Work published my Travel Blog

A few weeks ago, HR sent out an e-mail asking for people to submit Travel Blogs.  I edited an old entry I had on Livejournal about the trip I took to London with Dad.  I didn't think it would be a big deal so I didn't really tell anyone about it.  You know it's one of those things that you don't feel is important and you're somewhat embarrassed that you had the courage to do it at all.  The work blog is not any great thing, even around the office, but I have to say I am excited that they decided to use my entry. (look for "Travel Stories: Kathryn Sampson" on their list)

Apparently the head of the HR Blog team felt the entry was relevant given the situation going on in Japan right now.  I suppose I can see her point as the part at the end deals with my visit to the Beowulf manuscript and the questions I have about what will remain in another 1000 years.  I talk, very briefly, about the mutability of life and how all sorts of natural disasters can wipe out anything human beings dare to create.

On second thought, here is the exact entry as posted on their blog:

Kathryn traveled to Europe with her father and I think this is a perfect travel article as we ponder what has happened in Japan-what will remain thousands of years from now and will we have somewhat of an impact on our future generations. Thank you Kathryn for allowing us to ponder those deep questions. Take a look at her blog: When I graduated from college, my father agreed to take me to London for a long weekend.  It was, and still is, one of the most memorable trips of my life. Our first stop was St. Paul’s Cathedral.  I really wanted to go up to the Whispering Gallery; 99 feet from the floor of the cathedral, which doesn't sound like a lot until you start climbing. The stairs wound round the tower like a lighthouse.  But it was worth the effort as once you are there you can whisper into the wall, you can hear it all the way around the gallery.  It was like a scene in a movie where the main character is being haunted by voices. (Think Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when he can hear the snake behind the walls.)  At first, the tourists were timid and embarrassed to try the acoustics. Then the guard started encouraging people to play with the Gallery by whispering instructions for the patrons to follow. My father and I sat together on one of the benches to catch our breath and my father started making critical comments about the guy’s ensemble and joking about what he must do all day.  That’s when a voice floated around the Gallery. “There are no secrets in the Whispering Gallery,” it said. Startled, we both looked up and saw the guard tip his hat to us.  Next, we hopped the tube to Westminster Abbey.  I didn't realize that most of the Kings and Queens were buried there. Not to mention the graves and tributes to many famous writers, scientists, and explorers.  The tombs, monuments, and effigies were absolutely amazing. Some were incredibly ornate and others were as simple as a stone slab. Then there were several that seemed to be lost in time; smooth granite slabs where the writing was worn away from centuries of pedestrians. Elizabeth I's tomb has her lying in effigy on a massive stone bed. The guide said she is buried with her sister Mary and there's a plaque that says something about separation in life and may the Protestants and Catholics be united. It was so very cool. Then Mary, Queen of Scots is buried on the exact opposite side of the Abbey as if to balance the church. Then there was the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, front and center with highest of honors and sincere reverence. It was very striking with the black granite, gold inscription, and contrasting red flowers framing the whole thing. But the most amazing thing to me was the area containing the stalls of the Knights of the Sacred Order of the Bath, or something like that. There were these wooden seats, originally intended for a choir, with very intricate carvings on the posts and a coat of arms displayed on a metal plate. The plates ran from the very recent to the very ancient. On top of each seat, or stall, was a knight's helmet, or something similar, with different colored banners. Two rows of these stalls on either side of the Hall with a King Henry at the end and a very ornate ceiling in the middle. Finally, the highlight of my trip was seeing the original Beowulf manuscript. Over in a dark corner of the British Library the thousand year old treasure sits right next to an original copy of The Canterbury Tales. Two of the most important pieces in English Literature; the oldest surviving document in any European language and the oldest piece of literature in recognizable and comprehensible English were in the same case! With everything I had seen over the weekend, I wondered what their creators would have thought of their survival. Did they have that far of a vision? As human beings are we even capable of comprehending the importance of the things we do? Fire, War, Natural Disasters can destroy so much of our efforts. In a thousand years, what will remain?  Like the scene in The Day After Tomorrow, if you could save one thing, what would you preserve for future generations? What do you think would give them the best understanding of our culture? Our time here is very finite, and yet, at that moment, I felt so very connected to people long since gone. We are but pieces of this living, breathing, ever changing culture. But what are we working towards? Kathryn SampsonSafeNet, Columbia Office

Swindon UK

I recently starting reading the new Thursday Next book, written by Jasper Fforde, and I've decided I would like to try and visit the real-life Swindon when we fly to Bristol.  It's about 40 miles East of Bristol, so I'm not sure how plausible this is.  I could, of course, always go by myself and find my way back to Cardiff to meet up with the Dads before our flight back to Dublin.  (This might solve more than one problem, as my sister is quite upset that we're going to Wales together.)

It looks like it's only about 35 minutes from Bristol so it is entirely possible.  The only question is whether or not I would want to go by myself. 

St. Patrick's Day

I went out with my dad for St. Patrick's Day, as planned.  I told him about what happened with Boyfriend and he told me I shouldn't come out if I didn't feel up to it.  Honestly, I'd like to stay under my covers and only come out for work and food when I felt like it.  But that is absolutely no way to live my life and the world isn't going to stop for me.  My dad told me a long time ago that you can either stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself or get up and do something until you feel better.  Granted he was talking about actual sickness at the time, but I think it still applies.

My aunt surprised us at the bar and I'm afraid it wasn't exactly the party she was looking for, though you really wouldn't know to look at the pictures.  I didn't drink nearly as much as I had originally intended to, but this is perhaps better for my diet as well as my emotional well-being.  For the most part, I'm still not sure what to think about this whole thing.

I'm trying to focus on the Ireland trip next month.  The days are counting down and I have limited time to get everything together.  I'm still waiting on my passport (I have two more weeks before I can truly panic about it).  Though I did decide what article of clothing I am definitely taking with me on the journey.  (That counts as packing, right?)  My VT t-shirt from the Maryland Meet-up last year.   Oddly enough, the one that took place in the very same bar we went to for St. Patty's Day.

They Can't Take That Away From Me

The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No they can't take that away from me

The way your smile just beams
The way you sing off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No they can't take that away from me

We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No they can't take that away from me

'Tis not so bitter cold but I am still sick at heart

At some point, I need to realize what I know when I know it. I am far more perceptive than I give myself credit for and questions or doubts in my mind are not always unfounded.  I know things before I want to know them.

Boyfriend and I broke up last night. He's in a terrible place, emotionally, and didn't feel that he would fall in love with me. Though he made sure to tell me that I was his best friend and one of the most important people in his life right now. That he could go on dating me and didn't really want to break up, but he didn't think it was fair to me.  It's not the worst break-up I've ever had, but it's the most disappointing.  There are so many things that we'll never get to now.   There's beer I helped make that I'll never get to see how it turned out.  The thing is, I would have gone on as it was, I didn't want to break up either.  I was happy there, but you can't make someone feel something they don't.  And, as great as we were together,  staying would only make one or both of us resentful in the end.

I don't even know what to feel right now. My heart is empty and my head is full. There are a lot of maybes that are going to drive me crazy; a lot of what if's that will bug me for a long time, but for now there is work. There is continuing with Weight Watchers and working on things in my individual life to keep me distracted. But I am heartsick and there's no one to sing "soft kitty" to me, even though heartsick is a type of sickness.

A Positive View of Japan

I can't help but keep reading the news and blogs about what's happening in Japan right now.  NPR keeps frightening me with their reports about the Nuclear Reactor in Fukushima and then I run back to Barry Brook's blog to check his updates and see how accurate the news really is.  While he does state in his post that the information coming out of Japan isn't complete and he doesn't have 100% accurate data, his entries do help to explain the science behind what's going on.

from Darrell Nelson's post
"Life in Chiba, Japan Goes On"

But then I also came across a post like this: Trends in Japan.  It has pictures from areas outside of the affected areas and shows that life is still going on as normal as possible for most people on the island.  A lot of the media reports make it seem that the entire country is dealing with this crisis in the same way.  Obviously people nearest the earthquake are going to have the hardest time.  But I have to agree Darrell Nelson and Michael Keferi, the authors of the two posts on Trends in Japan, it's important to see that the whole country isn't devastated.  Yes there is some damage, the heart of the country, the people, and their culture is still beating and Japan will recover given time. 

Editors

My work blog asked for entries on Travel from the employees, so I submitted one about my trip to London several  years ago.  Today, I get an edited version of the entry and was asked to okay it for posting tomorrow.  Thankfully, I read it before I said anything.  I know that the girl who does this at work works on the blog in her free-time and it's not necessarily one of her job duties.  And for this, I am very thankful.

She cut out the entire point of one of the paragraphs.  I was talking about my trip to St. Paul's Cathedral and how my father and I didn't realize our voices would carry in the Whispering Gallery.  We were being critical of the guard's attire and duties and the guy obviously heard us because we heard a disembodied voice say, "there are no secrets in the whispering gallery."  We looked up and the guard was staring straight at us.  Why we didn't realize our voices would carry in the Whispering Gallery of all places, I do not know.  But the girl cut out the part about my dad and I talking smack.  So it really read, "I went to see the whispering gallery and the guard said,blah, on our way out." 

Then she edited a part about the Globe Theatre with a small sentence about the Millennium Bridge so that it looks like my father and I had a discussion about British Television and Shakespeare on the actual bridge.  What I wrote was that the women who gave the tour at the Globe looked like a character on "Keeping up Appearances," and she couldn't believe we like Titus Andronicus.  Very different, indeed.

I edited it myself, taking out the story about the Globe Theatre, and got it down to one print page for the blog.  So hopefully there aren't any further edits to my stuff.  I'm not saying I am a great writer, I would say I am pretty mediocre at best, but there are things I would never, never do.  Like this sentence, which was edited into my blog: "the daunting task of climbing the daunting trip to the top."  That's when I knew I had to completely rewrite this entry for work.  I write many of these entries hastily and don't go back and edit properly, but for work I wanted to make sure it was the best I had to offer.

More on the Earthquake in Japan

All weekend, I've been hearing about the nuclear power plant in Fukushima.  It's frightening news, even here in the United States.  I did read an interesting blog this morning that put my mind at ease a bit.  In the post, Barry Brook gives what he calls a "simple and accurate explanation" of the situation in Fukushima.  I would have to agree that it is a simple explanation of how a Nuclear Power Plant works and the design that goes into preventing a meltdown.  As for accuracy, I can't judge as I have no background in this.  But I've done a little more searching on the interwebs and found several articles that back him up. 



Example of Brook's Imagesfrom his blog
 http://bravenewclimate.com/2011/03/13/fukushima-simple-explanation/

 The radio, television, and internet media outlets seem to be over-hyping this part of the disaster.  Though I understand it is a serious thing and should be reported.  I know that it's the trend in news these days to report the sensational, or to report the real news in a sensational manor, so Brook's post was a welcome change.  I didn't feel that he talked down to his audience but rather explained things in a calm manner as a parent would to a young adult.  His use of images and diagrams were especially helpful as I could see exactly what he was talking about in his explanation.  I also appreciate his point that the architecture that went into this power plant lived up to and exceeded its design in the face of an 8.9 earthquake as it was only designed to sustain an 8.2. 

My sister wrote a blog about the earthquake in Japan and in it, she discussed the economic impact of this disaster and the recent revolutions around the globe.  As I said in an earlier post, my mother and her side of the family have an idea that these are signs of the end of times.  My sister goes into an explanation of why this simply isn't the case.  Though she is not as technical as Brook's she is equally as comforting for me to read.

Fools and their troubles

Do you ever have days where you feel completely foolish?  I have these worries in my head that attack me at the worst times.  If you know me, then it's no surprise that I have more than a few insecurities.  I have tried to remain open and un-jaded, but over the years that is simply difficult to do.  Things that I should be completely comfortable with and in, I start to doubt and worry about the future or my place in this or that.

Then a day will pass and something will bring me out of my funk.  It's then that I feel foolish.  Because I do have a great many things going well for me right now and to doubt that will invite trouble.  But it will be trouble of my own making...

Earthquake in Japan

If you haven't been living in a cave for the last 24 hours, you are undoubtedly aware of the earthquake that took place off the shore of Japan earlier today.  This is the link to the Google Crisis Response Page.  And there are some really interesting and moving images on the Huffington Post Website that show before and after shots of the area.  A couple of the girls at work today couldn't help but cry when they saw videos of the Tsunami.  I don't know anyone there, so I wasn't as emotional about the events but I couldn't help but watch the footage with a bit of morbid awe.

The shear force of nature in this case is amazing.  The destruction and death is truly horrible, but I can't get over the size of the waves or how easily it wiped out entire fields and crops.  I feel badly for the people in that situation and I can't imagine how frightening it must have been in real life.  The after effects will be large and numerous.  I don't know how people will eat or where they will live and I am sending every one of my positive thoughts and prayers in their direction.  I'll make sure to schedule my regular blood donation with the Red Cross and I'll try and give a little extra out of this coming paycheck to the relief efforts. 

But you have to wonder in the game of Man vs. Nature who is ultimately going to win?

Eponine is Mocking Me

I wrote the other night that I didn't identify with Eponine as I once did.  Today I can't help but hear her echo in my head. 

Weight Watchers @ Work

Today we had our first official Weight Watchers Meeting at Work and I feel very positive about the whole thing.  All 15 people showed up and paid their money so we can actually continue the series for the entire 12 weeks.  They all seemed really excited about the program and I hope that we all see the results of our hard work by the end of it.

Weight Watchers at Work - the day before launch

Tomorrow starts our first ever Weight Watchers at Work meeting.  I am going to be paying about $12 more per month than the plain old monthly pass I have right now.  But it will mean that I actually go to the meetings every week and that I'll develop a support network at work.  So the benefits outweigh the costs right now.

I am very excited about getting this started and even more excited that I was the one who got it all organized.  Well the girls in the company upstairs really put us over the top and made it possible, but I've done all the leg-work with Weight Watchers and finding a meeting space, etc.  Part of me feels that we should have some sort of special lunch time food as part of the meetings, but then that sort of defeats the whole purpose of the meetings.  Unless we could turn it into a healthy foods potluck kind of deal where everyone brings in a dish, with the point values labelled, to share.  Maybe we can do this for our last class.  Though that wouldn't be a terrible idea for the group either, since they could guarantee at least one day on plan a week.

Heading over to the Dads' tonight, to plan our Ireland Trip!  Lots of good things are in the pipeline right now.  But I am not looking forward to the boyfriend's mom coming to visit.  I know he will be glad to see her and I don't begrudge him that at all.  It's just that I know we are not quite at that level where we are meeting parents and I won't get to see him that much while she is here.  She's helping him decorate and get his new house set up so she'll be here for a whole month.  He and I have had one other long separation like that, when he went home to visit his family last September, and that wasn't a problem as things have continued to develop since then so I am not entirely sure what part of me is worried about.  I get those doubtful thoughts swimming around my head, though.  I know I'll miss him, but will he miss me?  Am I important to him, etc.  Though there has been nothing in his behavior to justify this line of thinking.  In fact, our interactions continue to indicate the opposite of these second guesses.  But it's difficult to relax and just let it be sometimes.

Fun with Legos

Last night, my friend M invited me over to watch episodes of Dexter and drink a little scotch.  When I got there, the legos his nieces and nephews had played with during the day were still out and I couldn't help but build this.  I wanted it to have an actual door that opened and shut, but alas the pieces were not available and I had to make it a solid cube.  My friend, sadly, did not know what it was and thought it was simply some kind of building.

My biggest regret is that I don't carry my Dalek Sec around with me so that I could have photographed him with my wonderful creation.  Okay, maybe that is a little bit obsessive, but it would have been damn adorable on Facebook today.

Xpose Fitness

At work today, my co-worker gave me a coupon for her "gym."  I had mentioned that I needed to find one since my boyfriend is moving out of his apartment and into his first house so I'll lose access to his community fitness center.  My co-worker said that she had gone to this great place back in the day and was just starting up again and she thought I would really enjoy it.  When I looked at the coupon, I realized it was for a place called Xpose Fitness.

The whole point behind the Fitness Center is to tone your body through Pole and Exotic Dancing routines.  It mixes Pilate's, yoga, and other traditional routines with these routines for a total body workout.  My co-worker said that she had a new respect for the women that could pole dance as it requires one to lift one's own body weight.  I can barely do a chin-up let alone any fancy dancing on a pole, so I can understand her sentiment on this.  However, I just don't think it's for me.

I am not that confident in my own body to parade around in a class doing suggestive dance moves.  It could definitely help with my flexibility and could help create a certain sense of confidence, but I just don't think I'd be comfortable doing that.  Though, I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a small part of me that was intrigued by the idea.

I am also curious as to what a feminist would think of it.  Not say that I am not a feminist and don't feel women should be equal, etc., but I don't know that I would label myself as a feminist.  Part of me wonders if this type of fitness routine plays into the whole Angel in the Kitchen, Devil in the Bedroom Stereotype.  And the other part of me thinks that this is a way to reclaim something that exploits women for their own sort of benefit.  But then again, is it playing into that whole set of "Hollywood" criteria that women have to be really fit and a little bit slutty to be seen as sexy?

Classes?

I am starting to look through the late Spring and Summer programs offered by the local Community Colleges.  I think an introductory course in accounting or possibly inventory management will be helpful in my job, not to mention part of my annual review in April.  It might give me an idea of whether or not this is something I want to pursue as a career.  I am also looking for a technical writing course as that is another possible career option.

An old high school friend of mine (who helped my boyfriend locate his new house) mentioned that his wife works for a local government contractor and wondered if I'd ever thought about sending my resumé over there.  I know that there are hiring bonuses for referrals and what not, so that is what prompted the question, but it's still something to think about.  One of my Hallmark co-workers' mom works in an area related to technical writing at the same company, if that is something I would like to pursue.

I sincerely like this job and the people here.  The benefits are very good and I am coming up on my additional third week of vacation this year, so I don't know that I am ready to rock the boat exactly.  But it's nice to know there are other options out there.  Part of the problem I ran into with my last job was that I was pretty much trapped in that job.  OR, at least, I thought I was.  I was worried when I was suddenly unemployed because I didn't know where I could go and make the same amount of money.  But the trapped feeling had a lot to do with my co-workers relying on me.  My boss would constantly tell me that she hoped I would never leave because she didn't know what she would do without me.  Clearly we've both seen we were wrong and our lives have moved on just fine from that fixed point in time.

Maybe this is part of being a grown-up; to think about one's options and make the best decision for one's own well-being.

Nightmare - THE most frightening

Last night, I had the most frightening nightmare I've had in a long time.  Basically, it's the end of the world.  People are dead or dying and the only solution is to take a cyanide pill.  Because whatever is going to happen is far worse than death, etc.  I was with my family (my dad, my step-dad, my mom, my sister, my aunt, and my cousins) and they were all deciding whether to commit suicide or not.  In the dream, I asked my family what would come after and no one knew.  I felt that I absolutely could not go through with it, but one by one they all made the decision to die.  When my sister decided to take the pill it was more than I could stand.  I pulled her into a hug and told her that I wouldn't live in a world where she wasn't.  That I couldn't get on without her and then I swallowed the pill myself.  I watched everyone slowly close their eyes and go to sleep.  I tried to wake them and couldn't.  I felt my own eyes growing heavy and only darkness was there when I let them close, so I fought it.  The decision had already been made and there was nothing I could do to change it, but I was so afraid of what would happen after.  Danielle was the last to close her eyes and I was left alone, waiting for whatever would happen.  When I finally closed my eyes there was only darkness; I could feel myself slipping away to nothing and I was terrified.  I woke up to reality as soon as my dream self let go of its life.

My heart was beating so fast, I thought I might have a heart attack right there.  It was 2:30 in the morning and that fear had settled in my chest.  I was terrified to go back to sleep which, of course, seems foolish now, but I couldn't bear to close my eyes to the darkness even if it was only temporary sleep.  It's eight hours later, I can still recall every detail of that dream and I can't stop thinking about it.  The thought that there could be nothing after this life frightens me more than anything (even the traditional thought of eternal damnation, or Hell) and yet it is a distinct possibility.  My boyfriend tried to be very helpful this morning when I recounted the dream to him.  He told me about an experiment wherein someone who was very close to death entered a sealed chamber.  The person's weight was constantly measured before death, the moment of death, and immediately after death.  Apparently, there was a definite loss in weight at the moment of death.  I suggested that this was due to gases escaping the body, etc and my boyfriend said that it wouldn't matter because the entire chamber was sealed and weighed so that wouldn't change it.  I'm not sure how true this is, but it was mildly comforting.

I'm not sure where this came from exactly.  I think it was definitely influenced by my mother's talk of End Times this past week and also a little bit of seeing Les Misérables the other night.   Still, it's pretty depressing and I can't seem to shake the feeling.

According to Dreammoods.com :

Armageddon
To dream about Armageddon, suggests that you are feeling hopeless and out of control. The dream may be triggered from the deep emotional stress that you are experiencing in your waking life.

Okay, I don't think I have deep emotional stress.  My life is actually much better than it's been in a long time.  Though yesterday was a little stressful because of end of month deadlines at work, but no more than usual.

Suicide
To dream that you commit suicide, represents your desperate desire to escape from your waking life. You may be harboring feelings of guilt that you cannot get over and thus turning the aggression on yourself. You need to start approaching problems from a different angle. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself and hello to a whole new you. It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life.�

To see someone commit suicide in you dream, highlights your concerns for that person. Consider what characteristics and qualities in that person you may be trying to "kill" and annihilate in your own self. Perhaps you hope that you are not like this person and are making attempts to get rid of those traits within your own self.�

I can see how this can apply to me right now.  I have been working very hard this year and creating a better version of me. 

Death
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, the dream indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life anymore. In particular, to dream about the death of your parents, indicates that you are undergoing a significant change in your waking life. Your relationship with your parents has evolved into a new realm.

To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.

To dream that you are faking your own death, suggests that you are looking for a new start. You need some change in your life.

This makes sense, too.  I am 30 years old now.  Clearly my parents don't play the same role in my life and I feel like I am undergoing significant change in my waking life.  I've written about it often enough over the last two months.

Les Misérables



Hippodrome Theatre courtesy of their website

 Last night, I went to see Les Misérables at the Hippodrome Theatre in Baltimore.  The last time I saw it I believe I was 21 and the first time I was 16.  Of course, those were the original productions and not the 25th anniversary production I saw last night.

from http://www.broadwayinchicago.com/

To celebrate the 25th anniversary of the musical, Cameron Mackintosh re-staged the whole thing.  All the sets were redone and the revolving stage taken out.  It was definitely a different experience from my previous ones and not entirely because of the fancy new pieces in the show.  I feel like this show was shorter than the previous two I've seen (we were finished by 11:00pm and the show started at 8:00pm) and the stage felt much smaller.  The last time I saw this show, it was in the same theatre, the revolving stage took up several of the first few rows.  So it was a physically smaller space, but my father described it as more intimate and I have to agree.  I noticed there were a couple of verses cut on minor songs and the scene transitions didn't take as long.  But it all flowed very well and I had to actually listen to my Complete Symphonic Recording from 1988 to remember the differences.

I also noticed that the singing style was a little different from the previous times I've seen it.  I had my suspicions confirmed by a review in the Chicago Tribune,  The orchestrations and singing were updated for a more contemporary sound.  Which explains why Eponine could have easily been seen on American Idol.  I also have to agree with the author of the article, the stationary barricade lost something in this production.  Gavroche is killed offstage in this new production and I personally feel that takes away from the emotional impact of that scene.  Also the sight of the barricade after the battle with all of the students in their final poses isn't nearly as powerful as it was in previous showings.  Still, I couldn't help but cry in the usual places.  One lady was even kind enough to offer me a tissue.

I am a very different person coming to this show, too.  I loved this show when I was younger.  I have the original Broadway cast, the London cast, and the Complete Symphonic Recording (aka the All-Star version).  But sitting there last night I couldn't help but realize how incredibly depressing the entire show really is.  I was also unaware of how religious the show is.  Everything is tied up in this idea of religion and absolutes.  Very good commentary on it, of course, but it makes me wonder how heavy-handed it might be in the original book.  But back to the point, always before I identified with Eponine, pining away for someone that will never return her affections.  And to be sure she is developed better, as a character, than dear Cosette.  "On My Own" really struck me differently this time, however, and looking back I can't help but think of the lyric "without me, his world will go on turning," this morning.  Because it is really true, she dies in his arms at the barricade and then he's right back to Cosette.  I felt bad for Eponine, as I usually do, but I also had this feeling like she could have done better and I sincerely doubt that Marius and Cosette have a true and lasting love.  Oh, wait, maybe I don't feel that differently about the love triangle.

Still, I didn't feel every song the way I used to.  It wasn't like the words were written for my specific situations.  Of course, my life was never quite as desperate as Fantine's or as hopeless as Eponine's but it felt that way sometimes.  This time, I truly was an observer.  I watched the show and I was moved to tears, but it wasn't part of me.  I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I was glad for it.  It was like a measuring tape for how far I've come in the last 14 years.  I still have my compassion and can, literally, sob for the characters but it's no longer my life.

Passports

I sent off my Passport Renewal application today.  Had one of the best experiences at a Post Office I've had in a long time.  I went over to the smaller Clarksville office today in hopes that the line would not be as long as the one in Columbia and I was not disappointed.  The woman behind the counter was very helpful and directed me through the process of sending my renewal application with tracking numbers and second day delivery.  I guess that a lot of younger people haven't had a lot of experience with the post office and she was very understanding.  Usually I go to FedEx or UPS to send anything to my family in other states, but I may consider going back to this post office and taking advantage of the cheaper postage rates and shorter wait time.

I have a little less than two months before my trip to Ireland and I opted not to pay the extra $60 for expedited service.  I could be pressing my luck, but the website said 4-6 weeks for processing and delivery.  I have the post office delivering everything to the Passport Agency in less than 2 days so I am hoping that will help cut the time down a little bit.  I should probably call and see if the Passport people are running on schedule or if they have a lot of demands right now.

This is my first step of the trip to Ireland.  Dad gave me the airfare as a birthday present, and a fantastic one it was, so I don't have to worry about that.  I am a little concerned because I spent a little more than I had planned this weekend and I still have to get the 40K mile service performed in my car.  So my savings is taking a serious hit this week.  But I may get lucky and the quarter bonus at work will come through before I leave for the trip.  I hope that I am able to save enough before I leave so that I am not struggling when I get back.  I am sure I will have enough for the trip, but I don't want to spend everything I have in savings and have a difficult time after the fact.

Melancholy

My mother leaves tomorrow.  I agreed to pick up a shift at my second job tonight because someone had a family member die and you can't really say no in that situation.  But I am incredibly sorry that I agreed to do it at all.  I've tried all morning to find someone to work the hours and no one is available.  So I kind of feel like I am wasting time going to work.  Not like I won't see my mother again, but I just see her so rarely that it feels that way.  I'll see her for a few hours when I get home tonight and then have to say goodbye in the morning before I leave for my day job.

I know I wanted my mom to be here for my 30th birthday, but I should have considered the complications of having her here at the end of the month.  I can't take time off from my day job, and really that's all I want to do, because my deadline for entering all the invoices is tomorrow.  I don't really know when I'll get to see her again, either.  I don't know if we're doing Thanksgiving at Danielle's or her place, or even if I'll be able to go.  Her car isn't sound enough to drive up here like she drives to see my sister and a plane ticket is really an expense for her.  It's like I miss her already and she's still here.

I don't want to go to my second job tonight but there isn't a whole lot I can do about it.  It's really just a big reminder of why I want to leave that place so badly.  Not because it's terrible, it's really not, it just cuts into my valuable time with people I care about.  I need to be finished with this job by the end of summer, Thanksgiving at the latest.  I can't stand trying to negotiate extended time off to visit my family again.  But then I would also like to save as much money as possible.  To take the trips I want to take and get more than two stamps in my passport over the next ten years.  Maybe yearly reviews will make this easier.