My Jem Costume!

I don't know if I'm sold on the wig just yet.  I promise to post pictures once I get the make-up and accessories figured out.

Hallmark Ornament Premiere

We're gearing up for Ornament Premiere at Hallmark.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Ornament Premiere is always the second or third weekend in July, at least it has been the last 12 years I've worked here, and customers are always shocked to see Christmas six months before the holiday.  Most customers groan and say something not terribly witty about it.  But there are those die-hards that buy their ornaments as soon as they come out because they are Collectors.  This is, personally, one of my favorite Hallmark events and not necessarily because of the ornaments though I do buy my fair share (and probably yours too.)  I love this event because I get to dress in costume and pretend to be something else for an entire day.  I go all out which means I get placed at the door and don't have to ring a single sale the entire day.  I'm not sure why the other employees haven't caught on to this yet.  It started as a way to wear my expensive Renn Fest Costume more than once a year.  Once I realized the added benefit of not actually working the entire day, I was sold.



from tomopop.com



This year, I need to come up with a theme that will be both fun for the other employees and allow me to wear my brand new Halloween Costume that I commissioned the lovely Cherrypievintage on Etsy.com to make for me.  If you are not familiar with this costume, and should be if you're reading a 30th year blog this year, this is the Jem outfit from Jem and the Holograms.  Yes, that's right, I am going to be Truly Outrageous.   Now I just need to find a pair of Jem Star Earrings, a Pink Rocker Wig, and sparkle tights.  If I could persuade my sister to dress up as Kimber and her girlfriend to dress up as Stormer, this Halloween could be epic.  "Tell me I'm crazy, Maybe I know, but I believe in Happy Endings."

Kimber and Stormer





Gone With The Wind/X-Men Mash-up Dream

I had the most amazing dream last night!  Obviously, it's a combination of my reading Gone With The Wind and discussing the most recent X-Men Movie.  Still incredibly cool.  It was like I was watching the movie and then things started varying slightly. 

Basically, when Melanie and Scarlett think that Ashley is dead he's really turning into Aquaman.  Then when Scarlett and Rhett are fleeing Atlanta they have to run up a lighthouse and Scarlett starts to slip through the floor like ShadowCat.  She then believes that she and Ashley really are meant to be since they are both now mutants.  Then there was a musical number featuring the song, "Total Eclipse of the Heart."  In my dream, I asked my dad if what was happening was accurate since I didn't remember the 1930's being so forward thinking.  The entire Civil War was being fought between mutants because of the Charles Xavier/Magneto argument.

Best Nerd Dream Ever!

Convertible New Beetle

For everything that has gone wrong this week, I have to thank the powers that be for letting me have a Convertible New Beetle as my loaner vehicle while Red Sonja is getting her wheels and oil changed. 

I couldn't resist putting the top down and riding around at lunch time, even though the skies were overcast.  There is something about a convertible that just makes one feel so "bad-ass" when driving around in it.

Plus this one had an amazing paint job and was the "Final Edition" before they release the new design with the 2012 line.  The marketing teams at Volkswagen really know what they're doing when they use these cars as loaners.  It really had me thinking about whether or not I could afford to trade in my car yet.  Of course, mine is only a 2009 and has just 45K miles on it, so it's too soon for any of that.  I only have 2 more years to pay on the car and it's mine.  Then I can start putting the monthly car payment in savings and maybe buy a house in the next 5 years.  So it's not convenient for me to trade in even though it's incredibly tempting.

Things to talk about with the Rafiki-Lady

I had a date ask for a rain-check due to being "swamped with things to do at work and . . . to be done at home."  My immediate thoughts were that he had a) something better to do or b)was embarassed about certain events that occurred on our last date.  I will not go into these details as it's just not polite to kiss and tell.  c)He could also legitimately have been busy but 1) this was the only opportunity to see me before his vacation this weekend and 2) it was only the 4th date.  I feel that if someone were truly excited about me, and getting to know me, that he would make room for a planned date no matter what came up.  If work swamps one at the last minute there should be some attempt to reschedule or alter the actual date plans to fit in a more limited time frame, or at least an inquiry if I am available after he returns from vacation.  None of these things happened.

It's really the stuff "to be done at home" part that makes me think he's not all that interested.  Because if you had all week to get ready for vacation and your only busy days were Tuesday and Thursday then certainly these things could have been completed on Wednesday.  It's almost akin to a girl telling a guy she can't go out because she has to stay home and wash her hair.  (Which may sound ridiculous these days, but after seeing A's beehive hairdo for the HonFest I could see how it might have once been a legitimate excuse.) I could be wrong, but I doubt it.  When you start dating someone you should be so excited about it that you can't wait to see them.  This clearly says that he CAN wait to see me and is therefore not that into it.

I could be bitter, overly extreme in my judgement, or just not as tolerant as I used to be.  I haven't read that He's Just Not That Into You book, but I feel like this is probably covered in its pages.  I will talk about it with my therapist tonight because I want to make sure that I am thinking about this objectively.  Or maybe I should just read that book.

Rainbow Cauliflower

photo from OpenWalls.com

While visiting my friend, H, the other day I noticed several oddly colored cauliflowers on the cooking show she had on in the background. We had a discussion about the dangers of genetically altering food and the current numbers of people with food allergies.  But in researching the Rainbow Cauliflower today, I have discovered that it hasn't been genetically engineered in a laboratory but rather through cross-breeding the way one would develop a new flower.(Check out this link for Purple Cauliflower for some quick info.)

Apparently, the cauliflower is not the only vegetable that has undergone some changes through careful selection and breeding.  I have to say that I was surprised to learn that Carrots have not always been orange.

Until the 17th century most carrots eaten Europe were white, yellow or purple. The orange pigment was added by Dutch plant breeders looking for a way to celebrate Holland's royal family. (Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-514799/The-orange-purple-green-cauliflowers-scientists-claim-healthier-you.html#ixzz1Q1t2mypK)

There are certain foods that I've grown up to believe have a "natural" color.  Apples are red, Bananas are yellow, peas are green, etc.  But there are certainly different colors and varieties of Apples than the simple red ones featured on my grade school flash cards.  Why shouldn't there also be different varieties and colors of Cauliflower and Broccoli?  Would you eat Orange Cauliflower or Purple Broccoli or would you feel there was something "unnatural" about it?

It makes me wonder why we have these prejudices about food colors.  Is white Cauliflower more common because it's easier to grow and therefore easier to distribute to commercial outlets?  Were orange carrots more popular because of the connection to the Dutch Royal family and then simply passed into commonplace at our tables? Is there any chance of finding these other colors at a Farmer's Market?

Flat Tires and Anti-Theft Devices

Yesterday had to be one of the worst days and only because of about two hours of the entire day.  I came out of work to find that my tire was flat, not completely but enough to be of concern.  (I had filled it with air the night before, so clearly it's a slow leak of some kind.)  I have never changed my own tire before, but I understand the mechanics of it and I was ready to take care of this myself.  So I pulled into a gas station and got out my tire kit, full-size spare tire, and manual.  I had no problem pulling the bolt caps off the tire, jacking up the car, or taking off 4 of the 5 bolts.  It was difficult work, to be sure, but I was able to get it done.   Then I started to remove the fifth bolt on my wheel and realized it wasn't like the others.  It had a weird shape to it and wouldn't budge.

According to the owner's manual, this is an anti-theft bolt.  There should be an anti-theft bolt key included in the tire kit or the dealership should have given me one when I purchased my vehicle.  Neither of these things happened.  The only way to get the tire changed is to take it to the dealership and have them do it for me.  Which would have been great on any other day, but all the Volkswagen dealerships are closed on Sunday.  Also, my car is no longer under warranty so it would have cost me money to have it towed anywhere.  Thankfully the Shell Station by my part-time job was able to look at the tire and give me some advice.  They told me that I should be able to fill it up with air and it would get me home.  But that I'd have to refill it in the morning to get to work and then again to get to the dealership in the afternoon.

So it's highly inconvenient.  I appreciate the anti-theft bolt and its purpose, but I am pissed at the dealership for not including the necessary equipment to properly change my own tire. (The gas station guys tried to be all macho and help.  Which kind of pissed me off, too.  They were like "oh, little lady need some help," as if I weren't perfectly capable of doing it myself.)  I didn't even know this was a security feature on the car or I would have made a point to ask for it.  My old Beetle had no such security feature.  Also, looking at the full-size spare I realized just how worn my current tires are and that they need replacing very soon.  Have you ever priced tires?  I didn't realize how expensive they were.

Doctor Who: A Good Man Goes to War

First of all, I want to say that I thought it was peculiar that the Doctor's new companion was named Amy Pond, back in 2010 when Moffat took over, since he'd also written a character named River Song during Davies' reign.  ***SPOILER ALERT***  Now I wonder if Moffat didn't have this in mind all along.  I know that the character was intended to be recurring, but could he possibly have had this in mind.  It also makes me realize that Amy is not quite so important.  I mean she is and she isn't.  She has a special bond with the Doctor and a non-romantic one, à la Donna Noble, but knowing that ***SPOILER River is Amy's Daughter *** makes me wonder if Amy exists because of River.And I just thought about how clever that was, to have River returning from a birthday celebration with the Doctor at some point in their future around the very same time that Melody was born. 

I really don't know what to think of all of the reveals in this episode.  It had the gathering of allies much like a finale, but it's a mid-season finale until September (GAHH).  I don't know if I can wait quite that long to figure out what the heck is going on.  I have ideas, but that big picture is really fuzzy right now.  I know if will be brilliant when all is said and done, but it has left me unsatisfied for now.

Baltimore Pride 2011

Another Father's Day, another Pride Parade in Baltimore.  I think it was a little more crowded than it has been in previous years.  I don't know if it was the less than obnoxiously hot weather or the draw of a much larger parade.  Actually, I'm not 100% sure the parade was actually larger or if it just seemed that way.

We had the usual dinner at Sammy's and I definitely ate far too much.  I enjoyed myself for the most part, but after they went over to Leon's I lost interest in being there.  I was reminded of where I was last year and reflected too much on where I am this year.  It was this same bar where I was so excited over meeting my now ex.  I had spent more time than was polite on the phone with him outside the bar and he'd wanted me to meet his friends in DC.  It was one of two invitations I received for that particular group and neither time worked out.  I sort of wonder now if that could have made any difference.  But that is foolish thinking.  It didn't happen that way and if we'd been in the same place, looking for the same things, I wouldn't be where I am now and the what ifs wouldn't have mattered either way.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2E4

The thing that catches my attention about Inca Mummy Girl is that we see a possible future for Buffy.  Not meaning that she will become a mummy, but that here is a girl with a destiny very similar to Buffy's in that she is chosen to save her people.  We see Buffy struggle in these early episodes with the burden of being "chosen" when she never wanted that life to begin with.  So Ampata represents that part of Buffy that wishes for a normal life.

The difference being, of course, that Buffy would never take an innocent life to save herself.   We see this in later seasons when she is willing to sacrifice herself again and again to save the people around her.  Which makes me wonder if Buffy's sacrifices are really as noble as we are asked to think they are.  Buffy is willing to put her life on the line, but if she feels trapped by her "chosen-ness" is it really a sacrifice or an escape?  Is this the theme that is explored with Spike and after Season 5?

My point in talking about this episode is that we can see, through Ampata's actions, how the burden of protecting other people at such a young age can be a heavy one.  That Buffy struggles with it just as much as this girl, but that she is stronger and better than the Inca Mummy Girl or anyone else that would be in their position.  Spike has killed two slayers, didn't he say something about how they invited it?  Buffy definitely does from time to time, but she always has her friends to bring her back - emotionally or physically.

USDA's My Plate



When I was in elementary school, we were taught the four food groups: Meats, Milk & Dairy, Cereals & Breads, and Fruits & Vegetables.  Then things got a little complicated with the introduction of the Food Pyramid.  Now there were recommended portions and six different sections, breads were the solid base  and fruits and vegetables each had their own section.  In 2005, the pyramid was changed to give a smaller role to breads & cereals, but it stayed equally as confusing.  This week, the USDA has released the new dietary guidelines and their new good health graphic.  They've gone with a plate this time, which makes a little more sense to me.

USDA My Plate


Now, it seems like Fruits & Vegetables are the base of healthy nutrition.  (To those following the new Weight Watchers Points Plus Program, this isn't a huge surprise.)  Half of the plate is taken up with these two important food groups.

The Grains still take up a sizable portion of the plate, but the USDA is quick to state that half of these grains should be whole grains and not refined grains like white flour.  (The refined grains tend to be over processed and lacking in fiber.)  Again, this is nothing new to the WW people.

Then there is the Protein section.  Which is pretty self-explanatory, but feel free to follow the link for further information.

Dairy rounds it all out, though be careful to read the information link because the dairy section only refers to those items that are rich in calcium.  This does not include cream cheese, cream, or butter I regret to say.  Not pictured on the plate, but certainly included in the Weight Watchers Daily Healthy checks and on the USDA website, are Oils. 

I find it incredibly interesting to see a lot of the Weight Watchers program reflected in these new guidelines, especially the emphasis on fruit.  As you may or may not be aware, Weight Watchers recently declared all fruits to be 0 points.  This has been tremendously helpful on days where all my points are gone and I am still hungry.  Most vegetables are also 0, but it depends on how they might be prepared.

I am glad to see that I am making healthy choices in my day to day food choices.  Even if it's because of the Weight Watcher's Guidelines and not because I figured it all out on my own.  It's nice to have the USDA research to back up my Weight Loss Program, too.  Reminds me that it's not a crazy fad diet, that's it's an actual lifestyle change.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2E3

From the very beginning, Spike sets himself apart from the other vamps in town.

1) He arrives via car, destroying the "Welcome to Sunnydale" Sign. - how have the other vampires in Sunnydale arrived there?  Honestly, we don't know.  They either already exist in the town or they are created there.  So it's probably unfair of me to say that Spike arrived in a different manor not really knowing how the other vamps travel.  But to this point, we have not seen a vampire make use of this modern technology.

2) He has an actual romantic relationship with Drusilla. - We haven't seen this type of relationship between vampires yet.  Angel is able to care for Buffy, but then he has a soul so there are special rules for him.  But Spike's relationship with Drusilla goes beyond the basic Sire/Child or the Master/Servant relationships we've seen thus far from the Sunnydale Vampires.  We see that Spike actually cares for Drusilla (brought her to a place of safety, encourages her to eat and get healthy).  When they are together the entire world can disappear around them.

3) He has no respect for the rituals and doesn't listen to authority. - while the other vampires are cowering around "the Annointed One" and doing his bidding, Spike has no respect for the kid.  In the end, he even strings the Annointed One up in the sunlight and kills him.  It really seems so simple when he does it you wonder why any of the other vampires hadn't thought of it first.

Squirrels with Death Wishes

Heading to work this morning I had a squirrel throw itself under my wheels.  I did not have time to stop before it was under my car and I heard that tell-tale thump.  Looking back in my rear-view mirror I could see it flailing around on the highway and just felt sick to my stomach.  I don't know why I take this so much to heart, but I do, and it just ruined the rest of my day.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: S2E2

This episode gets away from the vampires a little bit and retells the Frankenstein story in a modern setting.  Things are a little different from the Shelley tale, in that Chris resurrects his brother for a specific reason (grief) rather than the fact that he could.  It's Darryl, Chris' brother, who refuses to go outside for fear of what people will think of him rather than Frankenstein hiding his creation from the world.  Still, Darryl and the Monster will suffer the same lonely existence in this world because of their "different" appearance.

I had forgotten how adorable Jenny and Giles are together.  ***SPOILER ALERT***It really makes me sad to know how this season and season 8 both end.   Jenny is exactly what Giles needs to pry him from his dusty books and enjoy what life has to offer, even on the hellmouth.  She animates his rather dull existence in a way that being a watcher never has. 

It seems that love, or rather not being lonely, is the general theme of this episode.  Giles is trying to make things work with Ms. Calendar and Angel is jealous of Xander's interactions with Buffy.  Even Darryl, newly resurrected from the dead, wants a companion. Cordelia is dragged further into the Scoobies' world and we start to see the beginnings of her attraction to Xander.

Then again, thinking of Darryl and his desire for a companion so he won't be alone in the world (à la Frankenstein's Monster)  it seems that the big question is "what makes life worth living?"  Angel has been around for hundreds of years but since he's had his soul restored it's been a lonely existence for him.  Buffy brings color to his dark world and makes some joy possible in his life.  Darryl decides to die, again, with his half-formed bride rather than be alone.  Willow and Xander have each other, but even they wish for something more.

Little Sister Gets a "Super" Phone

Samsung Focus

After much debate, Little Sister has finally selected her phone upgrade.  I have to say I am a little bit jealous as she managed to get it completely free and with 4000 free XBOX Live Points.  I am sure it's also a beautiful phone with an amazing screen and other technical features, but it's really the 4000 points that I wish I had.

She was able to make such an awesome deal because she went to the Microsoft Store instead of the AT&T Store to upgrade her plan/phone.  I don't know why I didn't purchase my phone from Best Buy, with their new buyback program, or directly from the manufacturer.  Either one would surely have had some extra bonus that AT&T wasn't offering.

Anyway, good luck to sister-girl and her new data plan as she gets everything set up!

Gearing Up For Pride

from the Advocate's Website

This afternoon, I was reading Old Navy Gets Backlash for Pro-Gay T-Shirts.  And, of course, I immediately had to have one but, sadly, they are only available in a few retails stores and not online at all.  Thankfully, my sister and her girlfriend live in Atlanta near the Buckhead store that's offering them.

I am very proud of Old Navy for offering these shirts, which will benefit the It Gets Better Project with 10% of the proceeds.  They are the next in what I hope will be a long line of supporters for this cause.  (Already we've seen the Seattle Mariners, the Boston Red Sox, the San Francisco Giants, and the Chicago Cubs lend their voices.)  Too many of our LGBT youth feel the sting of bigotry and hatred in this country. 

Thankfully, the LGBT members of my family have the support they need but there was a time when my dad had to go it alone.  I can't even begin to imagine what that was like.  His stories help me to realize how important the It Gets Better Project is to our society; to those kids who don't have an adult to talk to or understand what they're going through.  And the American Family Association and The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission are both calling for a boycott of the retail store because of this support.  Is it any wonder that the It Gets Better Project is needed?

So I hope that you will go to the Facebook Page and/or stop by an Old Navy store and help support this cause and Old Navy.

Patterson Park

User: Iracaz (From Wikipedia.org)

This past weekend I had a date that went quite well.  It started at one of my favorite Baltimore restaurants, The Paper Moon Diner, and then meandered its way over to Patterson Park.

This is yet another area, where I live, that has gone unexplored even though I've lived here for years.  I'd always heard about the Pagoda (my friend, A, incorporates it into her fantasy wedding planning) but had never actually been there.  I can see now why she would want to include this in her plans.  It incorporates at least two important things in her life thus far: teaching English in China and her love of the city of Baltimore.

The Pagoda was built during the Victorian Era and it's easy to see that influence in the architecture and design.  I do wonder though, how ladies with larger dresses than we currently wear made it up and down those narrow stairs with people moving in the opposite direction.  Though I would guess that's what the landings are for; allowing people to climb one set of stairs without traffic.  But modern culture is less polite.  I was surprised to learn that Hamstead Hill, where the Pagoda stands, was integral in the Battle of Baltimore during the War of 1812.  This was the same battle that inspired Francis Scott Key to write "The Star-Spangled Banner," our national anthem.

Growing up in Havre de Grace, I know about the War of 1812.  It was the source for the story about our town "hero," John O'Neil.  Aside from the Revolutionary War, which had George Washington sleeping everywhere and the Marquis de Lafayette naming our small town, the War of 1812 was the next most important thing we were taught in school.  So to see cannons, restored and standing, on Hampstead Hill immediately made me think of the cannon behind our Concord Point Lighthouse which John O'Neil used to defend the town against the British.

All in all, it was a very interesting day and I'm sorry that I hadn't visited the area sooner.  Perhaps my next stop should be Ft. McHenry...

Shaking Things Up At Work

I caught a little bit of a where-is-my-life-going depression this evening.  We've had all kinds of changes at my day job; people have been laid-off, departments have been restructured, and I report to a new boss.  I wasn't too upset about it because the changes made sense.  I work with data entry and inventory management within our accounting system, so it made sense that they would put me with the Materials department instead of the Contracts department where I was.  New boss man seems really nice and easy-going and my day-to-day isn't going to change that much, so it's really not a problem.

But they changed my title.  I was an Accounting Assistant and now I am the Materials Assistant.  Again, it makes sense and nothing is really going to change.  But the requirements for my job, minimum is a high school diploma though they prefer someone with a Bachelor's sort of shook me up.  Then I went to Hallmark and they asked me to check in some product we'd received.  It wasn't until I sat down at the computer and clicked on the Receiving Button that I realized I am still doing the same exact job I did when I was 22.  The title isn't even that different.

Granted, it's for an entirely different company and the benefits/salary are much better than anything I had when I was the Merchandise Assistant at Hallmark.  It did make me wonder if accounting is really something for me, though.  Because I haven't really done any "real" accounting.  And am I nothing more than an assistant?  How do I get out of that?  The whole thing just made me really question if my life is truly different from what it was 8 years ago.  Shouldn't there a different type of growth?

This realignment of departments in the company will give me more opportunities for advancement, but I'm not sure in which direction exactly.  Am I really in a career?  If so, is it the career I really want to be in?

Songs for the day

Because, if I've learned anything from watching Glee, songs will get you through.

Doctor Who - The Almost People

I have to say that I was surprised at the ending to this episode.  ***SPOILERS***It should have been painfully obvious, that the doctor and his ganger switched shoes to trick Amy.  And somehow I should have guessed that the eyepatch lady was part of this Flesh business.  But I figured it was a stand alone episode like the two before it and didn't pay it any attention.  Will write more upon second viewing.

Phoenix Dream

I had a bizarre dream last night and I think I want to work it up into a story.  It's been a while since I've worked on Ianthe and I don't see myself getting back into that any time soon.  I was in a different emotional place when I started writing it and it doesn't fit those needs now, it would need a complete re-work for me to finish it now and I don't know that I have the patience for it.  I hate to say that I only write when I'm unhappy, it's better to say that I don't really write when I am happy.  There isn't much point, nothing to work out or figure out, etc. 

But this dream last night was so cool and has a lot of potential.  It involved a regular flood in an area and a secret canal that was revealed when the waters receded.  And a golden door with a puzzle lock that led to another realm.  There was also a mountain of magical creatures one could only reach via Pegasus.  I wish I could write entries here with bits of the story as I see it, but I fear all sorts of plagiarism.  So, if you are a friend of mine, look for those bits in my Livejournal.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: S2E1

Willow and Xander share a tender moment which is promptly interrupted by the first vampire they've seen all summer.  Thankfully, Buffy is there to save them and renew all of Xander's fanboy love.  I am kind of upset by this moment, especially considering season 8.  It seems that Buffy has to have Xander in her unrequited pile.  She does the same thing to Willow in Season 2 that she does to her own sister in Season 8 and she uses/abuses one of her good friends, Xander, to avoid dealing with her own emotions.

Of course, it could just be that she needs to feel loved by someone even if she can't return it.  Case in point, Spike later in the series. Though it's also a great way to keep people at arm's length.  Of course, Buffy is putting on a brave face for everyone and she's suffering from the events in season 1.  Angel is concerned but she can't stop pushing people away.  It's easier to protect people when your enemies can't use them to get to you.  Buffy is falling into the classic superhero trap.

We start to see the change in Cordelia in this episode.  Cordy is as intrigued by the vampire gruesome as Willow and Xander even though she's been too cool to admit it.  She quizzes them on their summer activities and then calls Buffy out on her behavior and tells her to get over her issues before she loses everything.  Cordelia knows her place and she knows Buffy's role better than Buffy at this point.

I like the first introduction of the vampire cult.  It's the same old cult type we saw in season 1 with the same old ritual reading, etc.  The anointed one seems to be getting everyone together for a round two of the previous season, but I know how Spike interrupts that plan later.  A little foreshadowing of Season 2's ending when Buffy challenges Angel to an ass-kick-off.  She even says, "Haven't you ever wondered what it would come down to?"

Stories from Ireland

So my dad has this habit of telling stories for entertainment value.  The problem is that he is likely to change a detail or two for "entertainment" purposes, or to make a story better, thus resulting in a twisting of events the likes of which haven't been seen by those other than History textbook editors.  Last night, while out for dinner with Dad, StepDad and Stepdad's high school friends, my dad starts to tell a story about my most drunken night in Ireland.  Most of the events were the same, and I'll admit I've had my fun getting a little mileage out of the story myself, but it's always awkward to hear about one's own antics.

The Real Story, as I tell it:

It starts with a couple of beers at a local pub in Cork.  Dad's friend, H, who lived there was determined to send us back to Dublin with a raging hangover.  Some time after my third beer, Dad comes back from the bathroom and tells me that there is a 29 year old girl from Chicago and she had two guys buying her drinks.  He comments that I am prettier than this girl and I could certainly get those guys to buy me drinks instead.  I laugh, but think nothing more of it.  Then H brings us all a shot of Whiskey, after which my dad says, "I bet you could."  And I started thinking, "I bet I could."

So I go over to the bar area, under the pretense of buying a round for the table.  I hear the girl talking to the guys and at first I think twice about embarking on this bet.  But then I hear her using the, what I call, "stupid girl" routine.  You know the one.  Anything and everything they said she knew absolutely nothing about and would they please tell her everything because they were absolutely the most interesting people in the entire world.  They asked her what type of drink she would like and she asked them for an "Irish Car Bomb." First of all, that is just rude.  Second of all, they don't drink those in Ireland.  She has to explain to the bartender and the guys exactly what it is.

I take that opportunity to interrupt the conversation and tell her that I couldn't help but notice she was American. She tells me she's from Chicago and I immediately ask her about Devil In The White City. She had heard of it but hadn't read it yet.  So I launch into my respect for Landscape Architects and how it's akin to the Space Progam, etc.  The guys say, "you're very passionate."  I say "About Landscape Architecture?  Naw, I just read the book.  Now what I'm really passionate about is...."  They ask me what kind of drink I want and refer to Chicago's "Car Bomb."  I say I can drink anything they can and if they wanted to test it they should pick a whiskey off the shelf.  They did and were amazed that I could drink it with relative ease.

Dad interrupts the story at this point to say that he was returning from yet another bathroom trip and he sees the girl furiously text message someone while I'm conversing.  She eventually excuses herself and leaves for the evening. It's then that I realize not only have I won, but I have the full attention of these two Irish gents.  So it would have been rude to go sit down with my friends and ignore them the rest of the night.  I talk to both of them and then the one I didn't find particularly attractive asks me, "How strong are your hands?"

My mind thinks of all sorts of answers and reasons why he would ask this, none of them I would repeat to my father.  So instead I say, "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I have 70 cows to milk in the morning," he says.  This is by far the worst pick-up line I've ever heard.

"Does that usually work with local girls?" I ask.  The the attractive one backs him up and say that he is indeed a dairy farmer.  But the unattractive one has already moved on to greener pastures.  Pretty much that is the meat of the story.  I stayed and talked a little bit with the attractive guy and even exchanged e-mail addresses.  I had no fear of drinking anything because I knew I had three people who would make sure I didn't leave without them.  (And H is pretty scary at 6 feet.)  Dad came over eventually and told me it was time to go, by that point I'd already had another two beers and one more shot of whiskey so I was ready to leave.

I stumbled back to the hotel somehow and then realized walking up stairs was not going to work.  So I ended up crawling up the carpeted stairs on my hands and knees.  I know it wasn't pretty, but it was better than falling down.

Crazy Cat Ladies and Mommy Issues

Junk Lady from Labyrinth

Last night, we had a customer come into Hallmark at about ten of nine.  (For those not aware, we close at nine.)  Normally, this is not a problem as most people are in and out pretty quickly when it's that close to our bitching hour.  Unfortunately, this is a semi-regular customer and she always arrives about 10-15 minutes before we close and stays until about 10-15 minutes after we've locked the doors to other customers.  She's dangerously overweight, has stringy dirty hair, and always smells of cat urine.  In my mind, she looks like this ------------------->

I know the lady has some issues, nothing serious but I recognize some of the same things my mother has gone through.  I get that the woman is depressed, lonely, etc.  She comes into my store and always buys the most useless things, spends too much, and writes a check.  Again, I have seen this before and sometimes I silently weep for this woman and those like her.  She uses a cane to support herself and always walks as slowly as she can.

Last night, had to be the worst.  I walked up to her as soon as I spotted her and asked if I could help her find something, knowing she would take her sweet time if I didn't.  She asked for the Warm Wishes, $.99, cards and I took her to the section.  I had to wait three times for her to catch up and I counted silently in my head so I could avoid being rude.  After we'd shut off the lights, at 9, and corralled people to the register she took her time looking at the jewelry on the counter.  I politely asked if there was anything else I could do to help and then started ringing out her purchases on a new register to get things rolling.  It was 9:10 when she finally pulled out her checkbook and 9:18 when I walked her to the door.  The entire process was so agonizingly slow that I wanted to scream in her face.  I literally had to choke down my rage as she fumbled in her purse for her license.

I know that half of my reaction was not this woman's fault.  It was the recognition in her of all the things I dislike about my mother.  That helplessness that makes me want to shout at someone until they cry and learn to be self reliant.  The mismanagement of money, when resources are already scarce.  Then I wonder if this woman has family.  I wonder if the cheap plastic bracelet is going to a daughter or niece somewhere; if it will be thrown in a pile of unnecessary things you keep because you don't want to hurt some one's feelings.  I wonder if that person ever thinks of the above scene in Labyrinth and can relate that character to their relative.  But I would bet money that this woman has no one.  She buys things for friends, or fellow church members, with a sweetness and true soul of giving.  And I remember to count to ten and realize that this woman is not my own mother.  I don't have to be angry with her.  She is a customer in my store and the only thing I have to be is polite and helpful.  So I go a bit over the top, so she doesn't feel isolated and judged, and then she seeks me out the next time she's in the store.  It's a vicious cycle.