Wow...one month of solid blogging. Not all of it has been interesting or easy to do. Hopefully next month will be a little more interesting with the planning and celebrating of my 30th birthday. But I hope that I can keep this up for the entire year as it will be interesting to look back on at the next milestone.
It is officially 27 days until my birthday and I am getting very excited for it. Though there are other obstacles before then. Namely, Valentine's day. I am in a confusing place on this one. I have been dating my boyfriend for several months now, almost 8, and this will be the first Valentine's day we've encountered. He has previously stated that he doesn't really "do" V-day because he feels it's something you shouldn't have just one day for. Meaning that doing special things and showing someone you care about them shouldn't be relegated to just one day a year and should be something you do all the time for your honey. And, to be perfectly fair, he does just that. But I don't want to get nothing for him and then find out that he did get something for me. Also, I don't want him to feel obligated to get me something if I get something for him. It's a balancing act of sorts.
At the second job yesterday, my co-workers were talking about it. To be honest, I don't know that I want anything in particular. I just cleaned out my storage unit and a lot of my personal "baggage" I don't have a need for any more "stuff," you know? I am working very hard on my weight watchers and have successfully lost 32 pounds so I don't really want any candy to tempt me into bad habits while I'm trying to lost the other 15-20. All the ladies at work were trying to decide what they would buy their significant other from our store. I don't mean to belittle what we sell, but it's all useless. Maybe I am not the romantic I once was, but I just don't see how getting a journal for your beau and filling out the first page for him is going to be useful. Unless of course, you know for a fact that he is an avid journaler and this would be a welcome gift. Maybe a mix CD with songs that make you think of him would go over well if you had similar tastes in music. Actually the mix CD isn't a bad idea. But the giant Teddy Bear we sell for $100 is a terrible waste of resources. I am definitely more of a buy me a season of my favorite show, or a movie we saw together. Something that will still be useful years down the road.
Or buy me something that will convey the sentiment without adding to my clutter. Like Flowers. They are simple, elegant, thoughtful and don't last more than a week. Flowers bring cheer to any room on these dark wintry days and promise that spring is just around the corner while showing that you care. Candy is also an acceptable option, tempting though it may be, but please refrain from a huge box. Or something with an significant amount of thought. For example, if he were to show up with a collection of the new Sharpie Fine Point Pens in multiple colors tied like a flower bunch, or something similar, I would know that this person understood me. Throw in that new Stone Paper Composition Book I saw at Target the other day and it's a done deal. Of course, I need more pens and paper like I need a hole in my head but you get the point.
But there is all of this frenzy around the holiday that I just don't understand. Why does it have to be a test for your loved one? Why do we have cards at Hallmark that are bigger than my any scrapbook could possibly handle? Is bigger really better or just overcompensating? People are stressing about getting dinner reservations to resturaunts that are going to be crowded with people trying to have a romantic moment admist rushing wait staff and loud background noise. It's like setting yourself up for failure. Of course, no one really wants to be the person without plans on this day of days either. And by plans, I mean someone to have sex with afterwards.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Christian Bale & Lifelong Friends
I have maintained two things since the age of 12. One is my friendship with G and the other is my adoration of most things, Christian Bale. I met G when she moved to Harford County and transferred to my middle school. They placed her at the desk next to mine in Ms. S's 7th grade English class. I remember the desks were arranged into groups of 6 with everyone facing each other and I wanted this new girl to feel welcomed. I'd had a hard time adjusting to middle school and needed a few friends of my own, so I wrote a note and passed it to her. As G tells the story, I threw a "book" at her the note was so long. But she wrote back.
She introduced me to several things that year; Newsies, gel pens, and some of the best curse words I've ever learned. Her parents were bikers and she spent a lot of time in the workshop with her dad and his friends. Though her parents weren't bikers as depicted on television, they were regular people who owned and loved Harley Davidsons. Yes they had leather jackets and her father was a big scary-looking man with a full grey beard but he was the biggest teddy bear. Her favorite movie was Newsies, it was only 2 years old at that point, and it was the most amazing thing I'd seen. Christian Bale played the lead, and even though he is not proud of that work, it still holds a special place in my heart. I couldn't get enough of that song, Santa Fe, or Christian Bale. This led me to Swing Kids where I discovered an entire genre of music that still brings me comfort in bad times.
Eighteen years later, times have changed and we're mostly grown-up. G has two adorable kids with her husband and I don't get to see any of them nearly enough. So, I spent my day yesterday with them. I brought her lunch while the kids were napping and then we had a little girl time when her husband returned from work. It is a very strange thing for me to see her with her family because in my mind we're still only 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. But we're almost 30 and things progress. We've become very different people from the little girls in English class and we've become very different from each other.
When G's father died, she turned to religion in a serious way. It brings her comfort and order in a somewhat chaotic world. When we were younger I was the more religious of the two and now I have grown away from that. I wouldn't say I am without faith, but organized religion doesn't agree with me. My parents were both Salvation Army ministers so it is difficult to separate religion from what I do believe, but G and I have very different views on all of this. I am what is defined as a Liberal, though I do have some conservative qualities, and G is now what is defined as Conservative, though she possesses some liberal qualities as well. This has led to some misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but we've managed to remain friends. The thing is that her Conservatism stems from a religious base, unlike my friend J where it's a fiscal issue, and it's difficult to debate or politely disagree when things are based on something as personal as religion.
But I left yesterday with the feeling that it had been a fantastic day. We read to her kids, took them to Target, and then had time to talk to each other without any incident. I think we're both learning to be happy in our lives and it is showing.
She introduced me to several things that year; Newsies, gel pens, and some of the best curse words I've ever learned. Her parents were bikers and she spent a lot of time in the workshop with her dad and his friends. Though her parents weren't bikers as depicted on television, they were regular people who owned and loved Harley Davidsons. Yes they had leather jackets and her father was a big scary-looking man with a full grey beard but he was the biggest teddy bear. Her favorite movie was Newsies, it was only 2 years old at that point, and it was the most amazing thing I'd seen. Christian Bale played the lead, and even though he is not proud of that work, it still holds a special place in my heart. I couldn't get enough of that song, Santa Fe, or Christian Bale. This led me to Swing Kids where I discovered an entire genre of music that still brings me comfort in bad times.
Eighteen years later, times have changed and we're mostly grown-up. G has two adorable kids with her husband and I don't get to see any of them nearly enough. So, I spent my day yesterday with them. I brought her lunch while the kids were napping and then we had a little girl time when her husband returned from work. It is a very strange thing for me to see her with her family because in my mind we're still only 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. But we're almost 30 and things progress. We've become very different people from the little girls in English class and we've become very different from each other.
When G's father died, she turned to religion in a serious way. It brings her comfort and order in a somewhat chaotic world. When we were younger I was the more religious of the two and now I have grown away from that. I wouldn't say I am without faith, but organized religion doesn't agree with me. My parents were both Salvation Army ministers so it is difficult to separate religion from what I do believe, but G and I have very different views on all of this. I am what is defined as a Liberal, though I do have some conservative qualities, and G is now what is defined as Conservative, though she possesses some liberal qualities as well. This has led to some misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but we've managed to remain friends. The thing is that her Conservatism stems from a religious base, unlike my friend J where it's a fiscal issue, and it's difficult to debate or politely disagree when things are based on something as personal as religion.
But I left yesterday with the feeling that it had been a fantastic day. We read to her kids, took them to Target, and then had time to talk to each other without any incident. I think we're both learning to be happy in our lives and it is showing.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
59 Years Ago Today
Today is my mother's birthday. It was 59 years ago that her mother and father smiled down at their newborn. I called her a little bit ago and she dropped major hints about gifts that she wants. (The rest of the Agatha Christie series on BBC) However, I was able to inform her that Danielle and I had already gone ahead and purchased the plane ticket as her gift. She was excited, though a little disappointed at the loss of Agatha Christie, and we talked about what she'll do when she's up here next month.
I haven't seen my mother in over a year and I feel that that is far too long. I hate that she is in Florida, though I admit it is the best thing for everyone concerned. She gets to spend time with her mother and sister as well as become more involved in church and community. She'd become very isolated up here and I think was very lonely most of the time. I hope that being in Florida has helped with that. She said she's always busy taking grandma to this or that appointment, helping with the church, volunteering at the retirement home, etc. So I at least feel that she is living a healthier life than she was here.
Though I have other concerns about her. The house they live in is in serious disrepair and I don't think it will get better. Once my grandmother passes, I don't see my mother living there by herself. It would be the best financial thing for her to not have to pay rent, but it's a terrible place to live. Of course, in Florida, the rent is not as bad as it is here so she might be able to work something out. Also, with the longevity my grandmother seems to possess my mother could be well into her later 60's before that happens. Then she would qualify for all kinds of senior discounts and credits, not to mention she could live in the church retirement community. For now, I am not so concerned about my mother specifically. She takes care of her own mother and therefore has a sense of purpose. My maternal aunt also lives in Florida and she sees her quite often so there is an outside perspective of things.
One of the guys at work just had to put his mother into a nursing home. She's in her 70's, but up until about 6 months ago was able to live perfectly well on her own. It wasn't until her neighbors started calling that he even knew something was wrong. (He lives here and she lives in Texas) Apparently she had suffered several mini-strokes and it's almost like Alzheimer's. She has good days and bad, but mostly she forgets to eat and pay her bills. He said it was one of the hardest decisions he's ever had to make and all I could think about was my own mother. It will get to that one day and I don't know if I will be prepared for it.
I haven't seen my mother in over a year and I feel that that is far too long. I hate that she is in Florida, though I admit it is the best thing for everyone concerned. She gets to spend time with her mother and sister as well as become more involved in church and community. She'd become very isolated up here and I think was very lonely most of the time. I hope that being in Florida has helped with that. She said she's always busy taking grandma to this or that appointment, helping with the church, volunteering at the retirement home, etc. So I at least feel that she is living a healthier life than she was here.
Though I have other concerns about her. The house they live in is in serious disrepair and I don't think it will get better. Once my grandmother passes, I don't see my mother living there by herself. It would be the best financial thing for her to not have to pay rent, but it's a terrible place to live. Of course, in Florida, the rent is not as bad as it is here so she might be able to work something out. Also, with the longevity my grandmother seems to possess my mother could be well into her later 60's before that happens. Then she would qualify for all kinds of senior discounts and credits, not to mention she could live in the church retirement community. For now, I am not so concerned about my mother specifically. She takes care of her own mother and therefore has a sense of purpose. My maternal aunt also lives in Florida and she sees her quite often so there is an outside perspective of things.
One of the guys at work just had to put his mother into a nursing home. She's in her 70's, but up until about 6 months ago was able to live perfectly well on her own. It wasn't until her neighbors started calling that he even knew something was wrong. (He lives here and she lives in Texas) Apparently she had suffered several mini-strokes and it's almost like Alzheimer's. She has good days and bad, but mostly she forgets to eat and pay her bills. He said it was one of the hardest decisions he's ever had to make and all I could think about was my own mother. It will get to that one day and I don't know if I will be prepared for it.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Vacation Registries
In preparing for my 30th Birthday, and subsequent trip to Ireland/UK, my friend suggested I check out one of the registry sites her friend had used for her wedding. Basically, one registers the honeymoon/vacation on a website and let's everyone know that this is the registry. It's a neat idea and really perfect for couple that already owns the typical wedding gifts.
Check out:
http://www.travelersjoy.com/ (Specifically for Honeymoons)
or
http://www.tripgiftregistry.com/ (For any occasion)
I have sent a test e-mail to my sister, so we'll see how this goes.
Check out:
http://www.travelersjoy.com/ (Specifically for Honeymoons)
or
http://www.tripgiftregistry.com/ (For any occasion)
I have sent a test e-mail to my sister, so we'll see how this goes.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
One Month To A New Decade
Today is officially one month until my 30th Birthday! I've purchased the plane ticket for my mother to come visit and I am starting to get plans together for my actual celebration. I am pretty sure it will have to be two separate things as there are too many people I want to see and they all won't fit in my house. Also, I think it may be easier to have a friends event separate from a family event. My boyfriend has also stated that he's not comfortable meeting family just yet, which I understand, but it would make one giant get together a little awkward. My biggest fear right now is that my expectations are too high and that I will only be disappointed come the actual birthday.
First of all, I didn't want to have to plan this birthday. I really wanted someone to do it for me and then some things could be a surprise or at least I wouldn't be as stressed about it. But with my sister not able to go to Ireland with me, the dads have stepped up and will hopefully go. This, of course, means that a big party with a DJ is out of the question as they will be paying for airfare. Even if the dads don't go to Ireland, they have offered to pay for my airfare and I would much rather have that than a big fancy party. Though there is something to be said about big fancy parties to mark important life events. Maybe it's the response cards or working in a Hallmark store with fancy invitations.
I've already requested off from my second job for the entire weekend. I know my birthday is one day after the birthday of my store manager's deceased daughter and this usually creates a little tension. I always do a sort of countdown to my birthday, though I try not to at Hallmark because I know it's a painful reminder for my manager. But I refuse to make myself available on the 26th this year, as I normally would, because it's a big birthday for me and I am celebrating the entire weekend. I feel like this is a little selfish, but I have to remember that it is not unreasonable for me to make this request and, therefore, it's okay.
Friday, I picture mom, the dads, Sister and her girlfriend all going to Dad's local bar for Karaoke. I kind of want Mom and Step-Daddy M to sing a duet. (Not Summer Loving as my sister has suggested. I really hate when people sing that at Karaoke.) Maybe a rendition of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" or possibly something no one has heard of at all, but mom and step-daddy M think is the cat's pajamas.
Saturday night, going out with friends. Maybe starting with Roller Skating or Bowling, very old-school, then a little bar-hopping and a new year's like countdown to midnight and the beginning of my 30th year. I picture this like the end of a movie with people crowded around the camera and big smiles as we toast. Again, my expectations could be too high.
Sunday, family part at my house/dad's house. I want mom to make that angel food cake with pudding & cool whip icing like she used to when we were little. Maybe Aunt S. could make the chicken-pox pie that Mommom used to make. It's been years since I've had that and it's probably not as good as I remember, but I want it. It's like I want this weird fusion of old and new, celebration of my life kind of thing. Like all the good parts rolled up into one weekend.
Again, the expectations are high. But maybe it will end up being a fun and wacky adventure à la the Chevy Chase Vacation Movies.
First of all, I didn't want to have to plan this birthday. I really wanted someone to do it for me and then some things could be a surprise or at least I wouldn't be as stressed about it. But with my sister not able to go to Ireland with me, the dads have stepped up and will hopefully go. This, of course, means that a big party with a DJ is out of the question as they will be paying for airfare. Even if the dads don't go to Ireland, they have offered to pay for my airfare and I would much rather have that than a big fancy party. Though there is something to be said about big fancy parties to mark important life events. Maybe it's the response cards or working in a Hallmark store with fancy invitations.
I've already requested off from my second job for the entire weekend. I know my birthday is one day after the birthday of my store manager's deceased daughter and this usually creates a little tension. I always do a sort of countdown to my birthday, though I try not to at Hallmark because I know it's a painful reminder for my manager. But I refuse to make myself available on the 26th this year, as I normally would, because it's a big birthday for me and I am celebrating the entire weekend. I feel like this is a little selfish, but I have to remember that it is not unreasonable for me to make this request and, therefore, it's okay.
Friday, I picture mom, the dads, Sister and her girlfriend all going to Dad's local bar for Karaoke. I kind of want Mom and Step-Daddy M to sing a duet. (Not Summer Loving as my sister has suggested. I really hate when people sing that at Karaoke.) Maybe a rendition of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" or possibly something no one has heard of at all, but mom and step-daddy M think is the cat's pajamas.
Saturday night, going out with friends. Maybe starting with Roller Skating or Bowling, very old-school, then a little bar-hopping and a new year's like countdown to midnight and the beginning of my 30th year. I picture this like the end of a movie with people crowded around the camera and big smiles as we toast. Again, my expectations could be too high.
Sunday, family part at my house/dad's house. I want mom to make that angel food cake with pudding & cool whip icing like she used to when we were little. Maybe Aunt S. could make the chicken-pox pie that Mommom used to make. It's been years since I've had that and it's probably not as good as I remember, but I want it. It's like I want this weird fusion of old and new, celebration of my life kind of thing. Like all the good parts rolled up into one weekend.
Again, the expectations are high. But maybe it will end up being a fun and wacky adventure à la the Chevy Chase Vacation Movies.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Success in Small Doses
My Piano was delivered yesterday and I was able to clean out my storage unit at the same time. So I know have three items I can cross off my 2011 goals. I've also managed to workout this week and have kept my points consumption pretty low, so hopefully it won't be long before I can cross off that goal as well.
I am feeling very positive about things right now. I am very motivated to finish the goals I have set for myself and in calculating my potential tax return today I learned that I most definitely will not owe the government any money. Not only will I get a refund, but it is going to be a larger refund than I previously expected. Potentially enough to pay for my trip to Ireland and maybe even my sister's portion. I know she said she wouldn't be able to go, but maybe if she doesn't have to worry about the cost it will change things. Though, right now that is an extreme posibility. I still have to wait for the W-2 from my second job before I know for sure what my refund will be.
On the one hand, I am glad that things are working out. On the other, I am concerned that there is an unknown catastrophe around the corner waiting for me. This is usually how things go for me. I know that sounds paranoid and a little bit pessimistic. But I have learned that when I am able to set aside a large sum of money there is usually something other than my own plans that will come along to consume it for me. I should take a small amount of it and put it in a CD somewhere just in case.
I am feeling very positive about things right now. I am very motivated to finish the goals I have set for myself and in calculating my potential tax return today I learned that I most definitely will not owe the government any money. Not only will I get a refund, but it is going to be a larger refund than I previously expected. Potentially enough to pay for my trip to Ireland and maybe even my sister's portion. I know she said she wouldn't be able to go, but maybe if she doesn't have to worry about the cost it will change things. Though, right now that is an extreme posibility. I still have to wait for the W-2 from my second job before I know for sure what my refund will be.
On the one hand, I am glad that things are working out. On the other, I am concerned that there is an unknown catastrophe around the corner waiting for me. This is usually how things go for me. I know that sounds paranoid and a little bit pessimistic. But I have learned that when I am able to set aside a large sum of money there is usually something other than my own plans that will come along to consume it for me. I should take a small amount of it and put it in a CD somewhere just in case.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Life, the universe, and everything
I came across an interesting article on Google Reader today, Voyager and the Will to Explore. It's talking about how amazing it is that there are still working components on the Voyager 1 and Voyager 2. It goes on to talk about the estimated decay of the current components and how 50 years after its launch into space it will still function. They were originally intended for a 3-10 year mission, to Jupiter and Saturn, but are currently in what is called an extended mission, for over 20 years. They've both been in space for over 33 years and traveled about 8.452 billion miles, a little over What amazes me is the amount of time involved in a project like this. Not just the time involved in designing and testing the materials and components before the actual launch into space, but the scope of the entire project. Certainly there were short-term goals for the mission, but they had to think about possible benefits of the extended mission. According to the article, there are only two members of the original team still alive. Can you imagine beginning work on a project that you may never see to completion? Not because of funding or lack of interest in the project. Just something that will simply outlive you.
The only other type of job I can think of, offhand, where one will not see the finished product of one's work is landscaping. I'm not talking about simple bushes and trees around someone's home. In Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, he talks about Frederick Law Olmstead. Olmstead designed several public park areas around the country, most notably Central Park in New York City, and his biggest complaint in Devil in the White City was that people weren't patient enough to see his designs to fruition. Larson details how Olmstead would create a plan for a space and then return a year later to find the owners had modified it on their own and completely ruined the design that would take 10-20 years to develop. Larson even states that the plan used for Central Park was one Olmstead would never have seen completed as it was designed for 50-100 years of development. Of course, with Landscape Architecture on that scale one has to think not only 20-50 years, but hundreds of years, in the future and even then it's always going to grow and change.
Both of these jobs require a tremendous amount of forethought and knowledge of the materials at hand. I can't even conceive of that amount of time, let alone plan an entire project to extend that long. It gives me a different perspective on life.
The only other type of job I can think of, offhand, where one will not see the finished product of one's work is landscaping. I'm not talking about simple bushes and trees around someone's home. In Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, he talks about Frederick Law Olmstead. Olmstead designed several public park areas around the country, most notably Central Park in New York City, and his biggest complaint in Devil in the White City was that people weren't patient enough to see his designs to fruition. Larson details how Olmstead would create a plan for a space and then return a year later to find the owners had modified it on their own and completely ruined the design that would take 10-20 years to develop. Larson even states that the plan used for Central Park was one Olmstead would never have seen completed as it was designed for 50-100 years of development. Of course, with Landscape Architecture on that scale one has to think not only 20-50 years, but hundreds of years, in the future and even then it's always going to grow and change.
Both of these jobs require a tremendous amount of forethought and knowledge of the materials at hand. I can't even conceive of that amount of time, let alone plan an entire project to extend that long. It gives me a different perspective on life.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Shelved Books
I finally had my bookshelves delivered and I finished putting them together last night. Now I just have to determine the proper way to shelve all my books. I have them broken up into four categories right now: fiction, non-fiction, school textbooks, and everything else. I've decided to use the middle bookshelf for my DVD's, so that limits my space for the actual books. So far this is not a problem, I only have a handful of books I can't fit on the shelf. If I go through and weed out the ones I don't really need they should all fit beautifully.
The problem is that the books are all different shapes and heights. I like to have a uniform looking bookshelf, but I also want them to be in alphabetical order. Unfortunately, I can't have both. So what is a girl to do? Is it better to have them look uniform or to have them easily findable?
The problem is that the books are all different shapes and heights. I like to have a uniform looking bookshelf, but I also want them to be in alphabetical order. Unfortunately, I can't have both. So what is a girl to do? Is it better to have them look uniform or to have them easily findable?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Dinner for Two
Tonight I made dinner for me and my boyfriend. I am not a great cook, nor have I logged a lot of kitchen time over the years. So I have to follow recipes and I still haven't figured out how to time things just right. Due to a delayed delivery of my bookshelves, my whole timeline was moved back and I didn't have anything started by the time my boyfriend arrived. Correction: I had started the marinade on the steaks the previous day.
I was very impressed with how everything came out. The steaks were grilled on my brand-new, electric, indoor grill and the marinade was reduced down on the stove-top, as per the recipe directions. The mashed potatoes were a little sweeter than I had hoped, but I think that has more to do with the type of potatoes used than anything I did to them. Together, they were delicious.
Then we made a dessert together
I was very impressed with how everything came out. The steaks were grilled on my brand-new, electric, indoor grill and the marinade was reduced down on the stove-top, as per the recipe directions. The mashed potatoes were a little sweeter than I had hoped, but I think that has more to do with the type of potatoes used than anything I did to them. Together, they were delicious.
Then we made a dessert together
Saturday, January 22, 2011
34 years ago today
Thirty-four years ago today, my parents got married. They are, obviously, not married now but looking at the date made me think about their anniversary.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Bookshelves
My bookshelves are scheduled to arrive tomorrow between 12-4. I am far too excited about this event and I realize this as my friends have started to stop me mid sentence when I mention the impending arrival. It's another step in the right direction for my new year's goals. I realize I may not have stated my exact goals in previous entries, so here they are:
1) Pay off all Credit Cards
2) Keep Credit Cards Empty (this is more ongoing)
3) Lost 15-25 additional pounds and make it to the maintenance phase of Weight Watchers.
4) Do not gain weight after reaching goal weight. (Again, more ongoing)
5) Buy IKEA Billy Bookcase system and FULLY unpack ALL books.
6) Move Piano out of storage
7) Close storage unit completely
8) Quit Second Job.
9) Plan and take a trip to Ireland/UK as celebration of my 30th Birthday.
If I can complete number 5, I can move the piano and then cross off 6 & 7.
1) Pay off all Credit Cards
2) Keep Credit Cards Empty (this is more ongoing)
3) Lost 15-25 additional pounds and make it to the maintenance phase of Weight Watchers.
4) Do not gain weight after reaching goal weight. (Again, more ongoing)
5) Buy IKEA Billy Bookcase system and FULLY unpack ALL books.
6) Move Piano out of storage
7) Close storage unit completely
8) Quit Second Job.
9) Plan and take a trip to Ireland/UK as celebration of my 30th Birthday.
If I can complete number 5, I can move the piano and then cross off 6 & 7.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Relationships and Conspiracies
My Oberon! what visions have I seen!Have you ever had a friend date someone you didn't particularly like? There's nothing obviously wrong with the person; they have a good job, treat your friend with respect, and all-in-all it's the best relationship your friend has ever been in. Honestly, I am truly happy that my friend is dating someone who makes him/her happy. (THE happiest I have seen him/her in the time we've been friends.) But I don't get it, I suppose. Obviously this is my friend's relationship and I don't have to live with his/her significant other, so it makes no difference if I like this person or not. We all went out for dinner and all I could think of this morning was this quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Methought I was enamoured of an ass.A Midsummer Night's Dream, 4. 1
It's not that I dislike that person altogether, but there are things that just rub me the wrong way. Like a blatant disregard for contractual obligations. A non-compete clause is put in a contract for a specific purpose and one signs it of his/her own free will. Moonlighting can be acceptable under certain circumstances, but don't brag about how you can't let your company know you're doing x, y, or z because it would violate your agreement with said company.
Also, there was a discussion about Government Clearances for contractors. This person has apparently been well informed that whatever happens in the polygraph test will follow you for the rest of your life. Even if you don't get the clearance and don't work for a government contractor ever again. Now, I don't agree with everything the government does. I don't think anyone in this country could agree 100% with anything coming out of Washington right now or ever. But I'm not so cynical that I believe the government is only trying to screw the people out of whatever they can. I don't think there is a big conspiracy with Government Clearances and I certainly wouldn't have anything to hide if there were.
The whole conversation just left a bad taste in my mouth. And the look on my friend's face every time he/she looked at this person was one of absolute adoration. Thus, all I could think of today was this quote. But this person is not a terrible person, certainly my friend has dated far worse. I just don't see a lot of double dating in our future.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Vending Machine Blues
At my day job we have had free snacks and drinks for the employees. When we combined offices with a newly acquired company this became a problem. One department didn't want to foot the bill for free snacks and drinks for the entire office and it was decided that our side would buy drinks while the other side would buy the snacks. Then there were problems because our side made sure there were adequate sodas for everyone while the other side still purchased as if they were a single office. Some employees would drink more than one soda a day while others would only drink one every month. The big problem was that there was never enough of anything left over for visitors or training classes. So the solution was to install a vending machine in the break room.
This is no ordinary vending machine, however, as everything in it only costs a quarter. It will be refilled every Tuesday and Thursday and the $.25 pays for the additional stock. Now people are upset because they have to pay money for their snacks and drinks. For those that consume multiple items in a day, I can see where this would be a problem. But for others, it's a more than reasonable cost for the occasional treat.
My problem is that, for some reason, I want to buy something from the vending machine. I was perfectly fine leaving the free items alone and didn't care one way or the other about them. But now, I know I have a purse full of quarters and I want to go get something. I want to see the gears turn and the item of my choice drop down. I don't know how this will work with Sodas, but I haven't heard any complaints about that yet. Clearly it's the novelty factor and I don't really want something on which to nom. I don't need it. I've gained two pounds this week as it is. But the Twizzlers are calling me.
This is no ordinary vending machine, however, as everything in it only costs a quarter. It will be refilled every Tuesday and Thursday and the $.25 pays for the additional stock. Now people are upset because they have to pay money for their snacks and drinks. For those that consume multiple items in a day, I can see where this would be a problem. But for others, it's a more than reasonable cost for the occasional treat.
My problem is that, for some reason, I want to buy something from the vending machine. I was perfectly fine leaving the free items alone and didn't care one way or the other about them. But now, I know I have a purse full of quarters and I want to go get something. I want to see the gears turn and the item of my choice drop down. I don't know how this will work with Sodas, but I haven't heard any complaints about that yet. Clearly it's the novelty factor and I don't really want something on which to nom. I don't need it. I've gained two pounds this week as it is. But the Twizzlers are calling me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Nintendo Themed Scarf
My sister loved the blanket that I knitted for her for Christmas. I keep getting pictures of her much adored dog snuggled up in it. I was very proud of myself this year because I was able to plan and make all the gifts before Christmas. I had thought about making something for my boyfriend, but there really wasn't enough time for the item I wanted to make.
We spent a little bit of last night talking about the socks his mom makes. He told me that she knitted them completely flat and then sewed them together to make the heal and what not. The pattern is apparently so easy, once you get the hang of it, that you can make a pair of socks in under 2 hours. He asked him mom for the pattern for me, but she said that she just makes them on auto-pilot and couldn't begin to explain it without showing it. Since that is not an option, he and I sat down with one of the handmade socks and tried to deconstruct it mentally, since we obviously didn't want to ruin the finished product.
It was actually an enjoyable activity, I hope for both of us. Because he's seen his mom make them hundreds of time so he understood the mechanics of it, but I actually knit so I could figure out the number of stitches and places where it was seamed together. So the plan, now that I have a rough sketch of how to do it, is to make a smaller one for practice and see if it comes out correctly. Then I'll know what needs to be tweaked and can change as needed.
I know it sounds kind of lame and maybe a little bit dorky, but I really liked that I was able to show off some level of expertise on something. Obviously I am still learning and there are a lot of things I simply do not know about knitting, but it was pretty awesome realizing what I did know about it.
We spent a little bit of last night talking about the socks his mom makes. He told me that she knitted them completely flat and then sewed them together to make the heal and what not. The pattern is apparently so easy, once you get the hang of it, that you can make a pair of socks in under 2 hours. He asked him mom for the pattern for me, but she said that she just makes them on auto-pilot and couldn't begin to explain it without showing it. Since that is not an option, he and I sat down with one of the handmade socks and tried to deconstruct it mentally, since we obviously didn't want to ruin the finished product.
It was actually an enjoyable activity, I hope for both of us. Because he's seen his mom make them hundreds of time so he understood the mechanics of it, but I actually knit so I could figure out the number of stitches and places where it was seamed together. So the plan, now that I have a rough sketch of how to do it, is to make a smaller one for practice and see if it comes out correctly. Then I'll know what needs to be tweaked and can change as needed.
I know it sounds kind of lame and maybe a little bit dorky, but I really liked that I was able to show off some level of expertise on something. Obviously I am still learning and there are a lot of things I simply do not know about knitting, but it was pretty awesome realizing what I did know about it.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sir Francis Drake's 1st Cousin, 14 times removed?
In doing some amateur research on Ancestry.com, I have come across the proof that backs up my mother's claim that we're related to Sir Francis Drake. Of course, this is still not a definite thing and I am sure a lot of people can trace their roots back to Sir Francis Drake. But it is still very cool. According to Wikipedia, through his cousins, Sir Francis Drake can trace his lineage back to other famous people, like Geoffrey Chaucer - sometimes called "the Father of English Literature." Which makes my little literary heart skip a beat, though it doesn't specify which cousin. I'm betting it's through his mother's family and not the Drake side, or it's a cousin's mother and is no direct relation to me at all. sad.
My somewhat direct connection to Sir Francis Drake, John Drake(1474-1554?) & Margaret Cole(1476-1554?). They had several children, but right now we are only concerned with two sons; Edmund Drake and John Drake(1500?) were brothers, apparently. Edmund is the father of Sir Francis and John is the father of my direct line. Which, according to Ancestry.com, makes Sir Francis Drake my 1st cousin, 14 times removed.
Though this will require more research before it can be fully confirmed in my mind. I mean how many John Drakes do you think were hanging around England at this time? Too many, I tell you. I think the elder John Drake had a brother who named one of his kids, John. So that might be my relative and not the brother of Sir Francis' father. For now, though, I will enjoy this little moment and tell my mother that she was right after all. Now if only I could figure out the Grimm side of her family I'd be able to find out whether or not Grandma is telling the truth about our Native American Roots.
My somewhat direct connection to Sir Francis Drake, John Drake(1474-1554?) & Margaret Cole(1476-1554?). They had several children, but right now we are only concerned with two sons; Edmund Drake and John Drake(1500?) were brothers, apparently. Edmund is the father of Sir Francis and John is the father of my direct line. Which, according to Ancestry.com, makes Sir Francis Drake my 1st cousin, 14 times removed.
Though this will require more research before it can be fully confirmed in my mind. I mean how many John Drakes do you think were hanging around England at this time? Too many, I tell you. I think the elder John Drake had a brother who named one of his kids, John. So that might be my relative and not the brother of Sir Francis' father. For now, though, I will enjoy this little moment and tell my mother that she was right after all. Now if only I could figure out the Grimm side of her family I'd be able to find out whether or not Grandma is telling the truth about our Native American Roots.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Ravens
Last night, I went over to my boyfriend's house to watch the Ravens/Steelers game. Neither of us are what one could call, Football Fans, but we have teams we root for in the event we watch a game. His happens to be the Steelers and mine is the hometown team, the Ravens. But thankfully, this produces nothing more than lighthearted banter and bets on the outcome of the game. Though, instead of betting that the loser has to do something for the winner, we bet that the winner would do something nice for the loser to make up for the disappointment (his idea). Which is just a reminder to me of how positive this relationship is for me.
All day, today, I have found myself smiling over something that was said or done yesterday. For example, when the Steelers won, he did this little victory dance based on the Haka that the New Zealand "Real Football" team performs at the beginning of their matches to intimidate their opponents. It was supposed to make me laugh, more than being a celebratory thing, and it did. He is just adorable.
All day, today, I have found myself smiling over something that was said or done yesterday. For example, when the Steelers won, he did this little victory dance based on the Haka that the New Zealand "Real Football" team performs at the beginning of their matches to intimidate their opponents. It was supposed to make me laugh, more than being a celebratory thing, and it did. He is just adorable.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Beaches
Last night I had a dream that I went on vacation with the family. We were at a resort area in Spain and I couldn't wait to get my bathing suit on and sit in the sun. Danielle and I had some shenanigan's with the elevator that went no where and we couldn't seem to find our room. So I decided to just change in the hallway. I got all of that done and started putting on sunblock while we were walking around this hotel trying to locate our room. I kept saying I didn't want to miss the sun on our first day and Dad kept saying that we had all week to spend on the beach but we had to get all of our bags to our room today. The day got later and later and we never found our room or made it outside. It was kind of a weird dream.
But then I woke up to grey skies and bare trees and it didn't seem so weird. The sun is out there, behind the clouds, I know because I don't need my headlights to drive but I haven't really seen it in a couple of days. Clearly my mind is trying to tell me something. It's very easy to get depressed around this time of year and lose focus of our goals. For example, I decimated a box of Godiva chocolate covered cookies at work. I am tired of the cold and having to bundle up every time I go outside. The layers make me feel constricted and trapped. There has yet to be a shoveling snow. Meaning a storm that produces enough snow accumulation for shoveling and general disruption of one's life. After last year, I will be happy if we don't see anything at all.
But then I woke up to grey skies and bare trees and it didn't seem so weird. The sun is out there, behind the clouds, I know because I don't need my headlights to drive but I haven't really seen it in a couple of days. Clearly my mind is trying to tell me something. It's very easy to get depressed around this time of year and lose focus of our goals. For example, I decimated a box of Godiva chocolate covered cookies at work. I am tired of the cold and having to bundle up every time I go outside. The layers make me feel constricted and trapped. There has yet to be a shoveling snow. Meaning a storm that produces enough snow accumulation for shoveling and general disruption of one's life. After last year, I will be happy if we don't see anything at all.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Good Habits
As of today, all my credit cards are officially paid off. I've raised the 401(k) contribution to 6% and already created my budget spreadsheets for this year and next. Ideally speaking, I could save $20k in six years and have a decent down payment for a house. This does not include potential raises, so hopefully by the time I save a down payment, I can afford the monthly mortgage payment. That or find a roommate to pay for half of it.
Just a short entry today. I am tired, but don't want to break my entry streak.
Just a short entry today. I am tired, but don't want to break my entry streak.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Family Trees
My father has been researching our family tree ever since I was a little girl. I remember taking trips to the libraries and courthouses in the area and trying to amuse ourselves while he scrolled through microfiche looking for old records; Census cards, marriage licenses, birth and death certificates. He even had a photocopy of a great-great-great grandfather's honorable discharge from the German Army. I remember books filled with notes, hand-drawn trees, and photocopies of this or that.
Now he has discovered Ancestry.com and I received an invite to review our latest family tree. He's been able to trace our lineage back to about 1605, on his side. The one thing I noticed was the lack of information about my mother's side of the family. Of course, it's not his family so my father has no interest in their history. Which I completely understand, but I was saddened that half of my information is missing. So I created a profile for myself and decided to start poking around for information on my mom's family. Unfortunately, it's difficult to really search the site without a paid account. But I still found out a lot of information, specifically from one public user, and I would like to know more.
My maternal grandmother claims that we have genuine Native America roots and that we're related to the Brother's Grimm AND Sir Francis Drake, but I take all of that with a grain of salt. She did, however, present a picture of her Grandfather in a full clown-costume. I thought that was pretty interesting, but she didn't have a whole lot of background information (like what circus did he work for, etc). She is my last surviving grandparent and I am feeling that it's important to get as much information from her while I can. There are things I would love to ask my mommom, paternal grandmother, but I was only 16 when she died and hadn't realized there would be things I'd want to know. I can get some of that information from my father and aunt, but there are a lot of things they simply don't know. Like how did my mommom feel exactly when she met my poppop. Did she have to meet him a couple of times before she realized she was interested in dating him or did she know right away? I can always get facts, but I can't always get the emotions or story. With my grandma, maternal grandmother, there are things she can tell me but I have the feeling that only about 70% of it is accurate. (actually 70% is really giving her the benefit of the doubt)
What I am finding interesting are the birth years of these long forgotten people. It looks like most of them were in their late twenties/early thirties when my relatives were born. Of course, I can't see if there are older brothers and sisters. But it does make me feel like I am keeping with some kind of tradition in being almost 30 and not starting a family. I have cousins, on both sides, that are having kids at young ages and my mother is definitely feeling the pressure of not being a grandmother. Of course, this is not my problem.
Now he has discovered Ancestry.com and I received an invite to review our latest family tree. He's been able to trace our lineage back to about 1605, on his side. The one thing I noticed was the lack of information about my mother's side of the family. Of course, it's not his family so my father has no interest in their history. Which I completely understand, but I was saddened that half of my information is missing. So I created a profile for myself and decided to start poking around for information on my mom's family. Unfortunately, it's difficult to really search the site without a paid account. But I still found out a lot of information, specifically from one public user, and I would like to know more.
My maternal grandmother claims that we have genuine Native America roots and that we're related to the Brother's Grimm AND Sir Francis Drake, but I take all of that with a grain of salt. She did, however, present a picture of her Grandfather in a full clown-costume. I thought that was pretty interesting, but she didn't have a whole lot of background information (like what circus did he work for, etc). She is my last surviving grandparent and I am feeling that it's important to get as much information from her while I can. There are things I would love to ask my mommom, paternal grandmother, but I was only 16 when she died and hadn't realized there would be things I'd want to know. I can get some of that information from my father and aunt, but there are a lot of things they simply don't know. Like how did my mommom feel exactly when she met my poppop. Did she have to meet him a couple of times before she realized she was interested in dating him or did she know right away? I can always get facts, but I can't always get the emotions or story. With my grandma, maternal grandmother, there are things she can tell me but I have the feeling that only about 70% of it is accurate. (actually 70% is really giving her the benefit of the doubt)
What I am finding interesting are the birth years of these long forgotten people. It looks like most of them were in their late twenties/early thirties when my relatives were born. Of course, I can't see if there are older brothers and sisters. But it does make me feel like I am keeping with some kind of tradition in being almost 30 and not starting a family. I have cousins, on both sides, that are having kids at young ages and my mother is definitely feeling the pressure of not being a grandmother. Of course, this is not my problem.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Something
You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
Stick around, and it may show,
But I don't know, I don't know.
I've been thinking about this song a lot lately, specifically these lyrics. It just fits my mood right now. I've been dating this guy for several months now and he is amazing. It's definitely too soon to know anything for certain, but there is a lot of potential. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like this is something positive in my life. The way that he treats me makes me wonder why I ever thought less than that was acceptable.
We had plans together on Sunday and he was a little out of sorts; lots of stuff going on at work, etc. I wasn't concerned because everyone is allowed to have days where their brain is somewhere else. But he called me on Monday to say that he realized he was in a bad mood and that it hadn't been fair to me so would I like to come over after work. It was something I hadn't expected and it just made me happy that he took that extra step. Then, last night, Tuesday we had a largish snow storm. I was stuck at my part-time job until an inventory count could be completed. I kept looking at the clock (I'd let the other girls go home around 7:45pm) and the later it got the more worried I was about driving the 30+ miles back to my house. That's when I got a text message that said he was concerned about me getting home and if I needed to I could stay at his place, which is less than 10 miles away from my part-time job. It was just very considerate and kind.
So I saw him three days in a row, which is highly unheard of in my dating experiences. Part of me is afraid and part of me is very excited about all of it. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that, as of right now, I am happy. I am starting to relax a little bit and I am less concerned about the other shoe dropping. What this means, I don't know.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Philosophy of Language
I took a class in college, a 400 level course, about the philosophy of language. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult English class I've ever had to take, but it is the one that I reference most often when talking about literature and society. The biggest problem for me was simply getting outside of my own head. The teacher told us that "you don't think language, language thinks you." Our language is the sum of years of social development and it changes all the time. There are connotations to words that we simply know because we were taught them; spoon fed to us with our Gerber's every second of every day of our lives.
The best example the professor gave was the phrase "you throw like a girl." It's an insult, we all know it's an insult, but how do we know it? There's only one word in that whole phrase that makes it an insult. The connotations around the word, "girl," were already built in when we learned it. Do a little word association with yourself and list the top-ten things that come to mind when someone says, "woman." Now with the word, "man." I can almost guarantee that you have two very different lists. Take a look at those top-ten words, what connotations do they have? Is this because every woman, or every man, you've ever met has exhibited those exact ten characteristics? Probably not. It will be based on your own personal history as well as that of our society.
The same goes for any word in our language. Have you ever asked yourself why a curse word is bad? Why is it a curse word in the first place? Why isn't "hand" or "bottle" a bad word? Because of the meaning that has been assigned to them. To borrow from Shakespeare, and an overused example, does calling a rose by any other name change what it physically is? No, but one could not put a different word in that sentence and have it mean exactly the same thing. The point will be the same, but there will be a whole different set of images and experience called to mind. Try the word, "foot," for example. Now that sentence may not be as pleasant.
Which brings me to this Huckleberry Finn issue I overheard on the radio at lunch. I've already written about it on my book blog and won't repeat myself too much on this one. But consider the different connotations with the words and ask yourself which one you'd use. Certainly one of them is nicer in current society, but the other conveys a certain message that is important to the book as a whole. It helps the reader to immediately understand what kind of person a character is, simply by their use of this word. Can that be achieved to the same effectiveness with the replacement word?
I am still working all of this out in my head and may add to this entry even after it's posted because I feel that my thoughts are only half-formed.
The best example the professor gave was the phrase "you throw like a girl." It's an insult, we all know it's an insult, but how do we know it? There's only one word in that whole phrase that makes it an insult. The connotations around the word, "girl," were already built in when we learned it. Do a little word association with yourself and list the top-ten things that come to mind when someone says, "woman." Now with the word, "man." I can almost guarantee that you have two very different lists. Take a look at those top-ten words, what connotations do they have? Is this because every woman, or every man, you've ever met has exhibited those exact ten characteristics? Probably not. It will be based on your own personal history as well as that of our society.
The same goes for any word in our language. Have you ever asked yourself why a curse word is bad? Why is it a curse word in the first place? Why isn't "hand" or "bottle" a bad word? Because of the meaning that has been assigned to them. To borrow from Shakespeare, and an overused example, does calling a rose by any other name change what it physically is? No, but one could not put a different word in that sentence and have it mean exactly the same thing. The point will be the same, but there will be a whole different set of images and experience called to mind. Try the word, "foot," for example. Now that sentence may not be as pleasant.
Which brings me to this Huckleberry Finn issue I overheard on the radio at lunch. I've already written about it on my book blog and won't repeat myself too much on this one. But consider the different connotations with the words and ask yourself which one you'd use. Certainly one of them is nicer in current society, but the other conveys a certain message that is important to the book as a whole. It helps the reader to immediately understand what kind of person a character is, simply by their use of this word. Can that be achieved to the same effectiveness with the replacement word?
I am still working all of this out in my head and may add to this entry even after it's posted because I feel that my thoughts are only half-formed.
Monday, January 10, 2011
401(k) Contributions
Part of being a responsible adult is preparing for one's retirement. I would love to have a retirement like my father's; he doesn't have to work and can take a lot of the vacations he wants to. Granted he is also living in a house with a very low mortgage and his partner is still working full-time, so expenses are not so difficult. Using the Merrill Lynch online calculators & advisors, I am told that I should be contributing 9% of my current income level if I want to have a reasonable retirement. My current contribution level is 2%, with my company contributing half of what I do. I don't know if the Merrill Lynch calculators take my company's contribution into account. If they don't, then that means I need to contribute at least 6% of my income in order to reach 9% annually.
Also, having just cashed in the IRA I had from my old job (to pay some expenses), I feel that I need to really contribute more to my remaining retirement fund. I figure I have about 32-35 years before I can actually retire so hopefully I can suck up the blow to my finances now so I won't be as financially strapped in the future. (Side note: at my age, my father only had 25 years left until retirement.) Just looking at the number of years I have until I could retire makes it seem a long way away. Even if I were to look at my dad's retirement age, it feels so distant from where I am right now. I mean, age-wise, I am half-way there. But thinking about how long it has taken me to get to the point of 30 years, it feels like it will be a very long time before I retire.
Though, thinking about how my life has taken up 30 years of time, it doesn't feel that long. I don't know if it's because most of it has slipped from my immediate memory or because it feels like I am still beginning. Is this what people mean when they say that time goes by faster than you imagine? I don't think it passes by faster than one imagines, I think it passes by just as it should, but our memory of the time passed condenses as we load more information into our brains. So we feel like time has moved faster than it really has because we remember less of the mundane. As it is now, I really have to try to remember certain things from childhood. Even then it's not specific, only images and things known from "some half-remembered dream."
Do I remember every walk from the Anderson Avenue house to get a soda from the Fire Station on Union Avenue? No, but I know we went more than once and usually when we were bored in the summer. I know what that walk is like and I can fill in the gaps of memory even if it's not exactly as it happened. Kind of like the frog DNA in Jurassic Park. Other note: Why did Mom walk us all the way over to the Fire Station on Union Avenue just to get a soda? We could have walked up the street to the Acme or High's. Was it part of her diet regime?
Also, having just cashed in the IRA I had from my old job (to pay some expenses), I feel that I need to really contribute more to my remaining retirement fund. I figure I have about 32-35 years before I can actually retire so hopefully I can suck up the blow to my finances now so I won't be as financially strapped in the future. (Side note: at my age, my father only had 25 years left until retirement.) Just looking at the number of years I have until I could retire makes it seem a long way away. Even if I were to look at my dad's retirement age, it feels so distant from where I am right now. I mean, age-wise, I am half-way there. But thinking about how long it has taken me to get to the point of 30 years, it feels like it will be a very long time before I retire.
Though, thinking about how my life has taken up 30 years of time, it doesn't feel that long. I don't know if it's because most of it has slipped from my immediate memory or because it feels like I am still beginning. Is this what people mean when they say that time goes by faster than you imagine? I don't think it passes by faster than one imagines, I think it passes by just as it should, but our memory of the time passed condenses as we load more information into our brains. So we feel like time has moved faster than it really has because we remember less of the mundane. As it is now, I really have to try to remember certain things from childhood. Even then it's not specific, only images and things known from "some half-remembered dream."
Do I remember every walk from the Anderson Avenue house to get a soda from the Fire Station on Union Avenue? No, but I know we went more than once and usually when we were bored in the summer. I know what that walk is like and I can fill in the gaps of memory even if it's not exactly as it happened. Kind of like the frog DNA in Jurassic Park. Other note: Why did Mom walk us all the way over to the Fire Station on Union Avenue just to get a soda? We could have walked up the street to the Acme or High's. Was it part of her diet regime?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Plans
Finished another day at Hallmark. It's very difficult to care about working when you've already made a plan to leave. It's like I want to quit tomorrow because the thought has already entered my head and I don't have the patience to wait and see if it's a good idea or not. I have to make adjustments to my day-job withholdings and see if I can live with just the one paycheck. I figure six months is sufficient time to evaluate this without causing major damage to my financial picture. The bonus is that I'll put all my Hallmark checks directly into savings. So hopefully it all works as I plan.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Travels
News from my sister that she may not be able to go on the Ireland trip we've been planning for a year. Last year at my birthday, I set certain goals for myself: lose weight, spend next birthday in Ireland on fabulous trip I paid for myself, and meet my future husband while in Dublin.
The weight hasn't been a problem and I've worked very hard to get where I am. I finally have the means to save for this trip and could very easily take it by my birthday. This was not as difficult as weight loss. As for meeting my future husband, well two out of three isn't bad. And clearly that was a little jokey-jokey put in there to compensate for my, at the time, very broken heart. It was all about taking control of my life and doing things for me. Also to stop taking things for granted and realize that for everything I didn't have I had two other things that were equally, if not more, fabulous.
And when I thought about who I would want along with me on this amazing celebration of my new awesomer self, it was a very short list. I wanted to go with my sister. The person who had shared almost everything with me up to this point. For this level of important life events she was the only choice. And now my choices are go later or go without her.
I think I may have to go without her. For years I've been saying I wanted to take Shane to Disney World and every year I just didn't have it. Now he's 13 and there isn't much point, though I am sure he would enjoy it. But I don't want Ireland to become the new Disney World for me; something I always talk about doing but never seem to get my act together enough to do it.
I am going to be 30, I have a decent paying job and no credit card debt. This is the time to do the things I say I am going to do. If I keep putting off, it will never happen and then I'll be 40 or 50 wondering why I didn't make the time. There's always a good reason not to go on a vacation. Some bill that comes up unexpectedly, unemployment, or difficult financial times. But choices must be made and life must be lived.
The weight hasn't been a problem and I've worked very hard to get where I am. I finally have the means to save for this trip and could very easily take it by my birthday. This was not as difficult as weight loss. As for meeting my future husband, well two out of three isn't bad. And clearly that was a little jokey-jokey put in there to compensate for my, at the time, very broken heart. It was all about taking control of my life and doing things for me. Also to stop taking things for granted and realize that for everything I didn't have I had two other things that were equally, if not more, fabulous.
And when I thought about who I would want along with me on this amazing celebration of my new awesomer self, it was a very short list. I wanted to go with my sister. The person who had shared almost everything with me up to this point. For this level of important life events she was the only choice. And now my choices are go later or go without her.
I think I may have to go without her. For years I've been saying I wanted to take Shane to Disney World and every year I just didn't have it. Now he's 13 and there isn't much point, though I am sure he would enjoy it. But I don't want Ireland to become the new Disney World for me; something I always talk about doing but never seem to get my act together enough to do it.
I am going to be 30, I have a decent paying job and no credit card debt. This is the time to do the things I say I am going to do. If I keep putting off, it will never happen and then I'll be 40 or 50 wondering why I didn't make the time. There's always a good reason not to go on a vacation. Some bill that comes up unexpectedly, unemployment, or difficult financial times. But choices must be made and life must be lived.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Religion and Nick Cage
Tonight I went to see Season of the Witch with friends. It was the chosen movie simply because we knew it would be terrible. Medieval Nicholas Cage and witches, how could it not be? WE were not disappointed in the slightest and spent much of the walk back to our cars discussing the finer points of the plot. For example, why couldn't a powerful witch pick one rusty lock, or why go to that lever of subterfuge to obtain the one book that could destroy you if you actually leave the literate people alive for the entire journey.
In act one, we have Nicholas Cage and his heterosexual life mate, Snarky Ron Perlman, lose faith in their Crusade. Raid after raid we see the pair getting more and more disenchanted with the Church. It is only when they are directed to attack women and children that the duo peace out. On their way back home, they are roped into escorting a supposed witch to a monastery where a religious ritual can be performed to rid the countryside of her spells. Cage is having none of this business, even going so far as to say he "serves the church no longer." He changes his mind when he sees the witch they are supposed to transport, but not in a romantic interest kind of way. He is seeking redemption for his actions in the crusades as the movie makes sure to point out at very critical plot points. So they embark on this treacherous journey with an old guy, a priest, a thief, and an idealistic kid with a bad mustache. The priests honestly believe that this girl is a witch and, as such, is the cause of the Black Plague. There is some speculation about whether or not this is true or just more of the same religious fervor seen during the crusades; always looking for a scape-goat. ***SPOILER ALERT***However as the movie goes on, the audience realizes that, scoff as he may, Nicholas Cage is very wrong about this so-called innocent. Hell breaks loose, there are zombie priests, and almost everyone dies in the end.***SPOILER ALERT***
On the way home, there was an article on NPR about religion in the Middle East and I started to wonder what the real message of this movie could possibly be. We see the obvious corruption of the Church in its repeated attacks on "non-believers" even going so far as to insist its knights attack defenseless women and children for their beliefs. But then Nicholas Cage comes back to the Church when faced with true evil. It's like the movie is acknowledging the ability of man to abuse the system but then tells you not to lose sight of what's important. Sure things may get out of hand now and again, but remember that you are finite and cannot possibly understand all the complexities of this world. So even if it looks like the church is being corrupt one shouldn't question it because some demon could have crafted a complicated plan to seize control of this plane of existence.
In act one, we have Nicholas Cage and his heterosexual life mate, Snarky Ron Perlman, lose faith in their Crusade. Raid after raid we see the pair getting more and more disenchanted with the Church. It is only when they are directed to attack women and children that the duo peace out. On their way back home, they are roped into escorting a supposed witch to a monastery where a religious ritual can be performed to rid the countryside of her spells. Cage is having none of this business, even going so far as to say he "serves the church no longer." He changes his mind when he sees the witch they are supposed to transport, but not in a romantic interest kind of way. He is seeking redemption for his actions in the crusades as the movie makes sure to point out at very critical plot points. So they embark on this treacherous journey with an old guy, a priest, a thief, and an idealistic kid with a bad mustache. The priests honestly believe that this girl is a witch and, as such, is the cause of the Black Plague. There is some speculation about whether or not this is true or just more of the same religious fervor seen during the crusades; always looking for a scape-goat. ***SPOILER ALERT***However as the movie goes on, the audience realizes that, scoff as he may, Nicholas Cage is very wrong about this so-called innocent. Hell breaks loose, there are zombie priests, and almost everyone dies in the end.***SPOILER ALERT***
On the way home, there was an article on NPR about religion in the Middle East and I started to wonder what the real message of this movie could possibly be. We see the obvious corruption of the Church in its repeated attacks on "non-believers" even going so far as to insist its knights attack defenseless women and children for their beliefs. But then Nicholas Cage comes back to the Church when faced with true evil. It's like the movie is acknowledging the ability of man to abuse the system but then tells you not to lose sight of what's important. Sure things may get out of hand now and again, but remember that you are finite and cannot possibly understand all the complexities of this world. So even if it looks like the church is being corrupt one shouldn't question it because some demon could have crafted a complicated plan to seize control of this plane of existence.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Bookworms
With the holiday season behind us, and my birthday a mere two months away, it's an excellent time to update wish lists. I've been thinking lately about getting an e-reader of some sort. I was against them at first and felt that they would take away from the whole reading experience I enjoy. I know that the Nook and the Kindle both have features that allow one to share a book with another user for up to 14 days.
My friend has the Nook and loves it. She takes it to the Barnes & Noble store where she is allowed to peruse titles and special offers through the Nook. It's kind of neat and definitely fulfills my need to go to a bookstore to get a dose of that book smell. Then my boyfriend has access to the Kindle through his iphone (that's a completely different entry) and I've used it a couple of times. So I have learned the value of this gadget even if I don't have an immediate need for it.
I just wish that there was a way to import physical books I already own into a digital library. Like I can with cd's to my ipod or the new packages for movies that include a Blu-Ray, DVD, and Digital Copy. Maybe they'll start putting single access codes on the back covers of new hardbacks. Though there are plenty of free e-books out there one can download and it would be an easy way to catch up on the classics without adding to my bookshelf. Though, I could also just go to the library.
My friend has the Nook and loves it. She takes it to the Barnes & Noble store where she is allowed to peruse titles and special offers through the Nook. It's kind of neat and definitely fulfills my need to go to a bookstore to get a dose of that book smell. Then my boyfriend has access to the Kindle through his iphone (that's a completely different entry) and I've used it a couple of times. So I have learned the value of this gadget even if I don't have an immediate need for it.
I just wish that there was a way to import physical books I already own into a digital library. Like I can with cd's to my ipod or the new packages for movies that include a Blu-Ray, DVD, and Digital Copy. Maybe they'll start putting single access codes on the back covers of new hardbacks. Though there are plenty of free e-books out there one can download and it would be an easy way to catch up on the classics without adding to my bookshelf. Though, I could also just go to the library.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Cheeseburgers & Strawberry Milkshakes
After an excruciatingly long day at my day job, 13 hours by the end of it, I had to grab a quick dinner. I stopped to get a 6 piece chicken McNugget meal at McDonald's. It was not Weight Watchers friendly, but it tasted so good. Though the guy behind the counter gave me a hard time because I asked for the dollar menu size sweet tea instead of the kid's size. My argument, the drink is a separate ringing item in your system and the kid's drink has the same dollar amount as the Dollar Menu size. I could be very wrong about this, but at 10:00 at night I was in a very piss-poor mood.
But it did get me thinking about my paternal grandfather. My grandparents used to have these coffee mugs from McDonald's in their kitchen cabinets. Once upon a time they were part of a McDonald's promotion where you bought the cup and were able to get free, or discounted, refills of coffee for a specified period of time. They were a heavy white plastic with a school bus yellow top and the writing, detailing the promotion, had long ago washed off. My grandfather used them almost everyday for his coffee. I don't know for sure, but I heard that he used the mugs long after the promotion had ended but the owners of the fast-food restaurant never said anything and continued to honor it.
Almost everyday for lunch he would go down to the local McDonald's and buy a Quarter-pounder with Cheese and a Strawberry Milkshake. He'd bring it back to the house and eat it in his favorite chair in the living room. I have a clear memory of his arthritic hands, with gnarled fingers and long fingernails, wrapped around the yellow paper of the sandwich. His fingernails were always clean and much longer than I've ever been able to keep mine, but not in a feminine way. The skin on his hands was rough and calloused from years of difficult work out at the military base. The pinkie finger nail was much longer than the others, almost long enough to scoop up a pea from a dinner plate, and he would tell me that it was his "nose-picker" and laugh.
I don't think I ever saw him wear jeans, though I remember he had a denim jacket. He wore pants that were probably cotton or polyester with shoes that weren't exactly dress shoes. He never wore tennis shoes or sneakers that I can remember. Button-up shirts with an undershirt and some kind of hat, though rarely a baseball cap. I remember thinking that this was how old men dressed but now, with shows like Mad Men, we are seeing a resurgence of that look. So it was simply the style of dress that he'd learned as a young man and simply never changed.
I have thought about him a lot recently and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't know if it's because I see my father getting older and I am making subconscious comparisons, or because I miss those times in my life, or both.
But it did get me thinking about my paternal grandfather. My grandparents used to have these coffee mugs from McDonald's in their kitchen cabinets. Once upon a time they were part of a McDonald's promotion where you bought the cup and were able to get free, or discounted, refills of coffee for a specified period of time. They were a heavy white plastic with a school bus yellow top and the writing, detailing the promotion, had long ago washed off. My grandfather used them almost everyday for his coffee. I don't know for sure, but I heard that he used the mugs long after the promotion had ended but the owners of the fast-food restaurant never said anything and continued to honor it.
Almost everyday for lunch he would go down to the local McDonald's and buy a Quarter-pounder with Cheese and a Strawberry Milkshake. He'd bring it back to the house and eat it in his favorite chair in the living room. I have a clear memory of his arthritic hands, with gnarled fingers and long fingernails, wrapped around the yellow paper of the sandwich. His fingernails were always clean and much longer than I've ever been able to keep mine, but not in a feminine way. The skin on his hands was rough and calloused from years of difficult work out at the military base. The pinkie finger nail was much longer than the others, almost long enough to scoop up a pea from a dinner plate, and he would tell me that it was his "nose-picker" and laugh.
I don't think I ever saw him wear jeans, though I remember he had a denim jacket. He wore pants that were probably cotton or polyester with shoes that weren't exactly dress shoes. He never wore tennis shoes or sneakers that I can remember. Button-up shirts with an undershirt and some kind of hat, though rarely a baseball cap. I remember thinking that this was how old men dressed but now, with shows like Mad Men, we are seeing a resurgence of that look. So it was simply the style of dress that he'd learned as a young man and simply never changed.
I have thought about him a lot recently and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't know if it's because I see my father getting older and I am making subconscious comparisons, or because I miss those times in my life, or both.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
More on Hallmark
I feel like I should talk more about my part-time job. My last entry really doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the issues involving that part of my life.
As I said, I have worked there for over a decade. Right now, that equals a third of my life. (If my life were to be split into three parts there would be childhood, school, and Hallmark.) Bigger picture of my life, it will merely be a chapter in a more interesting story, but for now it's a routine. Just as I was ready to leave high school and move into the next phase of my life so I am ready to leave Hallmark. But, just like with high school, there will be so much I will miss.
There is something very secure about knowing the ins and outs of a place. To look at a customer and say with a 100% conviction, "no we've never carried that item." I know where the display fixtures are because they've been in roughly the same place for the last ten years. Christmas is quickly followed by Valentine's Day just as surely as the spring follows winter. Customers will get twitchy less than a week before a holiday and someone will always ask for the next season's cards as soon as you've finished putting up the current ones.
Then there are the co-workers. Wonderful women and girls that show up day after day for the same abuse. The dichotomy of the service industry; always smiling for the difficult customers and then cussing them out behind the back room door. Fellow sufferers that are willing to step up and help when someone is in need. Knowing that someone will be there to help out on your worst day, when your daughter is in a tragic accident, or the love of your life finally lost the battle with cancer, or even when you find yourself being rushed to hospital. Women who bring casseroles and mail cards, who remember to ask about that important whatever that was coming up. It's a family of sorts.
As I said, I have worked there for over a decade. Right now, that equals a third of my life. (If my life were to be split into three parts there would be childhood, school, and Hallmark.) Bigger picture of my life, it will merely be a chapter in a more interesting story, but for now it's a routine. Just as I was ready to leave high school and move into the next phase of my life so I am ready to leave Hallmark. But, just like with high school, there will be so much I will miss.
There is something very secure about knowing the ins and outs of a place. To look at a customer and say with a 100% conviction, "no we've never carried that item." I know where the display fixtures are because they've been in roughly the same place for the last ten years. Christmas is quickly followed by Valentine's Day just as surely as the spring follows winter. Customers will get twitchy less than a week before a holiday and someone will always ask for the next season's cards as soon as you've finished putting up the current ones.
Then there are the co-workers. Wonderful women and girls that show up day after day for the same abuse. The dichotomy of the service industry; always smiling for the difficult customers and then cussing them out behind the back room door. Fellow sufferers that are willing to step up and help when someone is in need. Knowing that someone will be there to help out on your worst day, when your daughter is in a tragic accident, or the love of your life finally lost the battle with cancer, or even when you find yourself being rushed to hospital. Women who bring casseroles and mail cards, who remember to ask about that important whatever that was coming up. It's a family of sorts.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Part-Time Job
I started working at my local Hallmark Store when I graduated high school in 1999. I was heading to college and needed a car with which to commute back and forth since I was going to live at home. My dad signed for it, as I had no credit or job history to my name, and he agreed to pay for my car insurance as long as I was able to make the monthly payment on the car itself. Through the years I have had a love-hate relationship with that job.
I love most of the people I work with and helping customers find just the right gift for a family member or friend. There is something very fulfilling about helping someone design their social invitations and being an authority on the subject. However, I also hate the amount of free-time the job eats. I have been working there for over a decade, officially, and the management has come to rely very heavily upon me. I've always been willing to pick up extra hours, stay late, or come in early simply because I have always needed the money. But I am getting to a point in my actual day-time career that I don't need to work as much as I used to.
I have put a plan in motion that will hopefully allow me to quit my part-time job once and for all. I will be paying off all of my credit cards in the next month and that should free up a lot of my income. My storage unit will also be closed by the end of the month and I should be caught up on all the back utility money I owe my roommate. The only thing I really need to be careful about is saving money for the big Ireland vacation I want to take in June. So the second job will be necessary until that time. I won't really know how much wiggle room I have until the cards are paid off and I adjust to the higher 401(k) contribution rate. Then there is the question of will I be able to save money with a single job and how much? These are not the best of financial times we are living in, but they are definitely getting better.
I love most of the people I work with and helping customers find just the right gift for a family member or friend. There is something very fulfilling about helping someone design their social invitations and being an authority on the subject. However, I also hate the amount of free-time the job eats. I have been working there for over a decade, officially, and the management has come to rely very heavily upon me. I've always been willing to pick up extra hours, stay late, or come in early simply because I have always needed the money. But I am getting to a point in my actual day-time career that I don't need to work as much as I used to.
I have put a plan in motion that will hopefully allow me to quit my part-time job once and for all. I will be paying off all of my credit cards in the next month and that should free up a lot of my income. My storage unit will also be closed by the end of the month and I should be caught up on all the back utility money I owe my roommate. The only thing I really need to be careful about is saving money for the big Ireland vacation I want to take in June. So the second job will be necessary until that time. I won't really know how much wiggle room I have until the cards are paid off and I adjust to the higher 401(k) contribution rate. Then there is the question of will I be able to save money with a single job and how much? These are not the best of financial times we are living in, but they are definitely getting better.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Cookbooks
11:19 p.m.
I used up all but the restaurant gift cards I received for Christmas this year. I bought an awesome corduroy jacket in my new size 12. It's a little snug with my pullover so I think I'll be able to use it even after I lose the rest of my weight. I've been hesitant to buy any clothes beyond necessity since I am still losing weight and don't want to waste money on a temporary wardrobe. But I figured I was close enough to my goal weight that a jacket would be able to bridge that gap. Plus, I am tired of wearing items that are too big and don't show off all of my hard work. This jacket really displays the slimmer me and I like it.
I also picked up a copy of the Betty Crocker Cookbook. I have never spent a lot of time in the kitchen and one of my goals is to pare down my spending as well as my waistline. This cookbook gives detailed explanations of cooking terms and as well as pictures of foods and kitchen utensils. So there is an entire section with pictures of different cheeses, shellfish, beans, etc. There is even a diagram of the different cuts of beef and the part of the cow they come from. In addition to all these informative sections, each recipe gives the nutritional information for that dish. That should make calculating Weight Watchers Points a lot easier. I already own the Weight Watcher's cookbook from years ago, but there were terms in there that I simply didn't know. Sure I could look that information up on the internet, but when one is in the middle of cooking with hands caked in whatever gooey substance is being used it's not always convenient.
I've come to realize that being an adult isn't an easy thing to do. My life has been full of difficult decisions and bad situations. I know how to deal with a crisis situation, but the simple day-to-day things aren't as easy. Like cooking. It seems so natural for my dad and my aunt. How did they get there? What have I missed along the way that it's not as easy for me?
I used up all but the restaurant gift cards I received for Christmas this year. I bought an awesome corduroy jacket in my new size 12. It's a little snug with my pullover so I think I'll be able to use it even after I lose the rest of my weight. I've been hesitant to buy any clothes beyond necessity since I am still losing weight and don't want to waste money on a temporary wardrobe. But I figured I was close enough to my goal weight that a jacket would be able to bridge that gap. Plus, I am tired of wearing items that are too big and don't show off all of my hard work. This jacket really displays the slimmer me and I like it.
I also picked up a copy of the Betty Crocker Cookbook. I have never spent a lot of time in the kitchen and one of my goals is to pare down my spending as well as my waistline. This cookbook gives detailed explanations of cooking terms and as well as pictures of foods and kitchen utensils. So there is an entire section with pictures of different cheeses, shellfish, beans, etc. There is even a diagram of the different cuts of beef and the part of the cow they come from. In addition to all these informative sections, each recipe gives the nutritional information for that dish. That should make calculating Weight Watchers Points a lot easier. I already own the Weight Watcher's cookbook from years ago, but there were terms in there that I simply didn't know. Sure I could look that information up on the internet, but when one is in the middle of cooking with hands caked in whatever gooey substance is being used it's not always convenient.
I've come to realize that being an adult isn't an easy thing to do. My life has been full of difficult decisions and bad situations. I know how to deal with a crisis situation, but the simple day-to-day things aren't as easy. Like cooking. It seems so natural for my dad and my aunt. How did they get there? What have I missed along the way that it's not as easy for me?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Beginning
8:42p.m.
It's amazing how invigorating a new year can be. As of my last official weigh-in at my Weight Watchers meeting, I have officially lost 30 pounds! It's something I started after my birthday last year and have been working on for the last nine months. I am sure it could have gone a lot faster if I were more disciplined, yet I am still making progress and working my way toward a healthier version of me. I don't know if it was because I was turning 29 or because I was recently single or simply because I was over 200 pounds and hated the way I was looking in photos, but something clicked and I realized I wanted to make a lot of changes in my life before my next birthday.
I have successfully made many of those changes and I have a few more to go before my birthday in February. I have lost a lot of weight and have been feeling really great about myself lately. I moved into a less complicated living situation and nearly cleaned out the storage unit I'd been keeping for more than three years. (I still have my piano and grandmother's table to transport before I can fully close it.) I have a plan to pay off a large amount of my debt and even one of my student loans. And I feel really positive about the start of this new year.
I don't really know what I am going to do with this blog and I can't even guarantee that I will faithfully write everyday. But I learned a long time ago that it's not the destination but the journey that makes you strong.
It's amazing how invigorating a new year can be. As of my last official weigh-in at my Weight Watchers meeting, I have officially lost 30 pounds! It's something I started after my birthday last year and have been working on for the last nine months. I am sure it could have gone a lot faster if I were more disciplined, yet I am still making progress and working my way toward a healthier version of me. I don't know if it was because I was turning 29 or because I was recently single or simply because I was over 200 pounds and hated the way I was looking in photos, but something clicked and I realized I wanted to make a lot of changes in my life before my next birthday.
I have successfully made many of those changes and I have a few more to go before my birthday in February. I have lost a lot of weight and have been feeling really great about myself lately. I moved into a less complicated living situation and nearly cleaned out the storage unit I'd been keeping for more than three years. (I still have my piano and grandmother's table to transport before I can fully close it.) I have a plan to pay off a large amount of my debt and even one of my student loans. And I feel really positive about the start of this new year.
I don't really know what I am going to do with this blog and I can't even guarantee that I will faithfully write everyday. But I learned a long time ago that it's not the destination but the journey that makes you strong.
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