NKOTBSB



NKOTBSB at the Beginning of the Concert (My Photo)

 I traveled to Greensboro, NC this weekend for the NKOTBSB concert.  My sister had gifted the tickets for my birthday in February and I couldn't have been more excited that it coincided with my friend, J's son's second birthday.  I usually get to see J about once a year and the last two were kid related events.  (2009 was her baby shower and 2010 was R's first birthday.)

I was uber excited because I had my not so new anymore Sony Cybershot DSC-H20 and the Sony VCL-DH1758 Tele Conversion Lens and I knew I would be able to get some amazing shots at this concert.  I was hoping it wouldn't be as hit or miss as the previous concerts I've been to and I would have recognizable photos to take home.  It wasn't as much of a sure thing as I had hoped and I do have my fair share of fuzzy pictures.  But I also have a few great gems like these:


Focus on Jordan Knight




Danny Wood & Jordan Knight



Nick Carter & Howie Dorough





Backstreet Boys

Then there is my personal favorite, where they all came out on stage at the end to sing the song they recorded together.  But before they  sang their song, they did these little intros for members of the other group.  While they were waiting for their moment, the rest of the group members talked together on stage - like real people!  I just thought it was really cool.  And this is where I pointed my camera while AJ was talking about the Bad Boys of the group or Nick was talking about how awesome the Knight brothers are.



Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Mutability

by Percy Bysshe Shelley

We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon; How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver, Streaking the darkness radiantly! -yet soon Night closes round, and they are lost for ever: Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings Give various response to each varying blast, To whose frail frame no second motion brings One mood or modulation like the last. We rest. -A dream has power to poison sleep; We rise. -One wandering thought pollutes the day; We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep; Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away: It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow, The path of its departure still is free: Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow; Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

There are a few poems that speak to me in times of doubt and struggle.  This is one of them.  It's usually when I come back from weekends like this last one and I can see how life moves and changes around us.  I wonder if I am moving and changing with it.  Am I growing, improving, moving forward as I should? 

I see my friends lives and I wonder if I am a healthy person.  Not just physically, but mentally and socially.  Am I making the right choices?  Am I a successful adult?  What defines those terms?

Unexpected Uses for Accounting

You know that time of day, when your brain wonders to whatever topic it wants?  It could be anything from Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and wonder if that Asian actor in the new Spring Commercial is the same guy who played Adam in the Might Morphin Power Rangers Movie to a shame spiral of thoughts that lead one to dark emotional places.  This could happen while one is at work, driving in the car, or trying to go to sleep.

It's whatever time of day you have where your brain is unfocused and allowed to frolic freely in the mine field of your memories.  For me this happens most frequently when I am driving (usually home from work) or when my head hits my pillow.  It will catch on a thought and then chase after it like a ravenous beast.  Due to recent life events, it's usually about how different things are this year as opposed to last year.  Or what could have happened differently from how life is right now.  Or reliving the feeling of those revelations.  Or wondering if there's ever something in his current life that causes him to think of me and regret his choices.  Not just because of the pain he caused but because of me.  Driving home usually has me wondering what I would say if he ever came back and wanted a second chance.  Which is really very silly.

I have found that the confusing nature of Debits and Credits in accounting has given me an alternative.  Doing well in this Principles of Accounting Class is important to me and the plans I am making for my future.  Most of it is pretty easy to grasp since I can relate it to work I am currently doing, but most of it doesn't come second nature and I have to really work my way through a problem.  So in these times, where my mind is sabotaging my recovery, I have started thinking about the Accounting Equation and which parts have increases in debits and which have increases in credits.  It gives me focus on something positive and helps to reinforce the knowledge I am gaining.  Win/Win.

Name that Bitch

Have you seen that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted keeps inviting his random dates to important friend events and Lilly gets really upset.  She has him play that "Name that Bitch" game with her scrapbooks and he can't remember any of the girls' names.

I am heading down to NC today for the NKOTBSB concert and R's second birthday.  I couldn't be more excited.  I know that I don't live near my friend, J, and I don't see her and her family everyday so her son won't have actual memories of me until he's much older.  Even then it will be like the memories I have of Dad's friend, Bonnie.  I know she came over a few times and was there for family parties, but I have no concept of her as a person outside of these rare events.  I don't know what her sense of humor was like or what kind of friendship she had with Dad.  I know what I've heard, but I don't actually know.

What I do like is that one day R will look back at his parents' pictures and see me in the wedding party, at his shower, and (hopefully) all of his birthdays.  That even if I am not an actual character in his life/world, he will know that his family was important to me and that his mom had friends that loved her.  There are certainly people in my parents' pictures that appear more than a few times and I wonder who they are.  I hope that I have a little more presence in his life than that, though.  Things do change, however, and we can never tell what the future will bring.

14 Years Ago

There was a little boy born into my family 14 years ago today.  I was only 16 at the time and he had my heart instantly.  He was my Aunt's third child and my youngest cousin.  The Orioles had a legitimate chance at the World Series and my Mommom had another two months to live.  It was taking care of him in the aftermath of her unexpected death that helped create the bond I have with him.  I would do anything I could to protect that little boy.

Of course, he is not so little anymore.  He's much much taller than I am and off at music camp creating his own future.  There are so many worries I have for him.  He came out to me, and eventually the rest of his family, last year and there was a fair amount of drama surrounding it.  Not from the family necessarily but from having to deal with church and his social groups.  It was really the adults that made it a problem and not his peers.  At 13, he knew who he was and wasn't afraid to be himself and I could not have been prouder of him.  Since then, he's become really involved in the church and I know I've read this story before.  My father did the same things when he was that age.  And even though that story has a much better ending to it now, there was a lot of pain for my father that I hope my cousin will be able to avoid.

He could really accomplish a lot in his life and I sincerely hope that he is able to see his own potential.  I hope that he has bigger dreams than the border of Harford County and closer to my sister's than any of his other family members.  I try to stress that to him when I can.  That even though his life sucks right now, it won't always be that way and he has the power to make his own future.  But then I get phone calls while he's on a family vacation because there was a fight and he doesn't know how to handle it.

I hope that I'm helping in the same way that my Aunt helped me get through my formative years with Jim.  Our parents don't always make the best decisions but they do always love us.  I hope that he can see that in 5, 10, 20 years when he looks back on his childhood.  Mostly, I hope that he can come through all of these things a stronger and better person than his parents.  I hope he can possess all of their good qualities and very few of their faults.  That he can live a healthy grown-up life and stay in touch with me and Danielle no matter where his life takes him.

School Anxiety

For some reason today I had a small attack of panic regarding my class that is supposed to start tomorrow.  I started wondering how many weeks the class was going to be and did I sign up for the right semester.  I tried to find the information online but could no longer find the class on the school's website.  So then I really started to worry.  What if the class started last week, or last semester, and I had completely missed it? 

I know that this was an unreasonable fear.  I signed up for the class months ago after talking to an advisor at "JCC" and then paid for it on the spot.  It's been a done deal since before the summer began and I hadn't given it a second thought, or second guessed myself, until today.  I actually had to call the school and ask the registration and records people if I had the correct information.  The woman laughed a little and I apologized for being so paranoid and she said that she wished more people were as conscientious about their schedules.

So, it starts tomorrow.  I go back to school, even if only for a class, and I will know if about 5-8 weeks if this is something I actually want to do for the next 30 years of my life.  Up to this point, I've been a gypsy in my professional life.  I've gone from industry to industry just doing the work they'll pay me to do.  But this could be the start of actually defining a career for myself and that's very exciting.  I can still go from industry to industry if I want, but I won't have to start all over from the beginning when I get there, I'll be in the Accounting track. 

I was so excited this morning that I woke up before my alarm.  If you know me at all, you know that mornings are not my forté and that waking up before my alarm is usually a sign that something is very wrong or it's Christmas.  This was closer to that Christmas feeling than it was something wrong.  I've always been excited about school, it was never something I dreaded or wished would end prematurely.  My thought process driving home tonight was, tomorrow I'm going to learn something new.  And that joy is so overwhelming for me.  But it's also coupled with the worries of what if I don't like it, what if the class isn't on my level (either too fast or too slow), what if I am just not any good at it...Tomorrow we begin to get the answers to these.

Harry Potter - the Anti-Geek?

I read an interesting article by Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon.  It was called "Harry Potter: The Anti-Geek" and it really got me thinking about the books and certain things about them I take for granted.  Marcotte argues that the reason these books are so popular is because the characters don't fit into the traditional "band of misfits" trope.  Yes, Hermione is Muggle-born and, yes, Ron is from a poor wizarding family but the only characters that hold this against them are Slytherin.  (I don't recall any problems with the Gryffindor crowd, at any rate.)  There are times when Harry faces problems with his fellow house members but these are related to outside propaganda and political smear campaigns more than anything else.

Which brings me to another one of Marcotte's points: Harry is a jock.  She points out that not only is he the star athlete of the Quidditch team, akin to our Quarterback, but also a legit celebrity in the wizarding world.  Hence the drama with the propaganda.  This is not what you would expect from a "geek" or "nerd."  As Marcotte points out, the closest we get to a "nerd," with our Gryffindors, is Hermione with her intense studying and penchant for rules.  But even Hermione, as Marcotte says, dated a famous athlete (Krum, anyone?).

It's really Snape, Marcotte argues, that fits the mold of "geek," and I have to agree with her.  He is tormented by James when he is younger and continues this animosity with Harry.  More concerned with perfecting his potions and not getting the girl, is it any wonder that I was pulling for Snape in the whole is-he-or-isn't-he-a-bad-guy drama before the final book came out.  I do tend to love the underdog in stories. 

Which is what interested me about Marcotte's article, Harry Potter is not the underdog.  He is, in fact, from a prominent wizarding family even though he has to overcome his own personal struggles.  But there isn't one point in the novels where Harry isn't the hero.  Yes, he's the whiny teenager or the inexperienced wizard, but this is what makes the stories more realistic.  What we love about Harry is that, while clearly a superstar, he is still fairly humble and kind of heart.

NY Times Article: California to Require Gay History in Schools

NY Time Article: California to Require Gay History In Schools


I came across this article and thought it was incredibly interesting.  I am very proud that California has passed this requirement for their school curriculum.

Harry Potter - The End of an Era

The final installment of the Harry Potter movies will be released this weekend.  I am actually quite excited to see this film and then go back and read the books all over again.  I don't feel the sense of  "I'm so sad it's over" that I felt when I read the last book back in 2007.  (Oh, god, has it been that long...)  Reading the series and awaiting the new books to come out was an amazing experience and I am glad I was able to be a part of it.

I absolutely refused to read the books when they first came out.  I insisted that children's books were for children and the phenomenon was ridiculous.  I was wrong.  It wasn't until my part-time retail job started selling the Harry Potter knick-knacks that I felt I should read at least one.  It was the salesman instinct in me that said I should know what I'm talking about if I'm going to sell it to people.  And that was it.  I loved them.  I talked to my friends about the possible endings, read anything J.K. would tease us with, and enjoyed being part of a community that spanned the globe. 

The movies don't have quite the same intrigue that the books had, but they do signal the end of that era.  It seems like a lot of things are coming to a close on this, my thirtieth year.  And I have to go back to that Tim McGraw song about my next thirty years.

A Surprise 55th Wedding Anniversary

Attended my Stepdad's Parent's 55th wedding anniversary today.  The real anniversary is in December so he completely surprised them by holding it in July.  I know he wanted to do something special for them since their 50th was around the same time his sister passed away so it went uncelebrated.

It amazes me that they've been together that long.  I just look at my last 30 years and realize that there are completely different periods in my life.  I refer to them as lifetimes and I would say I've had about 5 of them so far.  Something comes along to drastically change your way of thinking or behaving and thus a new lifetime is born.  I read journal entries from ten years ago and I can't even remember being that person.  So, I can't imagine being with someone through that many life changes. 

How do you stay with someone for that length of time and still be in love with each other?  I know they had dark times.  And I know they had brilliant time.  So how did they get from one to the other for 55 years?

It's the Final Countdown...

Thirty years ago, 1 month and 16 days after I was born, the first Space Shuttle was sent into orbit.  Though it wasn't until 1982 that NASA began using the Space Shuttle on actual operational flights, I can't help but feel a kinship with it.  Today, the last Space Shuttle flight occurred.  I've written before about the space program and what a shame it is that, as a country, we don't have the drive we once had in this arena.

image from wikipedia

 "Just four astronauts—Christopher Ferguson (Commander) , Douglas Hurley (Pilot), Sandra Magnus (Mission Specialist 1), and Rex Walheim (Mission Specialist 2)—are conducting the 135th and last space shuttle mission on board Atlantis."  Listening to NPR, I learned that this is one of the smallest crews in the history of the Space Shuttle and there is a very good reason for this.  Since Atlantis is the last of the Space Shuttles, there isn't an emergency back-up in case something were to go wrong during the mission.  So the astronauts would have to move into the International Space Station until the Russian Soyuz Spacecraft can bring them home.   As you can see from the photo to the right, there is a big size difference between the Soyuz Spacecraft and the Space Shuttle we're retiring.  The Space Shuttle was used to transport the different modules of the ISS into space and the Soyuz has a limit of four people.  I also learned on NPR that the Soyuz Spacecraft will be the only way to travel to and from the ISS for now.   

It makes me wonder at the future for the ISS.  I know that it has only recently been reprieved through 2020 and I was reading on Wikipedia that the United States doesn't currently have the means to de-orbit the part of the ISS for which it is responsible until a replacement is found for the Space Shuttle.  So will the ISS continue to be maintained after 2020 via the Soyuz and commercial space flights or will it linger in space until our government decides what to do with it.  If the current battle over our debt ceiling is any indicator, I have a feeling that it will remain in space until it becomes a problem we're not prepared to handle.

Fourth Of July

This is now the third time I've rewritten this entry.  For some reason it keeps deleting and I'm not really sure why.  If only I had thought to copy the text before attempting to publish...

In a more elegant fashion, I talked about going over to N's place for the Fireworks in Baltimore.  But at this point I would rather make sure the entry is complete and published so I don't fall too far behind.  I was invited over to N's place to watch the Fireworks and I was getting a vibe that he wasn't really thinking of me romantically and, instead, enjoyed hanging out with me.  I had a great time meeting his friend from work and one of his roommates.  We grilled up some dinner and sat talking about relationships in the kitchen for a while.  The conversation spilled over to the roof time and I just had a great time hanging out with a small group of people.

Hanging out with N has shown me a different side of Baltimore living, one that I would not be completely opposed to, and I enjoy seeing it through fresh eyes.  That being said, as I walked back to my car that night I realized that I was asking myself too many questions about N's behavior and what I thought he might think of me.  It was like a tumbler clicking in a lock and I called him on my way home.  I said that I had the feeling he wasn't that interested, but I was still interested in getting to know him on a friend level.  He said that I was a "cool girl" but he didn't see it being long term and he had to focus on his Med School applications.  We agreed to be friends and will meet up for brunch on Saturday.

I, honestly, could use more male friends.  Right now, it's just M and he can be incredibly frustrating at times.  N also has a social network of people in the city, as far as I can tell, and I think this is how dating goes for 75% of the population.  Meaning you hang out with friends and they bring other friends who bring other friends and at some point you meet a random person who catches your interest for a time.  So the social networking will be good for me on many levels.  But I also felt N was incredibly easy to talk to and I was very comfortable hanging out with him.  I shared stories I don't normally tell people because you never know quite how they will react.  So I am glad that I have that kind of person in my friend arsenal.

The Cathartic Karaoke Trifecta

Taking a cue from my recent Glee Spree, I went out for Karaoke the other night with the Dads. The bar wasn't very crowded as it was Fourth of July Weekend so we were able to sing several songs.

My Song Choices:

Celo Green's "Forget You"
The Tractors' "Baby Likes To Rock It"
Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle"
Melanie's "Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma"
Lily Allen's "Smile"

What possessed me to sing "Baby Likes to Rock It," I have no idea.  I haven't heard that song in ages let alone sung along to it.  I was very upset because I had rocked the house with Celo Green's song.  Everyone had to tell me how great it was and how well I did.  Then came the travesty that was "Baby Likes to Rock It" and I was devastated.  So I decided to go with songs that I belt out in the car all the time.  The Cathartic Trifecta, as my dad called it.  Clearly Celo Green's "Forget You" is an obvious choice, Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" probably not as much but it fits the theme, and Lily Allen's "Smile" rounds out my I-am-working-so-hard-to-be-so-over-you trio.

Mark pulled me into a duet with Melanie's "Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma." I sang a little too hard and strained my voice.  It had that raspy bar voice going on, which kind of worked when it was my turn to sing Lily Allen's "Smile."  I was glad that the bar patrons were as willing to forget my foray into Tractors territory as I was.  Now I am wondering what I should sing next week...