Conversations Overheard



"Nomance Day" from The NoNonsense Man

 Today, my sister called me before work to share an interesting interview she'd heard on the radio,  Marc Rudov was issuing his fifth annual dare to men to boycott Valentine's day.  Now I've been to his website and a lot of his rhetoric is very harsh, but I have to admit he has a point. 

He points out that all the commercials for Valentine's day are geared towards men buying for women and he's absolutely right.  The best example he has on his site is the JCPenny ad featuring men in the doghouse.  It has its moments, but there is this underlying commentary that there are certain expectations in society.  Rudov's site isn't the most appealing to women, he tends to focus on how women use men for their money, etc.  But he does point out in one of his articles that the injustice is towards both men and women; that there is an entire generation growing up and learning that certain behaviors are acceptable.  Rudov points out that teaching young men and women that expensive gifts and "forced generosity" are expected in exchange for certain privileges creates an acceptable form of prostitution.  It teaches men not to respect women as equals and women to accept this secondary status in exchange for goods.  It produces this mass hysteria that if you don't find the right gift or expression your lover will deny you.  That's not what love or relationships should be about.

 My female co-worker asked me the other day what I was going to do for Valentine's day and I said that I didn't think we had any plans.  I have to work at my second job that day and I just don't feel the frenzy to do something.  (If I were single I think I'd be in a frenzy about making sure I did something with my single friends so I didn't feel left out, but that is another issue altogether.)  My co-worker was appalled, "But you have to do something for Valentine's day!"  No, actually I don't.  It was this moment when I ceased to care about the holiday.  As you may recall, from one of my previous entries, I was unsure whether I should get something or not.  I don't like being told I have to do something, call me contrary, and I will go out of my way to do the exact opposite. 

Rudov doesn't seem to favor marriage, at least not as he perceives it in current society, and after a conversation I overheard at work today I wonder if he doesn't have a point. The same female co-worker was talking to one of our male co-workers about what he was going to get his girlfriend for Valentine's.  He said he wasn't sure and my female co-worker offered to help him.  She started off with asking him how much he wanted to spend and offered $100 as a starting point.  I couldn't believe it.  I guess my male co-worker declined that amount and my female co-worker started lowering the cost.  When she got below $50 she got this tone to her voice and asked my male co-worker if he was serious.  Again, I couldn't believe that there were these expectations. 
When the female co-worker was asked what she was doing for Valentine's, she went into detail about the things she wanted from her husband but said that she was planning a gag-gift for him.  Again, here is that double-standard that is present in society.  She eventually talked my male co-worker into finding a day spa or incredibly expensive restaurant and instructed him to buy flowers and some sort of sexy underwear.  This is exactly what Marc Rudov is talking about on his website!  The guy is buying the food, flowers, pampering for his lady and the idea is that sex will be guaranteed at the end of it.

I don't know about you, but I would be insulted.  First of all, I'd rather buy my own sexy whatever as I want to make sure I am comfortable no matter what.  (Comfort and confidence is the number one key to feeling and being sexy.)  Second of all, that is something that should never be assumed just as one should never assume that expensive gifts will be lavished upon one's self.  My guy prefers to pay for dinner or drinks and I certainly appreciate it, but I never expect it. And I make a point to pay for the movie if he bought dinner, or the wine if he bought the groceries for dinner at home, etc.  Sometimes, I like to take him out and treat him.  Though I have to admit this happens less frequently than I would like, but he understands.  The minute you start taking something for granted is the minute you stop appreciating it.  I don't ever want him to feel like I don't appreciate him and the things he does or that I am taking advantage of him in some way.  I think this is where the boycott Valentine's day comes from more than anything else.  One should never take advantage of another human being for any reason, real or imagined.