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Saturday, December 29, 2012

Dee Dee

This morning, I witnessed my sister making the hardest decision any pet owner will have to make.  Her dachshund started showing signs of illness last week; she was refusing to eat and would vomit anything we managed to get into her.  After many trips to the emergency vet over the holiday, it was discovered she had an inoperable tumor in her bowels that had prevented her from digesting anything.  She was faced with the option of letting Dee Dee go through months of chemo and recovery that could not guarantee a healthy life afterwards or having her put to sleep while she was already under anesthesia.  I don't envy her that kind of decision and I have to say that I am so impressed my sister was able to put Dee Dee's best interests first.


Dee Dee was a rescue dachshund that had been a puppy mill breeding dog who had simply been released to the streets when she was no longer able to produce puppies.  Dee Dee was originally rescued by DREAM in Atlanta, GA, from a high kill shelter that had picked her up.  DREAM makes sure that each rescue receives the necessary medical attention before finding them forever homes, but even they can't fix everything.  She had suffered a lot of mistreatment and abuse at the puppy mill; she had tumors that needed to be removed and only three of her teeth were remaining.  The fur on the back of her legs would never grow back because of the years spent sitting in a wire cage without proper medical treatment.  In fact, the inoperable tumor that was discovered this week was a direct result of the inhumane treatment and conditions at the puppy mill.

For the last nine months, Dee Dee has had a life that all dogs should experience.  She was loved by her owners and  treated as a member of the family.  She was taken to regular medical visits and was taught that not all humans will cause harm.  She was ridiculous and adorable.  My favorite memory is of her using her dachshund nose to pull the bed covers over herself and then twisting to burrow under them.  At my father's Christmas party this year, she was the bell of the ball.  Everyone fell in love with her and argued over who would get to hold her next.  She should have had many years of this kind of love to make up for the eight she spent trapped in a wire cage.

I can't save every dog that is being abused or mistreated, no matter how much I want to, but I can encourage anyone that reads this to not buy their pet from a pet store or puppy mill.  Please help stop the destructive cycle of the puppy mills and buy from a shelter or reputable breeder when selecting your newest family member.  My sister and her girlfriend were able to find the biggest sweetheart with the help of DREAM pet rescue and, even though she was only with us for a short time, this diminutive dog took up so much room in all of our hearts.



Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Scary Future Plans

I have just sent off an e-mail to my step-father, telling him that I want to seriously talk to him about buying his old house, and I feel completely out of my depth. 

Last night, he said that he didn't care if he made a profit off of the sale of the house so long as he didn't have to continue paying two mortgages.  I know he and my dad have been struggling these last six months with not being able to sell their old place. Once we went over the numbers (down payments, interest, taxes, insurance, etc) it looked like a monthly mortgage payment would be about $40 more than I pay for my half of the rent right now.  Sure I'd have to pay full utilities myself, but if it's not that much more than my current budgeted housing costs, why not?

There are things to consider, like maintenance and repairs, but I can also deduct the mortgage interest on my taxes next year. (Unless they change the tax code - but with the housing market as it is that's not likely)  All I need to do is determine how much money I can use as a down payment and to cover closing costs.

Friday, November 9, 2012

School Planning (Spring 2013-Semester)

I created a spreadsheet to list all of the required classes, and the estimated semesters I would take them, to see when my potential graduation date would be.  If I only take two classes a semester and give myself a break for the winter (meaning I take two classes in the Summer as well as the Fall and Spring), then I could graduate in 2017.  If I take three classes in the Spring or Fall for the undergrad requirements, I could graduate in 2015 or 2016.  I don't want to push myself to the point of breaking, but I honestly think I could have handled three classes this semester.

So, as of right now, I am registered for ACCT301 (Intermediate Accounting), ACCT341 (Cost Accounting), and PHIL371(Business Ethics).  I'm hoping the accounting classes won't be too difficult, especially since it's been over a semester since I had to think that way.  My current accounting class is Information Systems and focuses more on the processes than the recording.  My other classmates recommend taking Cost Accounting and the first Intermediate together as they are complementary, so hopefully that's true.  But I will have class on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights.

I think I definitely need to let Hallmark know that I need to focus on school and my day job.  I'm hoping I can get my finances in order enough that I don't need the second job at all.  It's also going to be more money for the semester and overall I'll pay more out of pocket.  But if it means I can get my degree, and a better salary, sooner it's probably worth it.  Mostly, I'm just worried about stressing myself out too much.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Question 6 in Maryland

Question 6
Referendum Petition
(Ch. 2 of the 2012 Legislative Session)
Civil Marriage Protection Act
Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.

I have had an interesting discussion about marriage today.  My sister and her girlfriend have recently moved in together and they were discussing the future.  As the mature adults they are, they've decided that they aren't going to seriously consider marriage until they see how the next year goes.  Living with someone is entirely different from dating and you learn so much more about the person when you have to work through everyday challenges and problems.  But the idea is on the table for future discussion and is not disagreeable to either of them.  However, they don't want to just have a Wedding and then think of themselves as married.  They want their marriage to be legally recognized and protected.  So I now have completely selfish reasons to want Maryland to pass the Same-Sex Marriage legislation on Tuesday.

They also discussed what happens if legislation is passed that will not recognize Same-Sex Marriages on the Federal level.  The possibility, given careers and other life events, of my sister and her girlfriend moving to another country for these legal protections is not out of the question.  I've written before about how close my sister and I are and that I wish we lived closer to each other.  So if our country fails to recognize this civil right of its citizens, they will push my sister further away from the family.  For so many people, the Same-Sex Marriage legislation is an abstract concept.  It's something that has no bearing on their lives whatsoever, except to say that it does or does not hold with their belief system.  This will directly affect my family and it makes me so nervous about the outcome of Tuesday's election. 

My Business Law professor has talked about it several times in class.  He brings it up every time we study a law that has the marriage caveat.  He doesn't give his opinion or tell us what we should think, he just offers us the facts and tells us to make up our own minds.  Right now we're studying property law.  I didn't realize that if my father were to get in a car accident and be sued for medical bills, that he and my step-father would be forced to sell their house so that dad's half of the assets would cover that debt.  If their marriage were legally recognized in the state of Maryland, their house would be protected. And there are so many instances where a marriage license provides this automatic protection or entitlement.  Yes, there are a lot of other legal protections a same-sex couple could put in place without a marriage license but there isn't an alternative for this property right.  My dad and his husband would be treated the same as if my sister and I owned a house together no matter what.

Our entire society is structured to encourage people to get married, for religious purposes or not.  A read through Samhita Mukhopadhyay's Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life provides excellent examples of how we're taught that one is not really an adult or successful until one is married.  Yet, as a society, we deny homosexuals the ability to do so.  How can one look at our society, with its social and legal structures, and tell me that marriage is strictly a religious thing? 

Friday, October 12, 2012

Tax Withholdings

I did a quick calculation of my tax withholdings for this year.  My new placement on the commercial side of the company means that the state and local withholdings are finally correct.  I've been playing with the idea of cancelling the additional $50 I had withheld when the California office was taking care of my payroll.  If my calculations are correct, and I seriously hope they are, I could have a tax return of about $2-3K this year.  I had extra withheld last year to compensate for cashing out my old IRA and forgot to change the withholdings for this year.

First, that's a lot of money and, whenever it looks like I'm about to get a windfall, I have to remind myself that I am fallible and have been wrong in my calculations before.  Though I am usually not that far off of the mark.  Still it's best not to count on that money or plan to spend it before I've even received my W-2's.

Second, there a number of big ticket items for which I considered taking out additional funds on my student loans.  For example, updating my computer/printer/wi-fi or a down payment on the purchase of a house.  These are practical items that will improve my financial outlook or further my educational goals.  The question is, of course, a home in what location and can I really afford a mortgage?

Third, there are the fun things I want but have to diligently save to attain.  Even when I save money, it is important to take care of the big ticket items mentioned above before the "fun" items.  When I say "Fun" what I mean is that Japanese/European vacation my sister and I talk about but never seem to have enough money to take.  If my calculations are, indeed, correct then this would solve the airfare problem very nicely - for both of us.  It would just be a matter of saving the rest of the money for the hotel/food/mementos.

Finally, there are the practical items and uses for this money.  I will undoubtedly have racked up some Christmas debt by the time tax time rolls around, though I swear I am not spending as much as I usually do.  And that should definitely be paid off/down before using the money for anything else.  Then there is the ultimate practicality of paying down the student loans I took out this fall or the remaining amounts on my undergrad loans.  Or, using the tax money to bankroll my spring semester instead of relying on student loans to front the money until my company can reimburse me.  But there really isn't anything fun about those options.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

New Character Name

Kathryn on BabyNamer: Baby Names and Meanings


Just followed a link on a friend's Facebook page to see what "teasing nicknames" were associated with my name.  I've definitely heard most of them, though not in a negative way.  Katie-did, Katie-bug, Katers, Kitty, and, K-K-K-Katie.  Kind of disappointed I never got Katesie or Kit Kat.

But the point is that there is a nickname for Kathryn, I'd never thought of before:  Thryn. 

When I look-up the drawbacks for this nickname, there are none.  It's just so different sounding than the usual Katie, Kathy, or Kate.  New and old at the same time.  It also got me thinking about what an awesome character name this would be.  Of course, I don't have much time to even think about writing let alone sit down and work through something.  So I'll stash it away here until such time as I can build some kind of world for her.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Skype

My new computer arrived in the mail yesterday and I could not be more excited.  There are so many new features on this one that I realize there will be a huge learning curve.  So far, my favorite feature is the camera.  I downloaded Skype and tried to talk my mother through setting up the same on her phone.  There is only so much one can do over the phone and it may have to wait for her to visit my sister next month to get everything installed properly.  But I was able to have a Skype conversation with my sister last night.

It really makes a huge difference in how we talk to one another.  Even though she is not physically in the room, I find myself paying more attention to our conversation as if she were.  Most of us are doing five different things while talking on the phone these days and things get missed or we don't completely listen to the other person.  The result is that, even though we can talk to someone more often, we're not really communicating.  I think the video call will help us to connect more genuinely and effectively.

Of course, the entire time, all I could think about was this episode of the Jetson's where Jane receives a call from a friend and has to rush to put on her morning face.  I was keenly aware of my appearance as I spoke with my sister and realized this would make a difference when calling anyone else.  Will we get to a point, with this technology, where we can make a call and not care about our appearance?  Certainly, we don't get dressed up to go on an airplane the way they did in the 50's and 60's.  And we don't have special riding clothes for the car as they did in the early 1900's.  Photographs are not the special event they once were but the invention of the digital camera has made sure almost all of our pictures meet our approval.

Like most things in our society, we are concerned with how we look or how people perceive us.  We live our lives on display with sites like Facebook and Twitter.  The mundane parts of our lives made more interesting for the consumption of others.  We run the risk of pushing ourselves to meet unrealistic standards that everyone struggles to attain yet believes they're the only ones missing the mark.  The video call will definitely help families and loved ones connect on a deeper level from greater distances, but it could also further entrench this narcissistic culture we've developed.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Writing

The guy I've been seeing has been incredibly supportive on a number of levels, but has mentioned on more than one occasion that I should focus more on writing.  I let him read my story about my character, Ianthe, and he found it to be very entertaining.  Apparently, it has the benefit of being easy to read and engages the reader in the story. 

I have a lot of my story up on Live Journal, though my privacy settings are set so only my friends can see what's posted. When I first started writing the story, I would let the girls at Hallmark read pieces of it.  Their enthusiasm helped spur me onwards with the work and I wonder if I should start posting on this blog.  If I'm getting feedback from people genuinely interested in the characters/story it would keep it fresh in my brain and encourage me to write more often.  My concern, however, is plagiarism.  I've read through more than one entry of Cleolinda Jones' journal where she has had to battle people claiming her movies in 15 minutes as her own.

Not to say that my writing would be nearly as clever as hers or incite that level of plagiarism.  I just would hate to have someone unknown take my characters and accomplish what I have been thus far unable to do with them.  I think I am also afraid of having the negative feedback that inevitably comes with posting anything creative or personal on the Internet.  Even though the story, itself,  would not be a personal account of anything, it's still very much a part of me that would be exposed to the general public and people can be cruel.

I've attempted to read some of the recent fiction that's on the bestseller list and I realize that writing doesn't have to be the crafted artistry I appreciate in novels, but I don't know if I would be personally satisfied with writing something less than perfect.  Of course, nothing is perfect and that's a ridiculous statement.  But I do have a certain level  to which I hold my writing and I would not want to put out something half-baked.  But I also know that I have the talent within myself to write something better than what I've seen on the shelves recently.  Unfortunately, in order to prove that, one must actually write and produce something for comparison.

So I'm back to wondering if I should risk writing unfinished works here in an attempt to complete something for an actual publication.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

First Day of Grad School

I've been taking classes at CCBC this summer, as part of my prerequisites for Grad School, but there was something altogether different about traveling to Towson University for my very first Fall Semester class.  It's as if I finally believed I was doing this.  Not when I filled out the paperwork for school, not when I paid the semester tuition, not when I purchased the books for class.  But walking across campus with my bag slung across my shoulder, catching snatches of undergraduate conversation, and searching for my classroom finally made it real to me.

All of my classes are in Stephen's Hall on the Towson campus.  It's one of the original buildings on campus and the set-up makes me feel like Professor Indiana Jones should come sweeping through the door to lecture at the podium.  I am incredibly excited to be in this place at this time in my life.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Time Out

I have been very remiss of late.  Attending classes this summer and a shake-up at work have taken up the bulk of my time and updating my blog has taken a back seat.  My apologies.  But I have two full weeks to catch up on reading/writing/etc.

First, I have successfully completed Intro Accounting II and Intro Macroeconomics with an "A" in both subjects.  Finishing the accounting class was difficult because I think the teacher lost interest before the students did.  But it was the Macroeconomics class that proved the most difficult.  I've never taken an online class before, so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I can honestly say that I need the reinforcement of classroom lectures to actually learn a subject.  Thankfully, my sister is an economist by nature, and education, so I was able to talk a lot of things out with her.

Second, I'm not 100% my job is secure right now.  As of July 1st, I was transferred over to the commercial side of my company, from the government side, and given new programs to work on.  There is a lot of up-in-the-air-transition-type-stuff going on right now, but I am basically still doing my old job along pieces of my new job.  I have not yet had a formal discussion with my new boss, she's out on medical leave, or been given an understanding of what exactly they expect me to do in this new job.  I can already see that it's going to be a lot less involved than my old job and my old boss is trying to beef up my skill set in the interim so I have the best possible chance at growth.  But overall, I don't get the feeling that the commercial side of the company is all that interested in what I can do for the company.

Third, everything seems to be in transition right now.  It's like I'm stuck in between worlds.  I'm transitioning into being a graduate student, but I have undergraduate prerequisites to complete first.  I'm transitioning into being a commercial employee, but I don't have a clear understanding of what that means.  I'm exclusively dating someone, but it's not yet recognized as a relationship by either of us.  I live in Baltimore but every time I visit my sister I want to move to Atlanta.  There is all this potential energy building and it's going to propel me down different paths, but I'm not certain of what all those paths are or whether they're good or bad for me yet.

My sister and I keep talking about good drama vs. bad drama.  There's always stress in your life that can cause drama, some of that will positively effect your life and some of it will have a negative impact.  The school stress, is definitely the good kind.  It's something I am doing to make my life better down the road.  The job stress, has the potential to be negative depending on how I respond to it.  I could be active and push for more information about this new position, I could be proactive and find new work, or I could do nothing and wait for someone to tell me what direction they've chosen for me.  I'm really not good with that last one, but the longer I hesitate on whether to be active or proactive the better chance I will let someone else make that decision for me.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Chick-fil-A

There has been a lot of conversation about Chick-fil-A recently and my Facebook news feed is full of diverging opinions on the issue.  One of my very dear, childhood friends has even posted in support of the corporation.  On one hand, I completely support freedom of speech and will defend Chick-fil-A's right to say whatever they believe without fear of repercussions from the government, Mayor of Boston I'm looking at you.  On the other,  I have every right not to patronize that establishment and support those views or help fund those organizations that Chick-fil-A finances.  But those aren't even the issues anymore.  We're not fighting about freedom of speech, we're fighting about religion and who is more right than whom.
My friend's reasons are that Chick-fil-A supports the "biblical" definition of marriage and isn't afraid to stand up for its beliefs.  She sees it as Daniel in the lion's den, being persecuted for the same Christian beliefs she has.  This makes me sadder than Chick-fil-A Dan Cathy's announcement that they're "guilty as charged." It means that she also subscribes to the belief that homosexuality is against God and doesn't support same-sex marriage rights at all; that all of the conversations we've had are for naught.  When my dad first came out to me, she was the first friend I told and it was never a big deal or a problem.  It's only been after her marriage that we've started to disagree on these issues.  I would say it's the influence of her husband, but her mother shared the exact same posts on Facebook.  So perhaps I didn't really know her as well as I thought I did.

Part of the Dan Cathy announcement was that they believed in the "biblical" definition and all of Chick-fil-A's executives were married to their first wives.  The implication is that the "biblical" definition of marriage doesn't include divorced/remarried and when they support Families, they don't include single parent households.  When we start setting up these definitions of what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to love and family, where do we draw the line?  Now, it is the LGBT community but it could just as easily be divorcees or interracial couples.

Then we come to the organizations that are actually being funded by a Chick-fil-A purchase.  I don't want to support organizations that hate my family or would have rather seen me grow up in foster care than in the environment I did.  (To be fair, my step-parent from age 14-24 was like a villain in a fairy tale but that had little to do with my dad being gay and everything to do with his partner being an asshole.  If the step-parent had been married to my mother I'd have endured the same trauma.)  I don't want to give money so that kids can be tortured into acting straight.  I have a friend, who had first hand experience with Exodus International and it breaks my heart to know he, or any child, had to endure that.

The thing that really frightens me, though, is the rhetoric that is being used.  It is far more damaging and dangerous than people realize.  In this argument about whether or not people should boycott Chick-fil-A, the religious conservatives are using language that attempts to dehumanize homosexuals.  When an organization or government succeeds in convincing the public that this or that group is less than human, there is no end to the atrocities that will be committed against those people.  I think about Nazi Germany at times like these.  It wasn't as if the entire country woke up one morning and thought let's put Jewish people in camps.  It started with the little things in society and worked its way up to political campaigns.  An entire nation allowed a group of human beings to be beaten, tested on, and murdered because they were convinced, over time, that those people were subhuman. 

I would like to think that couldn't possibly happen again, especially on that kind of scale and especially in this country.  But the hatred that is brewing in our borders (not just against the LGBT community but also the anger at foreign nationals and immigrants, as well as the animosity between the races, political parties, social classes, and even religious organizations) it feels like that cycle could start again.  The economy isn't great, it's getting better, but it's still a long road.  People are frustrated with the speed of recovery, but we're not the only country that's suffering.   All of these things could be ingredients for that level of violence if we're not conscious of it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Alternate Futures

I received an e-mail from one of my dad's old church friends last week.  Apparently my father had seen his post about wanting to hire an accounting position at Johns Hopkins so Dad gave him my information.  I don't know a lot of the details about the job as yet, but it would be doing actual accounting for a business and I think it's worth the effort to at least apply.  This would actually be something in my field of study and would be mutually beneficial in pursuing my degree.

I keep asking the universe for direction, so when something is presented to me I have to at least see where it goes.  Maybe this is the opportunity for me and a chance I need to take.  If it doesn't work out at least I have updated my resume and practiced for an interview.  It's easy to get complacent in your job and not strive for anything better so long as you're getting a steady paycheck and you don't hate the people you work with.  As disloyal as I feel sending off my resume to another job, I know that I have to keep my options open for my own well-being.

It is easy to forget that, while your company (or more specifically, your manager) may have a certain loyalty to you, if they needed to cut the workforce to re-align their company spending goals it wouldn't be personal, it would be business.    We've had three rounds of lay-offs since I started work here and each time my manager has been able to make a good case for everyone on our team.  At some point, she may not be able to.  It also means that there isn't a lot of room for my personal growth within the company and that's something I need to consider as well.

Five, or ten, years down the road, what kind of position do I envision myself having at this company?  I will have a Masters degree in Accounting and, as of right now, I would have to go work in our Harford County or California office.  And it seems that they are pulling all accounting to the Harford County office with the introduction of our new accounting system.  Harford County would be more agreeable to me than a move to California, but it's still not where I want to go every day.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Pride 2012

My cousin will be 15 in a month and I thought it was time he went to the Pride Parade in Baltimore.  Not the Block Party afterwards, he's still too young for that, but the family portion with the gay marching band would be just fine.  Over all, we had a great time.  He was able to be himself in a crowd of like-minded people and, even though I made him hold my hand through the crowded areas, he still managed to have someone grab his ass.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

B-School: Fall Semester

I have formally decided to attend Towson University, even though I have recently learned the joint program with University of Baltimore is not really "Joint" so much as it's co-operative.  Basically, I can take classes at UB without having to enroll at both schools and with permission from the department head.  However, when I graduate, I will only have a degree from Towson University.  This has apparently caused a lot of confusion with the MS in Accounting & Business Advisory Students.

Now, I am just trying to get my Fall schedule lined up.  Ideally I would like to take Accounting 300 on Monday night and US Business Law on Tuesday nights, but it looks like I might have to take the Management class at 8:00 in the morning on M, W, and F if I can't bypass the pre-requisites.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Aunt Louisa



Mommom and Great Aunt Louisa
 
Today would have been Great Aunt Louisa's 82nd Birthday.

She was like a second mother to my father and a second grandmother to me and my sister.

As I've gotten older, I can look back and appreciate her more and I wonder what she would have been like to know as an adult.  I was in my early twenties when she died, but I was still trying to figure things out and couldn't really see her as anything other than a "grown-up."  I have questions, now, that I wish I had known to ask her when she was alive. 

Did she and my grandmother have a similar relationship to me and my sister?
Did she ever want kids of her own?
What did she think her life would be like when she was younger?
Did her current life meet or exceed those expectations?
Who is the first person she would want to greet her in heaven?
What was it like for her when Mommom died?

Monday, May 7, 2012

B-School: Acceptance Letter (The Reach School)

If I was relieved to get my acceptance letter from Towson/UB, you can imagine I am completely shocked to get one from American University in Washington, DC.  I applied there as my reach school, mostly to see if I could but not really expecting to make the cut, and I am just over the moon about my acceptance.  It's #87 out of the top #100 business programs in the country, in THE COUNTRY.  There were 32 students accepted into their program last year and I could be one of them this year.

With Towson and UB I felt that I had met their qualifications so that's why they accepted me, but with American I honestly feel it's because of my efforts with the essays.  The median GMAT and median GPA were both higher than what I had.  I knew that the essays would have to be some kind of amazing in order to get in and I worked my ass off on them.  I had multiple people read and re-read them until I was satisfied.  Writing truly is one of my greatest strengths and I think I had forgotten that somewhere along the way.  (Yes, I write here and at my job but it's never a concentrated effort to achieve something.)  But more importantly, I set a goal and then followed the steps to get to that goal and it completely paid off.  I accomplished what I set out to do and I did it well.

So I know that, regardless of which program I ultimately decide to go with, I will succeed in this long term goal of earning my Master's Degree.  Yes, going to classes for the next 4-7 years is a longer period of time than the last year I've spent preparing for and applying to grad school.  But I know that I have the tools and the ambition to finish whatever I want to set my mind to.  It's a powerful feeling, I'm not really sure how else to describe it.  I need to bottle this for those times when I feel that the walls are closing in on me. 

So often I feel like I am a great pretender, just going through the motions of what I think people expect, and I don't realize that I really am that talented, intelligent, multi-faceted person.  This acceptance is evidence I can hold in my hand that says I really am that good.  But it's so much bigger than that.  It's all those times when my dad's ex would tell me I was stupid or worthless made infinitely smaller in the bigger picture of my life.  It's me not letting that time period define me or control my future - harnessing that negative energy and turning into something positive for myself.  And, if I can do that, hell, I can do anything.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

B-School: Acceptance Letter

I received an acceptance letter from the Towson/University of Baltimore joint Master of Science in Accounting and Business Advisory Services program over the weekend.  I hate to say that I was worried I wouldn't be accepted, for the most part I hadn't even entertained that thought - it just wasn't a possibility, but I definitely breathed a sigh of relief when I opened up the envelope and read the word, "Congratulations."  It is conditional acceptance, I think because I have an English Degree and not business, so I'll have to maintain a 3.0 or be dropped from the program altogether.  I'm not worried about that though.  I have a goal in mind and I'm moving forward.

I've scheduled a meeting with the program director for advising and everything seems to be moving forward very nicely.  I estimate it will cost me about $5,000 a semester and my company will reimburse about $5,000 a year, so that means I will take out anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000 a year in student loans.  If I take 2 classes a semester and only attend the fall and spring semesters, it will take me about 6.5 years to finish and about $30, 000 to $60,000 in student loans when all is said and done.  If I take summer and winter classes, I can be finished in 4.5 years and about $30,000 to $45,000 in student loans.

I feel pretty good about this.  By the time I am 35/36 I could have my masters in Accounting.  The next thing to consider will be whether or not I want to seriously consider sitting for the CPA exam.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

30 years of the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

My very first car was the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe.  My mother tells the story about how they had no intention of buying anything that large until one day they were in the toy store and I came zooming around the corner in it.  Of course, I have no way of knowing how accurate that story may or may not be but I like the sound of it.  This was one of my favorite toys growing up.  The sound of the door as it would swing closed and the way the static in the plastic would cause my hair to stand up.  My tiny little milk jug and pretend groceries fit so nicely in the trunk space.  I'm not too crazy about it's newest incarnation though.

Like most car companies, Little Tikes has presented a newer, sleeker model for the next generation.  I'm not sure of the actual measurements but it seems a little bit smaller to me (like the Cadbury Creme Eggs on the shelves this Easter).  The wheels seem sturdier and should allow one's sister to ride on top without fear of bending the wire axle.  And I would bet money that the windshield bars won't pop out unexpectedly during playtime.  Little Tikes has rounded out the features to create a visually pleasing toy and I applaud these efforts.  But is it really necessary to give the Cozy Coupe eyes as if it's a character in Disney's Cars?

Remembering my first car makes me realize why I picked my grown-up car.  Maybe I should consider a custom paint job to make the roof yellow?


Or maybe this should be my next car?


Echoes from the Past

This past week, through the wonders of Facebook, I learned that my former step-sister has been diagnosed with Cancer.  Even though she is now graduated from college and living her grown-up life in Texas, I still think of her as being 12 - 14 years old.  This was the last time I remember seeing her before our parents separated and I just can't believe time hasn't stood still.

We reconnected on Facebook a couple of years ago and I was stunned by her photos.  She's grown into a fairly independent and stunning young woman.  We talked about getting together the next time she was in Maryland visiting her family and even though I agreed I never really made myself available.   I think I couldn't get my head around the possibility that I might have to see her father if we attempted to meet up.  And as I've said on here before, I have no desire to ever see that person again if I can help it.

Now, I just feel like such an asshole.  This girl has had the shit end of the stick for most of her life and I couldn't deal with my issues enough to get coffee with her.  Of the three children, she is the one who can claim a fairly normal life.  Her brothers were always favored by her father, in my opinion, and she suffered a lot of the same treatment visited upon me and my sister.  Her home life in Texas, as I recall, wasn't much easier as her mother was almost equally as unstable as her father.  Her youngest brother had a lot of emotional problems and was thrown out of school for a bomb threat.  Like me, I think she often wished her family was more normal than they were.  Yet, she went to college and graduated.

I am just upset with the universe that this person can have both my father's ex as a legitimate parent and be diagnosed with Cancer at such a young age.  There is something very unfair about it to me.  And I know that life isn't fair and people don't always get what they deserve.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Decade

Ten years ago, I received a phone call from my then Hallmark manager.  She needed me to come in and cover a shift because the assistant manager's daughter was being taken to the hospital.  It was a Wednesday night and I was out with my family so I didn't get the message until the store had already closed.  I called the next day to see if they still needed me and I learned that the assistant manager's daughter had passed away.

I remember going to the girl's funeral to try and support my assistant manager and I just didn't know what to do.  The daughter had just turned 18 the day before my birthday and she was going to graduate from high school the following month.  Her high school classmates were in tears and her little sister was so withdrawn it broke my heart.  They buried her in her prom dress and I couldn't help but think of my own sister who was 4 months younger.

My sister had been accepted to Oxford College of Emory University, a college that had been suggested by my assistant manager, and every time I would talk about my sister's college experience I felt guilty.  To this day, I hate to talk about anything my sister is doing around my assistant manager because I can't help but wonder what her daughter would be doing now if she had lived.  I don't know that my assistant manager makes the same connection, but I would assume she does.

The little sister is getting married in less than two weeks.  I'm glad that the family will be able to celebrate something joyous for a change.  She's only 23, but I think she has a better understanding of life than any of her peers.  The father has suffered from throat cancer and had an experimental surgery about twenty years ago.  More recently, the experimental surgery has caused him some problems as he's aged and they weren't sure he would live.  Less than two years ago, the little sister almost broke her back.  She was swimming with cousins and made a dive into the water.  The angle she hit the surface caused a chain reaction in her spine and the Doctor's weren't 100% sure she would be able to walk again.  But she pushed through it all and was determined to recover, now she'll walk down the aisle with her father.

I don't know how that family is able to stay as strong as they are.  Collectively, it's the only way to get through all that's happened to them.  But I am more concerned about them on an individual level.  As an outsider, I wonder why so much sadness has been inflicted on them and I can't help but feel they've wondered the same thing.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

30 days to live....

The theme of the Easter sermon I heard on Sunday was "30 days to live" and the pastor asked everyone what they would do if they found out they only had that long left in their lives.  He was trying to make a point about how we live our lives on a daily basis and what we should be focused on instead.  Basically, stop worrying about keeping up with the Joneses and start thinking about the legacy you're leaving here on Earth.  Pastor Skip, I'll call him, gave a list of things that he would do if he only had 30 days to live and, though they were admirable, they were not the first things that popped into my mind.

If I were told, with absolute certainty, that I was going to die in 30 days and there wasn't anything I could do about it, I would probably spend the first day completely shell shocked.  The next day I'd probably cry, the third I'd fall apart completely, and by the fourth I would make a list of all the things I wanted to do before my final day.
  1. I'd fly my mother up to Maryland.
  2. I'd fly my sister up to Maryland.
  3. Take the trip to Japan with my sister.
  4. See Paris one more time and actually go to the Louvre.
  5. Give my 15 year old cousin a driving lesson.
  6. Buy the most expensive bottle of Scotch I can find and drink it with my family and friends.
  7. Get in a bar fight, knock someone over the head with a bottle, and throw a stool through a window.
  8. Go home with a stranger.
  9. Get a tattoo.
  10. Ride a horse.
  11. Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
  12. Have a photo session with my photographer friend
  13. Challenge my dad to see who can eat the most Goll's Bakery Donuts and Apple Turnovers before getting sick.
  14. Break all of my dishes.
  15. Throw a huge party and invite everyone.  And the biggest gift had better have a card attached that says, "Thank you, for being a friend." 
So most of these things are not what Pastor Skip had in mind and I did clean up the list a little bit for this entry.  I can't even say my list is that outrageous.  There isn't anything like Sky-Diving or Bull Fighting on here.  Mostly, I would do all the things I was afraid of doing because of the long term consequences.  I would go after the life experiences I wanted but hadn't been able to fit in.  I wouldn't go to work, not even to make it easier for everyone else, and I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to just to make someone else happy.

Which is probably Pastor Skip's entire point.  It's important to take a look at one's life and really question why we do the things we do.  What is important?  How do we waste our time and how could we use that time more effectively?    We are not guaranteed tomorrow, at any age, and we shouldn't take the days we have for granted.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Restore Church::Experiencing Life

Went with my aunt and cousin to the Easter service at their church this weekend.  It's a newer church in my hometown and apparently has all the older, established churches concerned.  After my visit, I can see why.  I was directed to park in a vacant lot across the street from what we call Reverend Pittam's church.  (I'm not really sure why we call it that other than, obviously, there is/was a Reverend Pittam and this was his church.) As I got out of my car, the music coming from the church caught my attention.  It sounded like a party or a local rock band show was inside.  There were several people wearing red t-shirts that said "Restore Church Dream Team" on them.  They were all greeting people and handing out "care packages" to new comers.  I declined to interact with these people as I was looking for my aunt, but my understanding is that the bags they were handing out contained some basic info about the church, a bible, and a few other religious themed goodies.

Once inside, the lighting was darker as if attending a performance or, again, local rock show.  There was a stage up front with fancy show lighting and a full band.  People were crowded near the back by the coffee bar and snack table.  They were all "fellowshipping" with one another and I thought it was interesting that the church set this up before the service and not after like the Baptist church used to do.  The snack table had a beautiful spread of donuts, bagels, yogurt, fruit, and cupcakes decorated with Peeps.  The healthier options were prominently displayed and I was surprised when, during the sermon, people got up to help themselves to more snacks.  The whole place exuded a sense of welcome and had a laid back atmosphere.  Many people were there in jeans and t-shirts and even those in their Sunday best didn't seem to mind.

Even though this was their third service for the day, there was very little about it that felt practiced or rehearsed.  Obviously, the music had that rehearsed feeling but my concern is always with the sermon.  I've been to big "McChurches" where the pastor tells the same jokes and makes the same points anywhere from 4-10 times in a day.  By the tenth performance, it doesn't have that genuine feel to it anymore and I tend to zone out.  But this pastor was clearly passionate about what he was doing.  His sermon didn't feel like he was playing for an audience, even though I know there had to be some recycled jokes.  He was energetic and enthusiastic which is important for any presentation.

The church also has networking down to a science.  They made use of social media and modern technology to engage with their congregation even outside of the typical Sunday service.  I heard a couple of stories about how the leadership team made a point to contact someone when they noticed the person had posted on Facebook about a sad or difficult time they were going through.  I also noticed one or two key people from the older, established churches helping out during the service.  They seem to recognize talent whether it's with children, technology, music, speaking, etc.  It makes me wish they'd been around when my mother was in town.  They could have used her talents to their utmost effectiveness and she would have benefited from the joy of spreading her love of God.

It was interesting to visit, though I felt more like an observer than a participant.  This has been my reaction to most church services of late.  I pick apart the service like a performance or presentation and don't feel as moved as I did when I was younger.  I don't know if this is cynicism or just that I've grown up and can recognize intentional manipulation.  (To be fair, I do the same with certain movie plot lines.)  Perhaps this is a sign that business school really is suited for me, but I kept thinking about the whole experience as if the church were trying to sell me a product.  Which, of course, they are.  It's just weird for me to think about it in those terms.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Promising Start to the Weekend

The weather is so beautiful today.  I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel.  It's like waking up.  Not just going through the motions of life, but actually living in my skin and connecting with the world around me.  I am in an excellent mood for some reason.  I think most of it is the weather, but there's this incredible optimistic feeling about life in general that has to be about something else.

I want to go to Ocean City and sit on the wall.  I want to eat funnel cake and watch people go by.  I want to dance to the latest summer song and have some zany adventure a la Beach Party.  If only I could bottle this feeling for days when I just can't feel anything.

Here's hoping it's a great weekend to follow-up.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Scotch Group

A few months ago, I assumed the role of Organizer for the Baltimore Scotch Sippers group on Meetup.  Aside from the membership fees for meetup, I thought it would be a fairly easy thing to organize and I was mostly right until this weekend.  We had an event on Thursday that went a little off the rails due to the antics of one attendee.  This person also caused a problem at our tasting in January, the same problem.

My attendee (let's call him/her "H") purchased a bottle from the bar that was holding the tasting.  It was sold at a discounted price as a special courtesy to our group.  H decided to open the bottle at the bar and offer shots to other attendees.  It was pointed out that this was not only illegal, in accordance with Baltimore City Laws, but also incredibly rude.  H did not care. 

Fast forward to Thursday, H arrives late.  In an attempt to catch up with everyone else, H reaches across the bar and pours his/her own drink.  The owner of the bar sees this and calls H out on it, reminding him/her about January in the process.  A verbal warning was issued and everyone moved on.  I started to distance myself from H as I was completely embarrassed to have him/her associated with our group.  About a half an hour later, I see the owner of the bar take a bottle away from H and return cash.

Apparently, H had purchased yet another bottle and proceeded to open it and offer shots to other patrons.  After the warning, the bar owner had no choice but to return the cost of the bottle (less the cost of the shots) and ask H to leave.  I felt that the owner was incredibly calm during the exchange and I had mad respect for him.  H, of course, feels that he/she has been targeted by the owner and has no concept of what he/she has done. 

So today, I have had to clean up some nasty messages on our meetup page and send out an e-mail to all of our members detailing what happened on Thursday and setting guidelines for future tastings.  I did not want to air all of H's personal business in front of the group, but he/she started accusing the bar and the owner of over charging and being crooked.  H told everyone to check their credit card statements and I had to address that in an equally public forum. 

The owner of that bar has been nothing but helpful to me and the group.  He has provided a free meeting space for us and sets up affordable tastings.  I know that it's a mutually beneficial relationship, but he doesn't have to do half of the things he does.  I really had to take a deep breath and wait to respond to H's messages because I consider the owner of the bar to be a friend.  I don't do well when I see that people are being unjustly treated and I do even worse when that person is a friend. 

Friday, March 9, 2012

Best Sister Duo - EVER

I received some pretty exciting news this morning:  The Sweethearts of the Rodeo have a brand new album coming out!  I know they aren't that familiar to a lot of people, but they were my sister's favorite duo when she was younger.

We would listen to them on car trips and knew every lyric by heart.  For the past few years my sister and I have talked about going to their Thanksgiving concert in Nashville, but it never seems to work out.  Perhaps we'll get to see them perform their new album somewhere closer to one of our homes.


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Le Weekend - Or - Revisiting a Childhood You'd Rather Forget

I came off of last weekend, with my sister, feeling very positive and happy.  She really went out of her way to make it special and it meant more than I can say.  This most recent weekend, in contrast, was very disappointing.  It made me feel very alone in a place where I have both family and a social network.  I was headed out to meet the dads for my birthday dinner.   Which sounds like it should be a happy occasion and something that would propel me even further into a good mood, but it didn't end up that way at all.

The dinner reservations were made for 3:00pm on Saturday and I was supposed to meet everyone at the Dads' house at 2:30pm so we could all drive together.  Between getting over this cold that won't seem to go away and trying to catch up on laundry from the trip, I knew I wouldn't make it to my dad's by 2:30.  So I called them as I was headed out of my neighborhood and asked them to text me the address for the restaurant.  I wouldn't make it to their place on time but, as I live closer, I wouldn't be late to the restaurant.  Dad agreed to send the address and ended the call but didn't hang up.  He has this problem of not hitting the "end call" button on his phone and I've gotten numerous phone messages with a lot of background chatter.  Normally this is just amusing, but on Saturday he proceeded to complain after he thought he'd hung up.

I heard him tell the other people in the car that I "always do this" and "couldn't be on time for anything."  His friend, O, offers the suggestion of telling me to meet a half an hour earlier, like she does with her son, so I'll get there in time.  At this point, he realized that his phone was still on and quickly hung up.  Had I not been using the blue tooth feature in my car, I would never have heard the details of the conversation but I did and I proceeded to lose my shit.  I thought about calling back and saying I couldn't make it after all but I knew they had people coming.  So I called my sister in an effort to calm down before I would have to pretend was normal.

I am not a person who is habitually late to things.  I value promptness and see chronic lateness to events as a waste of my time.  I get this from my father.  However, more often than not I will be ready to go at their house and have to wait for one or the other to finish getting ready.  The times I have been late, or called to say I'll meet you there instead, have been due to traffic or having to work late - things completely out of my control.  At first, I felt like my dad's comments were very two-faced and he was putting on some kind of act for his friend.  Second, it made me feel like I was 5 years old again and he had told me he was very disappointed.  I was the kind of kid who would punish herself if told her parents were disappointed in her behavior.

But the part that caused me to have a complete meltdown in my car was the residual effects of living with his last partner.  It was like he was saying I was irresponsible to his friend.  I have a gut reaction to anyone implying or outright saying I am irresponsible, careless, worthless, or stupid.  I know most people would have a strong reaction to this as well, so it shouldn't be surprising.  But I spent almost every day of ten years being told how terrible I was, but never to my face.  My dad's old partner would wait until I was just out of the room, but still in earshot, to say what he really thought of me.  He would wait until my dad wasn't around so that no one would catch him.  He would belittle me and make me feel like I was a terrible person because I came out of my room.  And this is was exactly how this situation on Saturday felt to me.

I know that my dad doesn't intentionally leave his cell phone on after ending a call, but my knee-jerk reaction was feeling like it had been done on purpose.  And then I was 15 years old again, just waiting for someone else to come home so I could breathe, so I didn't feel so alone.  It wrecked that entire feeling I had from the previous weekend and I just wanted to curl up in my room.  But I went to the dinner and I even went to the wine bar with everyone afterwards.  Still, I went home earlier than I would have and just hid in my room the rest of the night.

It was the worst feeling.  And, of course, I haven't said anything to my dad about it.  This is not the type of family we are.  We don't even talk about what happened when he was with his old partner.  We just pretend like everything's okay until it is.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

St. David's Day

Welsh Bunting in my cubicle
For St. David's Day this year, I actually went all out.  Normally, I forget it's the first until about halfway through the day.  But I had purchased my Welsh Flag Bunting in the UK last year and I was determined to do it up right.  There is nothing like hanging decorations in one's cubicle to draw attention and I had the pleasure of explaining my celebration to many a passerby.  But this just wasn't enough for me. 

Welsh Cakes
My dad's friends in Bristol posted pictures of their homemade Welsh Cakes so I decided to research traditional St. David's Day/Welsh dishes.   I found two very tasty recipes for Welsh Cakes and one for Chicken and Leek Hotpot.  I invited my friend, Andrea Schwartz (of "Do As I Say" fame),  to help me.  The Welsh Cakes proved a little more challenging than I thought, thankfully Andrea had experience with baking, and the substitution of oil for lard did not hold the cakes together as well as I had hoped.  Overall, I was very pleased with the result and felt they were every bit as good as the ones I'd had last year.  I made sure to pack up half of them for Andrea and the other half for work. 
Chicken and Leek Hotpot

The Chicken and Leek Hotpot recipe was very attractive because it was cooked completely in the microwave.  I feel like I should have cooked the vegetables a little longer before adding the chicken but, again, I was not disappointed.  Next time I will also add more carrots for color.  I have three more meals out of this recipe and will definitely make it again.  I was unsure of whether or not I would like Leeks, as I haven't really had them before.  In my mind, I thought they were similar to onion and while I enjoy the onion flavor I don't particularly care for crunching on the pieces themselves.  But the Leek has a sweeter taste to it, possibly from cooking with the carrots, and I ate every part of the meal.

I sincerely hope that I am able to do this again next year and that this was the start of a tradition for me.  I think we only equate traditions with families or couples and we forget that it's just as important to create them on an individual level.  It helps us to connect with our friends and feel like we're a part of something important.  So here is to the start of a new tradition for me!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Davy Jones - February 29th

I just learned that Davy Jones, of The Monkees fame, has died at age 66 and my day is a little bit darker because of it.  Just last Friday, Dad and I were driving to the airport, listening to Pool It in the car.

I became acquainted with them in 1986 when MTV re-ran episodes of The Monkees.  Even though I am a second generation fan, it still feels like a little piece of my childhood is gone.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Atlanta: 2012

As always, Atlanta is a seductive mistress.  I have never gone to visit my sister and not had a passing thought about moving to the city.  It could be the fluffy white dog that refuses to wake up to an alarm clock and snuggles harder into the crook of your arm.  It could be the slightly warmer weather, no matter what time of year I visit, and being able to walk to most destinations.  It could be the social network of friends that my sister has and how they are always so welcoming when I visit.  It could be the Flying Biscuit.

But really, I think it's being able to stay up late talking to my sister about whatever thought enters our heads at midnight.  Receiving a gift that only has meaning for us.  Having the not so quiet time in the car when we're singing to our favorite old and new pop songs.  Or baking a cake that turns out a little less than perfect.  It's missing out on these moments together, from the mundane activities like washing dishes to the more exciting stuff like hiking Stone Mountain, that make the idea of moving to Atlanta so appealing.

I always have a hard time after a visit.  Whether it's her visiting Maryland, me visiting Atlanta, or going on Family Vacation in North Carolina.  The day before we're ready to leave and return to our normal lives is always the worst and I have about three or four days after where I just feel lost.  There is this very important part of my life that isn't where I want it to be.  My life is full, I have wonderful things going on for myself, but it just isn't complete.  This is the only way I can think to describe it.  I don't know for certain that being in the same city with my sister would be the answer to a lot of the issues I've been having lately.  But I know that things make a lot more sense when we're together. 

Home can be a lot of things.  For me, that feeling is where ever the two of us are together.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Birthday Preparation

There are some days where I have a lot of emotions going through my head.  This week has definitely been one of them.  I go back and forth between feeling somewhat normal and just feeling lost.  I don't know if it's thinking about where I was this time last year or if it's that I'm going to be 31 and am I where I'm supposed to be. And there is this small part of me that wonders if M will send an e-mail to just say Happy Birthday or, if he doesn't how will I feel about that.  It's not something I think about often, it's not something that bothers me anymore - not like it used to anyway - but from time to time I plague myself with these thoughts. 

I know it's the last point of reference I have for a relationship and I think that's why it enters my thoughts as often as it does.  There are also problems with some of my friends' relationships and their significant others cheating on them.  So it refreshes that whole thing in my mind.  It still worries me though that there are times when it feels like it was only a month ago.  I know that I am ready to meet someone new, meaning that I can meet someone and not feel like it would be under the shadow of what happened last year.  But then I wonder if I really am if I'm concerned about whether or not my ex will wish me a happy birthday almost a full year after everything went down.  And if I am thinking about that at all, does that mean that I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself when it comes to meeting someone new?

I'm super excited about my trip to Atlanta, though.  I think it's the shock to the system I need right now.  I just need something different to lift me out of this negative head space.  Something to energize me and push me into a positive direction.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

B-School: First Application Submitted


from http://www.everybodygoto.com/
 I'm not entirely sure how, but my sister has successfully give me her cold.  I had a headache for the last twenty-four hours and was starting to get concerned.  Then I woke up this morning with all kinds of congestion and nasty.

Of course, today is the deadline for my American University application if I want to be in the running for merit scholarships.  I worked on my essays late into the night last night and made a few more tweaks this morning.  (Thank you, Andrea Schwartz, for helping me with that.)Needless to say, this morning I feel pretty exhausted.

 On the bright side, I have successfully submitted my application!  Or, at least, the university has successfully taken the $100 application fee from my bank account.  In talking with my sister, I realize that I'm not really that concerned about being accepted into the grad programs.  Eeven with my average GMAT score and sad undergraduate GPA it didn't really cross my mind that I wouldn't be accepted.  I am more concerned about how I would pay for the education overall.

Possibly this is how I compartmentalize things so I can handle the stress more easily.  I don't have a say in whether or not I am accepted into the programs.  I only know that I have written two amazing essays and worked very hard the last 6 years to develop a solid business resume.  Beyond that, it is out of my control and I shouldn't worry about it.  However, I will be attending at least one of the programs and I will definitely need to pay for it somehow.  In my mind, this is a more pressing concern.

My other two applications don't require an essay or personal statement.  But I think I will tweak the American essays a little bit and submit them as supplemental materials.  It couldn't hurt, right?

B-School: Personal Statement - Draft#3 Final

Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

- From Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley


From the very first visit I made to the Library of Congress I knew that I wanted to work for there.  The historical, political, and cultural significance contained in those buildings is inspiring and every minute detail of the Jefferson Building contains a symbol reflecting our national heritage or homage to other cultures that influenced our Founding Fathers.  There are many people in this world who, from a young age, know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives and some of them are even fortunate enough to attain those aspirations.  For the rest of us, however, our lives tend to be a series of compromises which slow our individual growth and interfere with our professional journey.  We can choose to either let these unplanned events defeat us and take over our lives, or we can use the challenges as a springboard to attaining our goals and dreams.

I was the first person in my family to even consider going to college and, growing up, I was always told I would have to win scholarships.  Indeed, I worked diligently in high school and received a scholarship from the University of Maryland Baltimore County.  Unfortunately, I still had to work a full time job while attending classes to cover the remaining costs but it helped me develop exceptional time management skills. My parents were unable to advise me when it came to applications, financial aid, college courses, or even selecting a major.  I learned to be self reliant in wading through all the information and bold in seeking out counsel from advisers or professors.  I know that everything I have accomplished has come from my own perseverance.

When I was a sophomore in college, my mother's health became a serious cause for concern and the responsibility of her care fell to me.  I spent most of that year attending classes, visiting her in the hospital, and working full eight hour shifts at my job.  All of my careful planning and effort to go to college seemed as though it would come to naught as I struggled to maintain my grade point average while dealing with these outside problems. Taking a year off from school was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.  I wanted to pursue my own dreams but could not deny the help my family needed and I knew that my divided attention would cause both to suffer.  In time, my mother’s physical health improved and I felt I could return to school.  I was determined to complete my education, even though my mother’s ill health had set my personal timeline back a few years.

Upon graduating from UMBC, I found it difficult to get a job with the Federal Government, let alone in my field of study.  The economy was slowing down and, without an advanced degree, my future at the Library of Congress was in doubt.  I had envisioned a job in Editing, Substitute Teaching, or the Library Sciences, but my first job offer came from the Accounting Department of a custom home builder.  It seemed to be the very opposite of my dream job and I was surprised to discover how the analytical skills I developed as an undergraduate dovetailed with the skills I acquired working in Accounting.  When that company folded during the housing crisis, I had several months to re-evaluate my professional path and decided that, with my work experience, it was still possible for me to aim for an accounting position at the Library of Congress though not the one originally envisioned. 

During the years I was pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, it seemed that my life was nothing but compromises – for my family, my full-time job, and my budget.  My personal goal of a career with the Library of Congress was pushed further and further away until it seemed almost unattainable.  However, life is about change and growing from those changes.  Without these challenges we would not have the opportunity to push our individual boundaries and learn all that we are capable of achieving.  My life has not taken the path I thought it would, but it has taught me that I have the discipline to make my studies a priority, the strength to make difficult life decisions, and the resilience to accept changes without losing my focus.

B-School: Goal Essay Draft#3 - Final

It may seem that my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature is in direct contrast to my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Accounting; however, there are common elements that unite the two disciplines and make one beneficial to the other.  The skills I developed as an undergraduate includes the ability to analyze data, draw conclusions from those details, and communicate my findings to a larger audience, all of which are important building blocks for a career in Business and crucial for one in Accounting.  However, in order to continue to grow as a professional as well as an individual, one must be open to new experiences and widen his or her skill set. The program offered by American University will allow me to further my knowledge of GAAP and its function within Business and, in turn, I will be able to share my first-hand business experiences with a classroom of my peers. 

The study of English Literature involves the development of analytical and communicative skills which are vital to a career in Accounting.  Hours in the library looking for the best evidence to support my thesis amidst scores of academic writing has taught me patience and perseverance.  Poring over lines of poetry, evaluating the meter of the lines and the different connotations of a particular word in order to unlock a deeper meaning teaches one that the details are just as important as the bigger picture.  I find myself drawing on these same lessons as I scour spreadsheets and inventory data in my current position as a Materials Assistant.  The time involved in unraveling a problem in our accounting records is akin to following the trail of footnotes in literary essays.  Because of my training in literature, I notice patterns in data that others take for granted and I am able to draw conclusions from our records that would have gone unnoticed by the typical accounting clerk.  In addition, my communication of my findings to other departments aids in efficient problem resolution.  However, the skills I have acquired as an undergraduate, and refined in the accounting field, are only the cornerstone to the educational foundation I need to become successful as a CPA. 

The Masters of Science in Accounting program offered by American University will allow me to learn proper procedures and processes that can not only be implemented in my day to day job, but also increase my contribution to society.  As human beings, we do not exist in a vacuum and the things we learn through our experiences are, in turn, passed on to others for the enrichment of their lives – so it will be with my time at your University.  With six years in the accounting field, I will be able to provide real world experience from small businesses like Dale Thompson Builders, to large corporations like Hallmark, to government contractors like Safenet.  In addition, my current employer is planning to go public in the near future and I will be able to provide firsthand knowledge of that process to classroom discussions.  My background and skill set will provide valued insights into our learning material that would have been overlooked by the more pragmatic students; I will contribute to a well-rounded education for my peers.

I would ultimately like to secure a managerial position in the financial offices at the Library of Congress with the technical knowledge of Accounting I will gain from studying at your institution, my current knowledge of government accounting practices, and my appreciation for literature.  Simply visiting the Jefferson Building, in Washington, DC, is enough to inspire me and help me feel connected to a larger community that transcends the boundaries of language, religion, and government; it is a cultural and political bastion of knowledge.  Washington, D.C.  is the beautiful combination of so many cultures and educational backgrounds and it has always been a dream of mine to work and live there.  Working at the Library of Congress, I would be a part of preserving our culture, our history, and our knowledge for future generations; those generations will be responsible for guiding our nation as we find our place in the larger world economy.

My pursuit of an advanced degree in Accounting stems from the desire to label and organize our world into easily digested pieces of information, but I can also recognize how those pieces fit together to create an intricate mosaic that represents an entire community.  In my appreciation of this harmony, I defy the very labels society would use to classify me.  I am neither solely a creative person nor am I simply a mathematical one.  I am the blending of two cultures for a well rounded future.

B-School Application: Goal Essay Draft#2 (no Flavor)

898 Words

It may seem that my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature is in direct contrast to my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Accounting, however, there are common elements that unite the two disciplines and make one beneficial to the other.  The skills I developed as an undergrad includes the ability to analyze data, draw conclusions from those details, and communicate my findings to a larger audience; all of which are important building blocks for a career in Business and crucial for one in Accounting.  However, in order to continue to grow as a professional as well as an individual, one must be open to new experiences and widen his or her skill set. The program offered by American University will allow me to further my knowledge of GAAP and its function within Business and, in turn, I will be able to share my first-hand business experiences with a classroom of my peers. 

The study of English Literature involves the development of analytical and communicative skills which are vital to a career in Accounting.  Hours in the library looking for the best evidence to support my thesis  amidst scores of academic writing has taught me patience and perseverance.  Pouring over lines of poetry, evaluating the meter of the lines and the different connotations of a particular word in order to unlock a deeper meaning teaches one that the details are just as important as the bigger picture.  I find myself drawing on these same lessons as I scour spreadsheets and inventory data in my current position as a Materials Assistant.  The time involved in unraveling a problem in our accounting records is akin to following the trail of footnotes in literary essays.  My ability to recognize the importance the small transactions play in the larger financial picture has allowed me to become a valued member of my team. Because of my training in literature, I notice patterns in data that others take for granted and am able to draw conclusions from our records that would have gone unnoticed by the typical accounting clerk.  In addition, my communication of my findings to other departments aids in efficient problem resolution.  However, the skills I have acquired in undergrad, and refined in the accounting field, are only the cornerstone to the educational foundation I need to become successful as a CPA. 

The Masters of Science in Accounting program offered by American University will allow me to learn proper procedures and processes that can not only be implemented in my day to day job, but increase my contribution to society.  With six years in the accounting field, I will be able to provide real world experience from small businesses, large corporations, and government contractors to the classroom discussions.  In addition, my current employer is planning to go public in the near future and I will be able to provide first hand knowledge of that process as we prepare for our IPO.  Most importantly, I will be able to provide a different perspective for my fellow students with only an accounting or mathematical background.  My background in literary analysis and creative writing will provide valued insights into our learning material that would have been overlooked by the more pragmatic students; I will contribute to a well-rounded education for my peers.  As human beings, we do not exist in a vacuum and the things we learn through our experiences are, in turn, passed on to others for the enrichment of their lives.  So it will be with my time at the University. 

With the technical knowledge of Accounting I will gain from studying at at your institution, my current knowledge of government accounting practices, and my appreciation for literature, I would ultimately like to secure a managerial position in the financial offices at the Library of Congress.  Simply visiting the Jefferson Building, in Washington, DC, is enough to inspire me and help me feel connected to a larger community that transcends the boundaries of language, religion, and governments; it is a cultural and political bastion of knowledge.  Washington, D.C., itself,  is the beautiful combination of so many cultures and educational backgrounds and it has always been a dream of mine to work and live there.  Being a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and having work experience in Accounting, I cannot think of a better environment for these two disciplines to co-exist.  Any work that would be performed at the Library of Congress, from the janitorial staff to the Librarian of Congress appointed by the President, is part of preserving our culture, our history, and our knowledge for future generations.  And those generations will be responsible for guiding our nation as we find our place in the larger world economy.

Human beings have a drive and ambition to make sense out of the chaos that surrounds them; to understand their place in the world as a whole.  My pursuit of an advanced degree in Accounting stems from that same desire to label and organize our world into easily digested pieces of information, but I can also recognize how those pieces fit together to create an intricate mosaic that represents an entire community.  In my appreciation for this harmony, I defy the very labels society would use to classify me.  I am neither solely a creative person nor am I simply a calculating one.  I am the blending of two cultures for a well rounded future.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

St. Valentine's Day

My friend, Crystalsavestheday, posted this on her Facebook wall earlier this week:
“I’m not anti-love or anti-romance or anti-relationships. I’m against hollow gestures prescribed by people who are out to make money out of the holiday. I’m against constant reminders that couple equals normal and that anyone who isn’t in a relationship (or doesn’t want to be) is weird. I’m against anyone with a vested interest telling us how and when it’s appropriate to be affectionate - say it with roses, a diamond is forever, if you really loved her, you’d take her to Paris. I hate all those cutesy bears holding satin hearts saying ‘I wuv you snugglebum!’ - as if love can only be this childish, price-tagged, pukey thing.”

- Meg Pickard ( Oh and heteronomativity that blows too)

It really struck a chord with me and I had to click the "Like" button immediately.  It really put into words what I feel about Valentine's day in general.  I have written before about how I didn't understand the panic surrounding Valentine's day.  At the time I was dating someone so it might not have seemed sincere, but  I am perfectly single this year and I still don't get it.

The entire holiday stirs up these, "if you're alone, you're a loser" sentiment in most people.  Singles find themselves desperate to secure a Valentine with whom to exchange gifts.  Or if they find themselves newly single it's a painful reminder of what they've lost.

Monday, February 6, 2012

A Crossroads 2

I have to call and set up an interview for this week.  Turns out that my transcripts and mostly accounting background didn't scare off the powers that be at the Grant Writing job.  I am still unsure of what to do should this interview also go well and they potentially offer me the position.

Part of me feels so disloyal and deceitful.  I mean I like my job and my on-site supervisor.  There is no reason I would seek out another job, this opportunity just happened to find me.  But I also know that if they had to downsize for any reason, as much as they like the work I do and value me as an employee, it wouldn't be personal.  So I really can't view this the same way, should I actually get a job offer that presents a better opportunity.

Things I know about my current job:
  • I've been doing the same thing for the last three years.
  • There was talk of promoting me to something, but that disappeared when my old boss left for a different job.
  • I don't have a clear cut path for promotion or advancement within the company
  • They will pay up to $5000 a year for my business school education
  • My current salary is about $45K a year - with bonuses and school reimbursement
So I would need to determine what this new job would pay, then what kind of career ladder we're talking about.