Second Dates

I have come to the conclusion, this weekend, that I really hate dating.  Specifically I am referring to that thing we all do when we are absolutely single and trying to find one person with whom to spend quality time, not the dating that happens when one has found someone worth their time but before it's an agreed upon relationship.  In the past month I have had "dates" with three different guys, though one of them doesn't really count cause it was agreed it a no strings meeting.  It is my policy that everyone gets a second date, unless the first date is just awful, because everyone can be nervous on a first date and not give a great first impression.  I also think it's kind of like wine or beer tasting, the first sip clears the pallet and the second one really tells you about the person.  That being said, I should also learn that my first impressions and reactions are usually pretty accurate.

I had a second date today that I already knew wasn't going to change my mind, but the guy was so nice that I sincerely hoped I was wrong.  I wasn't.  And I completely chickened out of having that conversation at the end of the date where I explain that I'm just not interested in anything other than friendship.  Part of me wanted to talk about it with my therapist on Monday before making any declarations.  I think it's because of how things ended with my ex and I doubt my instincts right now.  I mean clearly whatever method I've been using to pick a guy isn't working.  But now I realize that I will have to meet this person for a third time to actually have a conversation where I say I'm just not attracted to him, because it's really better to do those things in person isn't it?  And it just makes me feel like an asshole.

This guy is genuinely nice and it's pretty obvious that he likes me, but I don't want to make out with him.  I didn't want him to hold my hand, either, and my thought about the second date when I agreed to it was "let's get this over."  And given that I had these same reactions when I met my roommate and living with him for a year hasn't changed anything, I think I can safely say that my thinking is accurate on this one, too.  But I know how it feels to meet someone with whom you feel a connection and they don't.  I keep saying I wish I could meet a nice guy and here I have, but I don't want him.  So I feel bad about it even though I can't help what I don't feel.  I think the important thing is that I don't let it go on longer than necessary and allow him to move on and find that right person for him.