Historic News

Trying to write my thoughts down quickly.  I just heard that the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) has ruled in favor of same-sex marriages.  The joy I feel is too immense to be captured.

We've been watching the rulings on the SCOTUS live blog for the last two weeks, waiting to see if they would rule on it or not.  And finally, this morning in a 5-4 vote it was determined that the 14th Amendment included same-sex marriages - or, as I like to call them, Marriages.

This means that my sister and her fiancée can get married in their home state.  They can move to any other state in the United States and still have the same rights and protections.  If my sister gets a work assignment in England, her WIFE can go with her without any additional hassle or red tape.

Chosen Families

My sister, D,  and I have been talking about the idea of "chosen families" lately.  It started with the death of our grandmother and our mother's reaction to her mother's death vs. the death of her former mother-in-law.  There are obvious differences, of course, like how my father's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly while my mother's mother held on for 5 days and was only unconscious for 1 of those.  But the one thing my sister and I never realized was the difference in the relationships our mother had with each of those women.  Even in the healthiest of families nothing is ever perfect and relationships are complicated at best.  

We compared it to the close friendships our father has with other members of the LGBT community.  How they would often opt to gather at a friend's house for traditional family holiday celebrations.  My mother certainly did this with our father's family and I have often felt that the genuine care and concern was mutual.  Sometimes we bend under the weight of parental expectations and fall into old family roles long after we've grown out of them.  Returning home for a visit is so very frequently a struggle between who we were and who we've become.  I have no doubt that this was a serious problem for my mother when she returned to take care of my grandmother seven years ago and I think there was a certain amount of relief felt.

Most recently, though, we've discussed the Intentional Family idea because of a situation she and her fiancée, A,  are facing with their upcoming Wedding.  One of  A's grandparents has already told her they do not want an invitation to the wedding because they do not support their decision to marry, citing religious reasons.  It's disappointing and upsetting.  It was even worse when, after a relative's death, her mother and brother were invited to stay at her grandparent's house but she was denied the hospitality because they didn't support her "lifestyle."  Regardless of your personal beliefs, especially at a time when family is grieving the loss of a loved one, there is still a human being at the core and they should be treated with the same level of compassion.  Most recently, A suffered another disappointment when her brother declined the invitation to be a attendant at the wedding.  Again, citing religious beliefs.  This came as a major blow because, until that moment, she had no idea that her brother was not supportive.

My sister and I are very close.  I've never taken that relationship for granted, but I've also never realized how truly rare that is.  I can't even begin to fathom what it is like to hear that your sibling does not accept you for who you truly are.  From almost the very beginning of their relationship, I have felt that A has been a member of our family.  My mother has also been very welcoming, calling A her "third daughter" well before they were officially engaged.  And I think this is because my mother knows what it is like to have a difficult relationship with one's birth family and she recognized a kind of kindred spirit in need of reassurance, acceptance, and love.  My father and step-father have also felt that she's family.  We've planned vacations together as a family and when our grandmother died, A was there. She was there not because she had to be or just to support D, but because she wanted to be there for our mother at a time when it was most needed.

And this is the point of family.  Whether it is chosen, intentional, or birth, a family is meant to be supportive through the difficult times.  They are a calm place where we can go and be loved for just being ourselves and sometimes in spite of being ourselves.  From here we draw the strength to face the challenges of the outside world.  We don't always have to agree on things but we have to always respect one another as individuals and as human beings.

Healthy Living - Again

I'm trying to get back on the wagon with taking care of myself.  This means, eating properly and exercising regularly.  Not to mention getting enough sleep, wearing sunscreen, and using sulfate free shampoos on my hair.  It's not easy to do on a regular basis while keeping up with the other demands of life, aka work and school.

6 years ago I lost over 40 pounds on weight watchers, in the last 3 years I've gained it all back.  2 years ago, I didn't lose any weight but I converted the fat into muscle and dropped several inches from my waistline.  The problems that led to ending up back where I started haven't gone away.  I have one year left of school and work is still a stressful environment.  But with only a year left of school and several special events coming up after that, I want to get back into my healthy habits.  Life only gets more difficult from here on out and I need to actually nail this down now so I can carry it through.

As you may have read, I lost my grandmother last month.  She had diabetes and other health problems that could have been avoided with simple steps in her youth.  I want to make sure that I am doing those things now and not taking my health for granted.  I'm already noticing parts of me deteriorating and I need to halt as much as I can for as long as I can.  This takes discipline and hard work.

I want to create healthy habits that will be passed down to my children, eventually, and I don't want them to struggle with this the way that I have.  I want to be a good example for them and show them how life can be lived to the fullest while not indulging in every single impulse that comes along.

The End of an Era

In May, my last grandparent passed away. We weren't exceptionally close, but she was still my grandmother.

It started with a call from my mother saying that Grandma had fallen and they were taking her to the hospital.  I didn't think much about it because she had fallen before and was able to recover.  But at 88 years old, there's always cause for concern.  It turns out that she had a heart attack the previous day and had ignored the warning signs.  She'd opted not to go to the hospital and went to bed instead. The damage to her heart was permanent by the time she fell and there was nothing to do but wait.

My sister and I arrived in Florida the same evening, but didn't get to see Grandma in the hospital until the following day.  She stayed in the ICU for 3 days and was then moved to Hospice care.  I have to say that the staff at Hospice of Marion County were fantastic.  They were very respectful to my grandmother and very helpful to the rest of the family.  We're also incredibly grateful to the help provided by the Salvation Army Center of Hope so that we didn't have to worry about ridiculous hotel fees.

When my father's parents died, it was sudden and we didn't have time to get there.  When my mother's father died, I was very young so it affected me differently.  For this grandparent, though, we were able to say goodbye and spend time with her at the very last of her days.  It was a surreal experience that I hope to never repeat, though I know that at some point I may have to.  With knowing that my parents are now orphans comes the realization that they're the next generation to go.

Certainly, there could be a terrible accident that could take another family member sooner, but for all intents and purposes they're the next on the list of possibilities.  This is a frightening realization for me and something on which I try not to dwell.  But it certainly makes me question a lot of things in my life and wonder what kind of story people will tell about me when they have to speak over my coffin.

New Year Thoughts

I recently learned that a friend from my high school days passed away.  I can't say we were incredibly close, we probably haven't spoken since our graduation.  But I would see her posts on Facebook and we would occasionally exchange comments on photos.  I know she had a great sense of humor, a beautiful family, and was incredibly helpful to other friends who were struggling with a similar disease.  Our 15 year reunion would have been this year, but no one actually planned the event.  When I e-mailed about the reunion in September the response was, "I guess we'll just have to wait for the 20 year."  Like we had all the time in the world.

But the reality is that we don't and we, as human beings, take so many things for granted.   Last year, I talked about focusing more on experiences and less on things.  Unfortunately, I don't think I did a very good job of it as the year went on.  So my thoughts have been on this the last couple of days. 

• My Health - I take it for granted.  I'm not doing the things I need to do to keep me healthy.  The fact that I haven't had any major health problems is pure luck.
• School & my Future - It's been this nebulous thing.  A general direction I'm headed in, but without any light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm finally starting my first semester of graduate classes after finishing up the pre-reqs last semester.  It's real.  This time next year I'll be stressing about graduation.
• My Friends - I've not made the effort I'd like to to try and keep up with people.  Having drinks or going out is like pulling teeth since I've started school.  It feels like depression, but it's really just that I enjoy my free time to do nothing.
• My Family - This is another area where I need to make more of an effort.  Shane is going off to the Marines in a few months and this may be the last real time I get to spend with him.
• My Finances - I'm not keeping track the way I need to and a few difficult decisions may need to be made.  They're not completely out of hand, but I've run up some serious debt again.  If I want to be the successful adult I envision after graduate school, I need to get this other debt in hand so it doesn't interfere with student loans and life plans.

We become so busy with the details of life that we miss out on the bigger picture.  We don't keep up the relationships that support us through the difficult times and then we wonder why everything is so difficult.

B-School Applications: Personal Statement Rough Draft

“. . .We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;

Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow,

The path of its departure still is free:

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;

Nought may endure but Mutablilty.”

- From “Mutability” by Percy Bysshe Shelley

From the very first visit I made to the Library of Congress, in school, I knew that I wanted to work there.  The historical, political, and cultural significance contained in those buildings is inspiring and every minute detail of the Jefferson Building contains a symbol reflecting our national heritage or an homage to the other cultures that influenced on our founding fathers.  There are many people in this world who, from a young age, know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives and some of them are even fortunate enough to attain those aspirations.  For the rest of us, however, our lives tend to be a series of compromises which slow our individual growth and interfere with our professional journey. 

My younger sister and I were the first in our family to even consider going to college and, growing up, we were always told we would have to win scholarships.  Our parents had lived paycheck to paycheck and, even though they wanted something better for their children, they did not have the means to provide for the educational foundation we would need.  But they laid a very prominent corner stone by instilling their value of education in us. Indeed, I worked diligently in high school and received a scholarship from the University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC).  My parents were unable to advise me when it came to applications, financial aid, college courses, or selecting a major.  I learned to be self reliant in wading through all the information and bold in seeking out counsel from advisers or professors.  I still had to work a full time job while attending classes to cover the remaining cost of my education.  It was often a struggle but it helped me develop exceptional time management skills and I know that everything I have accomplished has come from my own perseverance.

It wasn't until I was a sophomore in college that my mother's health became a cause for concern.  My parents divorced when I was eleven, so the responsibility of my mother's care fell to me.  I spent most of that year attending classes, visiting in the hospital, and working full eight hour shifts at my job.  The struggle to maintain my grade point average while dealing with these outside problems brought me to the decision to take a year off from school. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.  I wanted to pursue my own dreams but couldn't deny the help my family needed and my divided attention would only cause both to suffer.  I learned that it is better to do something well than to spread one's self too thin trying to maintain everything.  After a heart stent was implanted in her left anterior descending artery, and her physical health vastly improved, I felt I could return the majority of my attention back to school. 

Upon graduating from UMBC, I found it difficult to get a job with the federal government let alone in my field of study.  The economy was slowing down and, without an advanced degree, my future at the Library of Congress was in doubt.  I had envisioned a job in Editing, Substitute Teaching, or the Library Sciences, but my first job offer came from the Accounting department of a custom home builder and I've always felt that any positive opportunity is an experience waiting to happen.  Still, it was surprising to discover how the analytical skills I had developed in undergrad dovetailed with the skills I acquired working in Accounting.  When that company folded, during the beginning of the housing crisis, I had several months to re-evaluate my professional path and decided that, with my work experience, it was still possible for me to aim for a position at the Library of Congress though not the one originally envisioned.

During the years I was pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, it seemed that my life was nothing but compromises; for my family, my full-time job, and my budget.  My personal goal of working at the Library of Congress was pushed further and further away until it seemed almost unattainable.  But life is about change and growing from those changes.  Without these challenges we would not have the opportunity to push our individual boundaries and learn all that we're capable of achieving.  I know that I have the discipline to make my studies a priority, the strength to make difficult life decisions, and the resilience to accept change.

Thryn - MVN - Official Chapter 1

She woke with a start, back in her bunk at SA-159.  The hum of the engines reassuring to her ears as her brain slowly came back into focus.  She wasn't used to dreaming much these days and this was the third time in the last six months.  The sweat on her skin was already starting to chill and the dampness made her sheets almost icy to the touch.  She shifted until her body was on something drier and tried to go back to sleep.  Even without a clock, she knew there were only a few more hours until Earth moon-rise.  Through the thickest walls on the farthest ship, it would whisper her name and call her from sleep; an unrequited love that neither of them could forget.  

Thryn tossed and turned in her bunk but sleep had completely receded from her and left her mind wondering along the shores of reality.  Humans could normally adjust their sleeping schedules to fit wherever they happened to be; they would fall into harmony with the nearest system and rely on those foreign stars to govern their days and nights.  The space stations were a little trickier, though,  with the humans experiencing about 15 sunrises on average in a single day, depending on the system and the station’s proximity to the central star, of course. Regardless, she'd never been able to break free of the Earth’s dictations and the moon continued to push and pull at her.

She leaned over to check the time and realized she was back on schedule with the ship’s clocks.   There was no point in trying to sleep any longer, so she finally crawled out of bed.  It immediately retracted back into the wall of her cramped room and the overhead lights came on.

“Good Evening, Thryn,” the computer’s voice greeted her.  “Would you like to hear the evening news?”

“Can you just give me the highlights, computer?”

“There is one item pertaining to the taxation of liquor, that might be of interest to you.”  In this incarnation she had taken up the role of bar owner at one of the pubs in the lower sector.  It allowed her to work when she wanted and still keep the appearance of having to make a living. 

“Save that item for me to review later.  Anything else?”  Thryn started the water in the shower.  It would be a few minutes before she stepped into the glass enclosure, the showers were never warm enough on this station and started out practically ice cold.  The humans complained about it every morning, but she mourned this inconvenience even more.  It wasn't that the cold bothered her, in fact her body let her live in conditions most humans could never bare, but she longed to feel warmth coursing through her.  A hot shower was the closest she ever came to replicating the sensation for herself without the aid of blood.    

“Joshua Monoceros, has arrived on board this afternoon for a benefit performance this Friday.”  Thryn stopped deader than usual.

“What benefit?”  

“The Red and Magenta Cross joint benefit concert tour.  The performance will be at the SA-159 Amphitheater.  Should I reserve tickets for you, Thryn?”  

“No, computer, thank you. That’s all for now.”  

Here was a prime example of the vampire living his life out loud.  Joshua Monoceros had been on the fame circuit for the last ten years.  He’d reached super stardom with his passion for helping charities, specifically those with a large supply of blood in their vaults, and was often depicted as an angel of mercy in the media.  They’d met once about a century ago and it had left a bad taste in Thryn’s mouth.  If it was coincidence, she just had to stay out of his way.  She weighed her odds, she'd never really been that lucky, and determined it was better to find him first.  She opened the door to the shower and waited for the steam to greet her, but the water had already run back to cold.  

******

Out in the thoroughfare the humans brushed past her; they were preoccupied with their minuscule lives and did not notice the monster within their midst.  Really they saw what they wanted to see and nothing more.  Thryn felt intoxicated with the scent of them and the warm caresses as they flowed around her.  

“Which one, which one?” she thought to herself as they skittered here and there.  It had to be someone healthy, someone strong enough to lose a pint or two and not draw medical attention to her habits.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall specimen staring her down.  He was muscular and rugged, probably a freighter worker stopping over.  He looked older, but she guessed he was about 35.  It was a decent length of time for the body to mature and gave a richness to the blood provided they made an effort to take care of themselves.  There was no need to open up a psychic link between them, his intentions were painted across his face and the hunger in his eyes mirrored her own.  It really was not polite to play with one’s food, but he radiated arrogance and that made it all the more irresistible.  He sauntered over to the post she had taken up against the corner of a shop and leaned into her, resting his forearm above her head against building.  

“Hey,” he started, “my name is Kyle.”   Kyle played with the collar on her shirt before finally asking, “What is your name?”  

“Does it really matter?”  

“No, I guess it really doesn't,” he agreed letting his hand roam lower to graze her breast.  Then he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley.  He pushed her up against the wall and began to fumble at her clothing, “come on, I don't bite.”

“I do, ” she purred as she pulled him closer to her.  Their eyes met and she opened the part of herself that let her control the humans.  Some called it glamour, some called it mind control, the result was still the same.  All the tension in his muscles released and she could feel his mind open to her. There was so much floating around in there.  He had come in this afternoon, as she had suspected, though not on a freighter.  A transport ship was a little fancier than she had expected but what surprised her was that Joshua Monoceros had been on the same transport.  Kyle was not part of the entourage, but his memories were offering a huge head start for her.   She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and he tilted his head to reveal his neck.  “That's a good boy”

Writing Idea - Milady De Winter

The oars cut through the water as the executioner pushed and pulled them closer to the small island in the middle of the lake.  Milady shivered in her thin, white chemise and the early october morning wasn't entirely to blame.  Four men were vanishing into the mists behind them; her jury and executioners but hardly her peers.  Not one of them was qualified to judge her guilt.  Only the silent man in the boat could accuse her lawfully, but even he didn't know the full story.  In her short 25 years, she'd wracked up quite a debt and if there was a God she would have much to answer for.  But, then, if there had been a God she would never have gone so far.

When she'd been a child, her faith was unflinching.  Her father had told her there was a God and that he would protect them always.  This was more than enough reason for her and she'd spent many hours in prayer for her family and neighbors.  But her Father's God had not protected him in the King's war and he'd not tilled the fields in his absence and he hadn't heard her prayers when her mother's new husband had forced his way into her room.

My Mediocre Vampire Novel

In thinking about writing my mediocre vampire novel (MVN), I realize that it might be beneficial to watch the Twilight movie series.  I have avoided it thus far, but there's something they're selling to the teenage girls that could be to my benefit to analyze. 

That being said, I realize I stopped after season 2, episode 4 of my Buffy the Vampire Slayer recaps and commentary.  Since this is a far superior vampire series, I'm wondering if my first focus should be on completing this set of entries.  It would serve two purposes, getting me back into the habit of writing regularly and immersing myself yet again into the vampire lore.  Plus, I get the added bonus of watching one of my favorite shows again.

My sister and I have been watching Lost Girl on Netflix and it has rekindled my interest in writing my MVN. Probably the most interesting thing about this show is seeing how the female characters are so different than other shows that are currently on stations like the WB/CW or whatever it's called now.  It's so much closer to what Whedon was trying to achieve with Buffy than a lot of the television we've seen since.  While this show may not have the best acting, or sometimes even the best writing, there is something so endearing (and refreshing) about the friendship between Bo and Kenzi that I really don't care.

My point, is that more research is needed to get me into the right head space to write the MVN.

Baltimore CASH Campaign

Saturday, I attended training so I can volunteer with Baltimore CASH Campaign at Towson University to prepare taxes for lower income families. I volunteered last year and, even though it was difficult work at times, I found it incredibly rewarding to help people with the new skills I learned in school.  I am feeling more confident about it this year, however, because I've just finished a semester of Tax Accounting and feel that I have a better understanding of the process.  The Basic Level this year will include itemization and a few other things that I didn't deal with last year.  I was able to attend the returning preparers training and found that I had a deeper understanding of the software.

While I was there, I made a contact with Habitat for Humanity of the Chesapeake and I am so excited to volunteer with their organization as well.  As it happens, they don't just build houses.  They also provide a means to furnish those houses and to help maintain them.  The organization also restores some of the abandoned row-homes here in Baltimore.  My new contact was telling me that there are so many programs offered by the city to help lower income individuals from drowning in property taxes and that most citizens aren't even aware they can get that kind of help.  Volunteering with Habitat for Humanity isn't just about getting out there and swinging a hammer, there are so many other ways one can be of help to the community.

I am so excited about these opportunities and I hope that I can find ways to volunteer with these organizations throughout the year and not just at tax time.

Thryn - World Building - 1 hour timed writing

This world is so dark and grey; the sun shines through a dark filter and can’t seem to reach the lonely souls scrambling around on the ground.  It provides light without warmth and you can feel the chill creeping into your bones long before the winter actually makes its appearance.  Even fair weather days don’t seem to inspire and the people trudge along with half-vacant expressions. They are lost without their beacon.  I’ve watched them for generations on this colony, pushing their way through the landscape like ants.  Roads course through the green, ebbing and flowing like concrete rivers.  New homes and fields appear on each supply run; Entire communities rising, flourishing, and then falling into disrepair.  Husks of human ingenuity left behind to fend for themselves against the harsh elements of this foreign world.

But up here there is one season and the sun patiently waits.  In this portion of the atmosphere between the planet and outer space, it appears as it wants to all year long; reaching out to wrap you in blue sky and fluffy white clouds.  Protected by the glass on the cockpit, I can almost remember that feeling of hope most humans experience when they get above the cloud line.  That realization that one’s place in this life is so small and insignificant in the context of the universe.   But I’ve been here longer than the idea for their terraformed planet and realize I have more in common with the universe than the pestilence that crawls along the landscape below.   My people are not constrained by the element of time and we make patience an art form.

 ******

“On the eve of one’s last sunset, when one first goes to ground, there is a transformation that occurs while you sleep.  Between the soil, the blood, and the sun that has saturated them both for more than a millennia, there is a unique bond.  When we are forming our new bodies in this nutrient rich culture, the sun ingrains itself and is encoded to our very DNA.  This sun on this planet will forever hold sway over your habits and the stars surrounding other worlds will never compare.   Perhaps, when you are older, you will be able to venture as far from your home as I do, but you will always feel it calling to you.”

Notes:

Vampires cannot be created in space stations – it requires the soil and the sun of a planet

Thryn - Creative Writing#1

It was a beautiful day, the weather was starting to show its winter colors and the air held slightly more chill than it had the previous week.   Winter coats were out in the park but there were still plenty of people outside trying to squeeze as much sunshine out of the fallen leaves as they could.  If the trees had not been as bare, she probably never would have seen it huddled up under the bushes.  Her gaze had been drawn to some movement ahead of her on the path -  two eyes stared back at her.   It was some kind of animal, scared and shaking in the underbrush, not really a dog but it really wasn't anything else.  There was a mutual sense of otherness, it whimpered and cowered away from her as she reached out to it.  Somehow she managed to catch it and bundle it up in her coat before anyone else could see it.  It squirmed in her arms and nearly broke free several times.  Its cries were growing louder and a small crowd was watching as Thryn moved out of the park and back to her apartment.  She felt compelled to protect this bizarre animal, but could not be entirely sure from what.  Her head felt fuzzy as she tried to sort through the details.  There was something special about this creature, something that was important to the planet.  She heard footsteps on the roof and hid the thing only moments before someone came crashing through her window.  There were men in black masks and clothes pouring through the window and her only exits were being cut off.  She could feel the panic rising in her throat.

That's when she woke with a start, back in her bunk at SA-159.  The hum of the engines reassuring to her ears as her brain slowly came back into focus.  She wasn't used to dreaming much these days and this was the third time in the last six months she'd dreamt about this creature.  The sweat on her skin was already starting to chill and the dampness made her sheets almost icy to the touch.  She shifted until her body was on something drier and tried to go back to sleep.  Even without a clock, she knew there were only a few more hours until Earth moon-rise.  

The sun always spoke to her, it did not matter how long it had been since they had last met.  Through the thickest walls on the farthest ship, it would whisper her name and call her from sleep; an unrequited love that neither of them could forget.  It had been easy at first, catch a freighter out to the farthest star system, live most of your life within the metal walls of a ship.  A large enough colony or base and no one ever questioned the odd sickness that struck the crew.  The occasional death was even expected this far out in space.  She’d been surprised her people had not thought of it sooner and disappointed that few had followed her.  

There were drawbacks, of course. The meals eaten by the crew members, though chock full of all the nutrients she required in their blood, lacked a certain flavor that made it especially enjoyable.  On the positive side, she was able to commiserate with them wholeheartedly whenever they would complain about the rations they received and how they longed for the grain-fed cows of home.  Even though most humans on the ships were paler than Earth Humans could ever be, she was more so and the lighting in the ships did little to downplay that fact.  On Earth, she would have been relegated to the shadows and her marble skin would have been easier to hide.  However, some of the lesser stars out here were barely a threat through the solar glass of these newer models; leaving one with a mild sunburn at most and tanning the skin for a significant period of time at best.  

Lately, though, she found herself picking routes closer and closer to Earth.  There were stars of equal and greater power throughout the universe, but the Earth’s Sun still controlled the ebb and flow of her appetite in these far reaches.  And now, it was beckoning her home for some purpose she had yet to puzzle out.  She had passed countless systems in her years and none of their stars ever pulled at her the way her own had.  Its golden bands were woven deeply into her veins and she served at its pleasure.  

Thryn tossed and turned in her bunk but sleep had completely receded from her and left her mind wondering along the shores of reality.  Most humans could adjust their sleeping schedules to fit wherever they happened to be; they would fall into harmony with the nearest system and rely on those foreign stars to govern their days and nights.  This was easier, of course, in the colonies where the planets or moons turned on an axis and there were more viewing portals for natural light.  The space stations were a little trickier  with the humans experiencing about 15 sunrises on average in a single day, depending on the system and the station’s proximity to the central star, of course.  The ones most affected by these excessive dawns were the crew members who had access to viewing stations or the control deck.  Their bodies never seemed to find the right rhythm and they walked around with perpetual dark circles under their eyes.  Only the officers and those employed doing menial tasks in the belly of the stations found a proper rest on a regular basis.  The officers because they were provided with everything and the others because they were provided with nothing.  She had never been able to break free of the Earth’s dictations and could pass herself off in the lower levels more easily.

Thryn’s existence in space relied on her ability to appear as uninteresting as possible and pass amongst the lower level crew members as an equal.  She learned years ago that the key to living in public was to be as inconspicuous as possible or to go completely overboard and demand every one’s attention by adopting a certain celebrity.  She had tried them both over the course of her time in this existence and found  fame was too time consuming to maintain as a pretense.  Even when the humans latched on and perpetuated the myth for her, it required too much energy  and came with too little freedom to be the least bit enjoyable.  

In this incarnation she had taken up the role of bar owner of one of the pubs in the lower sector  of SA-159.  It allowed her to work when she wanted and still keep the appearance of having to make a living. She was back on schedule with the ship’s clocks and should make an appearance when the patrons would notice her.  Once the decision had been made there really was no point in trying to sleep any longer, so she finally crawled out of bed.  It immediately retracted back into the wall of her room and the overhead lights came on.

“Good Evening, Thryn,” the computer’s voice greeted her.  “Would you like to hear the evening news?”

“Can you just give me the highlights, computer?”

“There is one item pertaining to the taxation of liquor, that might be of interest to you.”

“Save that item for me to review later.  Anything else?”  Thryn had started the water in the shower.  It would be a few minutes before she stepped into the glass enclosure, the showers were never warm enough on this station and started out practically ice cold.  The humans complained about it every morning, but she mourned this inconvenience even more.  Generating the pretense of body heat was necessary at times, but she could only send out the sensation to others through mental trickery.  A hot shower was the closest she ever came to replicating the sensation for herself without the aid of blood.   It was not just the appetite that drove her to hunt, it was also the warmth their blood carried.  A full meal could keep her warm for days, but those were rare in such close quarters.  The cold did not bother her and her body let her live in conditions most humans could never bare, but she longed to feel the warmth coursing through her.   

“Joshua McSuperstar, has arrived on board this afternoon for a benefit performance this Friday.”  Thryn stopped deader than usual.

“What is the benefit for?”  

“The Red and Magenta Cross joint benefit concert tour.  The performance will be at the SA-159 Amphitheatre.  Should I reserve tickets for you, Thryn?”

“No, computer, thank you. That’s all for now.”

Here was a prime example of the vampire living his life out loud.  Joshua McSuperstar had been on the fame circuit for the last ten years.  He’d reached super stardom with his passion for helping charities, specifically those with a large supply of blood in their vaults, and was often depicted as an Angel of mercy in the media.  They’d met once about a century ago and it had left a bad taste in Thryn’s mouth.  If it was coincidence, it was better that she stayed out of the luxury levels until after the concert.  If it wasn’t, he’d find her no matter where she was.  She weighed her odds, it could be a coincidence that he was this far out, but she had never really been that lucky.  She opened the door to the shower and waited for the steam to greet her, but the water had already run back to cold.  

“Okay,” she thought to herself, “he’s already starting to piss in my cornflakes.”  First things, first.  She would pick up a quick snack, and allow herself to feel human for at least a few moments,  and then she would have to hunt down Josh before he found her.  

Out in the thoroughfare the humans brushed past her; they were preoccupied with their minuscule lives and did not notice the monster within their midst.  Really they saw what they wanted to see and nothing more.  Thryn felt intoxicated with the scent of them and the warm caresses as they flowed around her.  

“Which one, which one?” she thought to herself as they skittered here and there.  It had to be someone healthy, someone strong enough to lose a pint or two and not draw medical attention to her habits.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall specimen staring her down.  He was muscular and rugged, probably a freighter worker stopping over.  He looked older, but she guessed he was about 35.  It was a decent length of time for the body to mature and gave a richness to the blood provided they made an effort to take care of themselves.  There was no need to open up a psychic link between them, his intentions were painted across his face and the hunger in his eyes mirrored her own.  It really was not polite to play with one’s food, but he radiated arrogance as he sauntered over to the post she had taken up against the corner of a shop and that made it all the more irresistible.  He leaned into her and rested his forearm above her head on the building.  

“Hey,” he started, “my name is Kyle.  I am about to say something incredibly cliche and slightly creepy.”   Kyle played with the collar on her shirt before finally asking, “What is your name?”  

“Does it really matter?”  

“No, I guess it really doesn't,” he agreed letting his hand roam lower to graze her breast.  Then he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley.  He pushed her up against the wall and began to fumble at her clothing, “come on, I don't bite.”

“I do, ” she purred as she pulled him closer to her.  Their eyes met and she opened the part of herself that let her control the humans.  Some called it glamour, some called it mind control, the result was still the same.  All the tension in his muscles released and she could feel his mind open to her. There was so much floating around in there.  He had come in this afternoon, as she had suspected, though not on a freighter.  A transport ship was a little fancier than she had expected but what surprised her was that Joshua McSuperstar had been on the same transport.  Kyle was not part of the entourage, but his memories were offering a huge head start for her.   She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and he tilted his head to reveal his neck.  “That's a good boy”

 

2014 Goals

Long ago, I decided not to have resolutions at New Year's - I felt that it set up for failure and disappointment.  Part I my yearly ritual, after Danielle leaves for home and I start to feel the melancholy that inevitably follows, is to look forward to the new year and set a list of goals I'd like to achieve.  Some of them fit in with a larger plan, i.e. Graduate School, and some are purely for the immediate future.

Even though I did not write them down in a formal blog post, there were several things that I mentioned throughout the year.  So, to begin, let's take a look back at last year's 2013 goals:

1. Buy a House - this was most definitely achieved in 2013!
2. Quit Hallmark - an ongoing goal for several years, but finally achieved in July of 2013.
3. More creative writing - I have one story I've been working on this year.  Mostly when I'm in an airplane and have nothing else I can do for 2 hours.
4. Europe Trip with Danielle - we made it to London, Cardiff, and Dublin with Andrea in May/June of 2013.
5. Pay off Credit Card Debt - refinanced with some student loan money and then wracked it up again  :(
6. More contact with friends who live out of state- didn't do so well on this.  Because of goal#1 I didn't even make it down for my annual visit with J & H.

All in all, not a bad year for my goals.  There were so many things that happened it's difficult to remember it all now.  Dad was able to legally wed Stepdaddy M in Maryland.  My sister graduated from business school and we took our youngest cousin to the ceremony in Atlanta.

2014 has some big shoes to fill, but I think it will be just as fantastic as this year.  New Goals:

1. Focus more on experiences and less on things
2. Writing more during breaks from school.
3. Plan one additional monthly event for the Scotch Sippers meetup.
4. Go to the gym 3 times a week during breaks and at least 1 time a week during the semester.
5. Paint the living room and/or master bedroom before the start of the fall semester.
6. Have a housewarming party/birthday party.
7. Listen more and complain less
8. Apply to jobs in the accounting field
9. Budget more effectively
10. Plan a big trip for end of 2014, possibly early 2015.

Some of these are very practical and some are pie in the sky.  Really curious to see where the new year leads and what I will be able to accomplish for myself.

33 1/3

Totally just had an epiphany and scathingly brilliant idea for my birthday in a little over 3 months. 33 has been psyching me out a little, due to the fact that this was my father's age for nearly a decade when I was younger. In my mind, my dad was always 33 and now I will be that age and it's weird. So, of course, the best way to deal with this is to plan an awesome party for myself.

Ideas thus far:
1) Wait until June 29th to have a '33 1/3' themed party - records, etc.
2) Have a Hobbit coming of age party. In the novels by JRR Tolkien, the hobbits aren't considered "of age" until they turn 33.
3) Combine my house warming party with my birthday so that I can make it all memorable.


More to follow....

Countdown to Doctor Who

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Countdown

31
Days:1
Hour:25
Min:25
Sec

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary is on  Saturday, 23 November 2013

House Painting

I've been working on selecting colors for my new house.  So far I think I've narrowed it down to the following:

The Living Room:


The Guest Room:



My Room:

Au Revoir Hallmark

After 14 years at the Hallmark Store, I've finally hung up my apron.  I started out of high school, to help pay for college and my first car.  When I graduated it became my part-time job to help supplement the income from my full-time job and pay down student loans.  When my company folded unexpectedly, it was there to offer full-time hours while searching for a new job.  Once I was on steadier feet, it helped me get my credit in order so I could buy my house.  Then, it was a security blanket - something stashed in my back pocket to protect me from the dark. 

The women that I have known through the years have taught me so much about life and friendship.  They helped me grow up and were a substitute family when my own was unwelcoming.  My first realization of my own mortality happened with the death of my manager's daughter (I was 21, the girl was 18).  With the passing of a co-worker in our main office, I've seen the new generation of Hallmark girls experience the same realization (Our co-worker was 32, the next gens are 18-21).  I know that I have contributed to their maturation as much as those that helped me.  We've seen marriages, divorces, and pregnancies over the years.  We've welcomed people back when they were down on their luck and then wished them all the best when they find a better opportunity.  We've developed bonds with customers and looked for them at our major events year after year.

My chapter in this story has come to an end, but the book is not yet finished.  There will be so many other women to pass through those doors and life will continue to go on inside those walls.  The cramped back room with minimal storage space for product, larger than expected shipments, late night stocking and display changes while management is cursed.  Friendships will flourish, secrets will be shared and kept, confidence will be gained.  People will be stretched to their limits, pick up extra hours to makes ends meet, and some will move on.

"Scary Future Plans" have turned into a "Not So Scary Reality"

In December, I talked about buying my step-dad's old house.  In April, I signed the settlement papers.  In May, I moved in.

There is too much to detail the entire process, but it was worth it.  When I filed my taxes in February, because I am also a grad student, I received additional money in my refund that allowed me to meet the minimum down payment required.  My step-dad also helped bridge the gap a bit with closing costs and other fees.  I still have to pay mortgage insurance, so it wasn't the recommended 20% down, but I'm okay with that.

It's been kind of weird living in a house that I've known for so long.  Part of me still feels like I'm house sitting even though all of my stuff is filling up the rooms.  It has this temporary feel to it, like I've had living in apartments the last 8 years.  The only thing that has helped me to feel like this place is truly mine, is the process of selecting color palettes for the rooms.  After 32 years of living in places where colors were either selected for me or I was forbidden to change anything, it's overwhelming to think of all the possibilities.

A Summer Break

I realized I haven't posted anything in about six months, largely due to the demands of school and work.  A lot has happened in that time frame and I'm taking a break from school this summer to catch up on things.  I'm trying to get myself in order and ready to attack the fall semester.

Major Events:
Purchased My First Home
Traveled to the UK with my sister
Dad and his Partner were legally married 

Important, but not so major, events:
Gained back 30 of the 40 pounds I lost in the last year
Recommitted to Weight Watchers
Joined a Gym

Dee Dee

This morning, I witnessed my sister making the hardest decision any pet owner will have to make.  Her dachshund started showing signs of illness last week; she was refusing to eat and would vomit anything we managed to get into her.  After many trips to the emergency vet over the holiday, it was discovered she had an inoperable tumor in her bowels that had prevented her from digesting anything.  She was faced with the option of letting Dee Dee go through months of chemo and recovery that could not guarantee a healthy life afterwards or having her put to sleep while she was already under anesthesia.  I don't envy her that kind of decision and I have to say that I am so impressed my sister was able to put Dee Dee's best interests first.


Dee Dee was a rescue dachshund that had been a puppy mill breeding dog who had simply been released to the streets when she was no longer able to produce puppies.  Dee Dee was originally rescued by DREAM in Atlanta, GA, from a high kill shelter that had picked her up.  DREAM makes sure that each rescue receives the necessary medical attention before finding them forever homes, but even they can't fix everything.  She had suffered a lot of mistreatment and abuse at the puppy mill; she had tumors that needed to be removed and only three of her teeth were remaining.  The fur on the back of her legs would never grow back because of the years spent sitting in a wire cage without proper medical treatment.  In fact, the inoperable tumor that was discovered this week was a direct result of the inhumane treatment and conditions at the puppy mill.

For the last nine months, Dee Dee has had a life that all dogs should experience.  She was loved by her owners and  treated as a member of the family.  She was taken to regular medical visits and was taught that not all humans will cause harm.  She was ridiculous and adorable.  My favorite memory is of her using her dachshund nose to pull the bed covers over herself and then twisting to burrow under them.  At my father's Christmas party this year, she was the bell of the ball.  Everyone fell in love with her and argued over who would get to hold her next.  She should have had many years of this kind of love to make up for the eight she spent trapped in a wire cage.

I can't save every dog that is being abused or mistreated, no matter how much I want to, but I can encourage anyone that reads this to not buy their pet from a pet store or puppy mill.  Please help stop the destructive cycle of the puppy mills and buy from a shelter or reputable breeder when selecting your newest family member.  My sister and her girlfriend were able to find the biggest sweetheart with the help of DREAM pet rescue and, even though she was only with us for a short time, this diminutive dog took up so much room in all of our hearts.