Have you ever given any thought to your name? I know why my parents chose the name they bestowed upon me and I spent a lot of time in my childhood thinking over its meaning and wondering if it really fit. Of course, I would have to say that I can't imagine being named anything other than what I am. People never tell me that I look more like a Margaret or Alexandra.
According to Wikipedia, my name comes from the Greek word, "katharos." Which, according to a quick search on the Internet that brought up this biblical site, means "pure" or "clean." For most of my childhood, I knew that my name meant, "pure," and I wondered if I really was. At the time, I was steeped in religion and worried that I wasn't worthy of heaven. Purity, as I knew it then, applied to the mind, body and soul with few exceptions. No tattoos, earrings, alcohol, etc. I sort of came to a point where I realized that I could never adhere to all of those things and thought my name wasn't really fitting.
As an adult, I've realize that I have lived up to my name, though not exactly in the way I expected to. The counselor I've started seeing, just as a mental check-up if you will, has talked in our last two sessions about how the things I do come from a "pure place" and that I expect everyone elses' intentions and actions to be as honest as my own. It was this comment that made me think about my name and it's meaning. I don't hide things from people, if something is on my mind I will usually say it. (Some relationship confessions of feeling notwithstanding.) I'm always upfront with people about where I'm coming from and what I expect. If I were to develop feelings for someone else, no matter how difficult it would be, I would make sure to end my current relationship before even exploring the new option.
When I spoke with my ex's new girlfriend, that Saturday where all was revealed, she said that maybe there just weren't any decent guys left in the dating pool and I couldn't agree with her at all. I know of at least one personally and my sister has at least another one I know of in her cache of best friends. So there are at least two out there that would be worth the time, effort, loyalty, and devotion of a decent girl. It made me feel sorry for her that she didn't think she deserved better, you know? It was like she had given up on finding a good man because there "aren't any decent guys left in the dating pool." There are, I wanted to say, you just have to cast your nets wider and be willing to throw back the bad ones.
There are things that have happened in my family that I just can't understand why or how they were ever okay. True, people make mistakes, but I don't know that I would ever let myself get caught up in those situations. I have certain expectations for how people should behave and treat others. Maybe they are idealistic and there aren't that many people out there who hold themselves to the same standard, but I have to believe there are. There are people who believe in doing what is right, not just what is right for them.
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