Melancholy

My mother leaves tomorrow.  I agreed to pick up a shift at my second job tonight because someone had a family member die and you can't really say no in that situation.  But I am incredibly sorry that I agreed to do it at all.  I've tried all morning to find someone to work the hours and no one is available.  So I kind of feel like I am wasting time going to work.  Not like I won't see my mother again, but I just see her so rarely that it feels that way.  I'll see her for a few hours when I get home tonight and then have to say goodbye in the morning before I leave for my day job.

I know I wanted my mom to be here for my 30th birthday, but I should have considered the complications of having her here at the end of the month.  I can't take time off from my day job, and really that's all I want to do, because my deadline for entering all the invoices is tomorrow.  I don't really know when I'll get to see her again, either.  I don't know if we're doing Thanksgiving at Danielle's or her place, or even if I'll be able to go.  Her car isn't sound enough to drive up here like she drives to see my sister and a plane ticket is really an expense for her.  It's like I miss her already and she's still here.

I don't want to go to my second job tonight but there isn't a whole lot I can do about it.  It's really just a big reminder of why I want to leave that place so badly.  Not because it's terrible, it's really not, it just cuts into my valuable time with people I care about.  I need to be finished with this job by the end of summer, Thanksgiving at the latest.  I can't stand trying to negotiate extended time off to visit my family again.  But then I would also like to save as much money as possible.  To take the trips I want to take and get more than two stamps in my passport over the next ten years.  Maybe yearly reviews will make this easier.