that together in less than 28 days.

Christian Bale

Taxes

I am starting to prepare my 2011 tax returns.  It's important for the filing of the FAFSA I am going to do, though I am not 100% sure I need to do that for graduate school - must research and find out.  So far everything is coming in as it should, I've gotten my day job W-2 and the 1098-E's for my student loans.  I even received a 1098-T for the $400 or so dollars I paid for my Accounting I class this summer, which must be something new because I don't remember getting one when I attended undergrad over six years ago.  I know I had the cash out of my DTB IRA, so that's an additional $6K I have not yet accounted for in my income.  I'm not sure what form I need for that though, so there is a lot of information I need to collect before finalizing anything. 

Right now, H & R Block is showing I will get $900 back from federal and $4000 from State.  I realize these are not legitimate numbers, as I said I cashed out an IRA this year, and I'm really just hoping to break even.  I contributed more to my 401(k) and had an additional $50 per paycheck withheld for state taxes to compensate for both the IRA cash out and my second job.  So the estimates are far from realistic at this point, BUT wouldn't it be nice if they were?

That large of a return would pay off more than just the Christmas debt I saddled myself with this past holiday.  It would give me extra for school, or vacations, or to put away for Christmas this year.  Is this what homeowners feel like?  I know they get a larger return than I normally do because of the property values and mortgage paid, etc.  But of course that has to go back into upkeep of the house and property taxes.  Could I possibly stop having an additional $50 withheld from my paycheck every two weeks?  That would bring at least an additional $100 into my budget every month.  I will have tuition payments this year.  Perhaps I could rely on the regular withholding again. 

It's just the thought of having to pay the government money at the end of the year freaks me out.  It's not that I don't want to pay taxes at all or that I think they're too high, etc.  It's just that I'd rather pay too much and have the government act as a sort of savings account than have to keep estimating throughout the year to make sure I don't have to pay when I file.  The saving of money has never been easy for me, so owing the government would not be easy on my finances.  It's the intense pressure of owing money to someone or some organization that causes me to freak out.

B-School Prep: Quizno's Article on NPR

On the ride into work today I heard the following: Quizno's NPR Article.

It really made me think about the degree I am attempting to pursue as it involved the flow of business.  An interesting perspective on franchises and corporate offices, too.  I haven't really thought about how Hallmark and my store interact on the financial side of things.  My focus is limited to the monthly inspections we get from the corporate office to make sure we're maintaining the Hallmark Core Values.

There are some materials/merchandise we must purchase directly from Hallmark.  The cards are the obvious example and honoring the gold crown coupons is similar to Quizno's buy one get one free deal.  (Because the coupons are only allowed to be used on Hallmark merchandise and we have to buy that directly from the corporation.)  Though we are reimbursed for the cost of the items sold so it's not like we're out that money like the Quizno's franchises.  We just don't make a profit from the sale of those items, so it's a loss of potential income I suppose.

I kind of feel like an apprentice watch maker on his first day.  There are these inner workings that I have taken for granted my entire life and learning some of the basics has widened my perspective of the world.  All this from just one Accounting I class, imagine what I could do with an entire Masters Degree!

B-School Applications: Resume

I would have to say that this portion of the Business School application is proving most challenging.  I know that if one is applying for a job one should keep the resume to one page, but is that also true for Business School?  What exactly should I highlight on this resume since I'm not applying for a job?

I have seen more than one website that clearly states the Business School Application does not adhere to the same rules one would use for a job-seeking resume.  I have also seen a number of testimonials from those reading applications saying they look at the resume first so students should spend more time and effort crafting it.

I feel that I have a solid Accounting Resume and would be extremely confident if I were applying for an accounting job.  But Accounting school is way more intimidating.

A Crossroads

This weekend, I had one of the Dads' bar friends ask me to submit my resumé to him.  He works for the government, specifically Health and Human Services.  He overheard me talking to his wife about my grad school application process and asked Dad a lot of questions about me at the next gathering.  The job he specifically has in mind: Grant Writing.  I said that I would submit my resumé and thanked him for thinking of me.  It's difficult to really talk about all the thoughts that run through one's head when someone asks for your resumé out of the blue like that.  So it's always best to just say thank you and I will.

Of course, now I am faced with all the crippling thoughts that come with contemplating the future and choices that must be made.  To begin with, I have already started the wheels in motion for an advanced degree in Accounting.  Five years ago, I would have been jumping up and down at the prospect of a job in Grant Writing.  Now I am a little more cautious as I don't know what this means for the plans I have started to lay down, nor do I want to dismiss an excellent opportunity without really considering all the options.  But the bigger question is what do I really want to be doing five years from now?

I know from the class I took this summer that I am actually quite good at accounting and I do get a measure of satisfaction knowing I am not just a "words" person.  Learning accounting would be tied up with the building blocks of business management and that's always useful knowledge.  But then getting in with a government job is difficult and if I am to attain my dream of working at the Library of Congress, whether as Librarian or Accountant, this would be a useful step.  Once in the government I would have the ability to move from job to job without losing years of service.  Unlike the private sector where a new start with a new company means starting over again, unless other terms are negotiated. 

But the opportunity for advancement can be greater in the private sector.  It's like picking investments for one's 401(k); do you go with high risk since you have time before retirement or do you go slow and steady?  One could have greater earning potential if the markets are in your favor, but you could also lose everything and not have enough to retire.  The same is true for the low risk investments, too, but it tends to be more stable.

I must not get ahead of myself.  Submitting a resumé does not mean one will get a job or even a job offer.  I submitted enough of them when I was unemployed to know that better than anyone.  But when the friend of a family member makes a point to ask, the likelihood that one will have to accept or decline something greatly increases.  And, of course, the part that is bothering me is that someone somewhere will have to be disappointed.

B-School Essay : Short-Term/Long-Term Goals

American University requires a 500 word essay on my short-term and long-term goals and how that applies to my education at their university.  Between this and the optional personal statement, it's my opportunity to show them something special about me.  I've always been a writer, sometimes brilliant but most of the time adequate.  I know that this is one of my strengths as a candidate and I need to focus on the best way to display that.

But I feel like I've never had training in this and I'm so rusty my fingers practically creaked when I started working on the rough drafts.  The personal statement went pretty easily, maybe a little dramatic, but that's acceptable.  It's the short-term/long-term goal essay that I think I've completely lost sight of the path.  I could easily say "here's my short-term goal,"  "here's my long-term goal," now please let me give you my monies in exchange for goods and/or services.  But I think the people reading the essays will be so bored with that format.  I wanted to make it entertaining to read so that I would stick out in their minds, but I am afraid it may have gone the other way.  I would definitely stick out in their minds, but not necessarily in a good way.

So I've sent off the rough drafts to people I trust for evaluation.  I have a little over a month to send in the application for a merit scholarship consideration.  I don't know that I would merit one, given my GPA and GMAT score, but I don't want to miss the opportunity for the possibility.

I'm excited about this.  I'm also stressed about it, but it's got me thinking in terms I don't use every day.  It is something different to stimulate my brain and, so far, it's pretty cool.

B-School Application: Goal Essay Rough Draft

One of the most influential novels I've ever read was A Passage to India, by E.M. Forster.  It presents two divergent cultures, one that appreciates the artistry in everything and one that cannot see the forest for the trees, and the main question in Forster's novel is whether or not they can co-exist peacefully in India.  I find that I identify more and more with this central theme as my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, from University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC), is seemingly in direct contrast to my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Accounting.  However, like the characters in Forster's novel, there is a common element that unites the two disciplines. 

Just as Dr. Aziz and Professor Fielding have a mutual respect for one another that transcends the bonds of their individual cultures, the study of English Literature involves the development of one's analytical skills which are crucial to a career in Accounting.  In my current position as a Materials Assistant at Safenet, Inc., my ability to recognize the importance the small details play in the larger financial reporting picture has allowed me to become a valued member of my team. Unencumbered by the rote technique used by my associates, I am able to draw conclusions from our accounting data that would otherwise have gone unnoticed and communicate them effectively to other departments.  However, the skills I have acquired in the accounting field are only the cornerstone to the educational foundation I need to be successful within my company. 

The Masters of Science in Accounting program offered by American University will allow me to learn proper procedures and processes that can be implemented in my day to day job.  Thereby allowing me to become an important asset to my company.  With six years in the accounting field, I will be able to provide real world experience from small business, large corporation, and goverment contractor perspectives.  My current employee, Safenet, Inc. is also planning to go public in the near future, so I will be able to provide first hand knowledge of that process as we prepare ourselves for our IPO.

I could easily see my future at Safenet, Inc. as my current supervisor just received her twenty years of service award and she is the person I most want to emulate in my professional life.  Ultimately, however, I would like to use my current knowledge of government accounting practices and the technical knowledge of Accounting I will gain from studying at American University to secure a managerial position in the financial offices at the Library of Congress.  Being a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and having work experience in Accounting, I cannot think of a better environment for these two disciplines to co-exist.  Washington, D.C. is the beautiful combination of so many cultures and educational backgrounds and it has always been a dream of mine to work and live there.

As discussed in E.M. Forster's novel, A Passage to India, human beings have a drive and ambition to tame the wilderness around them; to make sense out of chaos and have some measure of control.  My pursuit of an advanced degree in Accounting stems from that desire to label and organize our world into easily digested pieces of information, but I can also recognize how those pieces fit together to create an intricate mosaic that represents an entire company.

B-School Applications: Personal Statement

Having taken the GMAT, my next focus needs to be on actually applying to schools.  Filling out the application is fairly easy (I know my own name, etc).  It's the personal statement, or essays, that are giving me a panic right now.  I know that I can write, and I write well, but the problem is choosing a topic and then trying to display my abilities in the best light possible.  I've never been good at recognizing or talking about my accomplishments, especially to other people.

So I started looking up websites online, trying to get a good idea of where to start, and I came across this helpful article by Valeria Vegas.  It suggests brainstorming by answering a bunch of questions.  One of the questions that caught my attention was the following:

Is the any work of literature, piece of art, or music that has made a tremendous impact on your life? Why?

Of course, there is!  I've talked about how a lot of my life philosophy comes from A Passage to India by E.M. Forster.  So much so, apparently, that it was one of the coolest gifts I received this year. (A friend purchased a second printing of the first edition for me.)  It's really been a while since I've outlined exactly what those philosophies are and where they are addressed in the book.  Maybe this is an excellent opportunity to revisit that. Maybe I could start with my favorite quote about how the majority of beings don't give a rat's ass how the world is governed.  Then go into the problems human beings face with their own mortality and leaving some sort of legacy behind.   Isn't that a major reason for why I'm doing all of this?  Of course, this type of essay may not work for the University of Maryland application deadline on February 2.  I think it will involve re-reading A Passage to India and, no, that's not some excuse to waste time reading.

Then there is the following, standard question:

Where do you see yourself in ten years? In twenty years? How about fifty years from now?

That's a fairly simple question, isn't it?  Though where I saw myself ten years ago is not where I am now and I am almost certain that where I see myself ten years from now will not be where I end up.  There are so many factors and curve balls that life throws at you, how can you possibly say with any certainty "this is what I'm doing"?  I mean que sera, sera and what not.  Which brings me back to my A Passage to India - the outcome has already been decided.  I also imagine that a lot of people will take this route when writing their essays, so it won't be very original and it certainly won't help me stand out.  My undergrad GPA is not the best and my GMAT score is not what I'd hoped it would be.  This is where I have that opportunity to showcase one of my actual talents and what if I mess it up.

Then there is this one:

What is your most dominant personality trait? Would your family and friends agree?

It's a little bit like filling out those online dating questionnaires.  What is the first thing people notice about you?  What do you think is your best feature? Describe your ideal mate?  etc.  But it makes me wonder, what IS my dominant personality trait?  Is it kindness, adaptability, determined?  If you were to ask me about my sister, I would say she's motivated, focused, and stubborn.  In good ways, of course.  If I had half of what she does, I wouldn't be worried about getting into Business School.

Though, I think this one would allow me to discuss my dismal undergrad GPA and give some sort of explanation:

Did you suffer through a particularly difficult time in your life? Why was it so tough and how did your outlook change once the difficulty passed?

I can talk about the difficulties of living with an emotionally abusive step-parent and dealing with an ill mother.  I mean there is a wealth of information in that sentence alone.  How I had to work a full time job while attending school because I was the first person in my family to go to college and we really couldn't afford it.  That in dealing with a needy mother, a hostile home life, supporting myself, and sometimes my sister it's amazing that I did as well as I did.  But maybe that will look too much like I want their pity and I don't ever want that from anyone.  If I wrote it correctly, it would highlight my strengths.  But then, I think about so many other kids that had it worse.  My situation was bad, don't get me wrong, but it could have been so much worse.

Then we have:

Have you ever had a moment of true surprise or an epiphany? How did it change you?

I think the most recent epiphany I've had is that I can actually do Math.  My experience with the GMAT has shaken that a little bit, but overall I am still surprised that I do as well as I do.  Or rather, it's probably more accurate to say, that I'm surprised other people don't do as well as I do.  This came when I was taking the Accounting class this summer.  My sister hated Accounting.  So I was really nervous about taking the class myself.  I was not the "smart one,"  I was the "sweet one" and, if my sister had a difficult time with it, how could I possibly do any better?  But it turns out I understood it and did really well.  I've been able to help a local bar with their records because I "get" it.  Am I great at it?  Probably not, but I could be really good at it with the proper training and education.  It was just surprising to realize that I could be good at both words and numbers.

New Year, New Entry

I started to read back through the posts I put up at the start of last year and I had to stop myself.  I have found myself so melancholy at the turning of this new year and reading through how happy I was at the beginning of the last isn't helping me that much.  Though, I don't want this entry to turn into a poor me kind of thing.  I wanted to write about how exciting it is to put up a fresh calendar with all the possibilities of it still looming ahead of me, because that's terribly exciting to me.  Or to compare my goals for this year vs. how I did on my goals for last year, less exciting when I realized I didn't complete several of them as originally hoped.   But, of course, I start off with the melancholy because it seems to be infecting everything right now.  It could be due mostly to the weather, or Danielle returning to Atlanta - nothing seems to feel right after she leaves, but it's just a general sense of blah.

So the best way to overcome these Doldrums, as told me to by Tock the Watch Dog, is to think.  So let's get on with these 2012 goals and plans for my life.

School Timeline:

• January 2012
• Write two entrance essays for University of Maryland Application
• Contact people for recommendation letters to include with applications
• February 2012
• Submit University of Maryland Application
• March 2012
• April 2012
• May 2012
• June 2012
• July 2012
• August 2012
• Submit Towson University Application
• September 2012
• Start Classes

Obviously, this will need some major work.  For instance, I can't possibly start classes in September without first deciding to which school I will attend.  So perhaps I should move up my Towson Submission date, even though they have rolling admissions, so I can have complete choices.  I will also have to look up the decision deadline for all the colleges, the program length, and the average cost per year.

Goals for 2012:

• Make more of an effort to contact friends, i.e J and G whom I don't get to see that often and really should call more frequently.
• Adhere to budgets set for myself
• Adhere to Credit Card payoff budget I set for myself.
• Continue working with the Weight Watchers Program and attain goal weight by (or reasonably close to) my birthday.

I think that's a good start for now.  Oh, hey, the Lethargians are running scared now....on to the Land of Expectations!