Post Birthday

My family Birthday Party did not go as well as my celebration with my friends.  First of all, I was a little hungover from the friend celebration.  Second of all, it's incredibly stressful to plan and throw one's own birthday party.

I wanted to have everyone over to my house for an old school party but I forgot that it meant I would get really hyper about the state of my place.  I don't spend a lot of time there right now and things fall into a state of passing clean that is not acceptable for parties.  All I wanted to do was relax and enjoy my special day, but cooking food and decorating don't make that easy.

Next year, I am going on vacation.  Of course, I said that about this year and it didn't work quite as I had planned.

Birthday!

I could not have asked for a better start to my Birthday weekend.  The turnout was great and I definitely felt the celebration more than I did last year.  Last year was pretty bad and as determined as I was to enjoy this year, I was afraid I would build it up too much in my mind and be just as disappointed.  I shouldn't have worried.

My boyfriend was able to meet all of my friends and I think everyone got along pretty well.  A few of my sister's high school friends have become my friends, as they returned to the area, and it was a nice reunion for them as well.  I was worried that the crowd wouldn't mix well and there were two definite pockets, but I think everyone enjoyed themselves.  I made a point to tell everyone there how much I appreciated them being in my life.  It had been my plan all along, but I think it may have come across as happy drunk.  I did refrain from telling my boyfriend anything in depth because I wanted it to be seen as sincere and heartfelt as I intend it to be.  But I find myself editing too much when I try, perhaps a letter is a better idea for me.

It was really nice having everyone in one place at one time and it felt great to have them all there.  I've spent a lot of one on one time with friends and, as much as it shouldn't, it makes me feel a little isolated.  This reminded me that I really do have a lot of great people in my life.  It was especially nice to have my sister there.  Too many birthdays have been spent without her and that may be what has been missing.

1 Day More!

I am just going to skip to my gratefuls today.  The week is too jammed packed with activity to recount everything and not sound boring.

I want to appreciate my sister today.  We have our moments when we don't get along, or disagree on something, but she has always been there.  There is no one else in this world who will ever know what our childhood felt like.  No one else who would understand the repressed and cherished memories.  We've both come through it and grown into actual functioning members of society.  Our lives take us in different directions, yet I always feel like she is right next door.  I know she will tell me the truth no matter what.

2 to Go!

I took my mom up to Havre de Grace today.  Drove her around town and let her see all the changes that have happened in the last 3 years.  Thankfully, there were a few things that haven't changed and we were able to stop in at Goll's Bakery for a slice of Birthday Cake and other treats.

Mom was able to stop in an talk to Aunt Shelley for a little bit and I think that was a good thing for both of them.  I spent a little time on the phone with my boyfriend, he had just settled on his house and was standing in the empty living room.  I really liked that he thought to call me in his excitement and I'm looking forward to seeing him on Saturday.  I love having my mom here.  I miss her when she's away, but I seem to have fallen into a sort of routine where I feel like I should see my boyfriend every couple of days.

Today, I want to say that I appreciate my father.  This is a little disjointed from the rest of the entry but I am trying to countdown.  He's been the custodial parent and the voice of experience on too many issues.  He has opened my eyes to things that I would never have given a second thought and challenged me to grow as an individual.  As all parents do, he has made mistakes along the way but it helps me to realize we are all human.  I know that both of my parents have done the best that they knew how to do and, looking around, it could have been a whole lot worse.  Through everything, though, I have never doubted that I was loved.

3 Days to 30!

Apparently Josh Groban and I are the exact same age.  (We have the same birthday and we'll both be 30 this year.)  My mother brought me a clipping she saw in the newspaper about the event.  Reading through it, I didn't expect much, I found myself intrigued by his answer to the question, "How do you feel about turning 30?"

“My 20s have been filled with a lot of trial-by-fire moments and uncertainty, but I’m going to enjoy my 30s the way I should’ve enjoyed my 20s.”

It's pretty much how I feel about turning 30.  I am not upset or depressed about it as my father assured me I would be.  I am ready to run into this next decade with my head held high and ready for the next adventure.  My 20's were very uncertain for me and I spent a lot of it struggling.  Struggling to establish myself financially, independently, socially.  Struggling to finish school and work the whole time.  Struggling to take care of everyone else first and me second.

It's like Tim McGraw's song, "My Next 30 Years,"  I'm going to "cry a little less, laugh a little more."  The song is so positive about the future and doesn't lament time lost or youth disappearing.  I can't even begin to describe the feeling I have about this birthday.  It's like a moment of clarity where things make sense.  Like coming to the top of that first hill on a roller coaster.  There's been all this build up and you still have anticipation of that first drop.  The biggest hill that gives the cars momentum to get through the rest of the ride.  I've had 30 years of build-up, preparation for the rest of the ride, and now I have the momentum that will take me through to the next big hill and on to the end.  It's a beginning.  Time will feel like it's moving a little quicker in comparison with the first part, but it's a longer stretch of track than where I've been.

Today, I want to let everyone know that I am grateful for this positive outlook.  I've made some very positive changes and have made a point to focus on myself first, in most situations.  I think this has been a very large part of the excitement I feel about my upcoming birthday.

To finish up, here's a list of celebrities who'll be turning 30 with me this year:

• Justin Timberlake – January 31st – The “Sexy Back” star gets sexier with age.
• Paris Hilton – February 17th – A party crasher stole her cake at her 30th birthday.
• Beth Ditto – February 19th – The Gossip’s lead singer turned 30 over the weekend.
• Pitbull – January 15th – “‘I Know You Want Me,’ even more now that I’m 30.”
• Alicia Keys – January 25th – An “Empire State of Mind” being 30.
• Elijah Wood – January 28th – This hobbit is still as sexy as ever.
• Kelly Rowland – February 11th – When LoveAge Takes Over.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt – February 17th – Thirty Rock From The Sun
• Josh Groban – February 27th – My voice is mature beyond my years anyway.
• Patrick Levesque – March 1st – Wait, that’s me! I’m not famous but whatever.
• Hayden Christiansen – April 19th – “Jumper” into his thirties.
• Jessica Alba – April 28th – Fantastic FourThirty.
• Anna Kournikova – June 7th – “30 Love”.
• Natalie Portman – June 9th – “I will be an Oscar winning actress before I’m 30.”
• Beyonce Knowles- September 4th – Her “B-Day” this year will be a big one.
• Jonathan Taylor Thomas – September 8th – Come out, come out, wherever you are!
• Jennifer Hudson – September 12th- Entering her 30s with a killer bod.
• Keyshia Cole – October 15th – She’s gonna “Let It Go” on her big day.
• Nicole Richie – September 21st – Paris’ former BFF is also turning 30 this year.
• Christina Milian – September 26th – Ready to “Dip it Low” on her big day.
• Serena Williams – September 26th – “30 Love” for her too.
• Natasha Bedingfield – November 26th – A “Pocketful of Sunshine” at 30.
• Britney Spears – December 2nd – “One, two, THREE…(ZERO)”
• Sienna Miller – December 28th – Still as hot as ever entering her thirties.

Read more at: http://www.homorazzi.com/article/celebrities-turning-30-in-2011-beyonce-britney-spears-hayden-christiansen-jessica-alba-natalie-portman/#ixzz1EtglkleZ

Waiting for Mom

Today is really a listless day.  I can't wait for my mother to arrive at 6:00pm and I can't seem to focus at work. 

So my appreciation today goes out to my Mom.   We don't always agree on things and there are times when she drives me crazy, but she is one of the sweetest and most supportive women I know.  When I took time off in college my father was sure that I was quitting and there was never a doubt in my mother's mind that I would go back and finish.  She would give someone the shirt off of her back if they needed it and stops to offer rides to pedestrians.  She is a fantastic woman and if I can be half as generous and as kind, I will consider myself successful.

Weight Watchers at Work

Today was the informational meeting at work for Weight Watchers.  The leader seems very nice, she's Argentinian, and has a great sense of humor.  We only had about eleven people in the actual meeting since the snow kept some people at home, but I am confident that we will be able to get 15 commitments before Friday so we can start the actual meetings next week.  The people that came to the meeting seemed very nice and it was great to get to know some faces around the office.  We've been here almost a year and don't socialize much outside of our own departments.

Continuing with yesterday's last minute theme of things for which I am grateful, I think today I want to highlight the fact that I have a very good job.  It's not the specialized career I thought I would have at this point, but I am still doing very well for myself.  The environment is supportive and friendly and the work itself is challenging but not difficult.  I don't dread going to work every day and there are opportunities for advancement and education reimbursement that I need to focus on this year.  It's one thing to do a job to pay the bills, it's another to make it a career.  I think this could be a career job and I need to really lay the ground work for a more profitable future. 

President's Day

Officially, today is a holiday at my day job.  I, however, made the mistake of telling my part-time job I was available to work and I got a full eight-hour shift.  I know I will be glad for it come payday, especially since I am taking off the whole week of my birthday, but it was very difficult to get through today.  Two six, or more, hour days at the store is too much for me anymore. 

Though, yesterday, I did get a special treat when the boyfriend brought my phone to me.  I had forgotten it at his house and figured I would have to stop by after work to get it.  I was surprised to see him and it really made my day ten times better.  Of course, all the ladies had to tell me how handsome he was and how sweet it was for him to bring the phone to me.  I don't know why I am continually surprised that he does these simple yet meaningful things for me.  He really is amazing and I am very glad that I met him.  No matter what happens down the road, or how things all turn out, I am sincerely glad that I had this time to get to know him.  I hope I continue to feel that way no matter what the future may bring.

Finished out the day by having dinner with my friend, M.  He told me all about his ski weekend and I talked about the events of mine.  It was really great to sit down and connect with him like we used to, before he moved out to Seattle.  He's recently moved back to the area and is re-adjusting to life here, so it's nice to know that we can pick up like no time has been missed.  I have a few friends like that and I consider myself very lucky that I have each and every one of them.  Even if we don't talk every day, or even once a month, we're able to connect like time and distance aren't an issue the rest of the time.

Today, six days before my 30th birthday, I want to go on record as saying that I appreciate the chosen people in my life.  My friends, my boyfriend, my co-workers.  The people who are there when the walls start crumbling around me and help me get things back in order.  The ones that are there to support me when I need it and who invite me into their lives to share in their happiest and saddest moments.  I consider myself very blessed in this area and hope that I never take any of them for granted.

Mr. Beer

Yesterday, I helped the boyfriend bottle his latest batch of beer.  Then we cleaned everything up and started the new one I purchased for him, St. Patrick's Day Irish Stout.  Yes, I had a plan when I picked it out.  But I didn't realize the whole process would take longer than a month so it will not be ready in time, though I am sure it will be no less enjoyable.

I would say that the whole process is a lesson in patience and cleanliness.  (My boyfriend talked me through the whole process and I couldn't help but make the Mr. Miyagi comparison since we both know I lack a certain amount of patience.)  First, there is a cleanser that must be used in all steps.  This keeps contaminants from getting into the brew and ruining it.  This step alone made me wish for a beer.  It's a lot of scrubbing and soaking of all materials that are to be used.  Then, there is the boiling of the mixture and the eventual combining of all ingredients into the Mr. Beer keg.  Once this has had time to sit and brew for at least a week, better for two, then one can bottle the beer.  Though at this point it is still not exactly beer.  The bottles must be cleaned with the same cleanser and then sugar is added.  This combines with the yeast in the beer mixture and carbonates the whole thing.  This is kind of tedious but fun.  The bottles must also sit for at least a week, better for two, before one is able to enjoy them.

All in all, I had fun learning to do this and I can't wait to see what the St. Patrick's Stout tastes like.  We added a little bit of coffee for flavoring, so it should be interesting.

The Mane Tamer

I scheduled an appointment with an actual salon as part of my 30th Birthday celebration.  I wanted my hair to be styled, not just cut, as a way to mark a new chapter in my life.  I've pretty much always had the same hair just at different lengths.  But I wash it, put in the anti-frizz gel, and let it dry however it wants.  This results in a natural part on the left side of my head and a general triangular shape to the hair once its dried.

I did a little research on curlygirl.com and found a salon nearby that specializes in Naturally Curly Hair.  They explained on the phone, when I made the appointment, that I would get a Deva Cut and that the owner would then style it.  Turns out the Deva Cut involves cutting the hair, while it's still dry, on a curl by curl basis.  The owner, Marty, explained that I wouldn't be able to straighten my hair after this type of cut because the hair would be all different lengths and would not look okay.  I don't straighten my hair anyway, so I was not concerned.

The entire process took about an hour and a half, with the final twenty minutes of it being the shampoo and finishing touches.  The process took much longer than I anticipated and I learned a lot about owner Marty in the process.  I was told that with this type of haircut I can go about four to six months between visits to the salon.  The reason being that the curl by curl method allows the hair to grow out with the pattern of the curl and causes less damage.

Marty styled my hair a little short and I'm not sure if I like it yet.  There are longer pieces in the front and it's shorter in the back.  The problem is that I can't see the haircut from the side and the longer pieces in the front just look like my hair would if it was a simple short haircut.  I am having a hard time seeing the difference between my regular Hair Cuttery cut and this special Salon cut.  However, I have gotten several genuine reactions to the haircut and I can definitely say it's a positive change.  Now I just need to figure out how to recreate the same look on my own.

Good News/Bad News

I was talking to my aunt today and she shared with me that her family might move to Florida in the near future.  This has me very concerned because it will mean that my 13 year old cousin will move with them.  I don't get to see him as often as I should so it's not like I can complain, too much.  But with all the problems they've had the last few years, I can't help but feel it won't be that different in Florida.

Granted, there is a stigma attached to her husband in the area where they live.  So it could be really holding them back from having a decent future.  Or it could be the choices that have been made and will continue to be made, which means that it will follow them where ever they go.  Apparently they've found a music school where my cousin could go and he's kind of excited about the idea.  I am still concerned about the quality of education he'll receive.  I mean, yes, he can go to a specialized school for something that he absolutely loves doing but will that help him big picture?  Unless he has the drive and ambition to make something of his talent what will he have to fall back on?

But also, I take it for granted that I can see him when my schedule allows and I don't know what I'll do when it's months between visits.  He'll get taller and his voice will get deeper and I won't recognize him the next time I see him.  He's my little boy.  Though it will also get him out of Havre de Grace and maybe get a bigger view of the world.  Maybe he'll be able to find his own way just as my sister and I have done.

This is all very, what if, right now.  It will depend on a lot of things coming together at just the right moment.  And the alternative if it doesn't happen doesn't seem much better.  My aunt's husband has had some troubles of late and if he can't get a store of his own to manage, in his current profession, he'll have to return to the Car Business.  His employment at certain dealerships is mostly what led to their current troubles and if he returns to that livelihood I wonder if anything has actually changed.

Posting Every Day

When I started this blog I didn't set out to post everyday.  I just figured it would be an excellent place to post throughout the year to keep track of everything that happens.  But then the first two weeks I was so excited about it I did post something everyday and now I feel compelled to keep it up.  This is incredibly difficult on days like today where I have no idea what to write about.  I had plenty of ideas after I posted yesterday's entry and, of course, didn't write anything down and now I can't remember what they were at all.

So today is a short entry complaining about how I can't think of an entry. 

11 Days to go....

Officially eleven days until my 30th Birthday.    I am very excited for myself and I can't wait to see my mother in exactly a week.  It's been over a year since I saw her last and that is far too long.  But with all the positive things happening in my life, I can't help but feel a little guilty talking to some of my friends.  My sister and my best guy friend are going through some tough relationship times right now and I feel bad singing praises to them.  Even though I know they are happy for me and would love to hear about something good that's happening, I find myself not sharing as much as I normally would.

The worst, for me, is my best guy friend.  He is going through a break-up that doesn't make a lot of sense to him.  All he knows is that he was blissfully happy with his two and three quarter year relationship and then it was like rug being pulled out from under him.  The only reason given for the break-up was that the other person felt they wouldn't work out, even though this person was also in love and seemingly happy with the relationship.  They are trying to maintain friendly contact and I think that may be the hardest part.  Because the other person sounds happier than my friend wishes he/she were and my friend's transition back into his old life hasn't been exactly smooth.  He's been there for me through so much and I simply don't know what to say to comfort him.  I agree with him, based on the information I have been given, that the whole thing doesn't make sense but I don't want to give any kind of false hope or villain-ize the ex in any way.  I have been in a similar emotional place, though not after as long as relationship as his, and I can understand that feeling of hopelessness.  But I can't remember any of the things he said to me, back then, that made me feel better so I don't know what course to take with him.

My sister is a little bit easier.  She and I talk everyday and I have a pretty good idea of where she is mentally and emotionally without a guidebook.  I also know her significant other better than I ever knew my friend's.  I have seen her relationship and know the good, the bad, and the ugly about it.  So I can be as honest with her as I would be with myself in times like these.  It worries me that they are having troubles because I have seen how great they can be together.  But I still don't want to go overboard detailing what wonderful thing my boyfriend did this day or that day.  As much as one likes to hear about the happiness of one's friends, it can sometimes make one feel worse about one's own situation.  And I don't think either my sister or my friend need that right now.

But there are details that I really want to share and they aren't the kind of details you can just tell anybody. 

Post-Valentine's Day

Last night was not as bad as I thought it would be.  Our steady stream of customers died almost completely around 7:30pm and we were able to start boxing stuff up for the mini-remodel today.  Closing was terrible as we were $15.41 short.  That makes a shortage the last three times I've closed.  I would be worried if two of the shortages hadn't been verified by keyholders at the time of shift changes, before I even arrived at the store. 

ReRock Boot Cut Jean
from http://www.express.com/

I had this feeling yesterday like everything was fantastic.  The weather was so warm, about 65degrees, and I broke through my weight threshold at weight watchers after two disappointing weeks.  I am officially down 32.8 pounds and can say that I weigh under 170lbs for the first time in over six years.  I had promised myself I would buy the uber expensive Express Jeans I borrowed from my sister, over winter break, once I made it past 170, but now I am wondering if I should wait a bit longer.  I don't want to spend $80+ on a pair of jeans I might only wear for another six months.  Though they are having a buy one, get one 50% off right now....

I am in a very good place right now.  Professionally, personally, emotionally, physically.  And I just feel so positive about everything, I wish I could bottle it and sell it to people who are down on their luck.  Part of me is worried that things will change again and I'll be on the downward side of things, but another part of me keeps thinking, "it's about time."

After work, I met up with my boyfriend for a couple of drinks to unwind from all the Hallmark stress.  We had a great time poking fun at the different fitness commercials that came on the screens at Frisco Grille.  (The Shake Weight is probably my favorite right now.  There is just something very obscene about it.)  We just had a great time, enjoying each other's company.  Then, this morning he made me Eggs in a Basket for breakfast because he is just that awesome.  I appreciate these little things so much more than if he'd shown up with a dozen roses or some other cliché of Valentine's gift giving.  And the best part, is that I don't have to wait for one day out of the year for any of it.

A lot of my upbeat point of view right now comes from my own decisions and choices to make positive changes in my life.  But I would be lying if I didn't say that a big part of it is just being with someone like my boyfriend.  He treats me with respect and makes me feel great about myself.  We obviously don't have the same range of knowledge, but he never makes me feel bad about not knowing something.  Instead it's always an opportunity for discussion of the topic and a genuine conversation.  I just hope that he feels just as positive about being with me and that I offer the same care and support that he always shows me.

Valentine's Day

Yesterday was a nice day off.  I was able to finish reading the book I borrowed from my boyfriend and start on the new one I bought at Barnes & Noble.  I started to clean out my car and enjoyed the 50 degree weather with every spring-wishing-fiber of my being.  I am done with the snow, DONE WITH IT, and I could smell spring on the air yesterday.  Please, just stay like this for the next two weeks so my birthday is super awesome.  Then, I met up with my boyfriend for dinner.  (Though we realized we would have to make something at home since there would be a lot of VD Frenzy at all the restaurants.) We discussed the book, the new iPhone, and his alphabetical organization of his DVD/Blu-ray collection before curling up for the final disc of Fringe that had arrived from Netflix.

I did buy a box of Godiva chocolates from work before heading over.  It wasn't a Valentine's gift per se, but it was a special treat we could enjoy together.  When I arrived at his place with the gold box tucked under the borrowed book, is eyes lit up.  He was like a little kid.  (Godiva chocolate is his favorite, btw.)  "What is this?" he said in that tone of voice that says he knows perfectly well what a gold box means.  So we took turns selecting a chocolate and sharing it.  It was a really perfect day off.  Which helps to recharge the batteries for tonight's onslaught of half-crazed, last minute shoppers at Hallmark.

The dangers of owning an iPhone

This morning I received a friendly text message from AT&T to let me know that I had surpassed my 200MB usage and they would be billing me an additional $15 for another 200MB.  After consulting with my boyfriend, I learned how to check the usage amount on my phone and discovered I had actually used 396MB.  Realizing that I would soon get another friendly text message I upped my rate plan to the 2GB plan for $25.  Hopefully this will cover anything through the end of the month and I can reevaluate my usage on the next billing cycle.

The problem is that an iPhone is not just a phone, it is also an iPod.  I have run into this problem before with my iPods, where I hear a song I like and I simply download it.  Then iTunes suggests three or four other songs I like equally as much and I download them.  This problem is merely limited to my bank account on the iPods as it requires a separate Internet connection to download said songs.  On the iPhone, I merely have to think of a song and no matter where I am I can have it in only a few seconds.  Impulse control has never been my strong suit, especially in regards to music.  On top of these song downloads, I spent a considerable amount of time and data downloading apps that I wanted.  Of course, forgetting that I am no longer covered under the unlimited data plan AT&T used to offer.

Other than this, the Weight Watchers app is already proving very useful and I am happy with the choice I made.  Though, I still reach for my old HTC when leaving the house.

The Light at the End of the Hallmark Tunnel

I have said before that I find it incredibly difficult to continue to go to my Hallmark job since I made the decision to leave.  I have a set period of time before this can actually happen as well as a few set goals I must reach.  But that doesn't make it any easier and today was definitely a challenge; an eight hour shift is never easy.  An eight hour shift two days before Valentine's day is even worse.  People are starting to get rude and display their displeasure at our inability to anticipate their last minute needs and provide adequate card selections two days prior to one of our biggest holidays.

One lady was upset because the envelopes on a stationery set were a slightly different shade of color than the stationery sheets.  I had to hold them under three different light sources before I saw what she was talking about.  I suggested going through each box and finding one that hadn't been faded and she looked at me like I'd told her her children were ugly.  She thought it was ridiculous that we would even sell mismatched papers at all and didn't Hallmark offer any stationery that matched.  I didn't know what to tell her.  There are stock envelopes and stock stationery.  They don't always come from the same dye lot, I suppose, and it wasn't such an obvious difference that I felt it was a problem.  Also, if one is really that particular about the state of one's stationery, maybe it's a good idea to pay the extra $30 for the top of the line stuff at Papyrus.

Selling Out....

Last night, I purchased an iPhone.  Not the new, fancy iPhone 4 that the associates at Best Buy told me would be $99 with a two year contract and then reneged on that when it came time to do the contract, but the older iPhone 3GS.  It was $50 at AT&T with a 2-year upgrade.  My choices were a new Windows phone, or the iPhone.

image from www.gandhiappliances.com

I was torn because I didn't really want to get older technology that will be obsolete very soon, but I wasn't excited about the Window's layout on the new phones.  I love, LOVE, my old HTC Fuze(aka HTC Diamond).   When I bought it I was coming out of a very bad place.  I had finally found a new job after my old company had folded and I had saved up the almost $300 to get it I desired it so much.  It was sexy and amazing, with a slide out QWERTY keyboard and full mobile windows suite.  It could do things no other phone I'd ever owned could do.  I'd made a conscious decision not to buy the iPhone when it came out over two years ago and I didn't regret it.  This phone has made it all the way through the 2-year contract despite my intense abuse and foolish decision not to get a screen protector the first day.

But looking at the options before me last night, there just wasn't anything nearly as exciting as my Fuze.  So why get a new phone at all?  The answer is, apps. (Well that and several phone drops that have left my beautiful phone a little wonky in its operations.)  When I purchased this phone several years ago there weren't any apps, at least not as we know them today, and therefore no reason to include them on the device.  But in the last ten months or so, I've wished I had the capability.  First of all, Weight Watchers offers an app that would make my tracking more efficient.  Second of all, I've been obsessed with the idea of an e-reader recently with no practical idea of whether or not I would actually use one.  I figured I could download an e-reader app and see if a separate device is worth the extra money.  (If I like the idea and convenience of an e-reader, I don't think I'd continually want to read on a back lit screen.)

I was presented with the Sony Ericsson, Windows Phone at my local AT&T store.  It was also very attractive and was definitely newer technology.  But I really wanted a non-screen QWERTY keyboard and that is simply not offered on the new, new phones anymore.  So it came down to the actual apps I knew I would want to download immediately.  I did a search on the AT&T medianet for any and all apps and there was the Kindle, Nook, Gutenberg, and Stanza apps that I'd previously seen and envied on my boyfriend's iPhone.  Then I tried to find the official Weight Watchers app; it wasn't there.  There were a lot of calculators created by other companies but not the one that was already included in my monthly membership fees.  I could still access the mobile site by going to the same location I used on my Fuze, but that is cumbersome.  I checked on the website today and sure enough it was confirmed that there isn't an actual app for Windows 7, yet. 

That fact combined with my general dislike for the layout of the new Windows 7 led me to look at the iPhone.  I didn't want to get caught up in the near religious fervor that most iPhone owners have so I have avoided it, but it was the most attractive option to me last night.   I couldn't have the QWERTY keyboard I so enjoyed on my old phone so everything was second best in my opinion.  It honestly came down to the official, and not so official, apps I would be able to download on either phone.  My weigh-ins for the last two weeks have been unsuccessful; I've gained a total of 2.2 pounds in the last two weeks and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.  So, as much as I hate to admit it, the Weight Watchers app was a big motivator for me.  I also enjoy the old school pictures that my sister's girlfriend takes with her iPhone and I'd like to do the same.  I like the apps my boyfriend uses on a near daily basis and it's a more cost effective way to see if I like the e-reader.

I think it also satisfies that desire for a new gadget, which may have been the main force behind my obsession with the Kindle & Nook.  It could be because so many people have the iPhone and it's such a common piece of technology, but I am not nearly as excited about this phone as I was about my Fuze.  But how often does one get that connection to an inanimate object?  So I purchased an older model phone, but for a severely discounted price.  And in a year I may regret that, but that's a year from now.

Note: The iPhone is a little sassy, though, and could almost match the attitude found in my VW New Beetle.  Last night, I was typing a message to my father about what phone I decided to purchase and I wrote "iphone" with a lower-case p.  The iPhone auto-corrected my typing so that it read "iPhone" with an upper-case P.

Red Cross Blood Donation

Look whom she best endow'd, she gave thee more;
Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish:
~Shakespeare, Sonnet 11

I started giving blood last year around this time, after the earthquake in Haiti.  I was sitting in a bar and watching this news footage on TV.  I wanted to do something to help but didn't have the money to contribute to any of the charities that were helping with the disaster.  I know that my blood didn't go to Haiti, but I figured it would help replenish any blood stores in this country and I still feel really positive about that decision.  Apparently I have some sort of enzyme, or lack of enzyme I can't remember which, that allows them to give my blood to babies in the Natal Intensive Care Unit(NICU).

This time, my technician was a jokester.  Which has its good and bad points.  On the good side, having someone who will talk to you and make little jokes puts me at ease and makes me fill comfortable.  Instead of just marking my arm for the needle insertion, he made it look like a smiley face.  On the bad side, after the needle is in my arm I like to have quiet time to read.  All in all, though, the experience was very good and the whole thing was very efficient.  I forgot to drink extra water, however, and this morning I was very dehydrated.  I still feel a little light-headed today and that is very unusual for me. 

I think I might try to organize a blood drive at work for April, the next time I'm allowed to donate.  I'm not really sure what the minimum requirements are, but I think it would be a positive thing to do at the company.  But given the way the Weight Watchers organization went, I don't know.  We were trying to get a group together for weight watchers at the office and needed a minimum of 15 people.  I could only get 10 to commit and weight watchers won't even come out for an informational meeting without the minimum requirement met.  I am thinking about stretching the truth a little to get the informational meeting here and then seeing if we can get the extra 5 people signed up then, but I don't know how that will work.  If I could get the company to help defray the cost a little bit, I know I could get more people involved.

Conversations Overheard



"Nomance Day" from The NoNonsense Man

 Today, my sister called me before work to share an interesting interview she'd heard on the radio,  Marc Rudov was issuing his fifth annual dare to men to boycott Valentine's day.  Now I've been to his website and a lot of his rhetoric is very harsh, but I have to admit he has a point. 

He points out that all the commercials for Valentine's day are geared towards men buying for women and he's absolutely right.  The best example he has on his site is the JCPenny ad featuring men in the doghouse.  It has its moments, but there is this underlying commentary that there are certain expectations in society.  Rudov's site isn't the most appealing to women, he tends to focus on how women use men for their money, etc.  But he does point out in one of his articles that the injustice is towards both men and women; that there is an entire generation growing up and learning that certain behaviors are acceptable.  Rudov points out that teaching young men and women that expensive gifts and "forced generosity" are expected in exchange for certain privileges creates an acceptable form of prostitution.  It teaches men not to respect women as equals and women to accept this secondary status in exchange for goods.  It produces this mass hysteria that if you don't find the right gift or expression your lover will deny you.  That's not what love or relationships should be about.

 My female co-worker asked me the other day what I was going to do for Valentine's day and I said that I didn't think we had any plans.  I have to work at my second job that day and I just don't feel the frenzy to do something.  (If I were single I think I'd be in a frenzy about making sure I did something with my single friends so I didn't feel left out, but that is another issue altogether.)  My co-worker was appalled, "But you have to do something for Valentine's day!"  No, actually I don't.  It was this moment when I ceased to care about the holiday.  As you may recall, from one of my previous entries, I was unsure whether I should get something or not.  I don't like being told I have to do something, call me contrary, and I will go out of my way to do the exact opposite. 

Rudov doesn't seem to favor marriage, at least not as he perceives it in current society, and after a conversation I overheard at work today I wonder if he doesn't have a point. The same female co-worker was talking to one of our male co-workers about what he was going to get his girlfriend for Valentine's.  He said he wasn't sure and my female co-worker offered to help him.  She started off with asking him how much he wanted to spend and offered $100 as a starting point.  I couldn't believe it.  I guess my male co-worker declined that amount and my female co-worker started lowering the cost.  When she got below $50 she got this tone to her voice and asked my male co-worker if he was serious.  Again, I couldn't believe that there were these expectations. 
When the female co-worker was asked what she was doing for Valentine's, she went into detail about the things she wanted from her husband but said that she was planning a gag-gift for him.  Again, here is that double-standard that is present in society.  She eventually talked my male co-worker into finding a day spa or incredibly expensive restaurant and instructed him to buy flowers and some sort of sexy underwear.  This is exactly what Marc Rudov is talking about on his website!  The guy is buying the food, flowers, pampering for his lady and the idea is that sex will be guaranteed at the end of it.

I don't know about you, but I would be insulted.  First of all, I'd rather buy my own sexy whatever as I want to make sure I am comfortable no matter what.  (Comfort and confidence is the number one key to feeling and being sexy.)  Second of all, that is something that should never be assumed just as one should never assume that expensive gifts will be lavished upon one's self.  My guy prefers to pay for dinner or drinks and I certainly appreciate it, but I never expect it. And I make a point to pay for the movie if he bought dinner, or the wine if he bought the groceries for dinner at home, etc.  Sometimes, I like to take him out and treat him.  Though I have to admit this happens less frequently than I would like, but he understands.  The minute you start taking something for granted is the minute you stop appreciating it.  I don't ever want him to feel like I don't appreciate him and the things he does or that I am taking advantage of him in some way.  I think this is where the boycott Valentine's day comes from more than anything else.  One should never take advantage of another human being for any reason, real or imagined.

Rats in a Maze



Baltimore Sun photo by Kim Hairston

 A few months ago, the state of Maryland installed speed cameras in the work zones on the major highways.  I was caught by one as I sped off to work one day and I've had a few friends who've been nabbed in a similar manner.  It's not a big deal, a small fine with no points.  But I learned to pay attention to the shoulder of the road and keep an eye out for the tell-tale trucks with the speed cameras attached to the front.

It took a little getting used to, but the position of the cameras never changes so I don't even think about it anymore.  Last night, going home, I realized that everyone else has figured this out as well.  The flow of traffic slows down significantly immediately before the location of the speed camera, then resumes normal rates of acceleration as soon as the camera is out of range.  The cars in the traffic behind someone who hasn't yet learned the system get impatient and zoom around and I wondered if these cameras were really effective.

Then it struck me that we were just like rats, or mice, in a maze where the scientists change the pattern every once in a while to see what will happen.  We've learned this new pattern and want to get through it as quickly as possible so we can enjoy our personal time.  All the speed camera people need to do is change the location of these machines every couple of weeks and they would be successful.  This would keep people guessing and they would be forced to maintain a lower speed until they were out of the work zone completely. 

Of course, there is the argument right now that these speed cameras are more of a revenue generator than a safety device.  Obviously, revenue is being generated and this is not a bad thing as far as the state budgets go, but is it really creating a safer environment?  For those of us that have learned the system, and for those that are impatient with other drivers who haven't, are accidents really being avoided or is this just another catalyst for reckless driving?

Kisir

My boyfriend invited me over for dinner last night and surprised me with this ethnic dish from his childhood.  It's called Kisir and he made it with a spicy pepper paste instead of the traditional tomato paste show on the wikipedia page.  He asked me to pick up a head of lettuce on the way over, but wouldn't tell me what for exactly.  We used it like the lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's and put the Kisir in the leaves.  He had also cut up cucumbers, tomatoes, and red bell peppers to add to the mixture.  Though he did not have the sour pomegranate juice he would have added back home.

It was absolutely delicious!  And, after my long day at Hallmark, it was also very filling.  I had eaten a yogurt for breakfast and then a Healthy Choice frozen meal for lunch, but I was feeling hunger pangs long before the day was over.  My boyfriend warned me, however, not to eat until I was full as the bulgur would continue to expand in my stomach and make me feel stuffed later.  I have experienced this effect with the rice in Chinese food and Sushi, so I had two wraps and waited.  All in all I felt satisfied at the end of the day.

Signs of Progress

AUGUST 4th, 2010

In the picture above, I had lost about 15 pounds and was able to fit into a few dresses I hadn't paid attention to in a couple of years.  But this one wouldn't zip all the way up and I was incredibly frustrated by it.  You can see the zipper hanging open in the back.

But yesterday, I was able to not only put it on but I was able to zip it up as well.  It's still a little tight and won't be comfortable until summer.  But then it's a reversible sun-dress and I won't need it til then anyway.  Other than this tell-tale sign of weight loss, I can't see much difference in the way the dress looks on me.


FEBRUARY 5th, 2011

Restaurant Week in Baltimore

Last night I went out with the Dads for dinner.  We ended up at a place called, Langermann's, for dinner and it was fantastic! According to its website it's Southern Inspired American Cuisine. I ordered off the Prix Fixe Menu and I was not disappointed. 

It started with "Seared Day Boat Scallops with Sweet Potato Hash in Butter Sauce," then I couldn't help but order the "Fried Green Tomatoes" as an additional appetizer.  Partly because I wasn't sure I would like the scallops, but mostly because I can't resist fried green tomatoes.  It's rare to see them on a menu outside of the Southern States so I just had to order them.  I know this opens a discussion about whether or not Maryland is a southern state.  The states like Georgia, the Carolinas, Alabama, Tennessee, etc. tend to call us Yankees (which is another issue altogether).  While the northern states like New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, etc call us southerners.  I prefer the term Mid-Atlantic because we aren't exactly southern and we're not exactly northern.

My entree was the "Pecan Crusted Free Range Chicken Breast with Roasted Root Vegetable and Shoestring Potatoes."  I don't really remember the roasted root vegetables, but they added a nice balance to the sweeter glaze on the chicken.  And, of course, who doesn't love shoestring potatoes?  I had a couple of Hot Butter Rums with this as well.

Then I rounded it all out with the "Poached Pears with Vanilla Ice-Cream and Late Harvest Riesling."  I was so full, yet completely satisfied at the end of the meal.  It was one of the best meals I have had in a long time and it was totally worth the points.

"Do As I Say..." Web Series

My sister's high school friend, Andrea Schwartz, and her friend, Kim Kalish, are finished the pre-production on their web-series, "Do As I Say..."  Andrea started talking about it last year at Cinco de Mayo last year and it sounded really interesting.  Three friends, one of them pregnant with their first child, looking back on their early twenties and deciding to do a video advice gift for the baby.  I'm not sure if that is still the premise, but it's still about ladies in their twenties navigating their way through life, love, and professions in New York City.

One of my favorite parts about their website is their profile description

Kim and Andrea met in college where they majored in Theatre with a minor in Unemployment. In New York, they studied improv and sketch comedy with Upright Citizen's Brigade. They spend most of their time watching cat videos on Youtube.

They are lined up with a professional director, camera crew, lights, etc. so I can't wait to see the finished product.  I am very, very excited for them.  I know it's something on which Andrea has worked very hard and I love it when people see their labors rewarded.  It makes me feel like there is some sort of balance to the universe, or a legitimate reason to try for difficult goals.  Even if they don't fully succeed in this endeavor, for some unknown reason, the experience will be invaluable.  If only to know that you tried to reach that. unreachable. star.....this is sounding familiar.

I just really want them to succeed.  If I could take everything that is in my heart right now and turn it into felix felicis, I would.  I am so very proud of Andrea for everything that she is doing.  She and my sister have been friends since they were in ninth grade.  I loved the skits and dialogues they wrote for history, English, and theatre class.  Between the two of them, I could laugh for hours.  All for good reasons, I promise.  It's not that I look at Andrea as like a little sister, but I do want her to succeed every bit as much as my own sister.

Interpret This....

I had a dream last night that was a little bizarre and I haven't quite figured out it's meaning.  In the dream Mom, Danielle, and I stopped by my Mommom's old house.  It was still her house though it had been closed up for years; nothing had been touched since the day she died.  There were still dishes in the sink and expired groceries in the refrigerator like she was expected home at any minute.  A fine layer of dust was over everything and the electricity/heating had been turned off years ago.  We were stopping by so I could get something out of the basement, I'm not sure what exactly, and as soon as I opened the front door I saw a spark in the kitchen.  It followed a line along the floor and started a small fire in the corner by the stove.  I immediately ran over to it and was able to extinguish the flame.  Mom and Danielle came rushing in when they heard me yelling and everything seemed to be okay.  Then the black line on the floor, that started the original fire, continued up the wall and started another one at the top of the stove.  I yelled at them to call the fire department and to get as many pictures out of the house as they could.

I called Dad and Aunt Shelley to come get the boxes of pictures and mementos out of the house before it burned down.  All the while I kept putting out these small fires, hoping to give everyone time to get the important stuff out, but the electrical wiring was so far gone that it kept starting little flames in the kitchen.  We were able to get the irreplaceable stuff out of the upper level and then had to get everything out of the basement.  Most things had been moved down to the basement after her death and we just had to go through it all.  The fire department still hadn't come and I had given up containing the upstairs even though it stayed in the kitchen the whole time.  So we worked in the basement trying to move things as quickly as possible.  I woke up before we finished.

It's been a while since I've dreamed about my grandmother's house and even longer since I tried to remember how it felt to be there.  You know, remember the layout of the house, the placement of the furniture, the smells of the kitchen and cigarette smoke.  The last time I really tried to picture it, in my waking hours, was for a creative non-fiction writing exercise in college and that was over six years ago.  (Six years?  Can it really be that long ago?)  I think about my grandparents quite often but neither of them were in the dream.  It was just their house and their things.

According to Dreammoods.com

FIRE: Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, purification, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. The dream may be a metaphor for someone who is "fiery". It represents your drive, motivation, and creative energy. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of your dangerous or risky activities. You are literally "playing with fire".

I can definitely see how the one part applies to me.  I am making a lot of positive changes in my life and moving forward from older ways of thinking.  Negative thoughts and feelings that held me back are no longer an issue and I am making a concentrated effort to move into the next phase of my life a healthier, happier version of me.  However this seems counter to the definition the website lists for Photos or Pictures.

Photograph

To see a photograph in your dream, indicates that there is a relationship that needs your attention. You are not looking deep enough into the problem. Alternatively, the dream means that you are clinging on to the past or to some false hope. Consider who or what is on the photo. The image may be trying to take you back to a particular moment in time.

The second part about the photo taking you back to a particular moment in time fits, but am I clinging to the past?  So there are things changing and "inner transformation" but I am unwilling to completely let go of the past perhaps.

Planning Birthdays and Vacations

I set up my official birthday invites on Facebook.  I really wanted to send invitations in the mail and even purchased an acceptable paper for the purpose, but when I started thinking about the whole informality of the events I wondered why I would even bother with it.  My Saturday, as previously discussed will be spent at the bar with friends.  I am not sure exactly which bar, though I wrote Max's Taphouse on my invitation.  I haven't really decided if I would like to base my celebration in Baltimore City or in Columbia.  They both have their benefits.  For example, parking will not be an issue in Columbia but there will be more options for spontaneity in the city.  I have the whole thing starting at Max's Taphouse in Fell's Point and figured we could stop at a few other bars before making our way over to Birds of a Feather.  Though we could just as easily start at Frisco Grille in Columbia and make our way over to the Aida Bistro and Wine Bar or Café de Paris.  Or we could head north a little bit and hit up some of the bars near dad's house.  Though I think the real issue is that I don't have a bar I specifically go to.  I go all sorts of places that other people frequent, but I haven't developed my own place.  Makes me wonder if there is something near my house that I could check out in the mean time.

As for Vacations - I just received my State Tax Refund and I'm putting most of it away for my trip.  I am also putting some of it away to purchase a Kindle and renew my passport before I go.  It looks like nothing has changed for my sister and she is still unable to go with me.  Things are not looking very positive for the Dads, either.  As of right now, I know I will use at least 6 days of PTO time this year; 3 days for the NC beach vacation with the family, 1 day for the NKOTBSB trip to Greensboro, 1day for the Friday before my birthday, 1 hour to pick mom up at the airport, 5 hours for the piano movers, and 2 hours for doctor's appointments already scheduled.  This should leave me about ten PTO days to use for various other things like my trip to Ireland.  I don't know that I could afford a long trip if I go alone; the hotel costs are more expensive for one person. So I may not use all of my remaining PTO.

I have three places I definitely want to visit in Ireland and the tricky part will be coordinating it by myself.  I am sure it will be easier to travel with just one person and I won't have to compromise on what I want to do on x, y, or z day of the trip.  But if there's a problem, I am the only person there to figure it out.

Space Debris

My company had a meeting a few months ago about the amount of satellites in space and what this means for information security.  It was the picture they showed that caught my attention more than anything they actually had to say.   Then today, I came across an interesting article and it brought up all those thoughts again.

The picture here is merely an artist's rendition of the objects in space around our planet, but it is a striking one.  Whenever we see the Earth on television shows or movies it's always a clear sky without anything obstructing the view.  This article and picture make me wonder how true that is.  Obviously, this picture is a little dramatic in its depiction of  space junk, but how far off is it really?  Seeing the damage that has been done to the actual planet over the years I am not surprised at the state of the space around us.