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Thursday, April 26, 2012

30 years of the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

My very first car was the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe.  My mother tells the story about how they had no intention of buying anything that large until one day they were in the toy store and I came zooming around the corner in it.  Of course, I have no way of knowing how accurate that story may or may not be but I like the sound of it.  This was one of my favorite toys growing up.  The sound of the door as it would swing closed and the way the static in the plastic would cause my hair to stand up.  My tiny little milk jug and pretend groceries fit so nicely in the trunk space.  I'm not too crazy about it's newest incarnation though.

Like most car companies, Little Tikes has presented a newer, sleeker model for the next generation.  I'm not sure of the actual measurements but it seems a little bit smaller to me (like the Cadbury Creme Eggs on the shelves this Easter).  The wheels seem sturdier and should allow one's sister to ride on top without fear of bending the wire axle.  And I would bet money that the windshield bars won't pop out unexpectedly during playtime.  Little Tikes has rounded out the features to create a visually pleasing toy and I applaud these efforts.  But is it really necessary to give the Cozy Coupe eyes as if it's a character in Disney's Cars?

Remembering my first car makes me realize why I picked my grown-up car.  Maybe I should consider a custom paint job to make the roof yellow?


Or maybe this should be my next car?


Echoes from the Past

This past week, through the wonders of Facebook, I learned that my former step-sister has been diagnosed with Cancer.  Even though she is now graduated from college and living her grown-up life in Texas, I still think of her as being 12 - 14 years old.  This was the last time I remember seeing her before our parents separated and I just can't believe time hasn't stood still.

We reconnected on Facebook a couple of years ago and I was stunned by her photos.  She's grown into a fairly independent and stunning young woman.  We talked about getting together the next time she was in Maryland visiting her family and even though I agreed I never really made myself available.   I think I couldn't get my head around the possibility that I might have to see her father if we attempted to meet up.  And as I've said on here before, I have no desire to ever see that person again if I can help it.

Now, I just feel like such an asshole.  This girl has had the shit end of the stick for most of her life and I couldn't deal with my issues enough to get coffee with her.  Of the three children, she is the one who can claim a fairly normal life.  Her brothers were always favored by her father, in my opinion, and she suffered a lot of the same treatment visited upon me and my sister.  Her home life in Texas, as I recall, wasn't much easier as her mother was almost equally as unstable as her father.  Her youngest brother had a lot of emotional problems and was thrown out of school for a bomb threat.  Like me, I think she often wished her family was more normal than they were.  Yet, she went to college and graduated.

I am just upset with the universe that this person can have both my father's ex as a legitimate parent and be diagnosed with Cancer at such a young age.  There is something very unfair about it to me.  And I know that life isn't fair and people don't always get what they deserve.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Decade

Ten years ago, I received a phone call from my then Hallmark manager.  She needed me to come in and cover a shift because the assistant manager's daughter was being taken to the hospital.  It was a Wednesday night and I was out with my family so I didn't get the message until the store had already closed.  I called the next day to see if they still needed me and I learned that the assistant manager's daughter had passed away.

I remember going to the girl's funeral to try and support my assistant manager and I just didn't know what to do.  The daughter had just turned 18 the day before my birthday and she was going to graduate from high school the following month.  Her high school classmates were in tears and her little sister was so withdrawn it broke my heart.  They buried her in her prom dress and I couldn't help but think of my own sister who was 4 months younger.

My sister had been accepted to Oxford College of Emory University, a college that had been suggested by my assistant manager, and every time I would talk about my sister's college experience I felt guilty.  To this day, I hate to talk about anything my sister is doing around my assistant manager because I can't help but wonder what her daughter would be doing now if she had lived.  I don't know that my assistant manager makes the same connection, but I would assume she does.

The little sister is getting married in less than two weeks.  I'm glad that the family will be able to celebrate something joyous for a change.  She's only 23, but I think she has a better understanding of life than any of her peers.  The father has suffered from throat cancer and had an experimental surgery about twenty years ago.  More recently, the experimental surgery has caused him some problems as he's aged and they weren't sure he would live.  Less than two years ago, the little sister almost broke her back.  She was swimming with cousins and made a dive into the water.  The angle she hit the surface caused a chain reaction in her spine and the Doctor's weren't 100% sure she would be able to walk again.  But she pushed through it all and was determined to recover, now she'll walk down the aisle with her father.

I don't know how that family is able to stay as strong as they are.  Collectively, it's the only way to get through all that's happened to them.  But I am more concerned about them on an individual level.  As an outsider, I wonder why so much sadness has been inflicted on them and I can't help but feel they've wondered the same thing.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

30 days to live....

The theme of the Easter sermon I heard on Sunday was "30 days to live" and the pastor asked everyone what they would do if they found out they only had that long left in their lives.  He was trying to make a point about how we live our lives on a daily basis and what we should be focused on instead.  Basically, stop worrying about keeping up with the Joneses and start thinking about the legacy you're leaving here on Earth.  Pastor Skip, I'll call him, gave a list of things that he would do if he only had 30 days to live and, though they were admirable, they were not the first things that popped into my mind.

If I were told, with absolute certainty, that I was going to die in 30 days and there wasn't anything I could do about it, I would probably spend the first day completely shell shocked.  The next day I'd probably cry, the third I'd fall apart completely, and by the fourth I would make a list of all the things I wanted to do before my final day.
  1. I'd fly my mother up to Maryland.
  2. I'd fly my sister up to Maryland.
  3. Take the trip to Japan with my sister.
  4. See Paris one more time and actually go to the Louvre.
  5. Give my 15 year old cousin a driving lesson.
  6. Buy the most expensive bottle of Scotch I can find and drink it with my family and friends.
  7. Get in a bar fight, knock someone over the head with a bottle, and throw a stool through a window.
  8. Go home with a stranger.
  9. Get a tattoo.
  10. Ride a horse.
  11. Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
  12. Have a photo session with my photographer friend
  13. Challenge my dad to see who can eat the most Goll's Bakery Donuts and Apple Turnovers before getting sick.
  14. Break all of my dishes.
  15. Throw a huge party and invite everyone.  And the biggest gift had better have a card attached that says, "Thank you, for being a friend." 
So most of these things are not what Pastor Skip had in mind and I did clean up the list a little bit for this entry.  I can't even say my list is that outrageous.  There isn't anything like Sky-Diving or Bull Fighting on here.  Mostly, I would do all the things I was afraid of doing because of the long term consequences.  I would go after the life experiences I wanted but hadn't been able to fit in.  I wouldn't go to work, not even to make it easier for everyone else, and I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to just to make someone else happy.

Which is probably Pastor Skip's entire point.  It's important to take a look at one's life and really question why we do the things we do.  What is important?  How do we waste our time and how could we use that time more effectively?    We are not guaranteed tomorrow, at any age, and we shouldn't take the days we have for granted.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Restore Church::Experiencing Life

Went with my aunt and cousin to the Easter service at their church this weekend.  It's a newer church in my hometown and apparently has all the older, established churches concerned.  After my visit, I can see why.  I was directed to park in a vacant lot across the street from what we call Reverend Pittam's church.  (I'm not really sure why we call it that other than, obviously, there is/was a Reverend Pittam and this was his church.) As I got out of my car, the music coming from the church caught my attention.  It sounded like a party or a local rock band show was inside.  There were several people wearing red t-shirts that said "Restore Church Dream Team" on them.  They were all greeting people and handing out "care packages" to new comers.  I declined to interact with these people as I was looking for my aunt, but my understanding is that the bags they were handing out contained some basic info about the church, a bible, and a few other religious themed goodies.

Once inside, the lighting was darker as if attending a performance or, again, local rock show.  There was a stage up front with fancy show lighting and a full band.  People were crowded near the back by the coffee bar and snack table.  They were all "fellowshipping" with one another and I thought it was interesting that the church set this up before the service and not after like the Baptist church used to do.  The snack table had a beautiful spread of donuts, bagels, yogurt, fruit, and cupcakes decorated with Peeps.  The healthier options were prominently displayed and I was surprised when, during the sermon, people got up to help themselves to more snacks.  The whole place exuded a sense of welcome and had a laid back atmosphere.  Many people were there in jeans and t-shirts and even those in their Sunday best didn't seem to mind.

Even though this was their third service for the day, there was very little about it that felt practiced or rehearsed.  Obviously, the music had that rehearsed feeling but my concern is always with the sermon.  I've been to big "McChurches" where the pastor tells the same jokes and makes the same points anywhere from 4-10 times in a day.  By the tenth performance, it doesn't have that genuine feel to it anymore and I tend to zone out.  But this pastor was clearly passionate about what he was doing.  His sermon didn't feel like he was playing for an audience, even though I know there had to be some recycled jokes.  He was energetic and enthusiastic which is important for any presentation.

The church also has networking down to a science.  They made use of social media and modern technology to engage with their congregation even outside of the typical Sunday service.  I heard a couple of stories about how the leadership team made a point to contact someone when they noticed the person had posted on Facebook about a sad or difficult time they were going through.  I also noticed one or two key people from the older, established churches helping out during the service.  They seem to recognize talent whether it's with children, technology, music, speaking, etc.  It makes me wish they'd been around when my mother was in town.  They could have used her talents to their utmost effectiveness and she would have benefited from the joy of spreading her love of God.

It was interesting to visit, though I felt more like an observer than a participant.  This has been my reaction to most church services of late.  I pick apart the service like a performance or presentation and don't feel as moved as I did when I was younger.  I don't know if this is cynicism or just that I've grown up and can recognize intentional manipulation.  (To be fair, I do the same with certain movie plot lines.)  Perhaps this is a sign that business school really is suited for me, but I kept thinking about the whole experience as if the church were trying to sell me a product.  Which, of course, they are.  It's just weird for me to think about it in those terms.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Promising Start to the Weekend

The weather is so beautiful today.  I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel.  It's like waking up.  Not just going through the motions of life, but actually living in my skin and connecting with the world around me.  I am in an excellent mood for some reason.  I think most of it is the weather, but there's this incredible optimistic feeling about life in general that has to be about something else.

I want to go to Ocean City and sit on the wall.  I want to eat funnel cake and watch people go by.  I want to dance to the latest summer song and have some zany adventure a la Beach Party.  If only I could bottle this feeling for days when I just can't feel anything.

Here's hoping it's a great weekend to follow-up.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Scotch Group

A few months ago, I assumed the role of Organizer for the Baltimore Scotch Sippers group on Meetup.  Aside from the membership fees for meetup, I thought it would be a fairly easy thing to organize and I was mostly right until this weekend.  We had an event on Thursday that went a little off the rails due to the antics of one attendee.  This person also caused a problem at our tasting in January, the same problem.

My attendee (let's call him/her "H") purchased a bottle from the bar that was holding the tasting.  It was sold at a discounted price as a special courtesy to our group.  H decided to open the bottle at the bar and offer shots to other attendees.  It was pointed out that this was not only illegal, in accordance with Baltimore City Laws, but also incredibly rude.  H did not care. 

Fast forward to Thursday, H arrives late.  In an attempt to catch up with everyone else, H reaches across the bar and pours his/her own drink.  The owner of the bar sees this and calls H out on it, reminding him/her about January in the process.  A verbal warning was issued and everyone moved on.  I started to distance myself from H as I was completely embarrassed to have him/her associated with our group.  About a half an hour later, I see the owner of the bar take a bottle away from H and return cash.

Apparently, H had purchased yet another bottle and proceeded to open it and offer shots to other patrons.  After the warning, the bar owner had no choice but to return the cost of the bottle (less the cost of the shots) and ask H to leave.  I felt that the owner was incredibly calm during the exchange and I had mad respect for him.  H, of course, feels that he/she has been targeted by the owner and has no concept of what he/she has done. 

So today, I have had to clean up some nasty messages on our meetup page and send out an e-mail to all of our members detailing what happened on Thursday and setting guidelines for future tastings.  I did not want to air all of H's personal business in front of the group, but he/she started accusing the bar and the owner of over charging and being crooked.  H told everyone to check their credit card statements and I had to address that in an equally public forum. 

The owner of that bar has been nothing but helpful to me and the group.  He has provided a free meeting space for us and sets up affordable tastings.  I know that it's a mutually beneficial relationship, but he doesn't have to do half of the things he does.  I really had to take a deep breath and wait to respond to H's messages because I consider the owner of the bar to be a friend.  I don't do well when I see that people are being unjustly treated and I do even worse when that person is a friend. 

Friday, March 9, 2012

Best Sister Duo - EVER

I received some pretty exciting news this morning:  The Sweethearts of the Rodeo have a brand new album coming out!  I know they aren't that familiar to a lot of people, but they were my sister's favorite duo when she was younger.

We would listen to them on car trips and knew every lyric by heart.  For the past few years my sister and I have talked about going to their Thanksgiving concert in Nashville, but it never seems to work out.  Perhaps we'll get to see them perform their new album somewhere closer to one of our homes.


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Le Weekend - Or - Revisiting a Childhood You'd Rather Forget

I came off of last weekend, with my sister, feeling very positive and happy.  She really went out of her way to make it special and it meant more than I can say.  This most recent weekend, in contrast, was very disappointing.  It made me feel very alone in a place where I have both family and a social network.  I was headed out to meet the dads for my birthday dinner.   Which sounds like it should be a happy occasion and something that would propel me even further into a good mood, but it didn't end up that way at all.

The dinner reservations were made for 3:00pm on Saturday and I was supposed to meet everyone at the Dads' house at 2:30pm so we could all drive together.  Between getting over this cold that won't seem to go away and trying to catch up on laundry from the trip, I knew I wouldn't make it to my dad's by 2:30.  So I called them as I was headed out of my neighborhood and asked them to text me the address for the restaurant.  I wouldn't make it to their place on time but, as I live closer, I wouldn't be late to the restaurant.  Dad agreed to send the address and ended the call but didn't hang up.  He has this problem of not hitting the "end call" button on his phone and I've gotten numerous phone messages with a lot of background chatter.  Normally this is just amusing, but on Saturday he proceeded to complain after he thought he'd hung up.

I heard him tell the other people in the car that I "always do this" and "couldn't be on time for anything."  His friend, O, offers the suggestion of telling me to meet a half an hour earlier, like she does with her son, so I'll get there in time.  At this point, he realized that his phone was still on and quickly hung up.  Had I not been using the blue tooth feature in my car, I would never have heard the details of the conversation but I did and I proceeded to lose my shit.  I thought about calling back and saying I couldn't make it after all but I knew they had people coming.  So I called my sister in an effort to calm down before I would have to pretend was normal.

I am not a person who is habitually late to things.  I value promptness and see chronic lateness to events as a waste of my time.  I get this from my father.  However, more often than not I will be ready to go at their house and have to wait for one or the other to finish getting ready.  The times I have been late, or called to say I'll meet you there instead, have been due to traffic or having to work late - things completely out of my control.  At first, I felt like my dad's comments were very two-faced and he was putting on some kind of act for his friend.  Second, it made me feel like I was 5 years old again and he had told me he was very disappointed.  I was the kind of kid who would punish herself if told her parents were disappointed in her behavior.

But the part that caused me to have a complete meltdown in my car was the residual effects of living with his last partner.  It was like he was saying I was irresponsible to his friend.  I have a gut reaction to anyone implying or outright saying I am irresponsible, careless, worthless, or stupid.  I know most people would have a strong reaction to this as well, so it shouldn't be surprising.  But I spent almost every day of ten years being told how terrible I was, but never to my face.  My dad's old partner would wait until I was just out of the room, but still in earshot, to say what he really thought of me.  He would wait until my dad wasn't around so that no one would catch him.  He would belittle me and make me feel like I was a terrible person because I came out of my room.  And this is was exactly how this situation on Saturday felt to me.

I know that my dad doesn't intentionally leave his cell phone on after ending a call, but my knee-jerk reaction was feeling like it had been done on purpose.  And then I was 15 years old again, just waiting for someone else to come home so I could breathe, so I didn't feel so alone.  It wrecked that entire feeling I had from the previous weekend and I just wanted to curl up in my room.  But I went to the dinner and I even went to the wine bar with everyone afterwards.  Still, I went home earlier than I would have and just hid in my room the rest of the night.

It was the worst feeling.  And, of course, I haven't said anything to my dad about it.  This is not the type of family we are.  We don't even talk about what happened when he was with his old partner.  We just pretend like everything's okay until it is.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

St. David's Day

Welsh Bunting in my cubicle
For St. David's Day this year, I actually went all out.  Normally, I forget it's the first until about halfway through the day.  But I had purchased my Welsh Flag Bunting in the UK last year and I was determined to do it up right.  There is nothing like hanging decorations in one's cubicle to draw attention and I had the pleasure of explaining my celebration to many a passerby.  But this just wasn't enough for me. 

Welsh Cakes
My dad's friends in Bristol posted pictures of their homemade Welsh Cakes so I decided to research traditional St. David's Day/Welsh dishes.   I found two very tasty recipes for Welsh Cakes and one for Chicken and Leek Hotpot.  I invited my friend, Andrea Schwartz (of "Do As I Say" fame),  to help me.  The Welsh Cakes proved a little more challenging than I thought, thankfully Andrea had experience with baking, and the substitution of oil for lard did not hold the cakes together as well as I had hoped.  Overall, I was very pleased with the result and felt they were every bit as good as the ones I'd had last year.  I made sure to pack up half of them for Andrea and the other half for work. 
Chicken and Leek Hotpot

The Chicken and Leek Hotpot recipe was very attractive because it was cooked completely in the microwave.  I feel like I should have cooked the vegetables a little longer before adding the chicken but, again, I was not disappointed.  Next time I will also add more carrots for color.  I have three more meals out of this recipe and will definitely make it again.  I was unsure of whether or not I would like Leeks, as I haven't really had them before.  In my mind, I thought they were similar to onion and while I enjoy the onion flavor I don't particularly care for crunching on the pieces themselves.  But the Leek has a sweeter taste to it, possibly from cooking with the carrots, and I ate every part of the meal.

I sincerely hope that I am able to do this again next year and that this was the start of a tradition for me.  I think we only equate traditions with families or couples and we forget that it's just as important to create them on an individual level.  It helps us to connect with our friends and feel like we're a part of something important.  So here is to the start of a new tradition for me!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Davy Jones - February 29th

I just learned that Davy Jones, of The Monkees fame, has died at age 66 and my day is a little bit darker because of it.  Just last Friday, Dad and I were driving to the airport, listening to Pool It in the car.

I became acquainted with them in 1986 when MTV re-ran episodes of The Monkees.  Even though I am a second generation fan, it still feels like a little piece of my childhood is gone.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Birthday Preparation

There are some days where I have a lot of emotions going through my head.  This week has definitely been one of them.  I go back and forth between feeling somewhat normal and just feeling lost.  I don't know if it's thinking about where I was this time last year or if it's that I'm going to be 31 and am I where I'm supposed to be. And there is this small part of me that wonders if M will send an e-mail to just say Happy Birthday or, if he doesn't how will I feel about that.  It's not something I think about often, it's not something that bothers me anymore - not like it used to anyway - but from time to time I plague myself with these thoughts. 

I know it's the last point of reference I have for a relationship and I think that's why it enters my thoughts as often as it does.  There are also problems with some of my friends' relationships and their significant others cheating on them.  So it refreshes that whole thing in my mind.  It still worries me though that there are times when it feels like it was only a month ago.  I know that I am ready to meet someone new, meaning that I can meet someone and not feel like it would be under the shadow of what happened last year.  But then I wonder if I really am if I'm concerned about whether or not my ex will wish me a happy birthday almost a full year after everything went down.  And if I am thinking about that at all, does that mean that I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself when it comes to meeting someone new?

I'm super excited about my trip to Atlanta, though.  I think it's the shock to the system I need right now.  I just need something different to lift me out of this negative head space.  Something to energize me and push me into a positive direction.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

B-School: First Application Submitted


from http://www.everybodygoto.com/
 I'm not entirely sure how, but my sister has successfully give me her cold.  I had a headache for the last twenty-four hours and was starting to get concerned.  Then I woke up this morning with all kinds of congestion and nasty.

Of course, today is the deadline for my American University application if I want to be in the running for merit scholarships.  I worked on my essays late into the night last night and made a few more tweaks this morning.  (Thank you, Andrea Schwartz, for helping me with that.)Needless to say, this morning I feel pretty exhausted.

 On the bright side, I have successfully submitted my application!  Or, at least, the university has successfully taken the $100 application fee from my bank account.  In talking with my sister, I realize that I'm not really that concerned about being accepted into the grad programs.  Eeven with my average GMAT score and sad undergraduate GPA it didn't really cross my mind that I wouldn't be accepted.  I am more concerned about how I would pay for the education overall.

Possibly this is how I compartmentalize things so I can handle the stress more easily.  I don't have a say in whether or not I am accepted into the programs.  I only know that I have written two amazing essays and worked very hard the last 6 years to develop a solid business resume.  Beyond that, it is out of my control and I shouldn't worry about it.  However, I will be attending at least one of the programs and I will definitely need to pay for it somehow.  In my mind, this is a more pressing concern.

My other two applications don't require an essay or personal statement.  But I think I will tweak the American essays a little bit and submit them as supplemental materials.  It couldn't hurt, right?

B-School: Personal Statement - Draft#3 Final

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

- From Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley


From the very first visit I made to the Library of Congress I knew that I wanted to work for there.  The historical, political, and cultural significance contained in those buildings is inspiring and every minute detail of the Jefferson Building contains a symbol reflecting our national heritage or homage to other cultures that influenced our Founding Fathers.  There are many people in this world who, from a young age, know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives and some of them are even fortunate enough to attain those aspirations.  For the rest of us, however, our lives tend to be a series of compromises which slow our individual growth and interfere with our professional journey.  We can choose to either let these unplanned events defeat us and take over our lives, or we can use the challenges as a springboard to attaining our goals and dreams.

I was the first person in my family to even consider going to college and, growing up, I was always told I would have to win scholarships.  Indeed, I worked diligently in high school and received a scholarship from the University of Maryland Baltimore County.  Unfortunately, I still had to work a full time job while attending classes to cover the remaining costs but it helped me develop exceptional time management skills. My parents were unable to advise me when it came to applications, financial aid, college courses, or even selecting a major.  I learned to be self reliant in wading through all the information and bold in seeking out counsel from advisers or professors.  I know that everything I have accomplished has come from my own perseverance.

When I was a sophomore in college, my mother's health became a serious cause for concern and the responsibility of her care fell to me.  I spent most of that year attending classes, visiting her in the hospital, and working full eight hour shifts at my job.  All of my careful planning and effort to go to college seemed as though it would come to naught as I struggled to maintain my grade point average while dealing with these outside problems. Taking a year off from school was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.  I wanted to pursue my own dreams but could not deny the help my family needed and I knew that my divided attention would cause both to suffer.  In time, my mother’s physical health improved and I felt I could return to school.  I was determined to complete my education, even though my mother’s ill health had set my personal timeline back a few years.

Upon graduating from UMBC, I found it difficult to get a job with the Federal Government, let alone in my field of study.  The economy was slowing down and, without an advanced degree, my future at the Library of Congress was in doubt.  I had envisioned a job in Editing, Substitute Teaching, or the Library Sciences, but my first job offer came from the Accounting Department of a custom home builder.  It seemed to be the very opposite of my dream job and I was surprised to discover how the analytical skills I developed as an undergraduate dovetailed with the skills I acquired working in Accounting.  When that company folded during the housing crisis, I had several months to re-evaluate my professional path and decided that, with my work experience, it was still possible for me to aim for an accounting position at the Library of Congress though not the one originally envisioned. 

During the years I was pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, it seemed that my life was nothing but compromises – for my family, my full-time job, and my budget.  My personal goal of a career with the Library of Congress was pushed further and further away until it seemed almost unattainable.  However, life is about change and growing from those changes.  Without these challenges we would not have the opportunity to push our individual boundaries and learn all that we are capable of achieving.  My life has not taken the path I thought it would, but it has taught me that I have the discipline to make my studies a priority, the strength to make difficult life decisions, and the resilience to accept changes without losing my focus.

B-School: Goal Essay Draft#3 - Final

It may seem that my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature is in direct contrast to my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Accounting; however, there are common elements that unite the two disciplines and make one beneficial to the other.  The skills I developed as an undergraduate includes the ability to analyze data, draw conclusions from those details, and communicate my findings to a larger audience, all of which are important building blocks for a career in Business and crucial for one in Accounting.  However, in order to continue to grow as a professional as well as an individual, one must be open to new experiences and widen his or her skill set. The program offered by American University will allow me to further my knowledge of GAAP and its function within Business and, in turn, I will be able to share my first-hand business experiences with a classroom of my peers. 

The study of English Literature involves the development of analytical and communicative skills which are vital to a career in Accounting.  Hours in the library looking for the best evidence to support my thesis amidst scores of academic writing has taught me patience and perseverance.  Poring over lines of poetry, evaluating the meter of the lines and the different connotations of a particular word in order to unlock a deeper meaning teaches one that the details are just as important as the bigger picture.  I find myself drawing on these same lessons as I scour spreadsheets and inventory data in my current position as a Materials Assistant.  The time involved in unraveling a problem in our accounting records is akin to following the trail of footnotes in literary essays.  Because of my training in literature, I notice patterns in data that others take for granted and I am able to draw conclusions from our records that would have gone unnoticed by the typical accounting clerk.  In addition, my communication of my findings to other departments aids in efficient problem resolution.  However, the skills I have acquired as an undergraduate, and refined in the accounting field, are only the cornerstone to the educational foundation I need to become successful as a CPA. 

The Masters of Science in Accounting program offered by American University will allow me to learn proper procedures and processes that can not only be implemented in my day to day job, but also increase my contribution to society.  As human beings, we do not exist in a vacuum and the things we learn through our experiences are, in turn, passed on to others for the enrichment of their lives – so it will be with my time at your University.  With six years in the accounting field, I will be able to provide real world experience from small businesses like Dale Thompson Builders, to large corporations like Hallmark, to government contractors like Safenet.  In addition, my current employer is planning to go public in the near future and I will be able to provide firsthand knowledge of that process to classroom discussions.  My background and skill set will provide valued insights into our learning material that would have been overlooked by the more pragmatic students; I will contribute to a well-rounded education for my peers.

I would ultimately like to secure a managerial position in the financial offices at the Library of Congress with the technical knowledge of Accounting I will gain from studying at your institution, my current knowledge of government accounting practices, and my appreciation for literature.  Simply visiting the Jefferson Building, in Washington, DC, is enough to inspire me and help me feel connected to a larger community that transcends the boundaries of language, religion, and government; it is a cultural and political bastion of knowledge.  Washington, D.C.  is the beautiful combination of so many cultures and educational backgrounds and it has always been a dream of mine to work and live there.  Working at the Library of Congress, I would be a part of preserving our culture, our history, and our knowledge for future generations; those generations will be responsible for guiding our nation as we find our place in the larger world economy.

My pursuit of an advanced degree in Accounting stems from the desire to label and organize our world into easily digested pieces of information, but I can also recognize how those pieces fit together to create an intricate mosaic that represents an entire community.  In my appreciation of this harmony, I defy the very labels society would use to classify me.  I am neither solely a creative person nor am I simply a mathematical one.  I am the blending of two cultures for a well rounded future.

B-School Application: Goal Essay Draft#2 (no Flavor)

898 Words

It may seem that my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature is in direct contrast to my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Accounting, however, there are common elements that unite the two disciplines and make one beneficial to the other.  The skills I developed as an undergrad includes the ability to analyze data, draw conclusions from those details, and communicate my findings to a larger audience; all of which are important building blocks for a career in Business and crucial for one in Accounting.  However, in order to continue to grow as a professional as well as an individual, one must be open to new experiences and widen his or her skill set. The program offered by American University will allow me to further my knowledge of GAAP and its function within Business and, in turn, I will be able to share my first-hand business experiences with a classroom of my peers. 

The study of English Literature involves the development of analytical and communicative skills which are vital to a career in Accounting.  Hours in the library looking for the best evidence to support my thesis  amidst scores of academic writing has taught me patience and perseverance.  Pouring over lines of poetry, evaluating the meter of the lines and the different connotations of a particular word in order to unlock a deeper meaning teaches one that the details are just as important as the bigger picture.  I find myself drawing on these same lessons as I scour spreadsheets and inventory data in my current position as a Materials Assistant.  The time involved in unraveling a problem in our accounting records is akin to following the trail of footnotes in literary essays.  My ability to recognize the importance the small transactions play in the larger financial picture has allowed me to become a valued member of my team. Because of my training in literature, I notice patterns in data that others take for granted and am able to draw conclusions from our records that would have gone unnoticed by the typical accounting clerk.  In addition, my communication of my findings to other departments aids in efficient problem resolution.  However, the skills I have acquired in undergrad, and refined in the accounting field, are only the cornerstone to the educational foundation I need to become successful as a CPA. 

The Masters of Science in Accounting program offered by American University will allow me to learn proper procedures and processes that can not only be implemented in my day to day job, but increase my contribution to society.  With six years in the accounting field, I will be able to provide real world experience from small businesses, large corporations, and government contractors to the classroom discussions.  In addition, my current employer is planning to go public in the near future and I will be able to provide first hand knowledge of that process as we prepare for our IPO.  Most importantly, I will be able to provide a different perspective for my fellow students with only an accounting or mathematical background.  My background in literary analysis and creative writing will provide valued insights into our learning material that would have been overlooked by the more pragmatic students; I will contribute to a well-rounded education for my peers.  As human beings, we do not exist in a vacuum and the things we learn through our experiences are, in turn, passed on to others for the enrichment of their lives.  So it will be with my time at the University. 

With the technical knowledge of Accounting I will gain from studying at at your institution, my current knowledge of government accounting practices, and my appreciation for literature, I would ultimately like to secure a managerial position in the financial offices at the Library of Congress.  Simply visiting the Jefferson Building, in Washington, DC, is enough to inspire me and help me feel connected to a larger community that transcends the boundaries of language, religion, and governments; it is a cultural and political bastion of knowledge.  Washington, D.C., itself,  is the beautiful combination of so many cultures and educational backgrounds and it has always been a dream of mine to work and live there.  Being a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and having work experience in Accounting, I cannot think of a better environment for these two disciplines to co-exist.  Any work that would be performed at the Library of Congress, from the janitorial staff to the Librarian of Congress appointed by the President, is part of preserving our culture, our history, and our knowledge for future generations.  And those generations will be responsible for guiding our nation as we find our place in the larger world economy.

Human beings have a drive and ambition to make sense out of the chaos that surrounds them; to understand their place in the world as a whole.  My pursuit of an advanced degree in Accounting stems from that same desire to label and organize our world into easily digested pieces of information, but I can also recognize how those pieces fit together to create an intricate mosaic that represents an entire community.  In my appreciation for this harmony, I defy the very labels society would use to classify me.  I am neither solely a creative person nor am I simply a calculating one.  I am the blending of two cultures for a well rounded future.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

St. Valentine's Day

My friend, Crystalsavestheday, posted this on her Facebook wall earlier this week:
“I’m not anti-love or anti-romance or anti-relationships. I’m against hollow gestures prescribed by people who are out to make money out of the holiday. I’m against constant reminders that couple equals normal and that anyone who isn’t in a relationship (or doesn’t want to be) is weird. I’m against anyone with a vested interest telling us how and when it’s appropriate to be affectionate - say it with roses, a diamond is forever, if you really loved her, you’d take her to Paris. I hate all those cutesy bears holding satin hearts saying ‘I wuv you snugglebum!’ - as if love can only be this childish, price-tagged, pukey thing.”

- Meg Pickard ( Oh and heteronomativity that blows too)

It really struck a chord with me and I had to click the "Like" button immediately.  It really put into words what I feel about Valentine's day in general.  I have written before about how I didn't understand the panic surrounding Valentine's day.  At the time I was dating someone so it might not have seemed sincere, but  I am perfectly single this year and I still don't get it.

The entire holiday stirs up these, "if you're alone, you're a loser" sentiment in most people.  Singles find themselves desperate to secure a Valentine with whom to exchange gifts.  Or if they find themselves newly single it's a painful reminder of what they've lost.

Monday, February 6, 2012

A Crossroads 2

I have to call and set up an interview for this week.  Turns out that my transcripts and mostly accounting background didn't scare off the powers that be at the Grant Writing job.  I am still unsure of what to do should this interview also go well and they potentially offer me the position.

Part of me feels so disloyal and deceitful.  I mean I like my job and my on-site supervisor.  There is no reason I would seek out another job, this opportunity just happened to find me.  But I also know that if they had to downsize for any reason, as much as they like the work I do and value me as an employee, it wouldn't be personal.  So I really can't view this the same way, should I actually get a job offer that presents a better opportunity.

Things I know about my current job:
  • I've been doing the same thing for the last three years.
  • There was talk of promoting me to something, but that disappeared when my old boss left for a different job.
  • I don't have a clear cut path for promotion or advancement within the company
  • They will pay up to $5000 a year for my business school education
  • My current salary is about $45K a year - with bonuses and school reimbursement
So I would need to determine what this new job would pay, then what kind of career ladder we're talking about.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Weight Watchers - February Update



Just came back from my weight watchers meeting and I am down 1 lb.! Which means I am back to my pre-holiday weight and ready to continue my momentum to make my lifetime goal this year. I had originally wanted to reach my goal by my birthday and lifetime soon thereafter, but I have to be a bit more realistic. "Man, I LOVE cake!"